Am I becoming like Holla Forums ?

Now, before anyone freaks out, I want to insist that I'm not really "on the verge" of becoming a right winger, but lately, I've been around so much racism (both left and right) and BS politics that it has become impossible to not start feeling a little anti-social, like I want to withdraw from society and relationships.

I don't mean in the sense that I'm going to do something stupid or violent, but more, when you run into those people that want to racialize/politicize everything, I no longer want to debate so much as just shut them up or say something the opposite of what they want because I know it is going to piss them off. In a way, just to kind of assert my own free agency as a human being I guess, I want to fuck with them and show them I don't have to tow any line but my own.

Here's but a few examples: Conservative extended family bitches about "the blacks." I make off color joke about murdering white people just to trigger them and make them stfu.

Another one: Random black guy on bus starts bitching at me on the bus about slavery, like I'm individually culpable for the shitty life he has and I can somehow change it with a snap of my fingers. Again, just want to to tell him "get the fuck over it" and move on with my day. Or, even worse, I get the feeling like he's fishing for a racist reaction, so I give him one (call him nigger or say "slavery was good" or some other edgy shit just to fuck with him even more).
And, obviously, I didn't actually do this, because he legit seemed a bit off kilter and like he was looking for a fight.

In both situations, it's not that I actually believe what I'm saying, it's that in both cases, I'm dealing with someone who is fucking crazy and cannot be reasoned with.
And, it seems like both of these kinds of people ARE looking for a "fight" of sorts, where you somehow have to submit to their manipulation tactics, and/or warped view of history.

I know this isn't so much a political subject as it is social, but how do you guys cope with people like this?

I come into contact with people like this a lot, and race is but one example. It's religion, sex, money, as well.

There's always someone whose playing up their victim card and as I've gotten older it has gotten harder to empathize or sympathize with people when they don't seem to bring these subjects up in good faith. More than anything it's like they want you to sacrifice yourself for their bullshit ideals?

Is this a sign of me being reactionary? I want to say I don't think so. I feel very much in line with the Left and often just remind myself that the average person, even those that call themselves "left wing" really have no idea what they're talking about, no matter what Holla Forums decides to astroturf as.

Curious what your guys thoughts are on this? Do you ever have these "anti social" feelings and feel like society is egging you on?

Your personality or what you "are", or think you are, doesn't fucking matter.
What you do does, and if you're not active, what you support.
You don't have to change your beliefs just because of the way you feel. That's retarded.

The sheer number of people that seemingly can't be reasoned with is shocking to me. As if the only thing that you could do to somehow change their mind amounts to rhetoric, appeals to emotion, or even plain sophistry. I feel that the American public dislikes that sort talk,dismissing it as the kind of bullshit that they always hear from Politicians and slimy 'media people', but what if that kind of bullshit is all that they really want to hear?

You hate identity politcs?
Good you're one of us.

Class struggle >>>>>>> muh x oppressing me. Reminder Marx kicked out feminists and anti-racists for putting too much emphasis of these issues over class struggle, since the oppression of women and non whites during this time period and even still too this very day are a outcome of Capiltlism

Completely understand you OP, I also have right wing family that can't be reasoned with. I actually live with them currently, I have to wake up every morning to her them yell about nigger Obama ruining the country and how Trump can do no wrong. Among other things, anyway the word your looking for is integrity but sadly not many people have it. It is very possible to be friends or even love someone who holds totally different belief systems than you. But when a person has a lack of integrity and moral aptitude it is damn near impossible to converse with them.

I feel like you just got a taste of how the real world works, where to your surprise many Humans are living a what about me philosophy, Which is sadly the fault of capitalism. These are the normies of the world, and this is the exact reason why we are in the situation we are in. Trust me OP I went through the same thing you've gone through and I feel everybody who holds strong /lefty/ beliefs do as well.

All I can say is that THIS is the moment in our life where you make the great leap forward to overcome such feelings. True leftism CANNOT take place without true love. That's my personal opinion, and I personally came to the conclusion after wrestling with myself about how all life is precious and how we must learn to love our crooked neighbors with our crooked hearts. This part from a very nice poem by W. H. Auden but I'm sure the Bible paraphrases this somewhere because it happens to sound Christian haha. The point being is that I came through that phase with having the core of my beliefs be based around what I saw missing in the world, which was love and integrity.

No matter what happens OP, I or anybody cannot tell you want to do but what I can't say is that only you can pull yourself out of this feeling of isolation. At the same time reflect more on yourself and try to reflect on how these people got themselves to this point, I'm sure you'll be fine.

become a ML, then you don't have to be diplomatic about anything and tell them that Stalin would've rightfully have them gulagd for being retarded shits that need resocialization
what they all have in comon is hatred for the soviet union, while it is the only thing that liberated them all

Read the post before you spout stale memes.

You learn to live with it even if those feelings kinda go against what you believe as a socialist. Being a real leftist doesn't make you immune to falling for the same tribalistic bullshit that most liberals and conservatives are thoroughly cucked by every once in a while. As long as you put class war above everything else and try not to let the autistic screeching of people who've fallen hook, line and sinker for idpol bait you into going full reactionary you're gonna be fine.

t. Maoist who in a moment of weakness mocked the victims of the opioid epidemic last week cuz some Holla Forumsyp reactionary (with a literal MLP avatar) wouldn't shut up bout """welfare abusers""" on Twitter

...

Sometimes I feel the world is too mechanical, that people are just acting out some tired script. Stuck in a loop like a jammed automaton at some chucky cheese kids show. I'll say something out of frame just to see if they'll come unstuck. "Trump is so stupid." "Nah bro he isn't stupid but he is an agent for the Polish martians". Never get any interesting responses.