Implying cuckunism could bring you this

Used to boil them.

What is my purpose?

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I thought nothing could top the juice bag presser but i was wrong

'If people were smart enough for salt they wouldn't need smart salt shakers.'
-My grandpa when I showed him this.

what the fuck

what

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juicero

Hahahahaha what the fuck thats hilarious

Can it talk like that amazon thing? Can I finally have someone to talk to while I eat dinner?

I WANT OFF THIS RIDE

1. Put on face-cover
2. Tip em over (wear gloves)
3. Light them on fire with a a water-gun filled with lighter fluid + match
4. ???
5. Feel good about yourself

'alexa, dispense half a teaspoon of salt'

i can't believe this is real

This thing has "out-of-touch coastal liberal" written all over it

Jesus Christ

Silicon Valley was a mistake

I don't get it. You're supposed to carry this shit around? To play music, while you have your phone, to fucking chat about it?
It's kind of hilarious, but it's kind of really fucking sad. The commercial itself is ridiculous, they're marketing the most useless thing in the world and they're even coupling it with an app.

I-I…i have no idea what the fuck did i just saw. I'm very puzzled.
How much does this shit costs by the way?

it's not even really what they say it is, it isn't a smart salt dispenser, you still have to pick it up and shake it, plus you have to do some bullshit with your phone. God damn this makes me so mad.

this is a rly bad use of capital goods

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I didn't think it could get any more meme-tier but here we are

indiegogo.com/projects/smalt-the-world-s-first-interactive-centerpiece-health#/
Pic related
it has bluetooth

what am I, a pleb?

Arm every Dolphin. Let the blood of the land walkers nourish the salmon.

"Arm every dolphin"
sung to the tune of "CLimb every mountain" from the sound of music

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Can't wait the smart toilet paper.

You can no longer tell if this is a parody.

All I want is a smart jetpack.

Any idea you can think of will be shit when realized as a commodity.
That jetpack will require a subscription for fuel, and it will spy on you.

how would that conversation even go?

*Guest and smalt owner at a dinner table, the gargantuan glowing tube sits as a physical barrier between them.
*Utter silence for the 15 seconds it takes as the salt is removed on the little tray then dispersed on the food
*smalt owner grabs their guests arm
*guest grabs the smalt, smashes the owner over the head with it killing them instantly, salty blood slowly pooling where their head hit the floor. time passes and guest ends up gunned down by cops when resisting arrest after fleeing the scene and babbling incoherently about salt shakers…

Im guessing thats how the conversation would go down, i dont see any alternative.

What the fuck is wrong with Americans?

Why so salty leftypol? This is a great commodity.

Somewhere in china there is a toxic fume spewing factory with children building these and trying to kill themselves by jumping from the higher floors.

Honestly this. Silicon Valley has glorified mindless shallowness to the extreme - many customers I have the displeasure of working with at my job are mind-bogglingly tech illiterate thanks to how the Steve Jobs of the world have made technology an over-simplistic and absolutely useless coddling toy like pic related.

where to even begin

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THIS SHIT CAN'T EVEN GRIND SALT

They are saving that feature for the SMALT GRND, a SMALT compatible grinder. It will only grind copyrighted SMALTROCKs though, you can order them only from that company. Also stay tuned for SMALT 3: Electric pepper boogaloo, it will enhance your pepper shaking experience to whole new dimensions.

...

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CORN!!!

sounds like that juicing machine which could only squeeze bags of pre-made juice.

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where can i buy this?

but fresh is an english word…

Does this count?

sounds lewd

Is this satire?

Thanks for the idea I'm off to Silicone Valley to become a billionaire

Will we have pic related under cuckunism?

Not bad per say, but that shit video and those proprietary cartridges ruin it. I'd get one if you could just fill it with your own ingredients.

That sounds… kind of cool, maybe. I'd try it.

Their description in the search results:

Owning a Tesla, Juicero, SMALT, SMEGPER (what I assume the pepper variant of SMALT will be named), WiFi connected smart appliances, and any other Silicon Valley non-innovation innovation should be instant grounds for execution. There is no helping them. They're already long dead.

literally everything

Can you imagine the smug "entrepreneurial" moron who came up with this? Like isn't the need to open up your phone to dispense salt or tell your salt shaker to dispense the salt much more inconvenient than just doing it by hand? I swear a lot of people just think if you make an app about a thing it'll make you the big bucks. Jesus Christ. Like so many people I know making apps that are "the Uber of dry cleaning" or "the tinder of eBay" like Jesus.

I'm not even one of you guys, but you guys have turned me on to the phrase "late-stage Caplitalism" just to have something to call ridiculous wastes of time, energy, and manpower like this.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

What hurts worse? That it exists, or that somewhere, somebody bought it thinking it was brilliant?

As a suburban Texan, I could definitely go for having the Mexican equivalent of a toaster. Just, y'know, without the Keurig cartridges.

This is like every new MMO and mobile game using "freemium", but IRL. Soon it will be impossible to just buy something and own it.

….same

It's called a "comal". You could use a flat pan too.

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How is that the equivalent of a toaster?

I wasn't hating it (although her putting shitloads of emphasis on TORRRRRRRRTILLLLA annoyed me and I'm latino, I bet she married a Jew) until the proprietary cartridges decided to oppress my retinas.

The ride is eternal

Literally a $400 machine to squeeze bags of juice into a cup.
youtube.com/watch?v=5lutHF5HhVA

"But, I get it people don't always have the time or energy to spend an hour in their kitchen making F R R R E S H T O R R R T I L L A S"

How about a product that buys its own parts for you? When the water filter runs out, it orders more from that Amazon shit. Now you can be alienated from being a consumer too.

How about a Keurig cartridge-like thing for wine? Which lets you buy more cartridges via the wifi-enabled bottle-shaped thing, no less?

After that, a smart toothbrush that has a fucking 10 megapixel camera so you can have a camfeed of your own mouth.

And since people can't get enough of proprietary Keurig bullshit, there's one for cookies too.

Lastly, an oven – wifi-enabled, natch – that recognizes "anything" you put inside it cooks it properly. Because turning a dial is too difficult. Bu the funniest part is that it's an oven that has an nVidia chipset kek

wtf man. Stop it with the essentialism.

The 'Internet of Things' was a mistake.

PARTIALLY AUTOMATED
SPECTACULAR
PORNOGRAPHY INFESTED
TERRESTRIAL
CAPITALISM

America is satire of Europe.

Boy you ain't seen shit yet. See this? It's a dustbin that has a little vacuum at the bottom. You sweep dust and crumbs and stuff under that little dent and it sucks it all up, saving you the trouble of using a dust pan. Which is #FirstWorldProblems as fuck, but comprehensible. No, the best things are that it's a garbage can that needs to be recharged, and needs proprietary garbage bags to work.

Rousseau was right all along

this actually looks like a really nice and practical thing if you like cooking, you can put a nice song by command without having to touch anything and can get just the right amount of salt needed for whatever you're cooking.

No it is America.

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youtube.com/watch?v=kRxi2lsEato

before i read your post i was thinking "what the fuck is wrong with a toaster oven that has a pretty thermometer on it?"

no…

FULLY ALIENATED NUCLEAR COMMUNISM

Because goldigging and wanting to be "validated" by marrying "up". She hates her "own kind" but uses it among her "superiors" so she seems unique and "one of the good ones". I see that shit all of the time in South Florida with petite-bourgeois Cuban cunts.

These will get you the same amount of salt in the same amount of time for 1 dollar. There's probably an app for your phone that will play a song by voice command. There is no justification.