Capitalism General

What is the point of internet connection in this thing?

so they can tell you if your juice is expired or recalled

I remember when people made fun of pre made salad. Now it's a regular thing.

Porky just over estimated how alienated from the MoP but don't worry they'll work with on it and come back.

Watch for this thing to pop up in movies and rumors of how squeezing the bag means you're a poor

Yes, this is what the world really needs. I'm so glad our capitalist society decides to invest time and money into shit like this instead of useless shit like roads and schools.

Next up, bachelor chow

It probably will not take off tbqf. It seems so dumb that even normalfags will see through it.

I know why - there's too much food in the video.

So they can remotely brick your "juicer" (read: bag squeezer) after the warranty expires and force you to buy a new one. Also, just think of the poor botnets. They need new hosts to infect too.

I made this for (you).

Sheeeit.

I'd rather have this fruit juicer tbh.

Do you need an ass wiping machine too?

It isn't fresh squeezed.

The machine just squeezes pre-made juice out of a bag.

youtu.be/5lutHF5HhVA

savage

How lazy.

how do you make webms out of youtube videos sensei?

gitgud.io/nixx/WebMConverter

Download the video, convert it with something like gitgud.io/nixx/WebMConverter

gizmodo.com/juicero-ceo-begs-you-do-not-open-our-juice-bags-1794507811

it probably records your conversations or some shit

archive.fo/pzBik

Also so they can gather and transmit data on juice consumption magnitude and timing. This information is a commodity which will be sold on to a consumer research company. This information will be used to…sell more ads?

Pretty soon the central plank of Silicon Valley's economic viability (ad and consumer information delivery platforms) is going to collapse, though. There are only so many ads you can dump on people before they either circumvent the ads or your ad-serving platform. Even if they do neither there is a definite saturation point after which more ads reduce the effectiveness and profitability of all served ads.

At that point we will repeat the pets.com debacle, likely with one of Uber, Snapchat, or Twitter, given that they aren't actually companies so much as gigantic pits for rich people to throw their money into so they never have to see it again. Once that happens that saffer cunt Elon Musk is going to be the first to lose all the randroid money that he leeched off the government, and I'm going to laugh and laugh and laugh.

WOW
SO MUCH
V A L U E
A
L
U
E

addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/youtube-video-and-audio-dow/

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lel

fucking hell, when does the dialectic kick in ? 'Cause i've seen ennough of late stage capitalism.

I hope Twitter dies soon.
That shit is one the most cancerous things on the internet.

dayum

Done

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MY FUCKING SIDES

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holy shit

Capitalism is responsible for anime and videogames.

Can you imagine what a shithole the world would have been if the Russians got a hold of Japan after ww2? Whew, dodged a bullet there. Thanks capitalism

The Japan would probably have been a significantly better place, if somewhat less economically developed.

Nothing new, there was the Flatev. For the people that doesn't like store bought tortillas, too lazy to make their own yet willing to spend more on making tortillas from a machine then you can get at a restaurant.

Great now the CIA can hack your juice.

more proof we need to bring it down

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Who says the tradional family unit can't be combined with the capitalist spirit of enterprise?

youtube.com/watch?v=fvoLmsXKkYM
This is the future that ancaps want

>parents bully prank one of their kids
What? If they were whoring Cody out to get fucked by old men, I'd say you had a point, but this is just shit parenting, nothing more.

that macshit aesthetic tho
its like the universal design symbol of 'pretending your ueseless and unecessary product is magical alien technology to trick retards into buying it'

good god its not even a juicer. giving your fucking juicer an internet connection would be retarded in the first place, but this isnt even shredding what you put in and filtering the pulp its just fucking squeezing premade packets of juice they made for it what the fuck

How does 'squashed produce' sound fresher than juice? It's like they were legally forced to call it that and tried to make it sound like it's actually a great thing

theconcourse.deadspin.com/i-just-love-this-juicero-story-so-much-1794459898

Honestly so worth the read, capitalism went full retard.

