Hey all, happy (two weeks belated) Valentine's! I've got both of the Valentine's books to share with you all, though this one is a fair bit shorter than the others. Also when I do the second book it'll be something new- one of the kid Amelia books! Anyways, let's get into it :D>"Valence time? I can't say I know much about physics sir..."
Amelia Bedelia Storytime!
>>129035967I'll admit I've been busy (and rushed) so the puns, where I can think of them, are lacking, sadly.>"Oh, you want to be my *Valentine*? Are you sure martyrdom is wise, user?"
>>129036000>"Queue bid? ...Sir, have you been on eBay again?"
>>129036027>"You want me to be your sweetheart? Sounds awfully unhealthy, sir."
>>129036052Right, I also managed to scan the little flip-out pages for this one, sorry for missing those last thread. >"Candy hearts? I've heard of candied bacon and honey ham... I suppose I could try!"
>>129036093>"You asked for some rose buds so I went to the garden and introduced myself, but they were awfully quiet... No friends there, I'm afraid."
>>129036108>"A secret mirer!? Has he been the one muddying up the yard?"
>>129036137>"Chair rubs? I suppose they could do with another coat of varnish..."
>>129036169>"Arrows? Sounds like a prickly name for a god of love..."
>>129036188>"Love birds? Of course I do, user- I mean you always ask about my tits, you should know this!"
>>129036208>"You're smithin with me? Why, I'd love to!"
>>129036230>"Rome ants? Were they who got Saint Valentine?"
>>129036250>"'Moonstruck', user? Did they put up a new probe or something?"
>>129036208Amelia, NO! You can't marry a little girl, you pedo!
>>129036278>"Bee trove? user, we already have plenty of honey, why don't we finish that first?"
>>129036309>"You, a door, me? I suppose you could help me replace the hinges, if you'd like..."
Holy shit, why is Amelia such a whore?
>>129036324>"You want to be my buoy friend? Are you sure a sailor's life suits you, user?"
>>129036350>"De-sire? Are we killing the king?!"The end (for a bit)! A lot shorter than the other books, I know, but hopefully it was fun! I'll sit by for a while before posting the next book :)>>129036296>"A little gurl? I can't say I've heard any howling... And what's this about pea doughs?"
>>129036278>Amelia /trash/ crossoverit's been waaaaay too long since last thread.>>129036350>hearts are meant to be sharedAmelia supports organ harvesting?
>>129036387>discover how her literal approach to love wins a variety of new friends.Much higher success at making friends for an autistic woman than Entrapta.
>>129036464>it's been waaaaay too long since last threadIt always feels like that haha though I'm always happy for a new one to start :D>Amelia supports organ harvesting?Organ transplants would make more sense, though we may never know what designs lie behind those eyes
And a little something I commissioned for this thread :)
>>129038993Amelia should do her job with bare legs and feet.
>>129040134>"With bear legs *and* feet? Seems a bit cruel, sir..."
I like the image of user getting Amelia to say she loves him and she realizes what she did after saying it.
>>129040157I like that one a lot too :)
>>129040147>Amelia thinks the Second Amendment is the right to cruelly harvest bear arms"No law respecting an establishment of religion, sir? It will hurt a lot people's feelings if they pass a law disrespecting it instead..."
>>129038561oh god my heart
>>129035967witnessed, Amelia came back again so I have
>>129040365>Amelia somehow plopped on a Supreme Court bench by pure chance, luck, and/or misfortune>Now has to carefully and deliberately weigh constitutional law and all of its intricacies>>129040492Glad to have you back! :D
>>129041071not yet what
>>129042764Catch up on the laundry, Amelia. You're behind.
>>129038561Peculiar. I usually barely give a fuck about pops stuff, but that's a pretty neat Amelia.
>>129043623Yeah, he does great stuff!
I want Amelia to give me a rusty trombone.
dead thread kek
Amelia be my wife
>>129046705Not if I have anything to say about it.And I do.
>>129046993>no bonnetnot muh/10It's a good start though.>>129047049Wait a minute, I don't recall seing that one before.
>>129047075>I don't recall seing that one beforeI just made it. I try to draw at least one thing for all Amelia threads.
>>129036387I would pull back her flaps if you know what I mean.
