Is the friendzone as unescapable as they say? Let me tell you my story:

Is the friendzone as unescapable as they say? Let me tell you my story:

I'm in love with a girl on the Internet since I started talking with her. She originally was single, just out of an LDR. I wanted to be her next boyfriend but since we still didn't know each other that well, she didn't trust me enough back then for a relationship. I talked to her (and still do) every day, I'd tell her "good morning" and "good night", with some conversation in the middle. Every single day. She now trusts me and all but she's gotten in a new LDR before I could get intimate with her. She tells me all about her, I know her better every day and I must be in her top list of chats. There is trust and there might be attraction. Problem is that the logical part of me doesn't want to mess up her relationship with her current boyfriend. Call me a cuck but there are several reasons I think she might be better off with him:

Anyway, part of me is selfish and wants her for myself and while she's faithful to her bf like she should be, we get to talk about her fantasies and all, I'm really intimate and I can feel she feels at least a bit of attraction towards me. I know that another guy is in love with her and she doesn't talk about the same subjects we do, we truly are intimate. The question would be am I an intimate friend only or a potential match?

I can't stop thinking about her, I want to wait and see if something fails in their relationship and then try my luck. Should I follow my dreams or get help? Am I a permanent friendzoned nice guy or is there hope?

TL;DR: Am in love with girl but she has a boyfriend. She might have feels towards me but it's not sure. We're currently very intimate friends, should I go for it if she breaks up with her boyfriend?

Bump

the moment that you fall in love with someone new- that will be the moment when she will be ready to date you

but not a second sooner

Yes, find someone else, i am speaking from experience.

If she'd let you cuck her current bf, she'll do the same to you.

Do you mean I need to make her jealous? Not sure it'll work with her, even after she leaves her current boyfriend. She doesn't seem to follow usual female logic and while she didn't agree to promise me I'd be her backup plan (she said having a backup plan sounds morally bad), she promised me she wouldn't start dating someone else than me immediately. I understood that a chance to seduce her in the event that she breaks up with her boyfriend but maybe she's just trying to not make me sad without promising me she'll date me.

She hates women in general and says she doesn't understand the concept of women who ask their boyfriends for gifts. I really think she doesn't play the usual female mind games… But I could be wrong.

Jesus Christ OP
You are talking about someone who you've never met in person before, this chick lives thousands of miles away from you.
Why the fuck do you care about a pussy which will never be reachable by you?
Quit being a beta ass bitch and find someone who lives in the same time zone as you
You ain't in the friend zone, you're a digital acquaintance

She doesn't really cuck her current boyfriend. She's way more intimate with him and she's not sending me nudes or shit like that. It's just that we're very close but she treats faithfulness seriously.

OP you are not in love with some one online. You just feel safer not having to deal with real life relationships so you go for someone thousands of miles away and make zero effort to go see her.

You are a definite autist, I suggest a therapist to help you deal with whatever issues you may have.

The girl does not care about you, and where you are in her chat list is not going to help your family's genetic survival.

Come on lad sort yourself out!

She has never met her current boyfriend in person either.

If it happened that we got in a relationship, I told her that I can pay her a plane ticket, whether it's a simple or a return. It depends on whether she really wants to go back to the US, she hates a lot of things about that place. Even if she did want to stay, I'd be ready to apply to a green card. Or we could go together to another country although that'd be more hardcore, I would prefer if she came here because I know people here but she would've to learn the language… Anyway, I have enough money to meet her.

Have you ever really fallen in love? I can't think of anything else than her. Besides, I've been looking for years here and there's almost nothing. She's perfect, I'm ready to give up only if there's no opportunity.

She only has one friend IRL and she met him through the Internet. She lives in the middle of nowhere and is autistic. All her friends, including boyfriend, are digital acquaintances.

I'm not gonna buy a plane ticket to get rejected. I want to be in a relationship first, I'm not a millionaire.

She does care about me, at least a little. If I stopped talking to her right now, she'd start sending me messages asking me why I don't talk to her anymore. I am one of her closest friends, we're talking about an autistic girl with one IRL friend.

