Fanfiction Autism time

Oh boy its that time again

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Post the most autistic result you can find

Or

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Keep it vidya. or not, its your choice

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...

Garbage, 3/10 poor effort see me after class.

did they go to hell first?

"Janos clung to his fledgling's arms with a steely grip to prevent himself taking off as his wings flew up, spasming along with his other limbs as he came across Vorador's chest, crying out the younger vampire's name as though it were his Messiah's."

"I'M REALLY FEELING IT!" Shulk said in his fancy voice, jumping down from the ceiling.

He used the Monado as a toy once, and it didn't work out so well for him. Well, he was fine, but it really didn't work out so well for Fiora, Fiauna, and Fieryweather. But now he was using the Monado to chop down the plane-noising birds that were divebombing.

Henry stopped nya ha ha-ing and started nosferatu-ing. Many more people died, especially Yukiko. In fact, everyone died except No Nose, Hair, and Teddie because he was sort of already dead in the first place but not quite.

And that's where babies come from.

I must know what this is an excerpt from.

really makes you think

''Harry stirred in his sleep, yawning cutely. He blinked, then looked around at his surroundings. His eyes widened with fear at the unfamiliar sights. Where was he?!

He heard something else breathing. Nervously, he looked up…and found himself relaxing when he saw the pretty blonde woman that had saved him. Hoping she wouldn't get angry with him should she wake, Harry quietly snuggled closer into her, savouring the warmth and comfort her body heat brought him.

Five minutes later, Samus slowly stirred from her sleep and opened her eyes as she woke up. She yawned and smacked her mouth as slowly remembered what happened the previous day. 'Oh right…I crash landed and saved a child…' Samus remembered as she looked down to see that Harry was snuggled into her.

Samus smiled warmly at the little boy. He was such a cute child…Wordlessly, the young woman wrapped an arm around him and pulled him in closer.

"Morning, kid." She said softly.

Harry immediately looked straight up at her. "M-Morning." Harry said timidly, taken completely by surprise by the fact that she was awake so soon.

Samus smiled. "You don't need to be shy around me, little guy." She said as gently as she could. "I'm your friend." She ran her fingers through the little boy's hair, and he hummed in content. "Do you have a name?"

"Harry…"

"Harry, huh? Hello, Harry. I'm Samus."

"Hi, Miss Samus…"

"So, are you feeling any better today?"

"Y-Yes…The freaky stuff makes me better…"''

...

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Get out mobile fag

...

The Jack of Blades didn't know where he was. He knew he was dead. The hero of Oakvale had seen to that. All he could see through his mask was an empty blackness. It had been like this for a while. He just floated there, not doing anything.

All of a sudden, he felt a presence. Looking around, Jack saw a beautiful woman with flowing white hair, a white kimono, and the looks of a being with incredible power. She waved her hand and a table with tea prepared.

"The Jack of Blades, a pleasure it is to meet you. Please, have a seat." She said this in a voice that no doubt would make any man swoon for her. Doing as instructed, Jack sat and watched as the woman drank the tea, a smile on her face. Jack felt his face heat up at seeing that smile. Dammit, he was The Jack of Blades! Not some pathetic normal person! Deciding to start a conversation, Jack voiced his thoughts.

"Excuse me Miss, but if I might be so bold as to ask, who are you and what need of me do you have?"

Smiling again, the woman answered his questions as they came," My name is Kami. The reason you are here is so that you can help guide a young boy, who my foolish sister, Shinigami, sealed a terrible beast into. The boy is a long lined decendant of you, through his mothers side. He is not what the people of the village in which he lives thinks he is. He is not an Uzumaki. He is a Blade. Your descendant."

Jack was shocked, although you couldn't tell with his mask on. He had a descendant? How? That's when it hit him. Once, in his younger years, had met a woman named Briar Rose, after his resurrection, he had spent some time not doing anything, just recuperating. He had met her in a bar. The rest, as they say, is history.

The fact that she had been impregnated with his child had never crossed his mind. Now he was paying his absolute full attention to the woman named Kami. Seeing his attention on her she continued." The boy is a long lined descendant of Briar Rose and yourself. He is also a hero. When your blood mixed with hers, it created a sort of, for lack of a better word, Demigod. The boys power will not manifest until he is eight. However, his mother doesn't know he is alive. Her name is Konan of Ame. She is your descendant. She was lied to about her son, because of the beast inside of him. The people of Konoha would seek to control that which cannot be. The child, Naruto Blade, is the child of the great prophecy. He will either save the world or destroy it."

"And what does this have to do with me? I died. Have been dead for who knows how long."He stated with a sad sigh. Kami grinned. She had been waiting for him to say that.

"Well, what if I decided to send you back? To atone for your sins in your first life? If you except, you basically have three tasks: The first is to go meet the boys mother. Then get the boy and train him. The final task is to basically guide the boy to unlocking his full potential. You don't need to accept. But before you do, watch his life up to this point."

With a snap of her fingers, Jack saw every beating, every night he would cry himself to sleep. How the Sandaime Hokage manipulated the little five year old, blue haired boy into becoming only loyall to Konoha. It enraged Jack. How dare that filth do this to his legacy.

Seeing the fire in the eyes of the man before her, Kami knew she had made the right choice.

"Jack, when you meet the boy, tell him to come with you. I will make it so he will trust you. Do not ask why. Just know I will do it. I am also bringing back Briar Rose. She will prove helpful to your quest."

At that moment, a fairly tall, busty woman, wearing black shades, a black corset and red jacket, with red pants and black, knee high boots. She was smoking from a pipe and had a small smile on he face.

"Well, if it isn't the man who bumped and an. How ya doin? Lif- er- death treatin ya okay?"

A tic mark appeared on his forehead." Now listen here, I was not my intention of impregnating you. I merely wished to partake in the pleasures of the flesh. If it is any consolation, I am sorry."

"S'okay. The little sprog was quite the hand full growing up, but, I couldn't complain."