>>129047091>I just made it.Noice. I love your artstyle, it's so cute.
>>129044921God I love these
>>129046993>>129047049Cute!! Thank you both for contributing :D>>129046705Even I have to sleep, though the threads for Amelia are a lot slower than others and do involve a lot of just bumping>>129047110>"Pull back the flaps?! user that would be really irresponsible while we're landing!"
>>129048192I never found out who the artist any help?
>>129048618pixelhate/pixxxelCuriously enough, I randomly clicked on his tag on rule34.xxx earlier today and the collection is woefully lackluster. It only has like half of his Amelia pics and none of the Ongezellig pics. At least the Mary Dahl series was there.
>>129048618The artist for these ones is pixelhat/pixxxel on Twitter :)
>>129046705>"Dead thread? Aw, did the spinning wheel break again?"
>>129051466>peace outWhat would hippy Amelia be like?
Last bump I'm doing before going to sleep
>>129051596>"You want to trip together? Let me get my knee pads!">"Dropping acid seems like poor laboratory conduct, user...">"Wood stock? Can't say I've ever thought about soup made of wood!">"You're a draft dodger too?! But it's not even that cold out!"Best I've got on the spot >>129048192This reminded me about the plethora of aeronautical puns too >"Cock pit? You're saying a chicken flew this plane?">"Mock one? But I don't want to hurt its feelings..."
Is she related to Carlos?
>>129053389No but they'd get along great I think, makes me think about Magic School Bus and Amelia crossover books>Amelia and Ms. Frizzle outfit swap Hummina
>>129035967Oh! bump for Bedelia comfy. Good to see you again, user.
Amelia could get these lazy shrimp to fry this rice.
>>129038561Yes, cute. Nice.>>129040629Amelia's actual literal-mindedness would be an improvement.
>>129053573Hey, thanks! Always happy to have a comfy thread :)>>129053693>Amelias actual literal-mindedness would be an improvement Hard to say given the whole point of the constitution is flexibility in its interpretation and reach, but I see your point>Amelia reads the Constitution directly>Mind so literal she is briefly visited by the ghost of James Madison so he can lay down exactly what he meant
It's dangerous to go alone. Take this to make friends with.
>>129053733I want so badly to expound on what I meant, but I started a real shitstorm in tg two weeks ago asking for perspective on Brexit, and I have a 30-day same-mistake rule.
>>129053826Well considering this is Holla Forums, and a very niche thread on Holla Forums where most of the posts end up being me bumping I'd like the discussion more than anything haha, it's nice to interact and I love thinking up new puns and stuff from it :D I'd say as long as you're not being too political or brash or anything it's fine
>>129053852"Sir, why are we called roamin' when we live in a city?"
>>129053929>"Ballistas? Not at all, these sandals are just as comfortable!"
>>129053947>"Consul wars, user? But the last civil war just ended!!"
>>129053852OK, here goes- It would be nice to have Amelia's *genuine* literalism, as opposed to politically convenient 'literalism' that means whatever you want it to. Lineal literal literalism, not lateral latter-day literalism.
>>129054179Sadly I'm a geologist, not a political scientist, so I don't really know the difference but, on on an Amelia level, I completely understand what you mean. Her unwavering Amelia-ing means interpreting everything literally (the foundation for a lot of the fan stories and greentexts here and there) and without a doubt that combined with her gentle demeanor would make a perfect justice. >picunrel stupid drawing I did before I had a tablet and where the pun is only funny to me
>>129054264>Judge Bedelia sentences you>15 years hard labor in the jelly roll mines>Misinterprets a court clerk's complaint about his daily trip to and from work as legally relevent>Commutes your sentence to time served
>>129053429What about Carlos and Luan Loud?
>>129054673Loans just an airhead, not a seasoned pun master
Hey, Amelia-user, so glad to see another thread! I think I missed the last one—or it's been a real long time since New Year's. How was your Valentine's Day? I can't believe I still haven't done my storytime thread yet. Someone give me an arbitrary deadline so I can finally do it, please. >>129054179I don't know what it is about Amelia threads that bring out well-educated people, but it's fun.Anyway, if she was interpreting it literally, she'd realize that the Supreme Court doesn't have the authority to determine constitutionality. :^)"My opinion on Marbury vs. Madison, sir? You know I don't watch boxing!"