God internet of things is the best
Connecting shit with no reason whatsoever to have an internet connection to the internet, because if you cant sell an illusion that things are "progessing" and "advancing" people will realize their country is slowly sliding into 3rd world status
DUDE MY KETTLE HAS WIFI ITS THE FUTURE MAN, THE FUUTUUURE

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This reminds me a lot of the plethora of weird, seemingly pointless products that you would see everywhere in Japan in the post-war growth period.

I've actually got the big of these things. Most of those are "chindogu" which were designed specifically as jokes. The big irony is that some have become real products later on. Selfie sticks were literally a satirical invention from years back before they became a real thing.

Well, at least they were a joke, I believe the criteria for Chindogu was that the supposed invention was never on sale. These faggots do believe on getting rich with this shit.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chindōgu

I want her legs to hug me

Bloomberg has been trying to appeal to #Millenials for a while now, so they occasionally slip in some fairly good critical content, like that Wal-Mart crime article.

PYUR IDEOLOGY

My sides

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Scuzi?

It all went into designing the packaging. Look at that snazzy matrioska shit.

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I don't see the problem, now they know where not to invest and what the market doesn't want. In the USSR they'd keep producing these units.

Where's the egg?

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It’s interesting that the English word before she says “tortillas” takes on the cadence and vowel some of the qualities of Spanish

it costs one fucking dollar.

I like the fancier ones out of glass
Like 5$

Welcome to the age of SHIT, everybody. And as if useless isn't enough, we've got planned obsolesence to boot. Everything's been accelerating since the Phoebus cartel.

ENOUGH already! This thread has my blood pressure high enough to send cosmonauts to alpha centauri in the time it takes me to open porn and cum! Making tortillas is easily incorporated in the time it takes to make any decent mexican or tex-mex. Just like making naan doesn't add significantly to indian/south-east asian. You just make it when you have time WHILE making the main dish, you FUCKING RETARD!

This is actually pretty interesting.

It's a deliberate marketing strategy to make the product feel "authentic".

Here, i fixed your crap.

What's interesting is that this twat is talking to me about fresh tortillas while she goes about her day. Like she says "you only bad tortillas from the store" and then I have to wait until we're in her home's laundry to get the follow-up sentence.

I mean, i'm from Holla Forums, but why not just BUY some fucking juice.

If capitalism lacks enemies, it will create enemies for itself. Capitalism endlessly wages wars on the other's values and profits off of killing them off. This is the grave capitalists have dug for themselves, and it will destroy the world.

And of course you immediately start talking about the juice. Jesus man get a grip, you're obsessed.

Because it's backward and unsafe and unauthentic, unlike our product.
400 dollars is small price for the experience we're proposing.

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I have trouble taking Terence McKenna seriously because of the stoned monkey theory, but that is a great quote.

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The stoned ape theory is only denied by 'scientists' who consider themselves part of the capitalist world, where developments like this juicer that squeezes premade bags of juice are considered revolutionary. Scientists who don't actually know jack shit about the evolution of human consciousness but who want to say something anyways because they love the sound of their own voice, or they love their own mind and need to display their ego that much. Think about how ridiculous the notion that evolving humans, over the years, just *never* took *any* of the many thousands of plants, all over the world, known to produce religious experiences, and that they played no part whatsoever in the development of our cultures or central group consciousnesses. Then try to tell me that the 1960s never happened.

Is that Slavoj Zizek?

WHO THE FUCK ELSE WOULD IT BE?

Innovation is a code word for prole genocide

of course fam

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Man, Simpsons was so fucking GOAT.

I wish this man could be president. Literally proposing communist sex.

If Zizi were to seek power I would give my life for him 2bh.

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To be fair I've often thought about rigging a kettle up with an arduino and relay switch so I can make it automatically boil water for my coffee when my alarm goes off. That would at least improve my life in some tiny way.

