Funeral Attendant

Ask a former funeral attendant anything. I worked for a funeral home company for 11 months. I removed over a 100 bodies, drove caskets around, did house removals and visited the morgue of every county hospital.

I've touched bodies with my bare hand.

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Why'd you quit?

he said he touched them

Would it be possible for someone, purely hypothetical of course, to switch bodies at a closed casket funeral in order to cover up a murder?

necrophilia?

did you fug em

Job payed really shit ($9.50). During my last service, outside the church, my boss aggressively grabbed my arm and told me in my ear to cut my hair. Dude was fucking penny-pinching demon.

I got pretty distraught. When I backed of a parking space in the work van, the car scraped against a yellow pillar. The whole side was fucked.

I basically came in the next day and quit. I felt unable to withstand the torment that awaited me. I saw no other option.

For the most part, we dealt with old people corpses. I wasn't a necro, but we did have this one dude. He was a veritable rapist who had 5 children with four women. He was the cremator. Sometimes, he would check out the bodies before incinerating them. fucked up shit.

Maybe. Most services were open casket unless the body was too mangled up.

Theoretically, it could be done but only after the service. The family meets for morning mass after the night viewing. The body stays at the funeral home overnight. Since caskets are rarely opened the day of the funeral, the bodies could be switched.

so? Did you not tire of disgust? Can't possibly be nice to have to touch and look at fat and or old people and their saggy skin and shit

How long does it take you to dig that massive hole that you put the bodies in? I tried digging a similarly sized hole in my backyard and it took me a week. Its hard work!

It was disgusting at first but you get used to it. I saw autopsied bodies from the morgue. Seeing the inside of someone's skull desensitizes you.

I enjoyed the novelty that comes with being a funeral attendant. Doing something that is both seen as totally repulsive and counter cultural is pretty cool.

I don't know for sure because I worked at the home not the cemetery. I guess it took a couple of hours with the aid of a piloted excavator.

Did you have to wash the bodies?

Are those ashes real or do you just burn some wood and dump it into an urn?

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The embalmers were pretty specific about what was their responsibility. Tending to the bodies was theirs. I never washed them, but I helped dress them countless times. I guess washing requires a bit of know how.

The ashes belong to the person who was charred. Only the bones remain after the cremation. 1600 degrees Fahrenheit melts all the tissues. The eerie part of it all, which relates to your question, is when the remains are shoveled into a receptacle, the dust of countless other bodies mingles in. We had this insane blender for the bones. So, what you get is 99% your loved one and 1% a thousand others.

did you get the heeby jeebys when you touched them?

Who gets to take the blended bones home?

dats fucked up mane

The first time yes. All other times, it was no big deal especially after they had been sitting in the fridges for a few hours.

There was one time I had to pick up a deceased an hour after expiration. I def got the heeby geebys when I touched a still warm body. Fucking Indians and their wacky funeral rites.

Usually the family. Homeless people are cremated by the lowest bidder and put into random cemeteries.

wait what. there are random cemetaries full of homeless people that are bid on??

lol what I meant is that the funeral home will have the remains sent to a cheap cemetery. I've seen one. Apparently, a lot of homeless are veterans.

shouldnt the homeless vets be sent to that grave of the unnamed soldier place?

Ever been walkingredients through the home at night and suddenly a tall old man sees you and points and says "BOOOYYYYYYY"

Have you ever coped a feel?

How does a dead boob feel like? Any hot dead wimmin?

Well,there was one time.
This old woman passed away and she had a rocking set of tits on her.
I had to play with them a little,she didn't know.
I thought about sucking on her grey pussy but my jew boss walked in before I could pound it.
Dead boob feels like a live boob but cold.

Hot!!
:-)