Why aren't there more comedy video games?

I don't understand how the animations can actually be worse than those from the previous games. Can't they just recycle that stuff? Did they lose their old animations and decide to outsource everything to street-shitting Pajeets?

That hair makes her look like a balding man when she's walking away

They made them out of silly putty. Maybe it's in the lore? The only way to make them sleep for 600 years and wake up again was to splice them with jelly fish.

Poettery

Timing. Lots of comedy comes down to that. Which is hard to do when you give the player control. It can be done, but require talent and skill, which is in short supply.

user, what the fuck is this? What the fuck is happening?

There's still at least one.

Don't be so harsh on them, it's hard to make a good game when their faces are tired.

Im hyperventilating right now

holy shit

I really miss silly shit like Earthworm Jim and Booger Man.

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They threw them all away. Apparently the originals were made in UE3 while this is all Frostbyte. Even regular people are turned off by the animations though

Abasorutery shamefru, I did better work in Blender when I was 16.

That twitter description could be shortened to "faggot" tbh.

REMOVE POTATO

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Stop being animiationist, a social justice conscious person should accept people regardless of how they are animated.

Also plz buy ME:A guis.

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btw, keep in mind this stuff is mocapped. Looks like they got some obese chick to walk and mapped her movements onto a normal person's body.

It honestly looks like they used facerig. Jesus christ even cutscenes in the first Mass Effect had more realistic facial movement to them. Fucking 12 Ounce Mouse animated better than this.

I'm almost glad I got to see that.

I COULD EAT YOU AND NO ONE WOULD EVEN MISS YOU.

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Employment opportunities for actors with Cerebral Palsy down at BioWare then.

I would, he is the man that I love

I am a big guy. I can consume you slower.

Lmao fucking idiot.

It gets old. That's the primary reason. There's quite a few of comedy games, they're just so shit you don't really hear about them.

Meme responsibly, wouldn't put it past to do palsy mo-cap.

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That also applies to films, television, books, etc and so fourth. I still laugh at Conkers Bad Furday, the only part of that that's aged poorly is the controls.

Can we live in your belly user?

Who'd have thought? I honestly hope EA culls Bioware after this, but I know they won't.

That is actually unbelievable. I knew Bioware was incompetent and the game looked like trash, but come on. Literally House of the Dead 2 level.

I keep trying to explain to him how horrible it is. He just doesn't care. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, he also wants a Switch despite explaining all the issues with the thing, and how the U is a much better deal.

True, but you don't replay books, films, and TV.

I don't have words or social commentary for this. I just don't have. I could have made a solid pun about this, but it would be not enough to describe this atrocity.
I just hope this game won't sell well.

Which Version Original N64 v or Xbox v? For controls I go for the xbox v for humor the original. The sound audio in the N64 version of conker is better. Compare the two scenes from when conker meets the redneck pitchfork. The impacted is very different for some reason.

Just, jesus, just take a second to think about how fucking stupid what you just said was.

Jesus fucking christ, what is wrong with her face? THAT is their fucking protagonist, that's what they're marketing with and normalfags will eat it up anyway. Absolutely disgusting.

Allegedly EA forced them to do this in Frostbyte, some say they tried to port as much as possible over from UE but didn't have the manpower to polish it, others say they had to do everything new and lacked talent.

Do you re-read or re-watch things? The story doesn't change, so it's going to be the same deal. There's not really much a point.

Because modern videogame writers are barely fanfiction-tier and humor is HARD

I can't wait for Andromeda to come out and tank

PLEASE tank. The videogaming public can't be THIS stupid, right?

Tragic!

Your understanding of the book and its emotional message to your current state of mind does change on re-reading books. Same with other forms of media.

Are you 12 years old?

I don't do it very often, but lots of people do, yes

I went to school with monsters like this

I've always been uncomfortable around people with developmental disorders and I'm instinctively repulsed by these people. Every time they speak. Every time I see them. It never gets any easier

Course I'm a blond-haired blue-eyed ubermensche so I guess I'm just a nazi

Original 64 one. Although I found the controls are big too ridge with the platforming and the camera seemed to be annoying I still prefer it over the Xbox remake.

Yes. You fucking millennial. A lot of people do that stuff. In fact I would say everyone does that stuff at least one time in a month, re-engage with something they're already seen/read.

No user, but the point you brought up was that it gets stale. I can watch Airplane for the 10th time and I'll still laugh at it. You're also ignoring the possibility that as you change over time how you process things might change too, you might have a different understand after a while from watching/reading whatever it is last.

