Never underestimate the stupidity of the consumer

why the fuck would Nintendo, the company that absolutely hates online anything and only does so in a very gimped and overly shitty manner, put online into 30 year old games?

This company has never shown itself to do anything proactively awesome like that ever, this is purely a nostalgia trip, nothing more

It's for normalfags. Some guy visiting a game shop to buy the latest CoD for his kid will see it and remember it from his childhood, and buy it for them. It isn't aimed at the audience that plays on normal consoles or PC.
It's a little expensive though. If I was getting something for my kid and it was around £20 or $25 it would be fine, but in it's current price you can get a AAA game instead. Perhaps they're aiming at poor normalfags who don't know about emulation.

I don't get it but it seems to be working so it can't be that stupid an idea.

Oh damn, how else would I play all of those online-only NES games?

I'm just saying that it could have been implemented so simply and would use a trivial amount of bandwidth. That they didn't even bother to add online just goes to show what they think of their customers.

Aside from being free, there's just so much more you can do with emulators, from rom hacks to online. But there's an endless supply of uninformed consumers who enjoy pissing money away on inferior products and Nintendo knows it.

You're wrong though, retard.

Why the NES? I understand something hard to emulate like the PS2 or OG XBOX, but why something that runs even on 90's computers and only having 30 games while the NES has a

This user has the right idea in regards to Nintendo console specs.

Everyone meme'd the Gamecube as lacking in power and the N64 as behind the times in its use of cartridges, but all in all both of those consoles were very powerful and competitive for their time.
With dithering and anti-aliasing, the N64 had better image quality than the PS1 (although it suffered badly from a 4KB texture cache), and Microsoft inflated their spec numbers like the dirty little thieves and cheats they've always been to make their Xbox appear more powerful than the Gamecube (see here: archive.is/OloTb )

It was really with the Wii that Nintendo started shooting for shit specs.

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It's an easy hackable emulator with GOAT controllers that is twice as strong as the original Wii for only $50

Look man the NES classic or whatever the fuck it's called is total trash sure, but what the fuck are you smoking?

Online with Wi-Fi should be expected in any console in the current year. We have Wi-Fi appliances now ffs.

But why?

Like I said earlier, primarily because it's been a standard in emulation for many years.

Actually though, the lack of games is a greater flaw than the lack of online.

What the fuck do you do online in a nes game?

And games that can benefit, let alone use that online are?

You connect with other players.

They could have even extrapolated and added a hub or voice chat feature. But what consumers accept is what will continue.

You're giving shitty tidbits of information, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU NEED ONLINE FOR A GOD DAMN NES GAME? I DON'T UNDERSTAND

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Why not meet up with your friends to play the games? :^)

There are both turn-based and simultaneous multiplayer NES games.

I'm guilty of searching for one, but mostly because I'll have 9 or so nephews in my home and they have no idea to play with my Playstation 3. I was even looking for that Megadrive Genesis console you could use to play old games or whatever but had no luck.

because my brother and I haven't lived in the same house or even same state in over ten years.

Just make one. Get a single board computer, such as the Odroid C2 or a USED raspberry pi 2. Install Lakka, which is basically Retroarch as an OS. Stick some NES games on there and you're done. Add a case if you want, they both fit in RasPi cases. All you need after that are controllers, and it supports Dinput and Xinput.
They play up to PS1/N64 and just werk.
But if you go the RasPi route you'd better get it used

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I literally said to buy it used twice. They don't get money from used sales.
While you're here make yourself useful and post their "We're not blinkered or misinformed, we think you're wrong" tweets

I work at staples and we sell these and they are selling like fucking hotcakes all of the sudden. Really tempted to get the Sega one even though i know damn well i can get them for free.

Mostly curouse if it emulates the US or the Europe version of the consoles.

This. The entire planet is infested with them, what can you do?

The xbox had Intel and Nvidia stuff inside and came with an HDD. It was quite spaceage for the time.

Don't, those things have horrible sound emulation, and are really just there to make a quick buck off the nes mini. A real genesis is, like, less than 20 bucks anyhow, and it has a better AV cable than that thing.

I am a gamedev, and I would like to point out you are VERY wrong.

N64 and Wing Commander (for PC) are blamed in the game industry as the "culprits" of the "expensive AAA" problem.