Kami smiled, her secondary objective of playing match-maker was just beginning. She frowned when she saw the little boy who's life was filled with so much pain being beaten again." As much as you two's reunion is entertaining, Naruto needs help now." Without further ado, she sent them off.

-With Naruto-

It was his birthday. He had just wanted to go out to get food. He had even taken extra precautions and stayed as far away from the festival as possible. But, a drunken cillager found him, and had started to beat him. His spiky blue hair was matted with blood on his body. His torn black shirt hung loosely from his frame. His grey pants ripped at the knee.

Pain shot through his body as he was struck again. Why? Why was he hated? What had he done? Did he have parents? Did they love him? These were the questions he asked himself on a daily bases. The man was suddenly stopped. Looking uo, Naruto saw a masked, hooded man and a lady with short black hair and round sunglasses. The man currently had the village that was beating him by the neck.

"How pitiful. Such garbage picking on our descendant." With a twist of his wrist, the mans kneck snapped. Briar was currently comforting the bluenette as he, for some reason he couldn't explain, felt safe with them.

"Oi, Jack, we need to leave for Amegakure, was it? Anyways, we need to bang out." Jack nodded with agreement. Using a simple spell, he put Naruto to sleep. Briar picked him up and used their heroic speed to run through the village. Once they reached the outskirts, they took off in blurs of speed to Amegakure.

-Three days later-

They had spent three days with the blue haired child, explaining their pasts. He had been a bit shocked, his five year old mind working overtime to grasp what had been told to him. He had a mother! Granted she didn't know he existed, but still!

The group of travelers made their way through the village towards the Amekage tower. Jack had noticed the men with orange hair in black, ed-clouded cloaks watching them. He kept tense when all of a sudden, a man with short, spiky orange hair with multiple piercing in his face appeared. Next to him was a woman with an emotionless face with a origami flower in her hair. The man spoke first.

"Who are you?"

Jack sighed." It is polite to introduce yourself first."

The man nodded." My name is Pain. This is my partner, Konan. Now again, who are you?" Pain asked with more of an edge to his voice.

Jack paid him no heed. Instead looking at Briar who nodded and set Naruto down. The boy immediately got closer to Konan, looking at her intently with his amber eyes. She looked at him with disinterest. The boy hung his head and walked back to Briar with a dejected look on his face as she rubbed his back.

"My name is Jack of Blades. My female companion is Briar Rose. The boys name, is…. Naruto." Jack saw how Konan tensed at the name, her eyes filling with sorrow, before they hardened into steel. Jack grinned behind his mask.

"Interesting. Why are you here?"

"To find young master Nauto's mother. It was apparent that she abandoned him, and all he knew was that she was in Amegakure. He said her name was, K something. Ko- Konin-Kona-Konan! That was her name!" Konan glared hatefully at the man. How dare he say that! Her son died when she went to Konoha to give birth!

Snarling she said as much," My son is dead. Do not imply that this, thing, is him!" Naruto stared at her with wide eyes before he burst into tears and ran away. Briar went to get him, but a hand on her shoulder from Jack stopped her.

"Let him go. A little rejection from narrow minded fools is good for the boy. Teaches him not to trust everyone." Turning to Konan he continued," My dear, we speak the truth. The boy that you just sent away in tears is your son. He hasn't had the greatest life, and I imagine that hearing his own mother say that, tore his heart out. If that is your final answer, we will take him and leave. Briar, let us go."

Konan eyes were wide. Could it be? Could he REALLY be her son? The words she said rang in her mind and she cursed. Taking off in search of the boy named Naruto she only thought, 'Could it really be? Is it possible? '

Jack looked at where she went, and turned to Pain. "We need to talk."

-With Nauto-

Naruto ran until he was exhausted. He fell and just laid there. Why? Did she hate him? Was he truly a monster? One so bad, his own mother hated him? For the first time in years, he gave into despair. No one loved him. No one cared. He should just die.

That was the scene Konan came up on. Naruto, laying in the mud. Just staring off into space with dead, amber eyes. She walked cautiously to him. Crouching down, she flipped him over. His blue hair fell into his eyes as he looked at her. A single word escaped his lips.

"Why?"

Confusion was evident on her face.

"Why do you hate me? Why? What did I do? Why does everyone hate me? Please tell me?1 WHAT DID I DO?1"

She recoiled from his sudden outburst. His tears clearly visible in the mud on his face. Her heart tore itself asunder as she saw the face of her dead husband Yahiko, in him. She noted his hair and eye color, and it didn't take a genius to figure out their relation. Acting out of sheer emotion, she hugged him. She felt him go rigid, as if being hugged hurt him. She whispered to him that she was sorry, and that she did love him.

And they just stayed there as the rain, for the first time in Amegakure history, stopped, because the lost son and Prince of Ame had returned.

-Chapter 2-

"So your telling me, that the boy, Naruto, is the container for the Kyuubi and holds a bloodline that, if I am not mistaken, is yours from several thousand years ago?" Pain said. It had been ten minutes since Konan left to see Naruto and he had just been given a run down of the situation, and to say he was shocked was an understatement.

"Yes. We wee confronted by 'Kami' and given a second chance to save our souls from Hell. The boy must be trained in his hero abilities or it will be disastrous. A single hero could take on an army of, what were they called, oh yes, Jonin, if fully trained. They posses three disciplines which are strength, skill, and will. Strength is a measure of physical prowess. Skill dexterity. And will is like your 'ninjutus'."

Nodding, Pain voiced one of his thoughts," How does this situation effect the Kyuubi? Will it be a problem?"

"No, if anything it will be a help in his training. The beast will eventually be absorbed, causing his abilities to become even more potent. He also has to be bonded to a set of weapons, normally a melee and a ranged weapon. His will powers can be more focused with special gauntlets. The gauntlets will allow him to control the power in a more refined way." Jack had to admit, this boy would be the perfect apprentice.

At that moment, Briar spoke up," The world needs heroes. Its in bad shape from what I seen. Why not start a clan and 'ave 'im produce some sprogs to run about fixing things?"

Pain nodded again, it sounded like a good idea," I will need to talk to Konan, considering she is his mother."