And you know what? You're not wrong.

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Well, at least Goldman was representing an (((elite))), who tried to rule over goyim with some sort of zionist (((Emperor))). Some message there was.

I never played that shitty game to know if this is real or not, but knowing how bad bioware is it might be. Did that event happen where you were in there with the naked ogre or what?

This game WILL sell.
normalfags don't know that Bioware is anti white and lazy. I don't think the next one will sell though.

All the major studios are populated by women (not funny) and nu-male hacks who can't write for shit (also not funny).

I'd forgotten about this. I was about to ask who thought it was a good idea to include that scene, but then I remembered the queer femme transfeminist tech artist posted above, and it all made sense. I wonder if Mass Effect has anything rivaling it.

Fucking poojeet should move back to India if he hates white people so much

The thought that someone spent time animating/voice acting this instead of living his life, starting a family, getting happily married or doing anything else is scary

Nigger, the words on the page don't change, but your interpretation of those words does. Half of reading a book, or watching a movie for that matter, is the baggage of your life that you bring to it. 20-year-old you and 60-year-old you will have totally different interpretations of the same novel.

That much is apparent.

Holy fucking shit OP, why are you playing this abomination.

House of the Dead confirmed for most redpilled franchise.

Shocking how little faith you have in your fellow Anons.

I can't even play these kinds of games for the cringe any more. It is just pathetic I tried to play the new 'planescape' and just uninstalled after getting to the 1st town.

if that reaction animation is in the context of receiving pain for whatever reason, it's actually okay appropriate

Coming from a blank expression to that and then back to blank expression, no, does not convey pain. A painful fart at best.

The Saint's Row games were pretty funny.

Yeah, it's hilarious.

I second that notion

Judging by how retards here jumped on fallout 4, mgs 5 and other garbage, yeah. This is hardly a high brow place.

You really overestimate normalfags.

ME:Andromeda is the gift that keeps on giving.

Is ME1 even worth a pirate?

Yes.

Maybe, five years ago, when the series still held some glittering hope of being returned to greatness, but not anymore. It isn't a self-contained game and everything else in the series is fucking awful.

Yes, it's solid enough. Not as god as KotoR, but better than DA:Origins

I don't think the art style is bad inherently, it just has absolutely awful art assets

Kind of. It was alright.

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When people speak of Saints Row in a good light they mostly think of 2.

No.

Oh this explains the motion capture not helping the animation quality then.

I kinda want to pirate this just to laugh at the crab walking and potato faces. This is a beautiful trainwreck.

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AND FOR ME NEXT TRICK

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So this is the polish they've been working on for months uh?

S-she's fast!

ha ha i love shit paint by the numbers high school harem romcoms xD

oh it's a video game

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What the fuck dude?

But KotoR was shit.

What in the BLOODY FUCK is wrong with you faggots lately?! Busy getting buggered and triggered?!

On the subject topic. Guess all-out comedy died out with the coming of the SJW. Comedians like 'Cuck King' selling out, humour usually require wits which the they inadequately lack and keep coming up short obviously.

Here are 90 minutes of a no commentary walkthrough of this for anyone interested in train wrecks.

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Player Control can muck up timing pretty bad, but even a completey scripted in game cutscene can be difficult to get the timing right on.

I can guess that now they have some program or plugin that can make fine tuning in game cutscenes easier, but when I think about how they had to do it as recently as 10 years ago, I can't blame them for having 2 second pauses in between each voice clip.

This happens right after…

And this is in the same scene.

Then this

The face Ryder makes at the end is quite fitting.

This is fucking awful. I mean, not Bethesda awful, but '0/10, do not come back to class and slit your wrists in a warm bath' awful. I'm pretty certain that even TORtanic had better writing than this. Do they have no quality control whatsoever?

Amy Schumer's latest abortion masquerading as comedy has even her fans vomiting so maybe people are catching on slightly?

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Isn't that how she always looks?

I really feel terrible after watching those webms. Even playing random ass gook jrpg from the 90's won't feel this bad as if looking at things made with modern technology.

So does anyone actually know what the game is about?

Unless you decided to shoot the star child thing the reapers are done and over with regardless of what color you picked. Additionally now that you have access to their tech to varying degrees, tech should be on an unprecedented level now right?

So what are the fucking stakes?

They went off around ME2 with magic technology and were never heard from again.

Same shit as other mass effects, fucking aliens

Colony ship will die, I guess?