Wing Commander because it is considered the first "AAA" game, it costed millions when no other game so far had, and had filmed cutscenes, also it was one of the first games with the idea of having a ludicrously expensive engine to be reused later.

The first Wing Commander game was so expensive that it never broke even, but it worked so well that the series did ended being massively profitable.

Now what matters here, the N64…

In N64 era, there was some tentative 3D games, but nothing really mindblowing, many companies saw 3D as gimmicks at best, some few attempts in making 3D third person games had severe control problems (example: Prince of Persia 3, the one between PoP2 and Sands of Time… its controls sucked very hard).

Then N64 showed up, blew up all other consoles out of the water with its performance, and came with Mario 64…

Mario 64, was the first well done 3D platformer, it was amazing, gamers loved it, engineers were impressed by it, and it made game publishers go wild, all publishers started to DEMAND Mario 64 clones, and manufacturers started to add N64 features to their consoles (for example the "Analog Stick", remember that PS1 when it launched it didn't had an analog stick!)

N64 + Mario 64 spawned Crash Bandicoot, Banjo Kazooie, "Croc" (Mario 64 clone for PC), Spyro, etc…

alongside Mario 64, Zelda Ocarina of Time was made, it launched late, but it showed it was technically possible to create third-person adventure games, stuff like Uncharted series, Ratchet & Clank, Metal Gear Solid (Kojima wanted to create MGS for a long time, but he thought it was impossible, seeing 3D games on the N64 that proved otherwise), and so on…

N64 started the "3D race", where each console and generation would get more expensive and more 3D power, it forced Sega to created the bizarre thing that is Sega Saturn (Sega Saturn was supposed to be 100% 2D, when Sega saw that nintendo was going to release the N64, they "slapped" GPUs on the Saturn, making it a extremely bizarre console with several processors, Saturn has one of the weirdest architectures ever made for a console and is hard as fuck to code for it, but in a way it showed modern PCs with multi-core CPU + GPU were possible).

This kept going for a while, GameCube for example also had ridiculous raw processing power, and Nintendo was proud of Resident Evil in their console looking more "realistic" than the others.

With the Wii, nintendo probably realized that keeping this up was bad idea, and decided instead to focus on controls and let Sony, MS and PC fight for the pretty graphics market.

In a way, Nintendo was very right, although you can see vast differences between a PS2 game and a PS4 game, if you compare to previous generations it is not that big of a difference, and many PS2 games had art so well made that people don't even realize that PS2 is much weaker than PS4, the current battle for graphics clearly have diminishing returns, and is one of the reasons for the "mainstream" PC market slowdown, as most games on 'low' settings will happily run on 6 year old PCs and still look decent.

So, tl;dr user: you have no idea what bullshit you are speaking about, Nintendo CAUSED the "spec race", saying they were NEVER about great specs is not even wrong, it is double wrong, if I had to score your statement from 0 to 10, I would give you a -10.

As shit as they've become, at least Mega64 did a pretty spot on video of this pile of shit.

Crash came out BEFORE mario 64, just to let you know.

Well, I like the idea of playing with old games, specially because a friend of mine had a somewhat decent and the mega drive games aren't as price inflated as nintendo ones.

Mario 64 with controls complete and graphics mostly complete was shown to the media in 95, also bits here and there were leaked earlier.

Also Crash 1 is obviously "Mario64" in a way, its controls are very different, later games that became more and more close to Mario 64, as people would start development after playing Mario 64 (instead of trying to beach nintendo to the punch by guessing how M64 worked, or using leaked info).

Why should you buy used from them, never actually seen the reason posted?

They had a shit fit about Gamergate, the "evil organization scaring women away from coding". When corrected, they doubled down and screamed louder. They aren't even in the vidya industry, I don't know what they thought they would gain from it.
Their boards aren't that good for a lot of reasons, and the best thing they did was make a market for better competitors. They work just fine with Lakka though, and their weaknesses don't come up when used like that. Right now it's a cheap alternative to the Odroid series, which has the same form factor with more features and better power.

You stupid?
My mistake in even giving you the benefit of the doubt. Jumping Flash! came out over a year before Mario 64, and it got very favorable reviews.
Something that the Playstation was already doing over 2 years beforehand.
No, PC gaming did that, and then the Playstation followed up. The Nintendo 64 came out in JAPAN in 1996, and America in 1997. The Playstation debuted in 1994, WORLDWIDE no time exclusive release.