They you are going after someone who is a figurative turd in the gene pool.
Have some self respect bud, there are a shit ton of fish in the sea.
There's something like 7 billion people alive today, half of which are female.
Are you saying you can't imagine yourself being with any of the 3.5 billion girls out there who aren't fucking downie autists?
You're doing yourself a disservice by obsessing over this chick when there a plenty more women in your immediate area

...

Are you in high school OP?
This whole situation sounds like some dumb bullshit shit head teenagers like to engage in.
The fact that this chick bounces around from online relationship to online relationship speaks volumes about the quality of her character,
She's just in it for the attention bub, you guys have no idea how real relationships work. Shit doesn't function unless there's some kind of physical interaction involved

Spoken like a true normie. Sorry I have taste and don't care about vapid whores. Besides, I'm still looking but my local area really sucks in terms of females. I'm not looking for someone to just fuck with, I want someone that understands me and with whom I'm able to have an interesting conversation.

Eat a bag of dicks OP.
I'm giving you a realistic outlook on your situation, but you're too much of a beta ass bitch to realize how fucking pathetic your whole deal is.
Every single women you will ever encounter exudes similar traits.
They're all cunts in the end, no matter how well they try to hide it.
Do you not think for a second that this girl is using you faggots for attention?
You're validating her existence by lavishing all this attention on her and she has to do jack shit for it.
This dynamic is present in normal relationships, but in exchange for attention girls offer their pusses as tribute

Nice meme but she's not within driving distance of boyfriend, she can't meet him without a very long drive or a plane ticket.


No but I'm in first year of university.

Her last boyfriend was flirting with other girls online with the intention of cheating.

She knows that, she wants to meet her boyfriend IRL (whether it's the current one or me). She feels frustration from lack of social contact and I wanna help her and all. I do have the resources to meet with her IRL.

She doesn't play usual female mind games, I'm pretty sure of it. It's one of the reasons why I love her so much. She's autistic, looking for attention is not really an autistic trait.

Even if I was validating her existence, I don't care. I don't wanna know about female nature, I wanna know if I can potentially become her boyfriend. If women are inherently attentionwhores, I want to have the best attentionwhore. If she can allow me to become her main source of attention, I'll be happy to submit. I just wanna be with her.

No you want to be with someone, not her.
You seem like you're desperate here OP, too scared to engage with women in an actual appreciable sense (i.e., By interacting with them irl) so you've turned to this chick who is little more to you than words on a monitor. You aren't in love buddy, you're in love with the idea of love

I challenge you here OP, name something that this girl has which no other girl possesses.
You're chasing after someone who is ordinary, run of the mill in every single way.
You just don't realize this because she's the only girl you've had the opportunity to get to know on a deeper level.
The only thing this girl has which no other girl does is the displeasure of knowing you.
Odds are if you stopped being such a big manbaby and tried meeting other people of the opposite sex, you'd realize that merely knowing someone isn't grounds for a relationship.
You're starved for attention, which is why this girl seems so perfect to you.
I was in a very similar situation when I was in high school OP.
I latched on to whatever girl who happened to look my way without seeming too disgusted,
It's desperation, nothing more

I don't know mang, all other girls I see aren't interesting to me anymore. I can fap to porn, don't get me wrong but would I want to be in a relationship with someone that's not at least somehow like her? Probably not. She might have her problems (she has some mental issues but none that could develop into Cluster-B crap) but I'm ready to embrace them, I am really attracted to her, she's the best girl I've found so far. I really want to be with her or at least someone that has similar traits if there's no choice (I have to move on if she's happy with her boyfriend). I don't just want anybody.

I do know girls and interact with them IRL. What's the problem then? They're not interesting to me. They might be physically beautiful but I can only feel lust at best. They are fucking boring. Maybe I do want love, but I can only feel love towards someone that can understand me and that I can understand.