>>129055156Hey Jacky Ha-Hanon, last one was new years! I have the threads on a two month cycle (so Easter's next!). I had a good Valentine's day but I've gotta say 2022 has been miles busier than last year, though. I guess pick a time when you know you'll be free for the longest time to watch the thread and help discussion and so on (and hopefully not keep bumping it for hours due to slowness), and go from there. That's why I chose Fridays was because then I have a whole three days to keep an eye on the thread and have a lot of fun talking and posting and so on, and it gives working anons more time so long as they're not working weekends either (God bless those that do). And yeah, there is something special here that brings out some smart cookies :) Must be some correlation between thinking up puns and knowing your opera, or law, or rocks.>that gif>desperately want to know what's going on on screen
>>129040177This is the best
>>129055281>desperately want to know what's going on on screenI think it’s meant to be that one where user says something like “oh, fuck me” when something bad happens and Amelia sticks her head around the door and licks her lips.
>>129055525Oh yeah I knew the one, just wish it was a bit more high resolution lol
>>129055281Oh, right! Guess it has been a pretty long two months.Thanks for the tips! I'll set aside some time next Friday. >geologistLooking forward to the storytime thread where every single pun is rock-based.
>>129055768>Looking forward to the storytime thread where every single pun is rock-basedI'm still a ways off from graduating but believe me, I have many. Only issue is thinking of a book where they actually fit. I think I touched on that idea last thread too, but->tfw no Amelia science booksDefinitely part of why I like the idea of pairing her with the Friz (not to mention double the redhead power)
>>129055828How many other cartoon or comic redheads could go with Amelia? Is there a critical mass somewhere?
>>129056216I can't say I know enough about Holla Forums redheads but the more the merrier, and the more opportunities for Amelia to misunderstand *someone*
>>129055768A man needs a maid
Still Winter, right?
>>129058036Come inside and take off your clothes, Amelia.
>>129058904「Dirty Deeds Done Cheap」
Last bump before I nod off, keep the thread going while I'm out
>>129060343all right, now Im awate too
>>129062395>Nice to meet you, Awake!
>>129062395I am also awake. We should be friends.
>>129056793This one should be funny, but something about a huge gaping wound into a digestive tract grosses me out. I'm weird that way.
>>129055525I don't think so. She looks like she's glaring. She's mad. What is Amelia mad at?
>>129064153I think it would gross out most people user, that's not weird at all
"Would you like me to put on a song, Mr. Rogers?""Lay Down Your Arms by Asia.">by the time Mr. Rogers realized what he'd said, Amelia had flown to Egypt and laid down with her arms on the African side of Suez
>>129065573>Amelia goes to Egypt at all Calls for >>129058904「IRON MAIDEN」
>>129066847Cute.OK, OP, let's play a game where Amelia comments on a news headline. I'll pull something up:>Ukraine agrees to talks with Russia as Putin puts nuclear deterrent forces on high alert
>>129067354>"Nuclear detergents? Are their clothes really that dirty?"
I love you Amelia
>>129067470Nice. OK,>Danish soccer star makes first appearance since cardiac arrest 259 days ago
>>129068460>"Well I'm glad to see he's feeling better, but a sock-er? I always felt knitting would be the *last* place for that to happen..."These are tough! Had to stretch it some, but I could see Amelia only knowing soccer as football since it literally is foot + ball. Always fun to make new puns though, these ones are like little puzzles :)
>>129068634I thought you'd go for it. How about>Teacher received perplexing emails 'from future' sparking ghostly time travel mystery
>>129068746>"E-mails from Future? What an honor, she must be very talented!"
>>129068773I don't get it. Where is everyone?>It only took James Harden one game to make as many 3-pointers as Ben Simmons and 76ers fans were so petty about it
>>129069233Amelia threads are just slow! They were way, way faster some years ago when Amelia had a fotm period like other characters do and threads for her were pretty common and active, now much less so.>"Three pointers? He should try doing a self help book for basketball! Maybe then those others wouldn't be so upset?"
