Have you ever written about videogames?

Please share your work.
(Your work not a link to your shitty website)

Other urls found in this thread:

mediafire.com/download/u8xpkb9p05z79bk/ICBTCAST-1.00-win32.zip
vndb.org/v9763
spit.mixtape.moe/view/3855c7f0
vgmdb.net/artist/3157
gamefaqs.com/xbox360/930278-assassins-creed/faqs/59213
archive.is/jGgB5
twitter.com/NekoParadiseNya
curiouscat.me/NekoParadiseNya
nekoparadisenya.tumblr.com/
pastebin.com/KEuvDxM8
archive.is/tkD9k
twitter.com/NSFWRedditVideo

I generally dislike most of them.
- me

I would sometimes write down notes to help me solve game puzzles on paper if I couldn't figure them out just by looking at it.

This is the only article I've ever written in my life. It was full of errors that I'm extremely embarrassed about.

It was written for a San Francisco based online publication.

Here is my documented masterpiece

banjo kazooie
MROE LIKE FUCKING SHIT
I CANTB ELIEVE PEOPLE LIKE THIS GAME

CALL ME A SONY FAGGOT BUT HOLY SHIT
ITS '98 AND IW AS KILLING DEMONS AND BEING A FUCKING SNAKE AND YOU'RE TELLING ME, IF YOU'RE FUCKING SERIOUS, LOOKING STRAIGHT AT MY FUCKING EYE AND SAY IT'S LITERALLY THE GAME OF THE EVERYTHING, YOU ARE FUCKING RETARDED.

this is fucking inexcusable, it feels like actual ass, why the actual fuck do i ahve to rotate like a fucking nginog and move so fuckign slow, this is ridiclous and the framerate chugs like dick whenever two fucking things are on screen and the game tears its penis apart to the point its unplayable, and what the hell iw as spamming b all fucking day until i find a mole with googles then i could punch BUT THE PUNCH SUCKS ANYWAYS, WHY DOES THE GEAME REMOVE MY CONTROLS, WHAT THE FUCK AND YOU HAVE THIS RETARDED SWIMMING WHERE MASHING A DOESNT DO SHIT, NO FUCK OFF THIS IS A TERRIBE PIECE OF GAME.
don't even talk to me about jumping, because its in the same absurd bullshit, with the retarded controls the retarded movement, if i want to sidejump, no fuck you, you have to move foward a bit and then jump, and if you fuck up your jumpo, YOU FUCKEDU P, BECAUSE NICE GAME, its supposed to be the best 3d platformer but it fucked up, what's even better is the camera controls, why in the actual fuck is it inverted, WHY DOES PRESSING LEFT MAKES ME LOOK RIGHT AND VICE-VERAS SHTI IS STUPID, W H Y

fucking nintendorks THE N64 IS tHE WORST CONSOLE, HAS THE WORST GAMES AND WTHE WORST THIGNS EVER, fucking faggots, boy i cant wait to play the ps3 with fantastic games

I used to be a journalist for a major doota team

If enough journos post we can play a game of six degrees to Zoe Quinn's pussy

I actually keep a notebook for writing down videogame stuff. (Directions NPCs give you, places you saw a treasure chest that you couldn't access yet, puzzles, etc.) Most recently I used it to mark down some locations I visited in Tales of Zestiria, but was too underleveled to beat the boss. It helps a lot for little stuff like that.


That's kind of strange. Was your assignment just to write an opinion piece about the Xbone.

...

"Your favorite video game is shit."

-user, 200X

I used to run a blog that got an odd amount of traffic. I'd write about random things.

Then I started writing about politics and philosophy and the traffic disappeared.

Turns out video games are more popular than exploring what the difference is between a state which has a moral duty to habituate it's citizens, and one that places human agency as the priority.

Also most of my traffic was for people reading about what I had to say about bioware games. So there was probably a conflict in my views and their views…

Post your blog.
Also it might have been your political articles were not written in a very entertaining way. I'm not saying they should be clickbaiting pieces of shit, but you can make anything entertaining if you try hard enough

Wrote a visual novel that was a meta-commentary on the state of OELVN creators relying on pre-made graphics and the questionable quality of them.

mediafire.com/download/u8xpkb9p05z79bk/ICBTCAST-1.00-win32.zip

Some people thought it was funny.
There's a page for it on VNDB.
vndb.org/v9763

/jp/ seemed to like it but I don't really remember.