Your retardation is showing. Do research instead of talking out your ass.

I thought these would make a nice gift for relatives under the age of 12, not too expensive and it is a hell of a lot better games than what they currently play on their tablet.

Should have guessed but thanks for confirming.

Also ..

Crash Bandicoot began development in 1994. Before Mario 64 had even been shown to anyone. It was the brainchild of one of the guys who worked on Way of the Warrior, a 3DO fighting game.

They were working on a 3D platformer before M64 came into the picture, they didn't see the Mario 64 trailer and go "HOLY FUCKING SHIT, CLONE IT" and try to shit it out in less than 12 months.

You gamedevs will blame nintendo for just about everything, won't you?

Jesus shit you people are thick.

Mario bros is multiplayer
Sports games (back in the gen in which they were FUN) are multiplayer
MULE was a 4 way game multiplayer
So was Super Volleyball as I recall
And others and others and others.

The user has an extremely valid point. Nintendo could have easily hit this venture out of the park by allocating for a wider budget, grabbing old or new dev teams w/permissions to augment titles, and directly enabling online co-op or competitive for its casual audience, perhaps with some functionality to its Mii culture. That alone would push units as break room machines, office machines, at home machines, and so on. Contra on tap with your firends, Lifeforce on tap w/your friends, Snake Rattle & Role, Marble Madness, Track N'Field, so on and so forth. It also validates emulator fantatics to pick up the box.

But as it exists, the only ones buying are gullible normalfags who don't know a single damn thing about emulation, and sharks who know how to turn around units for ridiculous markup profit.

Online and library expansion wouldn't equal the second coming of NES Christ, but it would have cemented more sales than Nintendo's shitty "artificial demand" strategy.

I don't believe he is a gamedev, anyone can claim to be a gamedev. You worked on a mod once? Boom, you're a gamedev. You launched Unity/RPG Maker/Game Maker? WOOOOOW, you're a gamedev now. He's as much a gamedev as you are a rocket scientist.

I feel like OP is just trying to get a rise out of people, but I also feel he's 100% correct.
Bump for you, OP.

You wouldn't need to modify the games themselves at all, the host platform can do all the multiplayer stuff so long as you work it right. It's not like the console is running the original code on a dedicated board, people already confirmed the hardware inside the NES classic is just a fucking RPi with a shitty frontend on top. They could have easily made it able to buy new games, they didn't provide any kind of interface for online because they wanted to prevent people from modding their consoles and expanding them.

It came out in September 1996 in North America, and 1997 in Europe.

The reason PlayStation got the jump is because it was originally going to be a Super NES addon to compete with Sega CD. This is why a lot of early titles look like they could run on a Super NES, absent the expanded features that a CD-ROM would bring.

I hope someone falls for it

Console aimed at normalfags and collectors does not contain features not present when games were made. News at 11.

Their first levels were made in 1995 though so the devs could have taken some cues from it. Platformers were popular throughout the SNES's lifetime so it would only make sense for people to start making them in 3d simultaneously.

3D and its advancements were an inevitability and PC was the first that could handle it well. The arms race for graphical fidelity predated the NES though and is still be an effective marketing tactic. I mean 4chan and sony shills have successfully brought it here and barely anyone's batting an eye.

Nintendo never banked on the Wii gimmick taking off like it did and they were ready to abandon it. It wasn't necessarily that they didn't want better graphics it was that they wanted to wait till the Gamecube's life cycle was over to test the waters with their new control scheme without investing too much into the new console (which is why they re-used Gamecube tech), and they ended up with a cheaply manufactured console that garnered a lot of hype and sold like hotcakes. Even with the Wii U's failures haven't emptied their warchest from the Wii's success.

No, they used to. And they certainly weren't afraid of advertising it either. Though, the Genesis did have a faster processor contrary to what this propaganda piece says. There's a reason why their Super NES port of Final Fight couldn't handle more than three enemies.

you
are
reaching
crash didn't even have movement outside of 8 directions and levels progressed in an extremely linear way
not even the linear levels in M64 were linear in the sense Crash' levels were

Jumping flash was first person, I mentioned early in my post I was talking about third-person.

First person we had DOOM and whatnot already.

