I'm not a good person.

Jackson Cook
Jackson Cook

Fucking hell Holla Forums i just realized something.

Im 26 and i always had this mindset that im better than others, I am more intelligent and the lemmings and normies are shit tier faggots. I made 2 small businesses from 16-23 which made me enough money to live carefree.

Now, after I traveled a decent chunk of yurope, just because it was needed for my survival i have done bad things, screwed over people who put trust in me even though we didnt know each other well, and I used the excuse of "necessity for survival" to justify it.
I used Vidya, anime and other things to escape moments that make me think what am I doing with my life, but in reality its not that. It was to hide and make me stop thinking how big of a piece of shit I am. I can't believe how bad shit has gotten only because i've lied to myself.

Im a bad person, I never wanted to be one when I was young since I always wanted to be the good guy or the righteous guy, but ive fallen this low.
I dont even know how I can make up for what I have become.

Help Holla Forums

Anthony Brown
Anthony Brown

I used the excuse of "necessity for survival" to justify it.
Would do the same thing 10/10

Aiden Price
Aiden Price

I don't know to to tell you, but I know it's good that you realize you've done some shit and that you've been lying to yourself to excuse your behavior.

Cognitive dissonance is a bitch, but you're not going to change without experiencing it. Good luck, OP.

Justin Bennett
Justin Bennett

he feels remorse
normalfag as fuck

you act like you sold Ukrainian girls into some Turkish sex slave trade.

Bentley Peterson
Bentley Peterson

implying he didn't

Grayson Jenkins
Grayson Jenkins

/leftypol/
#Anti Social Personality Disorder
You've fallen into the fallacy trap. See picture attached.

Levi Watson
Levi Watson

In short, you can't. You can only move forward and try not to live how you did in the past.

Ethan Jenkins
Ethan Jenkins

Whatever you do, don't kill yourself.

Atone.

Thomas Hughes
Thomas Hughes

Be me, sophomore
Have older brother, QB for a D1 college team
Younger sister, basically a genius
2 years younger, but was a freshman.
Me, basically a loser
No friends
The best I could hope for was to be left alone
Most of the time picked on for being a loser, not being like the rest of family
Birthday is coming up
Mom: What do you want to do?
Me: Nothing
Birthdays were disasters for me. Once past the age where family comes and you're supposed to invite friends, I never had anyone to invite
Mom: We should throw a big party! And invite everyone!
Me: Why? No one will come.
Mom: Sure they will!
Me: Everyone hates me. Don't waste your time.
Mom: Oh, no one hates you! You're just shy! You need to let people get to know you!"
Couple days later, walk into school.
Everyone is staring at me
Then they start laughing
I'm used to being laughed at by a group of people, but not the whole school
WTF is going on?
"Got the invite to your sweet 16, faggot!"
"What is this, you're coming out party?"
Gay jokes were huge at my school
One girl, I won't say she was a friend, but she never did or said anything mean to me, told me what was going on
Mom had send out e-vites to everyone in school. Literally everyone
Party was to take place at the ballroom of a hotel
Would have food, drinks, and even a DJ
Begged Mom to cancel it, might even get some of her money back
Mom was a widow, and didn't make a whole lot of money
Told her the reaction her e-vites had got, how people will teasing me more than ever
She would just smile and say, "Just wait for your party!"

Anthony Clark
Anthony Clark

Day of party comes
Mom tells me to get ready
"No one is going to be there! Why are you doing this?
"Because you're a good kid, and I know other people will see it too! It's going to be a great time, you'll see!"
As I showered and got changed, I started to hope Mom was right
Maybe people would come!
Maybe it would be awkward at first, but maybe people would show up and I'd make friends!
When we got to the hotel, I was in shock
The room was fully decorated
All kinds of food, drinks, and everything
She didn't just get a DJ, she got a whole fricking DJ and light show
"See? Isn't this cool! You're friends are going to love it!"
Friends…
We got there about an hour early
At 7, the party was supposed to start
No one
Look at my mom with panic
"Don't worry, no one shows up exactly when it's supposed to start!"
8pm. A few of my sisters friends have no shown up.
Also, about 5 older guys, like middle aged show up, with little kids in tow
"Where's "Danny" at?" they ask
Danny being what I'm calling my brother
"Well, this party is for my son, user."
Mom smiles and gestures to me.
"Well, when is Danny getting here?"
"He couldn't make it." Mom says. I knew full well that Danny didn't give a shit about me and could have came if he wanted.
"We were gonna get autographs for our kids."
"I'm sorry, but he's not here." Mom says. "But again, this party is for user. It's is birthday."
"Oh."
They don't bother to say happy birthday or even acknowledge me
They grab a bunch of food and leave
9pm, wanting to die
Sister and friends have been dancing
Now they are doing karaoke
DJ is hitting on one of the hotel staff
"Mom, no one is going to come"
"I know it looks bad, but give it some more time!"
"If anyone was coming, they would have been here by now! Can't we just go?"
"No, just wait! You'll see!"
Mom keeps staring at the door like a puppy, waiting for it's owner to come home.
I watch for an hour as her optimism fades away and reality sets in
She's on her phone now, texting and making calls.
She walks away so I won't hear
But I guess she's was probably calling people, begging them to come
10pm
DJ comes over to my mom.
"Hey, I know we're supposed to be here until 11, but there's no one here. Is it cool if we start packing up?"
Mom looks at me and then at the door.
She's trying to will someone, anyone to walk through that door right now
"N-n-no," she says. "The girls are still having fun."
DJ rolls his eyes.
"Just… just keep playing until we get all the food packed up, okay?"
Mom and I start packing up all the meat and cheese and veggie trays
"These will be good for sandwiches!" she says. "And lots of soda too!"
She always tries to put a positive spin on things