Yes, and there's more, and it gets worse. Being journo is really a whole different level to just shitposting on Holla Forums. You really do need to bring your A-game or you'll be scrutinised to fuck for having the audacity to imply you have the right to write from a place of authority. It's really something I have no right doing.

...

Maybe he was talking about devs preferring to do games they could have fun while making instead of games that sell

I did an interview with Koji Sugimoto from Square Enix for the 15th anniversary of his PS1 game Threads of Fate/Dewprism. It was a lot of fun.

After leaving halfchan im convinced the majority of posts are either scripted or bots.

lol, what a gay.

Wait why that guy?
Why can't the simulation be geared around me?

He's right though, the word "fun" is so subjective it's basically meaningless.

That's not even what the said.

Just today, coincidentally

Well, fuck them.

It's important to take constructive critscism and grow as a writer, there will always be people that disagree with you when you write an opinion piece. Hence, OPINION piece.

But all those comments are just nitpicking from people that likely bought the Xbone and want to feel justified in their purchase. And faggots that bought into the Todd Howard hype too apparently. If your boss doesn't force you to appeal to these fucks then just do your thing.

Because you're not real, faggot. Prove me wrong.

...

I write about video games everyday on Holla Forums.

...

I wrote a page long essay about Doom in highschool once.

You got a C didn't you.

Don't remember.

...

Arcana Heart feels way different than things like BlazBlue and Fighting Climax. I like "anime fighters", but Arcana Heart is hard. You should probably pay me what I paid for it, since your review is misleading and I can't enjoy it as much as I'd hoped.

Wait, really?
Aside from bullshit cheese last boss, I play it pretty comfortably, and I don't have a lot of fightan experience

My long-content posts from a certain "other imageboard".

Maybe because I never played Guilty Gear or Melty Blood or any of that stuff, but from the little bit I played it felt way different from what I was used to. I think you even have a button that helps you soar into the other players foot or fist. Even all the weird combinations that you pick with your character are confusing. I would just pick one and have no idea what if it was good or not. Normally, I can mash some buttons and figure out a couple moves to make cheap combos, but in Arcana Heart it just made my character look like they were slowly having a seizure. Plus Kirino isn't even in the game. For these reasons I can't recommend it. 2.5/5

I wrote a review of Gender Bender DNA Twister Extreme last December. I never published it, but I kind of want to put it on Medium or something after adding more meat to it.

spit.mixtape.moe/view/3855c7f0

Among other things, I translated an interview of Hirofumi Taniguchi

Some of his game work: vgmdb.net/artist/3157

I can post it here. Just remember that I didn't ask the questions.

I wrote two walkthroughs when I was 14 - a basic one for NFS Most Wanted 05 and quite possibly the world's longest, most in depth text-only walkthrough…. for AssCreed 1.

Hey, the sequel hadn't even come out yet, I didn't know how bad things would get for the franchise.

Take a look if you want, I'm sure the writing is cringy as fuck, which is why I haven't gone back and read it:

gamefaqs.com/xbox360/930278-assassins-creed/faqs/59213

I will give myself credit, though - I fucking did the whole "Encyclopedia entry with a bit of writer commentary on the history of X building/area/faction" MONTHS before ACII released - I know for a goddamn fact someone in Ubisoft looked at what I did and was like "uh huh, yep, put that shit in there, stat - is golden"

So you're welcome. I'm probably the whole reason everything went to shit in the series. Ironic, seeing how I was quite literally it's biggest fan.

I know that site. Goddamn, expect to get angry as fuck listening to their video game podcast, and some of their other podcasts. They have so many friends in the biz and got super salty over their buddy at PC Gamer getting ragged since he was married to Ubisoft PR manager and reviewed Assassin's Creed games.

I would if it was still a thing.

Also you probably right. I am not very funny.

...

Well if its sells its probbaly because people find it fun.

Yeah, I have. I once wrote a lot on the interplay of Gunstar Heroes's mechanics. I don't remember how long it was, but it took more than 20 minutes to read through it, and I was only about halfway done with the structure that I had laid out beforehand, so it probably would have been around 40 minute total by the time I was done.

I should probably find and finish it. It got large enough that the only way anyone would ever see the contents is if I made a video out of it.

I've been writing an article on a Wordpress blog I've never shown anyone every week or two for the past few months, just to keep myself sane; although I haven't been struck by anything worth writing about in a while.