Maybe: "OHS NOES THIS FORCE THAT A COLONY SHIP CAN FIGHT OFF MIGHT INVADE THE MILKY WAY AND KILL EVERYONE"

Actually expecting that last one, teebeehayche

Before Mass Effect 2, the Geth somehow used mass relays to make a telescope, to scan the Andromeda galaxy. The Quarians, being filthy space gypsies, stole it and somehow the Citadel got their hands on it. Somehow, they also miraculously invented a new star drive that doesn't explode after extended use. Then, they decided the best use of both would be to send thousands of people to the Andromeda galaxy, for reasons unrelated to the Reapers. They didn't use it to colonize the Milky Way, which was pretty stupid. They also invited the Krogan along, because infertile space niggers are what you need to start a colony. Then, uh, they ran into the owners of the Andromeda galaxy who are pissed off that they're there and want them dead. Also, the Reapers only target the Milky Way, for some reason.

So, nothing that happened in the trilogy matters and the Reapers don't exist, goy. Stop bringing up the ending to Mass Effect 3 already.

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Bards tale is odd. It isn't all that funny, and it doesn't satirize RPG tropes as well as it wants too, but the thing is so many western rpgs were taking themselves way too seriously at the time.
It never made me laugh, but it's my favorite Western RPG from that era.

This legitimately spooked me.

Weird that Shepard never heard about it on the news.

I find this all so sad. I was so hooked on the setting after the original Mass Effect but it's just been a spiral downwards. I can't really think of any modern RPGs set in a good sci fi setting.

this wouldn never happen with a japanese developer

The good news is that if mass effect was good enough for you then you'd be fine with anything, even revolution 69.

k

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Fuck you.

Even reddit has caught on and is actively shitting on the game after the PCGamer article.

This thing is going to bomb so hard, and it will be delicious as all the special snowflakes over at BioWare go apeshit because of it.

Speaking as a Sonygger…Microsoft can have their exclusive back.

Man warn an Nyugga before you do that.

It will probably still profit though.

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It might, and I say might, break even, yes, but EA is expecting a high return for their investment and all the resources and marketing allocated to it.

It's not just that the reddit userbase is now openly mocking the game, but that more and more members of the media, even very cucked ones (RPS, PCGamer, Giantbomb) are coming out and criticizing the game, even mildly. This kind of shit doesn't happen in this day, not unless the game is in a special kind of bad no amount of shilling can cover for.

I have no idea what the Origin refund policy might be (if there is one) but I fully expect the physical copies to end in the bargain bin within two weeks of release and the new copies to collect dust on the shelf.

BioWare are done for, especially with TOR shutting down as well.

i mean if your looking for that rpg syfi shooter thing it would be a decent pirate.
but animation quality is shit most of the females look like ugly pieces of shit. writing aint that great story is pretty half ass. the start of the game seems to drag on for not much reason.
probably worth the play for the laughs not worth paying for at all.

Holy fucking shit
Why do the animations look so fucking SHIT?
Is this game even Triple AAA? is it outsourced to indie devs? to ringling undergrads?
Why are the animations so fucking horrible?

I still can't get over the fact that Peebee is basically guy in pic related in drag.

It's almost like they took a look at Sera and decided she wasn't ugly and obnoxious enough and they needed to double down to pander some more to whoever the fuck the audience for Peebee is supposed to be.

The gameplay is shit, and you'd be wasting your time listening to the Marxist pozz BioWare coated the game in. Might as well go watch your turd dissolve in the toilet, it's a more worthwhile way to spend the time.

Binary Domain my man.

How do you fuck up sexy blue alien chick? By deliberately making her ugly.

It's that guy crossed with Shrek.

Now it all makes sense. She's the mutant child of some BioWare hamplanet's demented slash fanfiction involving Shrek and that fucker.

Quality declines when your workforce consists of streetshitting pajeets and landwhale feminists.

Wow whiteface in 2017? Come ooon

hi every1 im new!!!!!!! holds up spork my name is katy but u can call me t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m!!!!!!!! lol…as u can see im very random!!!! thats why i came here, 2 meet random ppl like me _… im 13 years old (im mature 4 my age tho!!) i like 2 watch invader zim w/ my girlfreind (im bi if u dont like it deal w/it) its our favorite tv show!!! bcuz its SOOOO random!!!! shes random 2 of course but i want 2 meet more random ppl =) like they say the more the merrier!!!! lol…neways i hope 2 make alot of freinds here so give me lots of commentses!!!!
DOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ←- me bein random again _^ hehe…toodles!!!!!

love and waffles,

t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m

That pasta is so ancient Indiana Jones would tell you it belongs in a museum.

