Nah man, I feel you. I should be asleep for work tomorrow, but I keep putting it off. It's the same shit week after week. I can't leave it, because nothing else pays as well or has a set. fucking. schedule. I can't pretend that suicide isn't occasionally appealing.
What's more appealing though is just burning down the store I work at. So what if they throw me in jail? It's not like I'm not in a prison now. I don't make enough to go anywhere or do anything, ain't got a girlfriend or anything like that, can't afford school, so so what? At least I don't have to worry about paying rent then, ha.
I want to encourage you to not give up, though. It feels really shitty, and it is really shitty, but things aren't completely hopeless.
I dunno if this helps at all, but I write a lot. Like, innumerable pages on the daily for the past sixteen years. I'm pretty good at it imo. Only if it's erotic roleplay though. Like, dungeons and dragons, bikini armor, that kind of shit. It's like collaborative story telling, and I've met some really great and talented people over the years, and even though a lot of it is really trashy fetish fiction, the people I write for just love it. They love the everyloving shit out of it. It's weird, but it's really fulfilling because you're making something special with somebody, and the process of creation has an ameliorative effect on the pain of being treated like a mechanical piece of shit all day.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you've got to get away from the idea of creating for consumption or that you're only as good as the numbers in your bank statement because that's all bullshit, and that the process of creating for creation's sake, and to see something you imagined come to life from your own labor can be really beneficial, whatever you end up doing. Wasn't Emily Dickinson completely unknown in her time? IIRC no one knew about her poetry until her friends came to clear out her house after she died. Maybe this is a lot of rambling crap, but if you aren't already, then write what you want to write, not what you think you oughta be writing, and see how you start to feel. I ain't an expert or anything, but it helps me and it might help you.