Jack asked a question that had been bothering him," Why are you so sue he is her son? Are you not skeptical?"

"No. I had had a suspicion that he had not died all those years ago, but had kept it to myself. The Sandaime Hokage had shown her his corpse, but there were subtle differences that I noticed, but chose not to mention. It was a mistake on my part."

"Why were you there in the first place?" Briar asked.

"We were there to get Konan a check up for the child. Ame doesn't have the best medics or hospitals, so it seemed like a good idea. When we got there, Konan had gone into labor, when all of a sudden all hell broke loose. The Kyuubi attacked and the Yondaime used her son to seal it in against her will."

"I see. It all comes back to Konoha. Well, I might be able to get you some help with your medical problems. I have the distince feeling that a curtain slug will be making an appearance." Their talks then degraded to Naruto's life in the Leaf Village. Pain was furious with Konoha for what they had done and was tempted to just attack it. After thirty minutes, Konan came back with a passed out Naruto in her arms, holding him tightly.

(Gonna skip the explanation of why Jack and Briar are here and all that shit.)

They sat in the Amekage Tower talking and getting to know each other, when Naruto woke up. At first he was scared that he was going to be beaten again, clear by his rigid body and clenched eyes. A few soothing words from Konan and he had relaxed. They explained about his abilities and what that entails as well as about the Kyuubi, which he had stated he already knew about.

It was getting late and, at Pain's insistence, they had all been given rooms to sleep in, while Naruto chose to sleep with Konan, not wanting to let go of her. Pain had stated that he was going to Takigakue for business in a week and that they were all going for a 'vacation' of sorts.

Naruto sat in the bed, not sleeping as he thought about how his life had changed from that of a street at, to the now proclaimed 'Prince of the Ame.' The people had been ecstatic to learn that their angle had found her child. Many members of the council had planned on getting in on the boys 'clan' and becoming more powerful. Konan had put a stop to that.

As the dredges of sleep started to claim him, Naruto let a small, true, smile form on his face.

ad taken his armor off and was getting into bed when his door opened and Briar in nothing but a robe walked in. She looked at him, her sunglasses off of her face, with her dark brown eyes, glinting with what Jack thought was lust.

Continuing to be silent, she disrobed and pressed her lips against Jacks as his shocked face soon turned to pleasure. Breaking apart for air, Briar smirked.

"Ready to 'ive it a go then?"

Jack gave agrin and leaned forward to capture her lips as they slowly moved back to his bed.

Neither would be sleeping that night.

-One week later-

Naruto looked at the village of Taki with wide eyes as he held his mothers hand. Pain turned to the 'family' and opened his mouth to speak.

"Konan, I need you and Jack to come with me. Out of all of us, we are the most level headed." he ignored Briar's glare." In the meantime, Briar and Naruto will explore and NOT get into trouble."

The two had the gall to act innocent.

With a plan made and a time and place to meet set, the two groups left to their devices. Naruto and Briar walked through the village and marveled at how quiet it was. However that peace was shattered when they saw a mob beating on something. Naruto being Naruto ran to help the person being beaten while Briar got her crossbow ready.

Naruto pushed his way through the crowd to find a lime green haired girl in a white dress being beaten. She looked a year younger than him and she had a look that showed how scared she was. Naruto felt something well up inside him and, with a loud roar, let loose a torrent of flames that scorched the surrounding mob, but not him and the girl.

Briar was amazed. Naruto had just forced his hero blood to surface. If he did this without any form of training, imagine if he was trained? Shaking those thoughts away, she watched as Naruto comforted the girl, who was holding on to him as if her life depended on it. It kind of did at one point, but that's beside the case.

Naruto looked at the younger girl and asked," Are you ok? My name is Naruto Ame. What's yours?"

The girl looked at Naruto and spoke in a quiet, gentle voice," My name is Fuu. No surname. Thank you for saving me."

Naruto grinned as Fuu blushed, something Briar filed away for blackmail later, and answered," Its ok. I used to get beat too, but then Uncle Jack and Aunt Briar came and saved me. They even introduced me toi my mom."

The green haired girl was wide eyed. Maybe she could finally have a friend. Maybe. A few moments later, Pain, jack, and Konan, along with the village leader, came across the scene of Naruto and Fuu hugging each other and Bria standing off to the side.

Jack walked up and asked what was on everyone's mind," Briar, what happened here? Who is that girl?"

Briar looked at him and answered," In order asked, Naruto unlocked his hero blood and the girl is a fellow Jinchuriki named Fuu. No matter what I do they won't let go of each other."

The leader of Taki had an idea. One that could help Taki and the girl in the long run." Amekage-Sama, what if we gave you Fuu in exchange for an alliance. The girl is abused by the villagers and has no family we know of. And that boy seems to have taken a shine to her. What do you say?"

Pain thought about it, but a glare from Konan and Briar had him quickly nodding," Yes, that is acceptable." A sweatdrop on the back of his head. Oh how he feared Konan when she was angry, or sad, or hungry, or on her period and had one of the other symptoms. Lets face it, he was a chicken shit when it came to her.

When he heard the news, Naruto was so happy he jumped for joy. Fuu was speachless and when she did speak she repeatedly thanked Pain over and over again.

It seemed life was beginning to turn around for the young hero.

-Konoha-

Sarutobi Hiruzen sat at his desk, a frown on his face. It had been a little over a week since Naruto left with those two strangers. A week since his little weapon had left his village. He had been so angry when it happened, he had killed the chunin who brought him the news. All his work and for what? For the boy to just up and leave!

He sat there and fumed over this when he got message. Apparently the boy had found his way to Amegakure and found his mother. He was seen with the Nanabi Jinchuriki in Takigakure. The Hokage was furious! How dare that insignificant village steal his weapon! It was then he planned to get his weapon back by force if nec essary. All it would take is time and patience. And of course, a team of highly skilled ANBU to go to Ame and drag his ass back here so he can be turned into a proper little weapon. Oh yes, the brat will be his personal weapon. And the fist village to fall is Ame. And the brats mother will be his personal cock sleeve. The boy will know his place. One way or the other, he will get a Jinchuriki.