Also, Playstation was released before N64 yes, but like I said, 3D was seen by publishers mostly as gimmick, for example with RPG games with 3D chars on 2D backgrounds and whatnot, only after N64 and PS1 started to "race" for the best 3D graphics and controls (with invention of analog sticks, games like MGS, Goldeneye 007, etc…) that publishers started to take 3D real seriously, and splurge inordinate amounts of money, frequently asking for help of the PC devs that were already doing their cool FPS stuff.

And PS released in 1994, so what? PS in 1994 wasn't 3D heavy yet, N64 was the first "3D only" console, Sega Saturn was the first console to also attempt (badly) to have really serious 3D capabilities.

I think that if the N64 vs PS1 graphics race didn't happened, noone would be motivated to make the first "3D first" generation (Dreamcast, PS2, GameCube, Xbox).

Nintendo didnt actually make this, a third part was licensed to do it.

Doesn't change the fact that they slapped their dogshit branding all over it.

Because the movement and engine were already done by then. It took miyamoto years to fine tune mario 64's 3d movements

The first levels were actually very open like Mario 64's but they were scrapped because the PS1 couldn't handle the number of polygons they needed.

Spec wars were a thing long before Nintendo even entered the console gaming market. Hell, why do you think Sega made the Genesis after they floundered with the Master System?

You mean e-celebs looking to show off their gaymr cred? Normal collectors wouldn't even need the fucking thing.

Its a Nintendo system emulator. Of course its going to have their brand on it. Also, it was made to test the waters on rereleasing old systems/games, hence why there are strong rumors of Gamecube rereleases on the switch. This device emulates NES games more closely than anything you can get, its pretty much 100%. So if it means we get GC releases that actually run well, Im happy.

so did they take cues in movement and designing the levels or not? jesus christ, you fucking zealots are retarded

Or you could just get an NVidia Shield and play your Gamecube games anywhere you want. Or you could do the same thing on a Laptop/Desktop via emulators. As well as SNES, NES, N64, Virtual Boy, Wii, Gameboy, GBC, am I making my point abundantly clear?

Why would you pay for a stolen emulator and downloaded ROMs on an internal flash drive? Fuck that shit.

For that they actually need to make a million units.
This is just another scalping opportunity.

You people are seemly deliberately misreading my post.

Quoting myself:

My bad for the tl;dr though… forgot to make myself clear there.

Spec race is obviously ancient, people were trying to out-do specs since forever, what I am referring to is the 3D console race in particular, the "more realistic!" thing, and AAA games in particular.

Note I also mentioned Wing Commander, and it is obvious there were other players in the market, it is just that N64 was truly groundbreaking, but people now don't realize it now, since N64 games didn't aged that well, and people think PS1 from 1998 == PS1 from 1994, without realizing that in 1994 PS1 was about beating the SNES, it wasn't 3D focused it (if it was, it would have analog sticks on launch, but Dual Shock was released in Japan in 1997, and the rest of the world in 1998, also it was kinda "hacky", having that button to turn "analog" on and off, for backwards compatibility with older games).

By the way, before people get angrier at me, I wanted to point out that I didn't defended N64 and Nintendo "spec power" because I am a Nintendo fanboy…

In fact I never owned a Nintendo Console, I owned an Atari, and some chinese handhelds that could run emulators.

I am very much a PC guy, and I personally would own a PS4 instead of whatever Nintendo sells.

But I can't discount the importance of Nintendo, they (and others too) pulled some awesome shit.

N64 was masterful engineering, as it was the Sega Saturn (despite being super weird), the Dreamcast, PS2, and so on.

Fall for what?

Are you the fucker that sold me on the GP2X?

GP2X is Korean

I actually wanted to sell GP2X on my country, buy GPH (the manufacturer) did some shit that pissed me off, and seemly pissed off all other actual retailers, and ended bankrupt.

Instead I had a "Dingoo"

Sadly, it fell from my pocket after the factory in my country closed, so I couldn't buy another :(

I want to go back.

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It's not that much cheaper but it is cheaper.

Yeah Nintendo would have had the top console with the N64 if they didn't stick to cartridges however it allowed them to make games with no loading times which were a real issue on PSX. Even the Gamecube was a surprisingly powerful and was way more powerful than the PS2. However they had those retarded mini-discs so they were once again stuck with inferior storage.