Jaxon Morales
Jaxon Morales

As we are leaving, I hear the DJ's talking
"Damn, I feel bad for the kid."
"Nah, fuck him. There's a reason no one came. Fuckin' spoiled asshole thinks he can buy friends or something."
I wanted to scream at them. I might be an asshole, and yeah, no one likes me! So what? But this wasn't my idea!
Instead I didn't say anything
We get home and I just go to my room
Mom knocks on my door. "Can I come in?"
Me: "No."
Mom: "I have your present."
She comes in anyway
Carrying an XBox 360
"The guy said it's the best one and that you can play online with people too."
"Thanks."
"I am so sorry for this. I just thought that… well, I don't know. I am really sorry."
"It's alright, Mom. I'm used to it. Just, now you know for next time."
"Happy birthday, user."
"Thanks."
Mom leaves my room
Just wanted to sleep, but decided to hook up the 360 anyway
It came with Forza and some X-Men game
Also had a second control
I guess mom thought me and my "friend" would play
Never been into video games
But play Forza for awhile
I suck at it
Walking down the hall to take a piss
Can hear Mom in her room, crying
It finally hits her that not all of her children are extraordinary
In fact, one sucks at sports
And he's can barely manage a C average
And no one likes him
He's a loser, and a failure
Wait a few more hours for Mom to fall asleep
Go down to the living room
Mom's computer
Go through her email looking for e-vite replies
Like three people said they would come
A ton of people were asking if Danny would be there
A lot of, "Not wasting my Saturday night on your faggot son"
"Only if there are strippers"
"Did you mean to send this to someone else?"
"No way in hell"
"THIS is why they need to make the student directory private!"
Closed it out, never told her I read through it
We didn't talk much after that
I asked her if it would be okay if I transferred to the community high school
Only had to go to class 3 days a week, did most of my shit online
Started working and saving up
Turned 18, graduated, bought a shitty car and moved halfway across the country
Found a shit-box dead-end job
For the first couple of years, Mom would call every week
"How are you doing? Are you meeting anyone? Do you like the job? Are you eating good?"
Made up a bunch of lies
"Yeah, I've got some friends here. Job is good, they are going to promote me to supervisor soon."
Bullshit like that
Couldn't tell her the truth
Still a loser, no friends, even people at my job hated me
She probably knew that though
Could hear pain in her voice every time we talked
Eventually, stopped returning the calls
Eventually, she stopped making them in the first place
Moved again, without telling her where.
It's been five years since we spoke last.

Sebastian Carter
Sebastian Carter

/leftypol/
How did you know?

Noah Bailey
Noah Bailey

sizable if veracious

Some questions:
Will you ever contact your family again?
What will you do if they track you down? (Though it sounds like they won't)
Why do people hate you so much?
Are you a kissless, handholdless virgin?

Carter Myers
Carter Myers

The biggest thing was, I never even saw it that way before, I blamed everything else but myself for a lot of things. While we live in fucked up times, I used that as an excuse to not do anything about it.
When you learn how to manipulate people, especially those who are more vulnerable, then when I realized tonight on how badly I fucked them over, I still have to have to have some sort of understanding of right and wrong to feel remorse.
If that makes me a normalfag then fuck it, so be it.
I see offing yourself as a weaklings way to escape problems.
But now I understand why I have had a martyrdom complex for fucking 5 or so years. I've done it subconsciously to atone or redeem myself for the piece of shit actions i've done, but in return when I feel like i've atoned for my actions, I did it again in a fucking loop.
I know that feeling user
Be me at age of 6
Be at kindergarten
There is this girl everyone makes fun of for cooties
I didn't understand then but didn't care
Rumor was that anyone who touched her left shoulder would get infected with cooties
Everyone avoided her, including me thanks to the groups making me choose
Play tag one day
Tag her on the left shoulder subconsciously since I didn't believe it
ohfuck.jpg
Everyone saw, I tried to change tag targets
Everyone ran away from me and started avoiding me
I get harmed and bullied as well
Start talking to girl because we are the only ones who everyone else abandoned
She is really nice
We got along well and to this day I remember her
She was forced to change kindergartens and my own parents do the same thing due to my harm from bullying

Grayson Gutierrez
Grayson Gutierrez

I hope not. My brother has kids now. I don't think he wants them knowing was a loser their uncle is, and I don't want them to know either.