You sound like someone that has never truly fallen in love. I'm an autist so I know desperation and all that stuff. And I have tried to fall in love with girls I believed I could have a chance with. It never felt like what I feel towards her. It felt fake and I could easily forget the person if I wanted to, not true love in other words. But this is different. I woke up for months thinking only of sending a good morning to her and I sent a good night every time I went to sleep. I'd check her messages immediately and answer them asap. She'd go idle at first, treating me like an ordinary friend since we had just met but with time, she began answering them immediately as well. I'm happy every time she answers me. If that's not real love, I don't know what is. It's a beautiful sensation but it can hurt a lot when the person you care about is, well, in the middle of a relationship…

You do realize you can apply this to literally every girl in the world? I know there might be someone else similar but I know her and I care about her.

She's not ordinary. I'd have found an alternative here if she was.

While that is true that she's the only girl I've known to this level, I only know her this well because I fell in love with her. If I hadn't spoken to her every day and all, she wouldn't have told me half of the stuff she has told me. I fell in love with her and then I got to know her better.

Kek, I know girls IRL m8. I just don't really care about them, we might be friends at best. I'm not a gross fat neckbeard, girls can know me without being displeased.

I know girls.

No, I'm not. I could care less about other people giving me attention.

I did go through that in High School as well but this is different. See my previous post. That is fake love, I know the difference.

She using you as a back-up, you fucking faggot.

Hi op,

Most of the people in this thread are telling you the truth, and I expect most of them have been in a similar situation before, strong feelings about an unobtainable girl.

They aren't trying to trick you, or insult you, or minimise what you are feeling, they are trying to help you.

You have strong feelings for this girl, you see her as the only window to your emotions and you have spent a lot of time thinking about her. You don't want to lose this source of emotions, that's why you keep accepting more bullshit.

What would her reaction be if you tell her you have a "serious internet girlfriend" apart from her?
In song think it would be a positive one.

I once spent a year liking a real life girl, who I hung out with several times a week. She had a boyfriend overseas, I fell in love with her, I could tell she liked me too - but i never made a move out of 'respect'. He dumped her when she went back to her country in the summer, said he had feelings for another girl. I saw her not long after, spilled my beans. She wasn't interested.
Yet, when I mentioned other girls I knew, she became jealous, wanted to meet them, event o make sure one of them already had a boyfriend.
When another girl hugged me goodbye in a friendly way, gave two kisses, then this girl I had a thing for came over and jumped up to hug me, which I just found artificial, as she didn't do it usually.
The fact was, she liked me a lot, but my status or whatever it was, wasn't high enough for her to accept me. As for me, I should have just made a move early on, been rejected it accepted, and moved forwards from that.
Girls like this aren't evil, but they will use you, and expect you to hang around, giving them emotional support and such for free, and also expect you to belong to them, while they give the absolute minimum in return.

You should respect yourself more, and have only balanced relationships, the same whether they are friendships or romantic.
Give them what they give you, respect them as they respect you. If there isn't a balance, if they clearly aren't respecting you - end the relationship.

If you hang around allowing yourself to be tortutred by her, letting her tell you about her "b/f" when she knows fully that you have feelings for her, then you are not respecting yourself, you are damaging your self esteem massively, and wasting time that could be spent with others.

Read the posts in this thread again with an objective viewpoint. Think about if you read your thread as written by someone else, what would say to him?

Take care of yourself dude. Your emotional and physical health is really important,

You talk a lot about love.
Trust me, one way love isn't the same as two way love.
One way love feels sad at the core of it, even when she makes you smile.
Two way love is deep happiness, and it is shared.

I was exactly like you, defending my huge love for a girl who I didn't have.

The cure was opening up to her, being rejected, and spending time with new females. Once i had another girl on my mind, and knew I had given it a shot with the old one, I healed within a few months.

People aren't replaceable, but if you like a girl, tell her, make it clear, ask her out as soon as you have feelings for her.
If you have really put Your self forwards to this girl, and she has rejected you, but you hang on, then you are living in a false hope that will do harm to you the longer you keep it burning.
If you haven't made a direct proposal to her, then do it without delay.
Be rejected, let her tell you that she liked the other guy more, absorb it - then cut contact and move on dude.

At least put 90% less energy into the bridge between you and her. Become distant. Focus your energy on the reality around you instead - work, study, physical friends.