I genuinely don't. What the fuck is that? Is it tumblr? I could swear I saw tumblr string together coherent sentences without using cunt punctuation.

you pulled that from some kinda crypt?

My god. This is exactly what happened, isn't it?

holy shit pokemon are real and they are artists at Bioware

Some things are too terrible to even consider.

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It's pretty much impossible to make a non mutant white character in MEA, apparently Bioware only want their players to play as Chinese future overlords or niggers.

That looks like a Monty Python sketch.

Now if some enterprising soul were to just add the chase music it would be golden.

It is.

This brings back some good feels

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No.
No. Googly eyes are not a facial deformity. If she were retarded, she would display some actual signs of it in the game.

Fuck off, Nebby did nothing wrong

Andromeda has the deepest lore. The Council actually gathered up all the retards and shipped them off to another galaxy.

This, this is something.

Andromeda is a trainwreck that keeps on giving.

To think that with the previous Mass Effects one of the things about them was that animations were constantly being reused really badly.

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Explains how half the ships never made it there and the people that got there completely failed at any colonization attempt.

It was like this back in the TORtanic days. Every day a new thread, every thread a new BioWare fuckup, from a quest where you kill Revan and steal his pants to BioWare banning a whole guild for calling out cheater.

I'd rather not.

Those went into the solar oven.

Guaranteed, at least one of them will accidentally reveal a character's shiny, featureless crotch and they'll have to fix it in a patch.

They'll slap a glaring lens flare over it and call it a day.

Either that, or they'll slap the wrong genitals on them and then claim that the character is transgender and then smugly proclaim 'I bet you didn't even notice they were trans, did you silly gamers?!'

All the women look like ugly men so…

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You are truly a scholar and a gentleman.

Rest in peace my sides, last seen leaving orbit on a course to the Andromeda Galaxy.

How about that diverse workforce, eh?

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I can't stop laughing oh my god

Never in my wildest dreams could I have even comprehended how shit this game is going to be. I've gone from dreading the mere thought of this game to eagerly awaiting its release to witness the ensuing shitshow.

Just because Peebee's species is all female doesn't mean she doesn't have a penis, transphobe

At least they're not racists you bigot.

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NASA tells me my sides were last seen hurtling towards Andromeda near the speed of light. Bless you, user, you brilliant maverick.

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Bitch looks like a honey badger.

And she moves like she has hemorrhoids and just took a rather painful shit.

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None of that is wrong, but why is it in the game? World building?

Fucking hell mate.

I always fucking loved Vince's power walk

oh my god i haven't laughed this hard in a month
Bioware is the gift that keeps on giving

the setting was always a copy-paste of Star Trek filler episode garbo so I know you didn't look far for alternatives. ask in the space thread and you'll get dozens.

Bane-level response. I can understand why he'd struggle for a normal response, she's pull the awkward teeth showing sexy face that turns all manlet's legs to jelly.

Tumblr is rife with brave, empowered womyn afflicted with PTSD. Bioware is reaching out to those victims of our cishetero patriarchal capitalist imperialist oppressor white supremacist society. It's their primary demographic, after all.

I'm guessing this is what the snowflake SJW-writers were told by the doctors after claiming to have PTSD.

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Of course it's also poorly optimized and has framerate issues.

She just shat herself ;_;

Speaking of Tumblr, if you type "slim" in their search bar you get a message: "omg are you feeling ok? please contact X because anorexia is bad" but nothing if you type "fat" or "obese".

It's just cinematic 15 frames per second man!

Tumblr is apparently shitting on the game too

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I thought this wasn't out yet. Why would Bioware release this footage?

And the mc farts, possibly craps herself, here

Oh my god it's all coming together. This game was developed by someone with a scat/cripple fetish. IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW.

Is this intentional? Are the mcs trannys?

Choppy and horrible.

Made with the Source engine as well. This is made with Frostbyte3tm

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wew laddies

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underrated post

The human female model actually looks OK, but god damn, they should fire the animator out of a torpedo tube

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Best one yet.

ftfy

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Early copy given to reviewers.

I think she's saying she but just slurring the fuck out of it. In fact listening to it again more carefully it seems that character either has a slur to a lisp of some kind.

I'm going to assume the voice actor read the full script and just started drinking, but I wouldn't put it past them to put people with speaking difficulties in the game.