I've never wanted a machine which can squeeze expensive bags of chopped vegetables into mediocre fruit juice. Especially not one which is wifi enabled.

thanks for posting the superior one, user

This is much gayer than even the gayest of traps.

its alright we dont discriminate here

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They did it in their earlier ad too, making it seem like a problem about the time and difficulty of making tortillas. But really the entire point of machine is to get you to buy .79 cent capsules that only gives you a 6 inch tortilla.

Designed by Yves Behar, Dr Oz loves it, Gwyneth Paltrow's site named it invention of the year in 2016, A-Trak is a fan, Oprah handed it out and Katy Perry enjoyed it at Coachella, why aren't you juicing with #Juicero?

Holy fucking shit, I thought all of those things were satire.

Holy fuck, if that isn't something. I don't even have words, man.

How can anyone claim porkies don't see all of us as literally rodent-brained children when they make bullshit like this? I mean, genuinely look at the way they try to explain the product down to you like they're trying to show a pig its food trough, like they have to force even the most basic cognitive processes down our throats because we would miss them otherwise. The undertones of patronizing pandering and absolute disgust they have for the consumer is so palpable. It's like they're holding a fucking shiny cat toy up saying "Hey, look how shiny this thing is! This shiny thing is good! The thing you have is bad, it's not as shiny!" I almost feel like the infantilizing tone is done on purpose to make you feel incompetent, like they're trying to take you back to the days of being a kid where you would just blindly do whatever a grown up would tell you because you just have to assume they know what's best. This shit honestly makes me feel suicidal.

The thing is, it works. You're one of the small minority who don't fall for the most basic marketing tricks. They have to work a tiny bit harder to sell things to you.
They have every reason to feel nothing but contempt for the average human.

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If this is your life you deserve this product.

also
i love that even without the precious juicero they are still making juice with a machine.
BECAUSE THEY'RE MAKING LETTUCE JUICE. WHAT THE FUCK IS EVEN LETTUCE JUICE.

What's Normal is just realative to how alienated from the MoP the majority of proles are.

I'm in my mid thirties and it shocks me how many young people can't cook the simplest things. I'm telling you something like this juice squeezer thing isn't that far off.

Once the internet comes back under complete control of porky like TV is theses kind of stupid things will sell because theses articles ridiculing them will be scrubed from the internet

Porky will never be able to fully control the interwebs and is already able to hype BS of late capitalism.

They're already getting rid of net neutrality. Once that happens kiss your ass and anything that doesn't profit porky good bye

This is why I hurt people

So long as there exists demand for weird porn there will exist services which allow you to circumvent internet censorship. The sites which suffer censorship will shrink in size and number, but they won't all die off.

And yet the people get alarmed every time they try to…

Am not saying historical nessecities…

Many will just take the plunge into the deepweb and set up shop there. I know of at least one chan.

that's pretty cool actually. but it would cost you what? $30 to make? and all nonbotnet

HOLY FUCK
I didn't read the post, and I was expecting the punchline the whole video.

I was 100% sure it was a Portlandia-inspired parody
Even when they presented the team I thought it was a joke about the bullshit PR OPs like putting the overtly black lady in front to stand out.

yes
YES
keep em coming

One of these packages costs 5 to 8 dollars btw and doesn't even fill up an entire glass

Yes, but, do you want some fucking fruit juice?

sorry. I had to

Yes, it happens
You kinda reposition your mouth and throat in anticipation of the other language

They spend 50 dollars to make one glass of juice.

I'm trying to imagine the sort of person that would do that and I'd like to say that I can't but it's not true.

Yeah, less than that probably.

I'd rather have some artisanal squashed produce, thank you very much.

The guy responsible for designing the Ouya controller. Why does he still have a career?