She will probably panic and throw you some bones, go unemotional on her, she'ok suddenly send you sexy pics. As soon as you show interest, she'll reduce her affection again to bare minimum.

In this way, she is using you, as all the others here have said. It is a hard truth, but try your best to think objectively.

Spend more time with some of the girls in real life that you know, ones without boyfriends, ones who you like (not love) spending time with, and who like spending time with you.

If they are nice girls, and like you, escalate things, make moves, touch their arms, be a bit physical, kiss when the first opportunity comes.
Once you've spent time with them, alone together, love might grow.

They probably aren't boring, and if they are, find new girls in your town. Join clubs or sports thihgs, social events.

A kiss from a real girl you like spending time with is worth more than a thousand "xXxX" at the bottom of a message from a girl who isn't interested in you and won't ever meet you.

"could care less"

That is the opposite meaning to that which you intend. Never ever do it again.

P.s. my female flatmate has been watching loud porn while sitting in the shared lounge and probably masturbating along with it, 10 feet from my room.
Maybe she didn't think I was in.

No, she's not. If you actually read my posts, she didn't want to promise me I could be her backup because she finds the idea morally questionable.

I do realize it and I thank everyone here for their time and their advice, although I might disagree with some of them. I don't think she's unobtainable, she wants to move from where she currently lives. The question is will it be another part of US or Europe? That question will depend on who she's dating in 2 years. I however appreciate the advice, I will take it in account but I'm trying to remain somehow positive.

I don't want to lose her but I don't know if that's the reason why…

I don't know, she'd probably ask me who she is and stuff.

I fear that this is the most likely scenario but I'm trying to remain positive.

I have not told her about any other girls I know.

That's really weird and fucked up.

I really don't want to make a move while she has a boyfriend. A relationship born out of that is probably doomed to fail. Besides, she'd probably reject me out of respect for her current boyfriend, she values faithfulness a lot.

I really hate myself for potentially having fell for the bait but I can't help it.

There is a balance, I believe. I haven't noticed signs of disrespect but then again I might be blinded by my feels.

I don't know, it's possible. But then again, how would I be close to her if she didn't say some stuff about her bf? It's not like she's bragging about him, she avoids speaking about him I think.

I really don't know, it's my first time in such a situation.

Thanks mang, this shit is tough…

I do realize it, my pain is intensive. But she could've rejected me by now, I believe there might be a possibility that she's able to love me. She seems like she really wants to be full intimate but respects her boyfriend, something I appreciate.

Yes, I realize I can get over it but I don't want before I actually get rejected. Because she hasn't rejected me, she has a boyfriend she respects but she hasn't told me she wouldn't date me even if she was single. I might try asking her that though, if she'd be okay with dating me if she was single…

I haven't.

I can't. Disrespecting a relationship is a disaster, I need to wait and see if they break up. I however am currently searching for someone somewhere else meanwhile, I do realize I can't waste my time on that hope.

I will once she quits him, if she does. I believe we have a lot in common but maybe common is not what she's looking for. Her current boyfriend is socially alright but with her tastes. Maybe she doesn't want to date an autist, despite being one herself.

I will try but I can't for the moment. I will try training myself for it though, I fear it might be something I'll need to do.

I won't fall for the bait, duly noted.

I know girls but I don't know many. Most have boyfriends and/or are boring to me.

I'm really bad at that kind of stuff. But I'll try to find a plan B. For the moment, I can't see myself dating the girls I know.

It's possible, love at first sight is definitely not the only kind of love.

I will try, I have a concert I'm going to in July, I might try finding someone without making a fool of myself.

I agree but I'm still hoping she might be interested in me.


I'm sorry, I only noticed that after I posted it. I'm not a native speaker.

That PS is hot…

OP here, I really thank you for the advice. I'm really trying to stay positive but deep inside I know you're probably right. But I don't know if I should just give up and be more distant or go for it and try to get closer to her as I can. I'll probably try the latter because giving up is a guarantee of failure. Besides, I think it'd hurt a lot trying to cut contact with her anyway so I'd rather hurt myself trying to succeed.