It's kind of like talking to myself, but a little more productive because apparently 4 different people find the blog every time I post.

Anyone else play it? It's been ages, but it was alright for an afternoon of mindless fun.

I've written a lot of things.

I wrote a fairly lengthy bit tying the gameplay of the different Max Payne games into his state of mind and such at the time of the game. Basically that 3 felt so clunky on purpose, because he's over the hill, and has spent the last decade or so drinking and popping pills. Plus he's drunk or hungover most of the game, so obviously his movement wouldn't be very smooth. I don't even remember most of what I wrote about it because I was drinking a lot at the time and never put it up anywhere. It's probably a bunch of "Blighttown has bad fps on purpose"-tier asspulls.

Somehow I just noticed that I've written about both a Flintstones game and a Jetsons one.

I still don't get why a sprocket company and a cog company were even competing.

How long a day did that guy spend? I would be happy learning in three years, but I need to pick up my pace or I doubt that will happen. (I'd say in time for Persona 6, but I'm guessing that won't be nearly as long as a wait as 4-5 has been.)

James, you're a shit writer and probably one of the worst on the entire site.
You've got awful taste in everything and can't fucking articulate any of your points well.

I've written reviews of some lewd VN's and a few Steam games, that's about it though.

I'm a shit writer though, so chances are they're much worse then I think they are.

It's a satire piece.


Without an example, that criticism is nothing but hot air.

Oh, damn. Is videogame satire popular? I wonder why I never saw any game channels on youtube similar to "the onion" (I think that's what it's called anyway) I would think that there's gotta be some.

No, it is not. Like logic, it operates within a domain. Neurologically, it is the release of hormones upon reaching certain mental goals or milestones towards them, either set by the frontal lobe consciously, or by the more primitive areas of the brain subconsciously. There are only so many goals, designed or otherwise, that men can have, and they are all shared to some extent, all in the case of the subconscious desires such as eating, sleeping, and so on. Even the fellow who enjoys playing in his own excrement isn't totally alone.

So, if it is your goal to enjoy a well crafted story of a certain kind, say perhaps crime drama, and a game contains this as well as other features that aren't so bad that they detract from it, you will find it fun.

So, it isn't a meaningless word, but a container word which must be prefaced with the things you enjoy to make it relevant. Ideally, discussion of fun in a video game would first be about what you find fun, so that others like you can identify your opinion as relevant, then how well the game caters to you, perhaps finishing with points on novelty or what detracted from the experience.

It isn't a pointless task, it just requires more structure than saying "it's good" or "it's bad", but it's not enough to say "it can't be done" either.

I haven't seen much, but considering our satire pieces get a lot of traffic I'd imagine there's a "market" for them.

Personally I'm pretty proud of that piece I took a screenshot of. If you'd like an archive link, I can share it.

What team? C9?

9 years ago when I was 16, I wrote a review for Big Rigs Over The Road Racing.

It was originally going to be a review that gave ait a perfect score where I would basically say the opposite of what was bad about the game, while reffering to certain glitches were excellent features. (typical 14 year old humor)

As I started to write it, I realized the review obviously wouldn't get accepted. Instead of just cutting my losses and stopping, I wasted my time writing an generic semi-serious autistic sounding review for it. Pic related.

9 years ago when I was 14, I wrote a review for Big Rigs Over The Road Racing.
It was originally going to be a review that gave ait a perfect score where I would basically say the opposite of what was bad about the game, while reffering to certain glitches were excellent features. (typical 14 year old humor)
As I started to write it, I realized the review obviously wouldn't get accepted. Instead of just cutting my losses and stopping, I wasted my time writing an generic semi-serious autistic sounding review for it. Pic related.

I never played 3 because I gave up drinking and tried to save my frontal lobe but I did write a review for 2.

The dude with the kickass name returns in the sequel to Max Payne 1. Max Payne 2 is a third person action adventure game. It follows Max Payne, a New York City cop with a dead wife and a thirst for vengeance. You follow him into the seedy underground with his beautiful love interest Mona Sax as he uncovers a plot that threatens the very city.
The story is simply epic. Hard boiled comic book style panels, like your favorite Frank Miller episode, and cool dialogue make the game really appealing to a gaming audience. The narrative is about Max Payne and how he has to kill this guy for revenge. Max Payne is a tragic figure due to the fact that his wife and kid were killed. But the story is amazing once you get into it with twists you'd never expect. Apparently they made a movie from it and I can see why.

bump

It's because most reviewers are enough of a joke as it is.