-Amegakure-

Naruto looked out the window of his room. They had gotten back from Taki three days ago and he had shown Fuu around the tower. He noticed that she seemed to blush anytime around him and he just chalked it up to weird girl things.

The blue haired boy had noticed how close Jack and Briar were and decided that if he gave them a little push, they may give him a cousin to play with. Even with Fuu, it got pretty lonely in the tower. Maybe one day, he could be as strong as Pain and Jack, and maybe, if he played his cards right, could actually have a family.

A boy could dream.

-Chapter 3-

The team of Leaf ANBU crept into Ame and quickly scaled the Amekage tower. They had been told that the boy was there, and to bring him back unharmed. They had no problem doing that, provided their medic can heal any 'accidental' injury he may receive. After all, this is a hostile village.

As they entered the tower, they tried to shake the feeling that they were being watched. They moved silently through the tower till they made it to the designated room. Opening it, they rushed inside. They did not see a blur haired boy. Instead they saw a man wearing a white, expressionless mask and a hood.

"Ah, welcome. Please do sit." Jack said. The ANBU tensed, ready to kill him." Now, we can't have any of that."

Turning the light off, all they saw were his golden eyes. The ANBU on the right soon lost his head, while an ANBU near the back was hit with an intense blast of lightning, brightening the room. Jack moved behind another ANBU and snapped his neck.

Light poured into the room as the only ANBU left was a silver haired man. The man was glaring hatefully at Jack," Monster! Do you realize what you've done? Those men had families!"

"And so does Naruto, here in Ame. Are you saying that his happiness doesn't matter? So long as others can benefit from his misery?"

"Yes. He is a Jinchuriki! All Jinchuriki are monsters, tools to be used by their villages to destroy our enemies."

Jack frowned, then acting quickly, used a spell to open a portal back to the leaf, pushing Kakashi in. His job done, Jack returned to sleep, content that he had done the right thing.

- 3 years later-

Naruto heaved as he lifted the boulder he was carrying onto his back. Ever since he activated his hero blood three years ago, his family had pushed him to train as hard as he could. Jack had been teaching him how to use weapons and some minor one star spells, Briar had been teaching him marksmanship and how to build and take care of weapons, and Pain and Konan had been teaching him about the shinobi way.

Gone was the malnourished boy who was too weak to protect himself. Now he was an 8 year old, who stood at a tall 4'5". His blue hair had gotten longer and spikier. He wore a white, long sleeved shirt, woth a black shirt over it, with black pants and boots. He had a wooden sword on his back and a small, non-lethal crossbow too.

He looked over at Fuu, who had her own boulder. She had grown during the years too. Her hair had grown to her shoulders and she wore a white midriff shirt and skirt. She had on white shinobi sandals. She was his best friend. Ever since Takigakure, she had thrown herself into training to keep up with Naruto. Briar had constantly teased them about if they were going to be married.

They both blushed at that.

Naruto had grown closer to his mother over the years. Konan had been angry at Konoha for lying to her about him, and had nearly gone to wipe the village off the face of the earth. The only thing keeping her from doing that was it would cause unnecessary problems. Jack had assured her that, when the time came, Konoha would be destroyed.

Speaking of Jack, he and Briarr had gotten married about 2 years prior. They had started off as friends with benefits, and it soon turned into something more. After dating for awhile, Jack had gotten enough courage to propose, after Naruto beat his ass. Briar accepted. The wedding had been small and had been friends of the family and the council of Ame.

Jack had been training Naruto in all of the level one spells. Currently, the boy cold do fireball, vortex, force push, blade and slow time. He had mastered using the gauntlets and even came up with a new invention: a gauntlet that changed elements when a dial was turned. Jack had immediately worked on it, and after a few trials, had found out that it helped with elemental manipulation for shinobi. Since then, they became standard equipment for the Ame shinobi forces.

All in all, life was good. Of course, Konoha had harassed them, but that stopped when Jack got Tsunade Senju to come to Ame. He had gone out to find her, and after a few weeks, had found her in a bar. After talking, he made a bet that if she could beat him, he would pay off all of her debts. If he won, she would come to Ame. Needless to say, Jack won. Big time. It wasn't even funny.

When the last Senju arrived, she immediately got started working at the hospital with her apprentice, Shizune, who kept looking at Jack with a blush. Apparently, she was into guys who could beat the crap out of strong people. Who knew?

Grunting, Naruto rolled the boulder off his shoulders. Standing straight up, he groaned," Why are we doing this?"

"Because we needed a way to train all of our skills. By holding the boulder with only chaka, we practice chakra, or in your case, mana, control. It also works out ou muscles and meditation skills." Was his reply from the green haired girl.

"I suggested this as a joke! Seriously, they need to not take me serious half the time. I mean, Uncle Jack helps me pull pranks, calling it 'training your trapping skills'. Mom hit him hard for that. Although, Pain did say it trained the guards of the village in staying on high alert."

"We need to be ready for any threat that comes our way. Better to get started now, than be weak later."

Before they could continue, Konan appeared before them," Naruto, we have two new guests from Konoha. They have defected to here."

Shocked, Naruto ran to the tower. He made his way to Pain's office. Opening the door, Naruto saw something that would scar his mind forever. Green Spandex, bowl haircuts, and mega fuzzy eyebrows!

"OH KAMI, IT BURNS! PLEASE, KILL ME NOW!"

After his outburst, introductions were made," My name is Mighto Gai. This is my son, Rock Lee. We are from Konoha. We left because the sandaime's policies have become questionable. He kills anyone who is thought a traitor, and has forced children too young of age to become shinobi. He executed the entire Uchiha clan (That's right, no Sasuke or Itachi) because they questioned his actions. He only spared Mikoto Uchiha because he needed some form of plaything. When we left, I managed to get her out."

That's when Naruto noticed a black haired woman wearing a pink shirt under a yellow dress with onyx eyes.

"So you came here. Why? What do we have to offer?" Pain asked.