BioWare must've animated my sides because they keep reappearing and then vanishing.

i can't wait for whatever other hilariously bad shit is uncovered from this game
there's no way these cutscenes and animations aren't just the tip of the iceberg
this is bioware we're talking about

This is all stuff from the first 10 hours or so in the game.

Whats up with the dykes left hand when she walks away?

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In the other thread (the RockPaperShotgun one) I was talking about that weird pixelated afterglow effect on the omni-tool and also on certain models in the background like that scene in space where you're in the shuttle and you can see the Hyperion in the background, it has that same ghosting effect.
I wonder if it's a 30fps thing or just Bioware being shit at everything because you don't get that shit on other games running on Frostbite. If an user here has the game on PC can you confirm if that effect is in the PC version too?

IT WAS ANIMATED BADLY.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!

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How could they made character creator shittier than the one they had in DA:I?

DA:I actually produced fine female characters.

She's suffering from Boneitis. It's a common illness that affects people in the future.

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I can't make sense of the first pic, and the second pic is below fucking high-school level dialogue.

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Reads just like comics when they started hiring directly from tumblr.

If this is how bad it is early on, how much worse will it get?

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Just wait for release. I'll be pirating this shit just to see how "good" it gets. In one of the loyalty missions the nigger squadmate just goes "muh dik" at some guy.

I can't wait to see what shitty dialogue they have in the middle of the game. They probably put a ton of effort in the beginning and the end

wat

The quote was "I've seen his kind before. Small guy big gun."

Have some gay pink alien cringe. The timestamp for it is 1:00.

im really looking forward to this game

Oh lordy this is beautiful

are there any cute ones?

They all look like horror caricatures of mixed race people.

Top left is the only passable one. All the others are even worse than the default.

WHY ARE THEY ALL SO FUCKING OILY

That's Bioware being incapable of using the Frostbite engine.

You're right, the femRyder I made wasn't black but (((somehow))) her father was black.
Once the game is out it would be interesting to know how the father's face is picked when you make your own Ryder siblings.

the spaceship in the beginning looks awful

Bioware artists think that's just what humans look like because the only other people they ever see are other Bioware artists.

We have PB

That's not going to be an issue for the ((((playerbase))))

I forgot to add the screencaps

SOME-BODY…

Do you actually have the full game right now user?

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Did you choose one of the mulattos as a custom base? maybe it doesn't take into account skin colour changes you make and just bases race on the preset, Its the only thing I can think of apart from them just not giving a fuck and him always being black

i dont know if youre being facetious or not. shes honestly cuter than the faces you posted for chick shepard. or whatever the heck the mcs name is.

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49% for now, via (((EA Access))) so I've been able to play the intro up until the first planet when I stopped to post some screenshots/webms.

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I wish. No blue kids.

Le doublage vf est comment?

Why don't his NPC squadmates just do the objective? They obviously know where to press fucking E, so why don't they just do it? ME Anderomeda is targeted towards casuals after all.

>randomly skip to the middle 36:31

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Thanks user i didn't have a good laugh in a long time.

He doesn't have any squadmates at that point. It's also hilarious how you're the only guy on the ship's crew that has a scanner in his omnitool. That's like the Enterprise having only one tricorder.

Why Won't Papa EA just shoot bioware already? why does it persist in weekend at bernie's'ing it?

Maybe EA was always a hero, killing off companies before they could turn into this, but it got tired and old and it just couldn't keep doing it while receiving all the hate of the world.

Imagine if bullfrog was around today but they were putting out theme hospital: Andromeda with this quality in this engine.

Not even outdated, more or less unfinished. It was one of the reasons the game was kind of rushed and then when they finished it they weren't allowed to release it before Half-Life 2.

no way you jew, ea is like 70% of the reason things have gotten this bad

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHHA FUCK

Maybe you're right. I chose the last preset grill and the second lighter skin, I also changed her brother (I picked a hwite guy) and somehow the father is black.

Aucune idée, je joue toujours en VOST quand c'est possible. Il parait qu'Alexandre Astier double un NPC, je me demande bien ce qu'il est allé foutre dans ce merdier

I miss Liara
celebjihad.com/jillian-murray/jillian-murray-nude-sex-tape-videos-leaked

Oh my

Hitler dubs confirm. It's funny though, you do end up with Lovecraftian or Wyatt designs in real life too. I guess they failed their propaganda goal by representing reality too accurately.

Where does she find the time to do her eyeshadow and blush?

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>this is not a glitch

How would you know this if you didn't go on Reddit?

really this should light a fire in Holla Forumss heart and make everyone realize we can make games without really knowing what we are doing.