NO
1)The sound is scratchy and off-key
2)Can't save games
3)Feels really cheap
4)Mono only
5)Controllers are terrible and only work when directly pointed at the console
Better options:
1)Buy a real Genesis for $20 and most of the good games for ~$5 each
2)Emulate on PC or Wii
3)Buy the compilation on PS3/Xbox360 for like $4

I never understood that wtf minidisc thing.

Yes, harder to pirate but… just silly.

They should have stuck with cartridges (not that hard, cartridge tech was also advancing at the time) or used DVDs.

Seemly Nintendo Switch will return to cartridges.

Yeah I'm slowly working on getting everdrives for all my old consoles but that shit is really expensive. So far I've only got the NES one contemplating whether to get the SNES or Genesis one next.

Apparently BR is making a similar run of vintage Genesiseseseses

I remember hearing that the discs being physically smaller meant shit would load faster but this was something I heard in message boards in the early 00s so it may not be true. Although load times on first party gamecube games were pretty damn minimal.

For people wondering about buying the "emulator console" that is the whole point of the thread:

I know for a fact that the ones made by TecToy (they make Mega Drive and Master System officially licensed by Sega) are absolute shit.

First, they HOT GLUE stuff inside, instead of using soldering and screws.

Second, they use a sound chip that is like 3 cents cheaper than the original one, but sound horribly shitty.

Third, some great games run very poorly on them, Sonic 3 for example cause the shitty music chip to crap out, and for this reason they don't ship it with the cartridge-less versions.

Oh yeah that, because few games work properly, they don't put cartridge slot on the console, even if the mobo still has a place to solder the slot! Yes, if you take apart a TecToy console, you will see an open space where a cartridge slot should be, but they don't solder anything there because most cool games people will try, won't work.

That part is actually true, in fact still is, for example I have a computer with 1TB WD Black HDDs because SSDs were too expensive for me.

I put the data I needed accessed faster on the middle of the discs, for this very reason.

If you look on internet for graphs of HDD tuning tests, you will see plenty of graphs showing this, the further you are from the disc center, the slower the data access is (for example because the reading head need to move more to find data)

And I'm space cowboy.

Well there you go that was probably the reason since loading times were why Nintendo stubbornly stuck to carts for the N64.

Graph of HDTune, the percentage on the bottom refers to the distance from the disc center.

The blue line is how much data is transferred (higher is better)

The yellow dots, is how much time it takes to find a random file on that part of the disc, lower is better.

hdtune.com/hdtune_benchmark.jpg

The point of SSDs is that the yellow dots can be so low that it is "irrelevant", you consider it "infinitely fast", but the reason why HDDs still can hold against SSDs is that if you are about the blue lines only, you can reach some SSD-beating speeds for much less.

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brainwashed sheep. Don't you know that wifi causes brainrot and allows a electomagnetic sphere of influence over your mind? Jill Stein 2020.

His job aside this user is pretty spot on with his shit. He's also right about consoles no longer needing the highest specs anymore. The Wii was fucked because it was SD for years after everyone has switched to HD it just looked like shit on the new TVs. The Wii U though games looked fantastic and even ran at 1080/60 for most of the bigger name games on the machine. However the wii u only had Nintendo games and not enough of them. If you didn't care for Nintendo or Platinum's games there was nothing for you on that machine. Plus towards the back-half of the thing NOA was intentionally crippling some of their games that could appeal to new players but instead they changed and altered them to appeal to what was already there. If the Switch can keep it's unique games and get a good chunk of the 3rd party stuff especially sports games they might actually carve out a sustainable customer base. They might even dominate the niche-japanese market if NOA starts letting devs release the same game in every region, I highly doubt that happening though sadly.

Here in Canada some schools starting setting up wi-fi networks like 6-8 years ago. There were so many fucking "news" stories about how the wi-fi is going to give all the kids headaches, brain cancer, or make them retarded.

stay pleb, faggot.

If I buy this, it's to rip out the insides and put a raspberry pi retro emulator, since all the raspberry pi cases look stupid, so having a NES style would be cool.

let me guess, you oppose their view because it's "liberal" biased. Why exactly would you need wifi in a school to begin with? How about spending that money on a quality education instead?