"Amegakure has long since been thought of as a safe haven after you brought in two jinchuriki. A Swarm of missing nin are heading here, seeking asylum. Some of them, incredibly powerful."

Pain nodded, they had been having a recent influx of missing nin joining the village. Sighing, his life juist gets more complicated. He idly thought of hunting all jinchuriki by forming a group of S rank missing nin in some hair brained plot to make the world feel hatred and bring about a peace through violence. Yeah, like that would ever happen." Wlecome to the village, I guess. Now, Gai, tell me about what the sandaime has been doing, and what you can about the villages defences."

...

-Chapter 4-

A blue haired teenager walked threw the streets of Konoha, whistling a aunty tune. He was wearing a pair of black pants and a black shirt. He had armor on his shoulders and metal gauntlets on his hands, as well as steel toed boots. He had a half cape draped over his right shoulder with red clouds on it. Strapped to his back was his two weapons.

One of them was a katana, one he called the Inquisitor, and his faithful crossbow, the Falcon Eye. The Inquisitor was a large sword, almost as big as the teenager himself. It had a red pommel and hilt, while the blade itself had cold black and red in the center, running down in a stripe. Falcon Eye was a beautiful oak crossbow with a scope on the top. Both had intricate seals on them to keep them repaired and for them to always return to him.

Both were gifts from his Aunt and Uncle. The blue haired shinobi adjusted his gauntlets, one for his fireball spells, and the other for his lightning. He could cast raise dead, vortex, blade, freeze time, and chaos without them, but with them, his skills with the individual gauntlet powers increased exponentially.

He was Naruto Ame, the Prince of the land of Rain, and first of the reborn Hero Guild.

Naruto sighed as he looked for his teammates in Konoha. They were here for the Chunin Exams, and they quickly went to explore.

Naruto was just about to head back to the Hotel when he was tackled by a green and black blur. As regained his bearings, he found his teammate, and girlfriend, straddling his waist.

Fuu had changed over the years. No longer was she the scared and nervous girl who was afraid of strangers. In her place was a strong kunoichi with a physique woman would die for. She was wearing a black top with no sleeves and red clouds, with a black, skintight skirt, with her headband acting as a belt. She had on knee high heeled boots. On the back of her top was the Hero's Guild seal emblazoned on it. Her orange eyes covered by round shades in a dark green color.

"Hey Naruto." She said cheekily, grinding herself into the hero." I can tell your very excited to see me. I know your 'special friend' is."

Naruto groaned." I regret the day Aunt Briar took you on as her apprentice."

It was true. After seeing her potential, Briar Rose took the girl on as her apprentice, teaching the girl how to fight from a distance while also teaching about fighting close. She even taught her Drunken Boxing.

"Awww, but I like learning from Briar-Sensei. She gave me these shades, and some very, provocative, ideas for when we have our special time times."

Naruto blushed before he smiled and kissed the girl, her eyes rolling into the back of her head. They continued their make-out session until a cough was heard. The couple looked at the intruder.

A silver haired teenager, and a brown, long haired teenager both stood there. They were Hidan and Kakuzu, the Zombie Brothers. And members of Team Death. Next to them was a redhaired teenage boy with a smile on his normally emotionless face. He was Sasori, and the final member of Team Spade, Naruto and Fuu's teammate.

Hidan spoke up," Well, if you two are done sucking face, we need to find our last teammate. I hope he doesn't pick a fight with some poor leaf shinobi."

"Your right Hidan. Lets go. We need to find Kisame anyways. He gets… violent… when bored." Naruto said as he and Fuu stood. The six genin here were the pride and joy of Ame. Each of them joined the village for personal reasons, like Naruto finding his mother, or Sasori to escape from the Sandaime Kazekage's assassin squads sent to kill of his clan.

And so the five members of the Six Ame Beasts, as they were nicknamed by Briar, searched for their missing comrad. They found him in an alley, as they turned a corner.

"Kisame! Dude, where the fuck were you?" Hidan asked irritably.

"Sushi Palace! There's only one in the entire of the Elemental Nations, and it's in Konoha!" The large shark like teen said. He was always like this, hunting for sushi or food. Almost like and Akimichi, some said.

"Well, let's get back to the hotel, we need to check in with Uncle Jack." Naruto said.

As he turned to leave, a small boy ran into him. Said boy glared up at Naruto and said, "Hey, you ran into me, apologize!"

Naruto sighed as he picked the child up, despite his protests." Listen brat, you ran into me. Now, please apologize so me and my friends can go and rest for the Chunin Exams."

The brat started yelling as three genin rounded the corner. Naruto glanced at them, already nicknaming them Ducky, Pink, and Ink. (Guess who.)

"Hey, leave Konohamaru alone! He's the Hokage's grandson!" Pink screetched.

Naruto looked at the boy, and handed him off to Kakuzu, who got the message. Time to Mindfuck some Konoha twerps." No. As of this moment, I am declaring him a hostage. In exchange for his safe release, we want 4000 pounds of banana pudding and each of us want signed copies of every Icha Icha book."

The Konoha Genin tensed, but relaxed when a silver haired man with gravity defying hair came into the scene." Now, Sakura, I'm sure that our Ame friends will let Konohamaru go, right?"

"No. We have made our demands. For every hour they are not met, we will cut off a finger." Naruto said while he was silently, like all of his friends, laughing his ass off.

"Well, for the sake of peace, can you et him go?" The Jonin asked, more edge to his voice this time.

All of a sudden, a a dark figure wearing a white comedy mask appeared in front of the Ame teams, who bowed to the man and spoke as one," Good day, Lord Jack."

Jack nodded and spoke sardonically in a humorous and sarcastic voice," Nephew, please set the boy down. He is scared and no doubt sory for the disrespect he gave you. Right?"

Konohamaru nodded and ran away when his feet touched the ground. The Ame teams turned to leave when Ducky called out," Hey, blue haired Ame ninja, what's your name?"

Naruto turned to the duck haired boy and spoke," My name is of no importance. However, it is polite to give yours first before asking the name of another."

