Can we have one of these threads?

lefty fags

I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.

“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”

“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”

“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”

The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”

“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”

He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”

I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.

“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.

“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.

“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”

It didn’t seem like they did.

“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”

Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.

I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.

“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.

Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.

“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.

I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”

He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.

“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”

“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.

“Because I was afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”

I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.

“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”

He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.

I bet you only know your height to the eleven hundredth after the dot.

Lost it here.
Fucking hell, is there more of this?
By the way, despook me on this one. I know about his memetarian propaganda show and that he's a rape apologist, but little else.

I thought it would be pointless to take the test.

but it has been quite an interesting journey to see my libertarian views wander off and get even more freer.

I got similar results but further to the left

Really makes you think hmmm….

Spectrum of far left ideologies

Yeah it really make me think you should fucking kill yourselves.

I really wonder what it is keeping me from the very bottom left

Cucks.

but your result is literally "i eat nigger cum for a living"

not today Holla Forums

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I'm an INFP and a left anarchist. Definitely not a Stalinist. Chart sucks bro.

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fuck it. Here ya go

Nietzsche plz

go back to Holla Forums please

no

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Bordiga would cringe tbh

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But the kulaks were hoarding grain. It's like you wanted the Whites to win.

ayy

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i'm a literal marxist-leninst, some of the tests questions were stupid and misleading

The problem with kulaks was less about grain hoarding, and more of the fact that they were usurers who held entire villages in the debt slavery. This was also the reason why agriculture of Russian Empire was so backwards - who needs tractors when more than 80% of population are poor peasants? The whole country was pretty much a giant grain sweatshop.

These tests are always inaccurate in my opinion

Give me your toothbrushes tankies.

i was mostly kidding

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Oh boi…

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Sounds spooky but okay

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black is where I used to be aligned like a year ago

Not taking the fucking test, all questions are loaded and Astrology is not fucking politics.

It's Agorism, which is really just Ancap+Lifestylism.

these faggots all think theyre edgy beyond political identification

you're all right wing filth

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How so? Bordiga criticized Lenin for being too democratic and insufficiently authoritarian.

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literally 10/10

Sheer Chart Attack no weaknesses

Ayyyy

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good show lad

Nice jojoke

I am a monarch?

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So authoritarianism = kangz n shiet?

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LOL

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fugg forgot image