Then who is calling out positions and shit? If they aren't present on the forward team, they should just stfu.

This shit's all over twitter, man.

The default female PC goes beyond mere mixing between human races, looking like its ready to take to the water with its unblinking eyes and fish lips.

I was inspired.

People around you bark orders at you, the main character also has an AI implanted in his head that holds your hand through the whole game by telling you what to do. The AI also has a really weird synth tranny voice.

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I love you

Probably was married with kids tbh.

Holy shit I've actually made better firing animations in my free time by fucking around in Blender.

EA let the liberals loose. That's it. Do you think that with a bigger budget or the old engine nubioware would have done better? No, they would have hired few more incompetent monkeys. Bioware killed themselves, EA simply let that happen.

Where are people getting these videos from?

it sounds like kitt but stuffier

ea isnt confined to bioware dude

How in the hell?

They also fucked up the avenger rifle animation, in ME:A you load the weapon from the top (where the scope was in its previous incarnations).

You can't have a minute of silence in this game, if it's not Ryder talking about nothing then it's a squadmate, if it's not a squadmate then it's the fucking AI.

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Look carefully at her irises/pupils again.

They put Milo in?

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Wouldn't the main issue with a comedy game be that once you get the jokes the main content is exhausted?

even at lgbt white men are better than women

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I don't see the character molesting a boy so it can't be Milo.

That's a man, you blind idiot.

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being good at lgbt is being the hugest insufferable cunt of them all.

well then youre the grand master

IT JUST KEEPS ON GIVING

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But you could easily convert them, tha aint new.

Streaming so we can all laugh together when?
I want to remember thee good DA:I threads we had back then

These tits are a work of art. Art called cosmetic surgery.

All those rounded, undefined, smooth textured faces remind me of those character faces from Horizon:ZD.

People disappearing the moment they are out of sight, the lack of emotions in every character's face, the awkwardness of the dialogs… maybe they wanted to create a game that would cater to autistic gamers.
This is "inclusive gaming"? I may be sick.

Can't say I'm surprised with people such as Curry Thunder on the team.

Also that woman who said she was raped "eerily realistically" in GTA V is a writer.

Yeah, this. This is looking better than Thi4f for streaming purposes.

Oh yeah, it's really no wonder the game is such a mess. At least it's bad in funny ways too so that it becomes entertaining to watch from the sidelines, like a spectacular car crash.

If the story was all that mattered, most games wouldn't be worth playing even once.

Other things that don't change with replays: Atmosphere, gameplay, and *fun*. I do re-read books, re-watch movies and TV shows, and I replay games. No, most of the media I consume isn't worth a second go, but some definitely are.

sometimes things are less fun when youre familiar with them and know what to expect, sometimes they are more fun.
discovering something / mastering something

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Absolutely. Also; sometimes you find new things when you revisit it.

Agreed, I can't play Borderlands 2 anymore.

because humor is hard
and half the time when a game tries to be "funny" we get something like borderlands 2

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I wish I should not have clicked this. Now I'm probably on some kind of list

Literally can't make sense of the line in the first pic

Did they outsource the writing to an Indian tech support company? How the fuck did this get into a final product? Bioware continue to surprise me.

Feels like the last line should have been "They don't attack - they disinfect until there's not even bacteria left" or something to make it make sense with the rest of the sentance. Still would have been terrible writing but it would have made sense. As it stands "We're nothing until we're bacteria" is a non-sequitur that fails at conveying its meaning at best 'we're nothing (we don't register to them) until we're bacteria (until we are something to be removed/disinfected)" and at worst is just random words that relate to the word disinfect put together by someone with a terrible grasp on english (and/or reality).

More like "They don't attack, they disinfect and we're just bacteria to them.". But it all got jumbled up with one and the other and became neither. What a mess.

i think its saying we all start out as a single celled sperm. its some jaden smith shit.

Reminder that a bunch of drunk Poles managed to write a better story using what is to them a second language.

I dunno, then sentence you said makes a lot of sense which is why I can't believe it was the intended meaning. I don't know how you get from what you said to the final result without having suffered a stroke.

Maybe a tired face does that. Not sure what kind of medical condition that is, so it may be possible.

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I am reminded of the joke about the one good developer with good ideas at Beth and how Todd punishes him for good ideas.

Who is the Todd of bioware and how can we spam rare pictures of him/her/xheeeeee

Everyone. It's a cesspit of spite and avarice.