>>129069429Why do you think they're upset, Amelia? Certainly, it's because their 76-point plan is less popular than his three-point plan self-help book.>Scoop: CNN to dull its liberal edge
>>129069962>"I thought the guillotine stopped being used in the 1970s?"Thinking of the 70s makes me want a disco Amelia lol, plenty of puns there. Or, further back, a Napoleonic Amelia would be great too haha. That aside a 76 point plan really breaks the "keep it simple, stupid" rule quite flagrantly.
>>129070018>1970It w.. It was that recently, Amelia? Why do you even know that?>Palace of Winds>Jaipur, India>The 953 windows undoubtedly make this the world's most beautiful screened porch.
>>129070221Yeah the last execution by guillotine was in France, 1977. Last execution in Western Europe too, fun fact! Could've made a good pun about the Jacobins, too.>"A screened Porsche? I feel like that'd be awfully un-aerodynamic on the road..."
>>129070304Yikes. OK, one more and bed for me:>Scratch-Off Ticket Wins Long Island Man $10M Prize, Again
>>129072140>"A long, island man? I sure hope that fortune can cheer him up some..."Thanks for the prompts user, have a good night!>>129072509Very interesting! I remember a documentary in high school where they attached a bag to the cannula just to show the gas production, cool stuff.
Last shameless bump before bed, good night anons :)
>>129036309I swear to god, every time i read amelia misinterpreting something horribly, I think of the same scenario happening but in the real world. Imagine this grown-up redhead in a maid outfit, desperately sprinting to the nearest hospital, handing out a paper with a broken heart imprinted on it to medical staff, and proclaiming that they need to fix it. I can just imagine the absolute confusion. She'd be in a mental asylum by now.
you are not dying yet
I'm awake again. OP, I was enjoying the headlines game, do this one:>Australian 'rain bomb' floods claim sixth life
>>129080740I don't recall seeing that one before.>that pubic hair on the topmost cheek
>>129079276>"Are you sure, sir? I'd hate to let these clothes go uncolored...">>129079868>"Rein balm? How could something for horses hurt anybody? Unless...">>129080740>>129079552Cute! Thank you for contributing! :D>>129080802Just a sweat drop probably?
>>129081144Ha! Ok, do>Driver Rescued After Tractor Trailer Carrying Mail Plunges Into Charles River in Weston
>>129081258>"Carrying male? I already know about the driver, what was the cargo?"
>>129081325Ok, do>Russian central bank lifts interest rates to 20% as ruble plunges over Western sanctions
>>129081978>"I can't say with that news people would be very interested in banking, but I admire the commitment!"
>>129081987Been a while since I checked back, I sort of saw that one coming, let's see you do>‘You want a show?’ Watch drunk traveler melt down then get shocked at Orlando airport
>>129085021>"He liquefied and then they electrocuted him?! What is this country coming to!"
>>129085511Hah, nice. Ok,>Porndemic? Did we really watch more raunch or were we too occupied by banana bread?
>>129086208>"Watching ranch? Between just that and banana bread I'd take the bread, sir."
>>129086325Heh. Ok, here's what I think will be a harder one:>Ex-Prosecutor Says She Can Prove Trump Committed Two Crimes
>>129086809>"Tew crimes? What did they ever do to him?"Tough one! Thankfully there's so many unique surnames out there where Amelia could interpret that as Trump singling out some poor family to harass.
>>129087462A fine roast.
>>129087441Ok, here's one.>Russia faces financial meltdown as sanctions slam its economy
>>129087801>"*Another* meltdown in Russia? They really should be in control of their reactors..."
>>129083282The real Amelia would never forget her bonnet, impostor! Reveal yourself, Mystique!
>>129088113They don't know how. Ok, here's a spicy one:>What Is the ‘Talking Stage’? It’s the Newest Form of Dating Torture >Gen-Z may have coined the phrase the talking stage, but that doesn’t mean older folks are safe from it.
>>129088409>"A talking stage, you say? Goodness, those theater industry people just keep making up new things!"
>>129088849>This pictureIt's the greatest/worst, because it's actually multiple pictures. Alright, one more before bed:>Heavy fire caused roof to collapse in shopping strip in southwest Houston
>>129089298>"H-Heavy fire?! Is the army aware of what's going on?"Good night user! Thanks again for the prompts, the puns are always fun :)
>>129093102Looks like there's a reason that her initials are 'AB'.
