What turns a game from "pirate-worthy" to "buy-worthy"?

You're right. It's not mediocre, it's shit. :^)

It was ok.

If I want to see more games like it, found it fun or when I want a sequel.

At least have some consistency in trashing.

...

Nothing, pirates don't buy games and practice Taqiya when you call them on it.

by default if it's a good game, then if it has
then i buy

When a game is relatively new (released within the last year or two) and represents a trend that you want more games to follow.

How chicks.

DEAD EYES