You're in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise...

You're at a table sitting across from a young couple. You are thinking about French Champagne. You know there is a California champagne by Paul Masson brewed to the same French Excellence. You are ready to do these things, but the man across from you isn't doing anything. He's just staring at you. Why isn't he doing anything?

What if you feel bad for animals but not for people?

You're on an imageboard on the internet when all of a sudden you look down, and you see a loser, it's you. You reach down, play with your balls for a few seconds, and you wonder what you're doing with your life. You lay on your back, the room is drenched in your stench because you haven't washed in a week, and you want to make a change in your life, but you can't, not without making a first step. And you're not doing it. Why is that, user?

Because I'm afraid.

...

...

Then you're not a replicant. Your point?

I flipped the tortoise back over. It was shell inspection day.

This is the only right answer. Try better, human.

You're browsing Holla Forums when all of the sudden you look and you see a dead thread, bumped to the front page. You click to expand, you write a reply, but the thread won't die, not unless you sage. But you're not saging. Why is that, user?