>>129093102Well I'll be damned, Haven't seen that one before. Guessing it's the slightly wonky anatomy that makes it a rare post.
>>129044921this comic doesn't work.The phrase is "bun in the oven," not "baby in the oven."I sure hope some got fired for that blunder.
>>129046441I want Amelia to give me a hot lunch.
>>129095669It's actually new! Well, "new", now and again I go snooping around for any missed Amelias and that and some others were posted to Twitter, then here.>>129095707I think some leeway should be given to the immaterial user (who is retarded) for that one, it was probably the only way to pull it off.
>>129093102>I heard you wanted to fuck a miner, user
>>129089731Alright, I'm back. Let's scan the headlines, here's a fun one:>The city that never sleeps: complaints of New Yorkers’ noisy sex are rising
>>129096610>"Knowing New York's history I feel like noisy sax was the least they could be complaining about..."
>>129097009Dem hipbones. OK, do>I saw booze, guns and fights on the Missouri House floor. Voters must fix this mess
>>129097285>"Not to be insensitive but that sounds natural for a place named the Misery House..."Last one for just a minute, gotta focus on volcanic rocks for a hot minute>"Welded tuff, sir? I hardly knew rocks could be tradesmen!"
>>129097285>hipbonesAhem, the proper nomenclature is Vaginabones.
>>129097318Alright see you later. What are the volcanic rocks doing?>>129097650Oh, excuse me.
>>129098131>What are the volcanic rocks doing?Making pumices they can't keep then getting tuff about it haha>>129097650>7_vaganias.jpeg
>>129098862Hey, ok, do>Coors Light is ditching those nasty plastic six-pack rings
>>129100140>"Coarse light? Six rings? Sir have you been staring at the sun again?"
>>129101303Yes, I have.>Brits in furious debate about whether you should put toaster away after use
>>129101433I feel like there's legitimately no pun here, Amelia would furiously lean into the debate as an avid toaster-stower, whipping the browned-bread masses into a fury over those who let toasted crumbs stale and power cords sit drawing power as they leave their toasters on the counter.
>>129101871Fair enough, one would expect Amelia to have strong opinions on bread and cleanliness. Try>DC Trucker Protest Fizzles as Organizer Revises Permit Numbers Down to Below 500 People
>>129102590>"Gosh, I never knew comic book fans could get so stirred up..."
>>129102914Ok, do>Democrats, Republicans begin to rally around large Ukraine aid package
>>129103087>"Well I'm awfully surprised about the bipartisanship, but I fail to see the utility of a care package for a construction equipment rental company..."U-Crane, U-Haul. Felt the need to explain this one kek
>>129103355Ok, good, now do>Road Rage, Not Betrayal, Was Behind Informant’s Killing, Authorities SayFinding something apolitical in the mess of Ukraine, covid, and climate change is a task I tellya hwhat.
>>129103644>"I suppose it's better he not earn his money off of tricking people but making the road less safe is no substitution!"
>>129103768Ha! Ok, >What Do Teenagers Need? Ask the Family Dog
>>129103827>"I figured the cat would know more about teenage kneading than the dog, hm."
>>129103853Oh, I didn't even see need/knead, nice.>Mother furious after Nob Hill Academy employee tapes 2-year-old’s shoes to his ankles
>>129095707It feels like the person is mid-clarification after Amelia asked for the buns to put in her oven.>No Amelia, the buns are babies>[Insert comic here]
>>129104313>"I'm terribly sorry to hear that but what did she expect entrusting her kid to a hill full of knobs?">>129104335>"Amelia I'd like to put a bun in your oven," you proudly declare >"Sir you don't have an oven, just an air fryer," she huffed, not taken with your spartan lack of cookwear, "nor any flour for buns. I mean, really, what kind of home-">"Amelia the buns are babies," you interrupt, "and the oven is...">You sashay your hands in front of you for her to put the pieces together>You'd somehow gotten her into that silly outfit, now you just had to seal the deal>Her face transformed from rosy and fair to a burning, beet red as she crumpled her fists at her side>She blinked once, and again>"S-SIR!"
>>129104814Hngh, these pictures. Ok user, give me >Ukraine war raises spectre of conscription in Germanylast one from me tonight.