I can tell you right if you went into a relationship (wether friends or bf/gf gf/gf bf/bf whatever) to get with her but she went in with different intentions, its not going to change
The only thing that could change between the two of you is wether you stay in love or not
If you cant get your love interest kinda pinned down from the start it's never going to work
This has been tito's advice corner come again!

Although LDR's are a fucking stupid idea I would disagree dude
Like if you're not going to touch a girl until you guys are in a commited relationship anyway it doesnt matter its the exact same
These days even if you guys hit it off with a girl in your own time zone you'll be texting her more than touching her anyways

OK so you're obviously autistic OP
We know you love this girl even though you really don't. Dont worry I and alot of other guys on sites like this have experienced it.
We are here because Virgins who can't really get a date thx to these three things
1. too ugly
2. too shy
3. hate everything mainstream thus can hardly find someone with the same interests (ideolizing hitler, making (ironic) racist jokes and comments, into weird fetishes ETC)

This is why nig nogs like you flood boards with UR HURR DURR PLEASE GIB RELATIONSHIP ADVICE, I EM LDR I LIEK HER SHE NO LIKE ME PL0X H4LP XXXXDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
I swear to god ive seen like 3 other threads exactly like this in the past few days

I didn't get with her with the intention of becoming her boyfriend. I only started loving her after we talked for a few days. It's still bretty quick but I didn't have an objective at first.

Eat a bag of dicks.

Like Tito said if you cant get her pinned down within the first week or so its not going to work
You guys dont even have to be in a mutual in love relationship as long as you are a semi-thing
I once had a LDR with some canadian girl. Neither of us were really in love from the start but because we promised eachother to at least try right from the get-go it worked out fine
I porked her so hard she couldnt get out of bed for 2 days straight
Anyways this has been Tito's advice corner, come again!
she was 14 and i was 37

Also where are you from in europe and where is she from roughly (seeing how a trip over the pond is a lot less moni's than a trip across the entire world)

This is great advice, thank you Tito.

Belgium and North Carolina.

Belgen hebben toch geen kans naast het prachtige glorieuze Nederlandse koninkrijk
nee maar even serieus een kaartje van schiphol naar America kost zo'n 700 euro en met alles wat je zal uitgeven aan eten enzo rond de 900 euro
Zoals ik al zei was ik wel met een canadees in de weer maar je kan beter iemand makkelijker kiezen
Trouwens, zijn die belgische meiden niet net als de Nederlandse? waarin ze grotendeels om persoonlijkheid geven in plaats van uiterlijk
Veel geluk trouwens

Haha, nope. I live in the Wallonia, the shitty part of the country. If I actually lived in the North, I'd probably have more luck finding a cool girl. The south is full of plebs.

If you aren't being truthful to her, you aren't respecting her either.

The friendzone often comes about from unintentional dishonesty. The guy doesn't want to risk losing her friendship, or doesn't want to interrupt her current relationship. the girl doesn't want to hurt the guy's feelings, or she wants to keep him on as a friend, while really knowing that he has feelings for her. by keeping it quiet and unexposed, they both keep,something, but often the one with the real power is the friendzoner, in this case, her. She passively keeps you around for emotional support. You accept this, but want more. Do you pretend it's fine for her to treat you like that.

Meeting girls and finding someone interesting is about exposure. Actively pursue ways to meet new girls in your town. Join sports clubs, tennis, take dancing classes, spend time in cafes regularly in the same one at the same time every day. Or libraries. Gain confidence, speak with them.

REVEAL yourself to them, that is how relationships are deepend.
She says what she likes, you say what you like, she tells you a story from her past, you tell one, and so on. Do it in an unafraid way.

Spend time with the girl, this creates bonds and reveals more of both of you.

Always, always - MUTUAL trust and respect.

Really the best advice I can give, is to change your focus.

You are not in a relationship with this girl. She claims to be in one with someone else.

So, spend time with other girls. You are morally free man. It is healthy for you. While you are with those girls, chatting, hanging out, have an objective look at them, are they nice, friendly. fairly pretty, comfortable to spend time with?
If so, enjoy the moments with them.
Do not feel morally obliged to this girl on the internet who chose someone else over you.
She doesn't feel obliged to you.

