HURK DRUBMAN, SR.: Hello, this is…goddammit, Junior, this thing even recording?
HURK DRUBMAN, JR.: Yeah, it's on. You're doing a great job, daddy.
HURK DRUBMAN, SR.: I know I'm doing great. You come from my goddamn gonads, son. I don't ever need your opinion on how I'm doing.
Hello, I'm Hurk Drubman, Sr. I'm a veteran, small business owner, a loving father, and I'm running for State Senate.
I care deeply for Montana, which is why I can no longer sit back while this state and this country are turned into Canada by godless, gunless hippies who will not rest until democracy is dead and we're all eating ketchup chips. These syrup sucking socialists sneak into our country with 300 different gender pronouns and take our high paying jobs in entertainment and hockey! They don't care about our way of life. They want to take our guns, spread their liberal agenda, and give our daughters free abortions.
If elected, I'll put a stop to these maple leaf menaces to the north. I will make sure our healthcare is more expensive than ever. I'll remove the French courses from our schools. And I will require all Montanans who were born in Canada or share their politics to be deported or shipped to California.
Finally, I'll push for more strict immigration laws and build a 700 foot tall ice wall on our border, which I'll slowly move one inch north every year until Canada is American again. Make no mistake: If you're Canadian or that dirty liberal judge Andy Walker who ruled against me and let my gold digging ex-wife steal my fortune in the divorce, your days are numbered.
I'm Hurk Drubman, Sr. and I approved this goddamn message.