The boy smirked arrogantly," Sasuke Uchiha. Last of the Uchiha clan."

Naruto nodded and spoke," My name is Naruto Ame."

The name caused Kakashi to turn to Naruto in shock before recognition passed through his eyes. They narrowed as he remembered the mission that night. How he was made a fool of. How he lost so many comrades. The Sandaime had been very displeased with him after the failure, demoting him to Jonin and forcing a team on him.

Since that day, Kakashi had sworn revenge against The Jack of Blades, who had made quite the name for himself.

Any mission he was sent on was a success. No matter what. He was known for his direct and brutal method of dispatching his enemies. He would cause infighting amongst a team by spreading doubt through very well place Genjutsu's to cause them to attack each other. He had been given a moniker for his most terrifying ability: he made swords appear out of thin air, and sometimes even whole warriors, to fight for him. He had been called The Jack of Blades, and was an Elite Shinobi of Ame, along with his wife, the worlds most accurate sniper, Briar Rose.

The woman had also gained a reputation and Moniker. She was normally paired with Jakcon missions, providing support and cover fire with her crossbow. She was admired by many kunoichi for being a strong woman, who was known for beating any man who treated her like less than a warrior.

She had to stop taking missions a few months ago because she was pregnant with Jack's second, or is it first, child. She had complained about being taken off the field, even when she was into her second trimester, and had to take it easy. Naruto was happy, as in his sixteen year old mind, the more family he had, the better.

Kakashi glared hatefully at Jack as he said," The Jack of Blades. Decided to enter a team, eh? Well, they won't get very far with my team in the Exams."

Jack calmly spoke, though his voice was cold," Kakashi, in the exam, my teams has express pemission from the Amekage himself to kill any leaf genin he fought them. I have trained them to my fullest extent. I have little doubt that they will succeed in getting promoted."

With that, the Teams of Ame left.

(The Next Day- Shinobi Examination Room)

Naruto sat idly as Fuu played with his hair and Sasori tapped a beat on the desk. Hidan was refereeing an Arm wrestling match between Kisame and Kakuzu as they waited for the exam to start. The peace was shattered by the screeching of fan girls as Sasuke walked in. After the leaf genin talked a silver hairde boy came up and showed them his info cards.

'Listen, in all of my failures I have gathered a lot of information. So, who do you want to know about?" Kabuto asked.

Sasuke answered," Naruto Ame."

Kabuto brought out a card and read the information," Naruto Ame. Genin of Ame. Has gone on 100 C missions, 137 B missions, 52 A missions, and 13 S-Rank missions. His skills are unkown, but is the son of the Angel of Ame, and the Nephew of The Jack of Blades and Longshot Briar Rose. He also has an old, powerful bloodline."

All the leaf genin were nervous. This guy was strong. After getting information on the Suna Nin, Gaaa, a man with heavy scars appeared in the room.

"Listen up! My name is Ibiki Morino, and I will be the proctor for this part of the exam. Sit down and shut up."

(Skipping Boring Test and inspirationa speech, as well as the whole "Anko" thing.)

Naruto, Fuu, and Sasori leapt threw the forest of death as they headed towards the tower. They had gotten their scroll from an over eager Cloud Team. Naruto, so far, wasn't impressed by the shinobi from Konoha. They were weak. Pathetic. The written exam was easy, and the proctor tried to intimidate Naruto by throwing a kunai at him, only to be stopped when she was surrounded by all of the Ame Teams.

They found Team Death outside the Tower, waiting for them as they entered. When they solved the riddle, Jack and Konan appeared. After congratulations, they were escorted to their rooms for their stay in the tower.

(That Night)

Naruto lay in his bed as he slept, only to be awakened by his door opening. Cracking open an orange eye, Naruto saw Fuu. She appeared to have been scared as she was shivering. "Fuu, are you okay?"

Fuu shook her head and said in a small, scared voice," I had that nightmare again. You were dead and a mob was chasing me. I'm so scared. And then, when they found out about IT, we were chased out of the village."

Naruto smiled softly. Ever since she found out, she had been worried. She was scared that they would be hated and scorned for it, that it would be hated and scorned like they were when they were little. He pulled the now crying girl into his arms and held her as she sobbed.

And they stayed like that till they both fell asleep, not noticing Konan's head peeking at them.

(5 days later)

Out of the Teams that went in, Only the Leaf rookies, another Leaf team, the sound Team, the Sand Team, and the Rain Teams survived. After a boring speech, it was time for the matches to begin.

Sasuke Uchiha vs. Naruto Ame

END.

Kirby woke up in the Mojave Wasteland. Kirby can't talk, so he probably won't say anything in this story. All he can say is "HIIIIIIIIII," and a bunch of other stupid noises, which is pretty goddamn irrelevant to the plot of this this story. Anyways, Kirby looked around to get his bearings. This desert was totally different from the Dessert Desert he knew back home. He saw a Radscorpion and knew what he must do.

He did what Kirby always does

What Kirby always has done

What Kirby always will do

Kirby looked at the beast

Took a deep breath

And swallowed it whole.

After Kirby ate it, he started to feel a little funny. Unlike normally when Kirby absorbs things, he didn't get some special power or anything. But, what he did get was radiation poisoning. But he didn't know what it was, so he chose to ignore it.

He eventually found the town of Goodsprings, wondering if someone there could tell him where he was and why he felt so funny. As Kirby got close to the town, one of the townsfolk saw him and said "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?" and shot Kirby right in the face. Kirby was pretty resilient though and tried to fight back

But alas, he could not

And then he died.

Later that day the Player Character showed up and tried to loot his body. It was empty, so he wasted his time.

THE END

...

The minute hand strikes exactly at 8pm, after a long awaited delay.

"Sweet, dude." Toad thought to himself outside a rusty looking, unmaintained Denny's outlet. Unlike other Denny's chains, this particular branch looked, and smelled, more like rancid dogshit, complete with rotting 70s wallpaper and barely-functioning neon lights that hung clumsily above the entrance.

It was the perfect place to rob something.