This is fucking insane

We're living in a real life satire

mfw youtube.com/watch?v=XctdA7ukLDI

Britain had these in the 1930s, it's called a Teasmade.

Proving once and for all that Britain before Thatcher was the high-technology capital of the world and the building block of the future. Concorde, Black-Arrow, and Wilson's White heat of revolution represented by piping hot Tea in be–AAAAAAAAAGH I SPILLED IT ON THE BED OH GOD MARTHA CALL AN AMBULANCE.

there was supposed to be a picture.

Besides of course snooping on your personal data like when and how often you use the machine, the primary reason is literally DRM on the packages.

You have to be always on, scan the QR code of your juice package, let the cloud confirm the package is still permitted to be used and only then the machine works. This is to prevent alternative vendors producing cheaper juice packages that work with this machine.

tldr "inventor" is literally a Jew who just scammed investors and leeched off Googles startup funds

what if… you just mail order already pressed fresh juice instead of an old conserved mush bag at 5-10 times the price per liter that needs to be pressed with a 400 dollar machine

If America is the leader of capitalism. Whatever they do everyone else follows, or suffers a coup, or invasion, or no fly zone….

Off-topic: Do you know why the East Germans had masonic symbols on their flag?

youtu.be/viejY6UZ5Bk?t=27s

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en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Emblem_of_East_Germany

What's wrong with it? It's a juicer but without any of the mess, or the work of buying your own shit to juice. If I had $400 to waste, I would get one.

It's not a juicer, it's a pre-packaged, finely chopped produce squeezer, and said pre-packaged produce runs you $5-8 for a single glass of juice.

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If I wasn't poor, what's wrong with doing so?

Sure, many societies have consumed narcotics. However, there is insufficient evidence to support the claim of a self described "explorer" that psilocibin mushrooms were responsible for the creation of language.

Huh, I always thought the compass represented a cross between logistics and planning, being a planned economy and all.

and this excellent article.

bloomberg.com/news/features/2017-03-23/inside-alabama-s-auto-jobs-boom-cheap-wages-little-training-crushed-limbs

You asked what was specifically wrong with the product. Wrong in the sense of being flawed. I explained to you why. It's extremely wasteful. Now you're asking what is wrong with using said product. Wrong in the sense of a moral issue.

Pick one, fam.

Alienation epitomized.

It really doesn't cost that much to juice. people are just retarded.

Someone needs to make a compilation video to chronicle this stupidity.

German SocDems replaced Rosa because they couldn`t control her

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My comrades.

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No, but as a general rule it's better to do your own cooking. Processed meat is the worst because of all the shit they use to make it. If you eat meat, it should be unprocessed meat. Meat will fuck you up more likely than not, and I say this as a guy that loves meat.

I honestly can't tell if this is parody or not. Help?

Or is this actually a social experiment?

No one will buy it and the business will fail, as clearly demonstrated by the dislikes and the disabled comments.

Capitalism and the free market are working as intended.

Someone apparently watched Idiocracy and thought it was an instruction manual.

It already succeeded for the entrepreneur, Google gave the produce $120 million in startup capital so it is their problem not his.

Such a wonder, this free market.

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I'm a real spic and my native language is gardener, so it hurts as fuck and gives me cringe to hear chicanos speaking spanglish.

It's so creepy.

LATE STAGE CAPITALISM
youtube.com/watch?v=lORk2s9ISnE
Why aren't you gloving right now, Holla Forums?

The only way to get properly un-processed meat is to raise the animals yourself. Any raised in factory farms will be pumped full of all sorts of hormones, antibiotics, and low-grade feed made from other dead animals.

And do you know WHY it's wifi enabled?
BECAUSE IT HAS FUCKING DRM THAT NEEDS A CONSTANT INTERNET CONNECTION. NO INTERNET, NO JUICE

Hold me, user.

If you arent poor you could still use a delivery service to deliver you real freshly pressed juice every morning and you'd probably still come of cheaper with a superior product.