You can be honest with her, better if you are. For both of you.

I think if you follow this path, something will happen one way or another, in a natural way.
Either the internet girl will do all she can to make you here, or you'll meet a great girl from your town who you can hold hands with, kiss, spend time looking at each other, smell her hair, sit in the sun with her, experience things together, hear her laugh, listen to her breathing, watch the light change on her face, feel the softness of her skin against your cheek or hand, but tightly and feel her heart beating, feel her emotion as she holds you tightly back.

Keep your hope if you want, but be decent to yourself, spend time with other girls, make an effort, take risks, expose your inner self to girls in person, where things are spontaneous.

Put yourself out there. Post here with your stories.

Do any of the females you know (who don't have boyfriends) like you? Shown any signs. Enjoy spending time with you, give you looks?
Spend more time with them, less with the ones with boyfriends.

Still you should try (like all other anons said) to get someone else in the meantime, if she's not talking about you visiting her within the first week or so there's no chance buddy

So yeah, I don't speak Dutch.

She has a boyfriend, of course she won't tell me to go buy a 700-900€ plane ticket to visit her so that she can tell me she has a boyfriend.

My God OP.

You are such a cuck.

You are such a beta faggot.

You actually think she has feels for you, she doesn't!

This is the classic trap of the friendzone:

Face it OP, you are a cuck and a beta faggot, it's for your own good, the sooner you realize this the sooner you can move on, the only reason she is keeping you close is because if her current cock turns out to be sour she can come back to you, DON'T be some bitch's backup plan.

Get out of the friendzone RIGHT NOW.

She didnt have one when you first started talking right? And even if so a friend of mine keeps pressing me on visiting him because real friends want to see eachother badly even though it costs 300$ for me to visit his shitty appartement for 2 days

Tito approves this message

There are plenty of girls around, you just need to meet them.

Libraries, cafes, activity clubs, mutual friends of friends.
The more people you start conversations with, the more contacts you have, and the more girls you'll meet.
Don't over think it, if you have a good conversation, say "I've enjoyed talking with you, let's meet up again, how about coffee/ice cream/meal tomorrow/at the weekend".

Spend time, if it goes well, escalate things.
If there doesn't seem to be anything after a few dates, try elsewhere.

This.
Friends want to see each other.
That she doesn't mention it shows she wants you kept as a safe backup.

It is nothing new, and a lot of people on this board have experienced it in some way.
Accept it, be angry, stop expending energy on her, spend more time with real females and never be a backup plan.

OP here, it's almost 100% sure I've been totally friendzoned. I'm an idiot, thanks for the advice people. You guys tell me what you think of this:

.

..

FUCKING NORMIES

now start looking for someone new

as soon as you find her- this girl will break up with her boyfriend and ruin whatever you have going on by giving you false hope

then she really will stay single for a little while

then she will fall in love with some new asshole that isn't you

just focus on other girls without burning the bridge with this one

you are way too invested emotionally and i can see where this is headed from a mile away

you are going to call/text her at 2am crying about how horrible she is or how inadequate you are and then she is going to lose all interest

you can't just call dibs on a girl that has a boyfriend

when she leaves him she is going to be all fucked emotionally, she doesn't need your baggage too

just let it go- your chat was honest and to the point. try to leave it at that.

you can still be friends and still have a chance together- but you need to move on

you just got rejected it's not the end of the world and at least she knows how you feel

you are better off than you were before

This is a whole new level of faggotry. Please consider eutanasia.

...

Good on you for confronting her in a calm and clear way.

Yes, she has revealed the friendzone, and she isn't able to talk around it when put on the spot like that.

Stage 1 complete,

Now you know you don't need to expend more energy in that direction, and you can use it for other things. You are free.

Take up a new hobby, a musical instrument, martial art, painting, dancing, a social sport.
Study and work harder.

For yourself, so you use your end by for yourself and gain confidence.

Spend time with other females in your town, when you see a poster for a club or event that sounds new or you could try, do it. Talk with the people there.