Packing his tiny S&W revolver the size of a pimento bean, Toad barged in right through the dilapidated doors of the diner and waved around his "piece".

"ALRIGHT, THIS IS A FUCKING ROBBERY! HAND ME ALL OF TODAY'S CASH, AN' DON'T YOU DARE GIVE ME ANY SHIT!" yelped Toad in the most pathetic screech that is humanly (or in this instance, Toadly) possible. In spite of how harmless and amateurish Toad seemed to sound, the whole diner panicked anyway and went apeshit like it was Armageddon.

"P-Please, I haven't had a chance to take a shit here!" pleaded one of the customers.

"Hookers, is that what you want, or booze? I know a guy that sells that kinda shit!" muttered a smartly dressed man with a fancy trilby, tears rolling down his eyes.

Within all of this madness and hysteria, there was still one particular person in the diner who did not seem the least bit paranoid or scared of the situation.

"Well, shoot me asshole, I hate my job anyway." Said the lady behind the counter. She was a fine piece of work trapped in a really unhygienic work uniform. An brunette angel with a bad attitude. She was none other than Princess Daisy from the Mario series!

"Ooh, looks like we've got us fuckin' Joan of Arc over here!" Toad said as he pointed his gun over to Princess Daisy, with his ironsight pointed upside down. "Alright, if someone isn't gonna give me any money in five seconds, I'll clobber her fuckin' cortex!"

After a slight pause, the countdown finally began.

"FIIIIVE!"

No sound was heard in the diner at all apart from some guy rustling through the cash register, not yet.

"FOUR!"

This time, TWO separate sounds could clearly be heard, one from Toad pulling back the hammer of his tiny gat, and another sound from outside that seemed to be coming closer.

"…THREEEEEE!"

The sound of footsteps running became more and more audible!

"TWOOOO!…" As soon as Toad finished saying the word 'two', a weirdly animated young man donning some pretty slick black eye paint, a shirt with a picture of a dog on it and a snapback with the words 'dic' written on it suddenly busts through the doors with a shining Colt 1911 pistol held from his left hand.

" Yippee-ki Woomy, motherfucker!" said the man before firing a bullet right into Toad's stupid head.

Toad's head disintegrated into several chunky, Toady bits that would make any vegetarian start eating meat. The threat was finally neutralised courtesy of the Second Amendment.

The man blew off the smoke from barrel of his weapon, before making his way to the counter with a few dollar bills clenched with his thick fingers.

" I request for some goddamned pancakes, YA HEARD?" said the man angrily, as if he hadn't eaten for days.

"Jesus H., you didn't have to make a fuckin' scene here…" said Princess Daisy as she grilled up the batter to make some fine, all-American pancakes for the road.

"Now I gotta clean all the piss stains on the floor due to these fools." Pointing at the customers, who appear traumatized as shit.

"Hey girl, you gotta feed a hungry guy like me!" rebutted the man. "You know I always need the flapjacks after a long day at the scrapyard!"

"Oh beat it bum, go back to the dump where you live in." replied Princess Daisy with a noticeable smirk on her face.

After receiving the goodies, the man was back on the road going to Gosh knows where.

"Splat Tim, you son of a bitch." Smiled Princess Daisy.

A customer crawled out from under a table, pants drenched in piss. He mustered up some courage before inquiring "How the hell did you know that weirdo?"

"He's well known around the State," answered Princess Daisy.

"He does it."

Five nights at freddy's is the best red-flag we could have asked for. It's like a blacklist with voluntary enrollment.

Holy shit I haven't laughed this hard in awhile, tell me there's more

This is futile with the likes of BioWare and the rest to the leftists because fanfics are actually better written than the trash they publish.

I like it

How about published fanfiction that will be made into a multi-million Hollywood project?

There is two reasons why this garbage is being pushed. The story pushes the right (((message))) ( the main female is secretly a black gay poor woman who don't need no man) and a products tie in.

I was only 9 years old.
I loved Portal so much. I had all the merchandise and games.
I pray to GLaDOS every night before bed, thanking her for the life I've been given.
"Testing is love," I say. "testing is life."
My dad hears me and he calls me a nerd.
I called him a cunt. He slaps me and sends me to go sleep.
I'm crying now, and my face hurts.
I lay in my relaxation vault and it's really cold.
A mechanical whirr is moving towards me. I see a small disk of orange.
It's GLaDOS.
I am so happy.
She whispers in my ear, "It's been a looooong time." She grabs me with mechanical tentacles and puts me on my hands and knees.
I'm ready.
I spread my ass cheeks for GLaDOS.
She penetrates my butthole. It hurts so much, but I do it for GLaDOS.
I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water.
I push against her force.
I want to please GLaDOS.
She screams a melodic scream as she fills my butt with "conversion gel." My dad walks in.
GLaDOS looks him straight in the eye and says "For science, you monster."
GLaDOS leaves through a portal.
Testing is love, testing is life.

...

"I love it when you play with my hair." Callen mumbled, their head comfortably laying on Leliana's stomach. The two of them were cuddling, as they often did during the nights of The Blight. It was the only good moment where they could take their time and just enjoy each other's company, despite the constant looming threat before them. Romance was important too, even if it's during something as dangerous as The Blight.

"I kind of figured as such; you always ask me to do it." Leliana replied with a warm smile.

"What? I never ask to have my hair played with!" Callen exclaimed defensively. They seemed to be blushing ever so slightly.

Leliana giggled. "Yes you do, but in your own way. I can tell by your actions what you want, even if you don't fully realize what you display with your body language."

"You can really tell that easily when I wish to cuddle?"

"Not just cuddling, but anything, at least most things. For example…" Leliana began. She leaned forward until they could make eye contact. She leaned forward until they could make eye contact, slowly lowering her head and her hands moving to cup Callen's face. "I know you want to kiss."

Callen blushed heavily at how observant Leliana truly was. They lifted up a bit too, meeting with Leliana in a loving kiss.

"I love you." Callen muttered after the kiss was over.

"And I you, my love." Leliana replied, moving her hands to grasp Callen's. No Blight would ever separate them, not that either of them would allow it, anyways.