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WHAT THE FUCK is this? Source please, this animation is just too ridiculous

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O-Oh my god.
I..
I want to fuck that vampire…

I have never played this game

Is Montreal the Canadian version of San Francisco?

Yes.

You should try it, it's great.

Pretty much.

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its a vampire? i always thought it was the awful new design for harley quinn

You should, it's great. Make sure you get the fan patches before you do though, vanilla is broken.

How dare you?

Make sure to get the Unofficial patch
moddb.com/mods/vtmb-unofficial-patch

All of Canada is like San Francisco.

Yeah, alright i've had it on steam for a really long time just never booted it up, I'll install the patch and what have you

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I'm honestly surprised there's a jump button.

Bring me the face of bioware and I will draw crudely upon them.

So they've not just fucked it all up due to incompetent diversity hires but they've also pulled an Ubisoft with the marketing. Wow.

This should have had more preorders

who WOULD romance this ugly fuck though?

In the future ugly is attractive because symmetry is oppression.

This game will be a blessing, comparable to Gawker's delightful demise. I look forward not only to the reviews and let's plays that will come, but also to the inevitable autism that will come from all the developers' tweets

Hot meme's straight off the press

In the future grease is power.

It is by grease alone I set my face in motion. It is by the juice of Sapho that thoughts acquire speed, the lips acquire stains. The stains become a warning.

Part five of the fem shep playthrough is just as bad as the rest…Thank you Bioware.

can someone send bioware a halfllife 1 SDK?

She should sue tbh

So they got Jaydes permission to use her face and then decided to go with something else?

If I was her I'd be suing their ass for defamation.

why are they so bad at using real faces?

There was no saving this face tho

To be fair, chobot is a butter face irl.

It's like she's on pills or something, like she drank a whole bottle of Xanax and now can't give a shit about anything.

Sam Lake

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No, it's not.

i cant keep a straight face either. maybe shes the perfect player avatar after all

Is this game some kind of false flag? Is this like The Producers or something? The fact that proven fellow-travelers like RPS are criticizing it makes me suspicious.

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This is pretty obviously EA putting on a puppet show to kill off the Bioware brand once and for all to take heat off of themselves.

i dont know. what the fuck are they gonna milk besides shitty sports games? they dumped on everything else they own and theres no one left for them to buy out.

They intentionally made a terrible game so their fellow friends at the games media can criticize it and regain some gamer cred and reputation they lost since the gamergate fiasco.

But Gorilla Hernandez is praising the piece of shit.

Kotaku can't be saved. They're acting as a decoy. Would be too suspicious if even Kotaku was raising criticism.

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"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity"

no way. ea is fucking evil

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And while we're on the topic, why is it that every female bioware character looks as though their tits would reach their knees if they weren't being held up by something? For example the belt or whatever the fuck it is in and the pigfaced elf in cisquisition.

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They can't get their head and leg ratios right and you wonder why the tits are placed off?

And bioware employees have made their motives abundantly clear too.

Surely it's not that difficult to get a pair of tits looking right.

their idea of "right" is a 60 year old woman who never wore a bra. im pretty sure they know what theyre doing.

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agree. Greed is a form of stupidity though.

just a cut and paste I didn't spellcheck. I am sorry user.

Xrebirth had grannies in space. Berndt was the Todd of that release.

The reason that such low quality work tends to make its way into Bioware games is because Bioware shows us what it looks like when biodiversity of your workforce combined with social justice politics, and equal representation of ideas is far more important than hiring for talent, thoughtfulness or ambition. Bioware has been shit for a long time, and you can see it in their games, just generic as all fuck. Bioware's most iconic contributions to gaming are the Infinity Engine and Baldur's Gate. The Infinity Engine was used to build such notorious titles as Planescape: Torment (a game which had to be fixed by its fans with more bug fixes than fucking Skyrim's unofficial fan patch) and Icewind Dale. Following this up, we see just how poorly Bioware was at making graphics back in the 2000s. MDK came out, and while the game had some nice ideas, the game's assets look like shit. Someone tried to make a helmet look like something from Final Fantasy, ended up extruding a cone in a way that made it round, and rather than undo it or fix it they came up with the idea that THIS was even MORE badass than what they'd originally wanted to do, and so they created the idea that it's a helmet capable of zooming in enough to snipe from 10 miles away. Even back then, Bioware were really good at settling for the worst animations and worst design choices.

