AIs are natural conservatives

...

Maybe I should take this to /g

Alright, basing a few things within perameters and using a shitty RNG, you could have yourself a low functioning human.

While true do
Take in stimuli
Stimuli =
Touch
Taste
Smell
Hearing
Seeing

If sound is loud goto vision

vision = Eye0+Eye1
Define light
Was variable brightness detected

goto explosion

explosion
Was small or big
use short term memory to define room+light
if light = bright99 goto gunshot

err based on numeric values defined by a numeric 100 system you can then combine it with an RNG with what output to say/do.

EG
if brave = 40< approach sound or
if brave = 30< shout (panic)
if brave = 29> flea
rng = dakarand + 13/bravery

:/ ai isn't hard when you're even less drunk

err? action
I'm sorry I failed you shashpol

with faces like that, you would want to live in a computer world.