Fucking N64 Excite bike fan fiction
Author's Notes:
Hello and Happy Halloween to all you Fun-Fiction contributors out there. And by "Contributors" I mean Readers and Writers.
So I keep thinking I want to get a Nintendo 64 USB Controller from eBay, so I can play an N64 Emulator and an Excitebike 64 ROM on my laptop. In the meanwhile, this little bit is just for you. Hope all you Readers enjoy it.

Rated T for slight language. Sorry to all you 5-9 year old Excitebike enthusiats out there. Maybe I can do a secondary version of this that takes out the language for you to read.

he six riders were gathered in a motel, sitting around a table in the lobby, watching a soccer game.

"So close. So damn close," Jim Rivers kept repeating to himself, shaking his fist and sending an angry glare in the direction of Vicky Steele.

"Keep dreamin Jimbo," Vicky said, smiling. He took another gulp of his drink, (Mountain Lightning soda) and added: "Just a few seconds behind me. But hey, aren't you happy Sarah won the race?"

Jim sighed, and looked over at Sarah. It was true Jim got happy feelings whenever Sarah won the races. But having overheard what he had just before the last race they'd run, he felt slightly shaken.

Flashback:

He was on his way to his room for the night. Upon passing Sarah's door, he overheard the voice of Vicky "Vixen" Steele.

"You know you want it. Say it."

"I don't know Vick," Sarah replied. "Jim says he likes me. He winks at me before every race. He hugs and congratulates me every race I win. He even gave me that coupon for the pizza place that one time I got sick with the flu."

"Come off it, 'Sugar'," Vicky said, using her nickname in a singsong voice. "You know that coupon was from me. Jimbo crashed his bike seven times that night. Plus since you were under the weather, I thought that coupon would make you feel better, if not get well."

Jim quietly leaned against the wall and clenched his fists. So Vicky the "Vixen" must have taken the coupon and replaced it with one he gave to Sarah himself?

'I'm so getting you back for this Steele!', he thought.

End Flashback

The group were struck when they heard the sound of a racing motorbike pull up to the motel. It was a sleek white Kawasaki Ninja with a sidecar attached.

The girl who swung off the bike was a slender girl of about twenty-one, with short straight blonde hair of yellowish color. She had a slightly tanned complexion, a gentle face, and eyes of icy blue.

"Who's the kid?" asked Nigel York. Bobby, "Big Dog" Malone glanced sharply at "The Duke"

"She ain't anyone we know, that's for sure."

The group turned their attention to the door as the new girl entered with a suitcase on one arm and a briefcase on the other. They watched as she carefully set her bags down and signed the paper to check in.

"Alysa Aiday, huh?" asked the lady behind the desk. The girl shrugged as she took her room key.

"My surname is Kazekh for 'Moon Child', and my first name is German for 'Noble". So when you piece the puzzle together…" She left her sentence hanging in the air. It took a few moments before the lady got it.

"Noble Moon Child," she said, smiling. "Well do enjoy your stay and best of luck in the season this year."

Alysa held up her hand, which the desk clerk shook happily, before taking her bags to her room.

"She should be in college or something," Nigel said. "She could get hurt competing in such a high speed, high competition sport like this." The others nodded in agreement. Jim had even been able to finally take his mind of what he'd heard between Vicky and Sarah.

Alysa's Room:

She'd changed into her white pajamas with yellow crescent moons on them, and was now booting up her laptop. Her Smartwatch gave a ring.

"Hello?"

On the screen, a face much like Alysa's but with a gentler shade of blue eyes, baby blue, appeared.

"Hello Sweetie,' she said.

"Mommy," Alysa replied. "Hope everything's all right with you and the baby."

"I'm just glad knowing you got through the airport and got to the motel all right." her mother, Serenity, replied.

"Just going to do some work on my Fan-Fictions before I tuck in for the night."

"Remember, these are big events and you need your strength," Serenity gently said. "You're going to need all the rest you can get between events."

"While it might keep me awake at night, it will certainly keep me energized enough to stay awake during races." Alysa smiled and blew her mother a gentle kiss over the screen.

"Sleep tight, and we're praying for you." Serenity winked and the screen went black.

"I love you Mom." Then Alysa brought up WordPad and began to type.

...

fanfiction.net/s/11928455/1/Gate-Bad-Company-Coming


Well shit. I wasn't expecting this at all.

No one expects the halfway decent fanfiction!
shit now I have to take a look

fanfiction.net/s/12077363/1/Autistic-skele-bros

I wrote this
pastebin.com/Upn2HJmt

It was painful… But it was all he could feel now.

Cold steel slowly dragged across his skin, healing cuts ripped apart and warm blood flowed from his veins and out onto his skin.

Cut deeper… End it all… You should just die… Everyone would be happier without you… There's nothing left for you… It's all over from here… You're nothing but a failure…

He tried talking to a therapist. They never helped. They thought it was all just a joke.

"Ratchet? With depression? Hah! Not in a million years!" They would laugh. They would deny the facts and accept the lies.

He went with them. Fake smiles and fake laughs. It just made it worse.

Just die.

The first drop splattered onto the ground, followed by others. The cuts weren't deep enough to kill, but they were shallow. Enough to bleed just the right amount.

Ratchet gave a small sigh as he rested his aching head against the table. He let his arms hang from his shoulders as the rivers of red flowed from his upper arms and down to his finger tips. The lake of blood slowly filling up on the floor would be taken care of later.

Not even a minute of searching.
m.fanfiction.net/Animal-Crossing-and-Rocko-s-Modern-Life-Crossovers/1558/6946/
There are 27 crossover fanfics with Animal Crossing and Rocko's Modern Life, all written by the same nigger.

...

Never underestimate autism.

Bioshock 2 is fanfiction.

I put in Command and Conquer because Jedi Knight wasn't yielding many results.

What the fuck have I stumbled upon?

so is the third one

I don't know whether to laugh or vomit. M-maybe it's good?

You know, I've never seen a Gundam RTS game. It might be cool to strategically command groups of mobile suits to win battles.