So to follow this up, Bioware then created Baldur's Gate II returning to low resolution pixel graphics, and did a mediocre job here again. Which when it comes to RPGs, is considered to be a "good job" from a Western developer. So they went with it and made some expansions for that. Following this up, Bioware got the idea for a game which is just as natural for multiplayer as it is for singleplayer and began working on Neverwinter Nights. Even though they published it as a Bioware game, NWN is actually a game made by ANOTHER company who had to turn over the assets and the content they'd made over to Bioware. Bioware didn't do a whole lot with it, and handed it off to another company as they usually do. Moving forward they made Knights of the Old Republic, which people loved because it was fucking Star Wars even though it was a buggy mess with awful animations even for 2003 and featured some of the worst writing in a video game. It also contributed to the rot that started to kill Star Wars, but we'll save that for another day. So to follow this up, Bioware then developed a game called Jade Empire which showed how good they are at designing action games by making a game with only one functioning button in combat.

To follow this up came Mass Effect, which is considered to be something important by people who had their thumbs up their asses and were ignoring the work of other western developers and the Japanese video games industry as a whole. It had the most generic first-person shooter gameplay combined with the most awful storytelling imaginable. It had buggy animations which constantly lost sync and bugged out, the writing was just as embarrassing to read and watch as it must have been to write, and sounded like something a little kid would write. Every plot twist and double cross was not only predictable, but sounded like a little kid playing pretend… "AND THEN… AND THEN… AND THEN… THE REAPERS ARE LIVING SPACESHIPS! AND AND AND AND… THE SPECTRES HAVE A TRAITOR! AND AND AND… THE GETH ARE LIVING MACHINES! UM UM UM UM… SHEPHERD DIES! BUT BUT BUT… THEN HE OR SHE GETS BROUGHTED BACK TO LIFE WITH AN ATTITUDE!"

Following this up came the Dragon Age series, which is notorious for its forced gender politics, forced gay agenda, and all around shittyness. Because the logical conclusion to making a successful FPS RPG is to go back and make a much worse version of Neverwinter Nights. And then just to prove how bad they were at making video games, Electronic Arts invested half of a billion dollars into a flagship MMO to be the best MMO of all time, Star Wars: The Old Republic. Everyone knows it did not end up being the best MMO of all time, and is closer to the worst MMO of all time. It also showed how out of touch Bioware was with the MMO genre, because they managed to create a game where the only weapon overlap was 1-handed Lightsabers. Bounty Hunters were a class, but the most iconic bounty hunter who uses a carbine rifle apparently never existed according to Bioware, because Bounty Hunters can only use one-handed blasters. And a sect of Jedi who are supposed to be assassins who deal with corruption in their own ranks as well as Sith was turned into a tank who was the only double-bladed lightsaber wielding Jedi, and they could only use double-bladed lightsabers because apparently they forgot how to use single-bladed ones. And every class who uses a gun has zero overlap with any other class who uses a gun, with the exception of course of base class, but if you use your base class guns, then you can't use your class powers, so no one ever did use their base class gun types. I could write all kinds of criticisms of this one, though, so we'll skip it and move on.

Following what should have been career suicide by making a half billion dollar game which didn't make back anywhere near its investment for years, Bioware returned to the Mass Effect series and developed a third game which is notorious because all player choices boiled down to a red, a green, or a blue explosion. And no real explanation for how an explosion can be green or blue.

So following a career of visual diarrhea that looks like this, the only logical conclusion to the whole thing is for Bioware to make a game where the female characters all look like transsexuals who aren't even attempting to pass, aliens which look like shit, male characters who like to take it in the ass and of course, the most uninspired plot in a space video game that's only been done to death 10,000 times in games, movies and novels, except without any of the competence that made it a success when someone else did it first. Bioware is a great example of why you should never make an authoritarian social justice warrior the boss, because he'll spend more time hiring his friends, immigrants and people of color and with gender identity disorders, and less time looking to hire people with talent.

And while gamers have had to put up with this shit for years, my sympathy actually goes out to the publishers who have been publishing Bioware's games for the last 2 decades, because Bioware managed to put Atari out of business, and they've been working real hard at putting EA out of business for the last 10 years.

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the only thing ill miss is france. at the very least they export cute 2d girls.

Mid-2000s deviantart and fanfiction.net users and hot topic shoppers. Probably where tumblr was when they were literal children instead of adult children.

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he's taking the poo poo.

MDK was made by Shiny, Bioware just took over MDK2, which incidentally was a great game.

There are plenty of good reasons to shit on modern Bioware, no need to write your own fanfic user.

Well obviously you walk that way if you take massive alien cock up the ass a few times

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