If they track me down? Just move again I suppose. Maybe they'll get the hint that they are better off without me. I don't think they will though. I think my mom is happy with the current situation. She can lie to herself and in her head imagine I'm living this good life. I don't want to take that away from her.

I remember the first day of kindergarten. It was my first time interacting with someone outside of my family. I walked up some kids and said hi. One of them told me to go away. I can still remember how bad that hurt. I never tried to make a friend again. Since I never tried to make friends, I never learned how. And in school, I wasn't the only loser, but I was the bottom of the rung loser, so even the other losers stayed away from me. And now that I'm an adult, I'm still just awkward as fuck. So I don't even bother.

Yes, I am. Doesn't bother me. I have such a low self worth that I never even considered that a girl would like me. It's like asking a self-aware retard how he feels about not being a brain surgeon. I'm sure he would like to be one, but knows it's never going to happen, so why dwell on it?

I'm sorry. That sucks.

John Cook
John Cook

cont.
Get put into school earlier
Happen to get very sick for some reason
Be in hospital for 2 months
Once I am out, I go for my first day in school
Everyone is already multiple months ahead of me and I'm the weird kid for joining so late
Next 5 years I just try to get by, but I am the outcast of the class, had to learn to defend myself from being bullied
Be me in Grade 8 (yurope system)
Grandfather starts to work in school as the maintenance guy
Everyone gets along with him, in return teachers start to be less strict and I get special attention from them because my grades weren't the best and I was lazy
I was lazy because the teachers were shit with a bloated ego and refused to explain things to me when I asked and I was demotivated from the bullying from everyone to even show up to classes
Bullying increases by 100%
Get pushed around or into fights every week now
Never lose a fight and never complain since I didn't have anyone to complain to or get support from
Family was going through divorce problems
Grandparents I hated since they fucked my family over
After months, whole school knows me as the hothead
Give up fighting me since they never won, resorted to just smeer and bullying via verbal abuse
Continues until grade 9 graduation
Became full time shut-in
Vidya all the time, made some money in black markets
Was supposed to work on going to new school and sorting out my life
Fuck that, I don't want to experience it again.
Still sign up and occasionally go to classes because mother
rarely visited my grandparents, they ruined my family by manipulating them to split up
One day, was supposed to go to class
Leave home but go to grandparents place to use their shitty computer while mom pretends im at school
Grandfather asks how I am doing etc. and if I can help him change the car tires later after work
He is home for his lunch quickly since he they lived near the old school
Say Im busy and I can't
I wasn't busy I just wanted to go home and play vidya
He says how glad he was for the fact I visited him
Be home playing vidya
Mother comes to me crying
Grandfather didnt pick up his phone and wasnt home for hours
He went to the garage to change his tires himself
Was too hard, went inside the car to have a rest and sit down
Had a heart attack while resting
Died

Still to this day, I blame myself for being a lazy faggot and I try to make up for that. But what it did was me constantly trying to drink my sorrows away, fuck over people and then go over and beyond helping others over helping myself.

Jacob Diaz
Jacob Diaz

Thank you for answering.

Have you ever considered joining a religious community of some sort? Some religions tolerate all sorts of weirdos. I don't think I've ever met a normal Jehovah's Witness, for example.

Have you ever considered raping a woman in order to experience sexual pleasure with a woman and to get back at the world for your experiences in life?

Xavier Ward
Xavier Ward

i like u bcuz u neva complain
maybe u should seek revenge on who bully you in school
it will make you feel good

Kevin Wood
Kevin Wood

I've thought about becoming a monk or something, locked away in some monastery, but they usually end up doing a lot of work. So nuts to that.

No, I would never rape. I really don't even have much of a sex drive. And I know how bad it hurts to be hurt by someone for no good reason. So I would never want to do that anyone else.

Jack Myers
Jack Myers

I complain, a lot. I just don't complain to others since they can't help me in any way.
I also dont need to seek revenge, a lot of the people who bullied, over the years I found out about them or what has become of them. Either normalfags, whores with the few exceptions. Life finds a way, but for me I have had to find it myself, like the realization that I am a bad person.
I just dont know how to fix it since if I admit to it, I might use it as an excuse to do bad things and justify myself with it.
But if I reject it, it might be me running away as i've always done.

Justin Morris
Justin Morris

I made 2 small businesses from 16-23 which made me enough money to live carefree.
How much money are we talking?

Henry Jackson
Henry Jackson

Its not much, I made about $40-50k a year which was a lot of money, 4 days work was enough to pay for rent.

Hunter James
Hunter James

You can't do much except realize how much of a fucking asshole you were.

You made a ton of mistakes, now you live with it. There isn't any way you can make up for it.
These people put their trust in you and you betrayed their trust. You're scum.
They now hate you and will probably hate you forever.

Have fun wallowing in your sadness like the rest of us.

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