>>129101871And here I thought that was some kind of STD
>>129105213>"Spectre of con scription? I never knew the Germans hated criminal dramas so much..."Tough one! And thanks as always for the prompts, user, have a good night :D>>129106876Cute! It *is* getting close to the second story time's time, but I'll probably do that tomorrow when it's a bit less late if that works, when I'll post the Kid Amelia book for the month. Speaking of which the first Amelia Bedelia book since 2015 was released not too long ago! It's also her kid self but it's the first Spring-themed book so we'll have something for next month, thankfully.
Amelia, give birth to my children
>all my old shit is alredy posted
>>129107570I'm back, nice with con+script. If you're still in the mood how about>Boeing suspends Moscow engineering center and halts support to Russian airlines
Amelia, I'm cooooming
>>129113150>"Russian heir lines? What's Boeing got to do with the Romanovs?!"
>>129114810Sensible_chuckle.gif>Wife is ‘devastated’ when husband pushes to make her little sister their surrogate the ‘traditional’ way: ‘Rethink [your] marriage’
>>129114157>no flowers on the bonnetreeeeThat aside, I love the terrified blushing face.
Still stuck on that one so have a bump for the time being
>>129115746>"The traditional way? Oh, sir, polygamy is wrong don't they know that?!"Best I could come up with kek, good stumper!>"Stumper? Should I get the truck, sir?"
>>129116963Oh dear. Well, try this:>NUI researchers record evidence of bat-eating spider
>>129117442>"A bat eating spider? That's nothing new- spiders eat bats all the time when they get in!"
>>129118274Amelia's lucky she's hot. And can cook. Do>Ukrainians Say They Foiled Russian Plot to Assassinate Zelensky
>>129118411Oh, that's an awfully expensive way to do it. Plastic wrap would be a lot cheaper.
>>129118541Was that Amelia or Carlos? Give me>George W. Bush dishes on Putin in Chicago
>>129118411That one wasn't even me haha, glad to see it spreading. I was gonna say->"Foiled? Why would they keep it for later?!">>129118593>"The only Chicago dishing I know is pizza, sir, I hardly see what poutine has to do with it!"
>>129119725>toast sodaThat sounds almost as retarded as sandwich-anomaly. It's not the same guy, is it?
>>129120164Well, that depends on how you look at it. If you're thinking of bread, then it's a silly name, but if you're thinking of what people do as a salute or dedication before drinking, it makes a lot more sense.
>>129120164>"Toast soda? I could make some soda bread right now if you'd like!">"Oh, a sandwich anomaly, sir? Was something the matter with the toast?"
>>129118828Ha. Ok, then for whoever wants to try, >Two kids charged with battery after shooting silly string at other kids
>>129121429>"Well I'd imagine they'd all be quite tired after that ordeal but I doubt a battery is the best way to fix that..."
>>129122015OK, one more tonight:>JOHN BOLTON: TRUMP IS A PUTIN-LOVING MORON WHO THOUGHT FINLAND WAS PART OF RUSSIA
>>129122445Gonna cheat and reuse one>"Poutine-loving? He's Canadian?!">Amelia proceeds to become deeply disgusted with this turn of eventsThanks again user, have a good night!
Fucking hell it's been like a decade since I even thought about the name Amelia Bedelia
>>129122620We had regular threads of her some time ago then she only got new threads a few times per year, is nothing new talk about her here in co though my dude
Amelia be my wifr
>>129122620Yeah! Like user >>129123527 here said she has been a fixture for quite some time on Holla Forums, but that doesn't mean every user has seen and fights for her.
>>129115876She was deflowered
>>129125814>"Defloured!? But sir, I was going to make pancakes!"
I've gotta head to bed now, sorry for not storytiming the second book but I haven't had the time to sit down and drop it all it once, sorry :(. I do wanna say to >>129087462 >>129114157 before I hit the hay though, thanks so much for contributing! :D
I'm back, Ameliabros. Can anyone tell me what Amelia would make of this news:>Florida Woman Who Killed Lottery Winner Backs Bill To Keep Names Private
>>129128738How would you know who you were talking about when everybody is named Private?
>>129129053Heh, ok, here's one of the classics:>Former Illinois House Speaker Michael Madigan Charged With Racketeering