I'm not a good person

...

How did you know?

sizable if veracious

Some questions:
Will you ever contact your family again?
What will you do if they track you down? (Though it sounds like they won't)
Why do people hate you so much?
Are you a kissless, handholdless virgin?

The biggest thing was, I never even saw it that way before, I blamed everything else but myself for a lot of things. While we live in fucked up times, I used that as an excuse to not do anything about it.

When you learn how to manipulate people, especially those who are more vulnerable, then when I realized tonight on how badly I fucked them over, I still have to have to have some sort of understanding of right and wrong to feel remorse.
If that makes me a normalfag then fuck it, so be it.

I see offing yourself as a weaklings way to escape problems.
But now I understand why I have had a martyrdom complex for fucking 5 or so years. I've done it subconsciously to atone or redeem myself for the piece of shit actions i've done, but in return when I feel like i've atoned for my actions, I did it again in a fucking loop.

I know that feeling user

I hope not. My brother has kids now. I don't think he wants them knowing was a loser their uncle is, and I don't want them to know either.

If they track me down? Just move again I suppose. Maybe they'll get the hint that they are better off without me. I don't think they will though. I think my mom is happy with the current situation. She can lie to herself and in her head imagine I'm living this good life. I don't want to take that away from her.

I remember the first day of kindergarten. It was my first time interacting with someone outside of my family. I walked up some kids and said hi. One of them told me to go away. I can still remember how bad that hurt. I never tried to make a friend again. Since I never tried to make friends, I never learned how. And in school, I wasn't the only loser, but I was the bottom of the rung loser, so even the other losers stayed away from me. And now that I'm an adult, I'm still just awkward as fuck. So I don't even bother.

Yes, I am. Doesn't bother me. I have such a low self worth that I never even considered that a girl would like me. It's like asking a self-aware retard how he feels about not being a brain surgeon. I'm sure he would like to be one, but knows it's never going to happen, so why dwell on it?

I'm sorry. That sucks.

cont.

Still to this day, I blame myself for being a lazy faggot and I try to make up for that. But what it did was me constantly trying to drink my sorrows away, fuck over people and then go over and beyond helping others over helping myself.

Thank you for answering.

Have you ever considered joining a religious community of some sort? Some religions tolerate all sorts of weirdos. I don't think I've ever met a normal Jehovah's Witness, for example.

Have you ever considered raping a woman in order to experience sexual pleasure with a woman and to get back at the world for your experiences in life?

i like u bcuz u neva complain
maybe u should seek revenge on who bully you in school
it will make you feel good

I've thought about becoming a monk or something, locked away in some monastery, but they usually end up doing a lot of work. So nuts to that.

No, I would never rape. I really don't even have much of a sex drive. And I know how bad it hurts to be hurt by someone for no good reason. So I would never want to do that anyone else.

I complain, a lot. I just don't complain to others since they can't help me in any way.
I also dont need to seek revenge, a lot of the people who bullied, over the years I found out about them or what has become of them. Either normalfags, whores with the few exceptions. Life finds a way, but for me I have had to find it myself, like the realization that I am a bad person.
I just dont know how to fix it since if I admit to it, I might use it as an excuse to do bad things and justify myself with it.
But if I reject it, it might be me running away as i've always done.