What did you honestly expect from it? Are you going to complain about Genesis and Namco arcade ones too for not having online play too?

tell that to all those scalpers

No I opposed their views because they were objectively false. If you live in a city you're constantly bombarded by signals. A wi-fi signal in your school alongside all the radio, television, and electronics already there are not going to do anything. I'm not saying the schools needed wi-fi but if they said wi-fi wasn't needed fine. Instead they went to fear-mongering and "please think of the children" hysteria.

Would Sony be the one to blame for that shit though, like most N64 games were advertised as cartoony fantasy games, while Playstation had the more cinematic experiences like MGS and Resident Evil

GC discs are pretty much a proprietary version of a mini DVD
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MiniDVD

I am still trying to find a video gayer than the one you posted: So far no luck.

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normalfags get out.

is this guy the thread's mascot?

You know that Amiboo's, Mario Run and Pokemon Go were also successful too, right? The Nintendo novelty has for the most part earned them a ton of money whenever they are in a pinch.

TO THE NINTENDO SHILLS

FUCK OFF AND WARN YOUR BOSSES THEY'RE FUCKING THEIR CUSTOMERS WAY TOO MUCH.
IF THEY DON'T STOP, THEY'LL HAVE NO FANS LEFT

SIGNED

A METROID FAN

And 70% of them aren't even going to get played. They're bought so they can sit on a shelf and look kitchy. The other 25% are dads buying them for their kids in a vain attempt to recreate their own childhoods with their children, and will get used a total of three times and then shelved. The last 5% are just scalpers who missed the bubble or got a bit too ambitious with the sale price and now can't offload them without taking a hit.

Is that Stephan Molyneux?

Reading comprehension. We really won't know until the devs outright say it.

Emulation in general is total shit, and Gamecube emulation is especially bad. Its fucking horrid.

GBA, PSP and DS work pretty well. You can even DS games on android devices. N64 and P1 are dogshit though. I think the Dolphin got a recent update that made it run much better.

As far as multiplats went, I don't think I know of one that was better on N64 compared to PS or at the time PC. It wasn't that bad though. Mostly sound limitations. Right?

Dear Metroid fan,

Your plea falls on deaf ears, as the general public is more than satisfied taking it up the ass with the various items like Super Mario Run and Pokémon Go. There's no stopping this, now. Here comes the arm.

Sincerely

T. Light

they could have added online since its an emulator box but thats a pretty stupid reason to hate it.

The multishitters continue to amaze me at how great their capacity for stupidity is. Truly, multifaggots are the greatest cancer killing video games.

your post number looks like multifaggots

Kill yourself.

Read the ID. It's just another legitimately entitled retard trying to shit on older consoles just for not having a modern feature.

They don't know shit.

That sounds a bit much for a $30 console

They really are.

Checked, But by Multifaggot you better mean fags who hate things that only do one thing and not people who get and check repeating digits

This is one hell of a weird post.

Anyway look up a list of most expensive games and you won't find much Nintendo stuff on there. Blaming Nintendo for bloated game budgets is utterly retarded.

I'm certain they're talking about the kind of faggots that are making single player shittier with less content every year.

Oh, fair enough

Nintendo didn't want to pay licensing fees for the use of DVD (which was invented by Sony and others) so they came up with their own storage. As always: Jews.

Yes, the original NES, hell, the Atari 2600 had online play. Today, it's more accessible than ever so it just goes to show how behind the times Nintendo is.

In any case, however, even if it came with an adapter and a third controller port to play Bomberman 2 on: I still wouldn't buy one for multiple reasons but what they did to AM2R is #1.

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you dumb nigger, PS was pushing 3D really hard, so hard in fact that some games got retooled for 3D

I'm glad you wrote your midterm on video games user but nothing is going to make me believe your a developer or not a virgin

Mega64 is shit. KYS and get some taste

I sat through 90% of that shit and it was ultra gay
kys

The NES was definitely "underpowered", but Nintendo and 3rd party developers worked the dickens out of that little machine.

I dunno m8 I was just playing saturn bomberman online on original hardware a few hours ago

it wasn't notably underpowered, it just had some smart tech built into it to both be affordable and to give room for game developers to do more of what they wanted to do. It just wasn't particularly advanced. It's rare that new games hardware is actually advanced consumer hardware. Jerking off over this kind of stuff makes you a bit of a PC gamer anyway, nobody wants to be one of those losers.

I have to fucking memorize all this just to make a game?