One time in college I wrote a 10 page, sourced paper on why Skyrim is a piece of shit from both a technical and design standpoint. It was for an elective, so don't get your panties in a twist.
I got an A-

Here to plagiarizer some actually good content from people who actually played the games?
Pretty clever of you, can't prove a thing on an anonymous image board.

I wrote a review about The Last of Us

archive.is/jGgB5

I know we're on Holla Forums and all, but it's totally acceptable to say you have fun playing a game.
The problem is when that's all you have to say. If you can't articulate why you like or dislike a game, then you're better off just not saying anything at all. The same goes for real life, or any topic.
Maybe it's why I can't stand talking to normalfags about their "hobbies".

I know a guy for niche gamer that comes here, I'll get em.

my old profile, this was from a bad time in my life

Somehow, I'm 95% sure you're still a horribly unbearable faggot to interact with.

what a fucking faggot

I have a lot of shitty reviews and my profile is pretty terrible.

This was ironic right

you were just foolin around RIGHT

You're a fucking liar.

YOU NEED TO BE BULLIED

>tfw I've been on Steam for 8 years and have NEVER written a description about myself or even made a header
I swear, people who use Steam socially are cancerous.

I think that's how he got like that, user.

Please tell me this is a joke.

You're so gay that even your gender likes boys.

I changed my avatar to a duck and that's about as far as down the social spectrum that I go

Somehow, I don't think it is.

You should've killed yourself.

You mean he wasn't bullied enough

jk I dont really mind :^)

we postin profiles?
i don't think i've got anything really shameful on me
r8/10

He fucked up on a lot of levels. The conclusion is in in the title, which means there's no point in reading opinion which means a missed click. Which brings no revenue since we know the author hated Microsoft's E3 and the only clicks will be a bunch of fanboys starting shit in the comments to defend it (And even then he fucked up because if non fanboys are saying that you are shit, then you fucked up on some level beyond your opinion).

Lead paragraphs are meandering and boring. Only needs one paragraph saying why Xbox meant something to OP. He should be detailing why he disliked Halo:Republic Commando by the third paragraph. Also, if the website doesn't have a style guide, Go by the AP style guide. The piece has way too much purple prose and hurts readability. If you don't have the AP Style guide. Buy it you cheap niggers (This is literally the worst part of Nichegamer, Techraptor et all that sprung up post GG. They are god awful to read. Gaming websites need to be really on the "Easy" side of the Flesch–Kincaid scale).

That article is in no state to be published on a functional level. The editor made right call, unfortunately.

t. Former Dying print medium editorial faggot for lifestyle magazine who lost his job and has to keep up with the digital kids

Got a reader complaint about scoring The Last Of Us six out of ten. Many keks were had. Game still is average and boring as hell

Oh God.

NO ONE MUST KNOW MY SECRET

These are my notes for some of The Way's puzzles. As you can see I'm an amazing cameraman

This is why you don't post your fucking steam profiles if they're so offensively horrible.
It always leads to lulz.

Ive been considering doing a series of reviews on my vidya collection and some random emulated games. Although, im going to wait until i get my laptop before doing that. Would anyone like to read that, or is it a waste?

I don't think that is your old profile, user. I think it is your current one. I think that you're still a mentally ill faggot who needs to get right, so get fucking right.

twitter.com/NekoParadiseNya

...

This shit writes itself.

On first glance, I thought this was the image of his removed testicles, but it's just a strawberry. I kind of wish those were his testicles. He does not deserve them.

I bet this fag frequents 4AM threads.

...

I wrote a review about a flash TD and went into detail about what was wrong with it mechanically. Then lost internet for months only to see an email that the guy who made it asked me if I would be interested in testing shit professionally.

Let's all ask "her" something!
curiouscat.me/NekoParadiseNya

This shit is just too good.

KILL YOURSELF YOU FUCKING FAGGOT

>he posts nudes
HELLO, HUNGRY SKELETON

I write for LewdGamer. Made a few reviews and previews about porn games or games with suggestive material.

Fucking shit user, do it. I remember that game being fun as shit.

How dare you insult the nazis with that picture in your gay profile?
You are going to get lynched fuckboy.

Here's the reason why "she" posted "her" chest.

uggg~

i cant believe i left that url in there, i literally want to curl up into a ball and disappear

It would be a favor to the world if you did disappear.

Well too bad faggot.
TIME FOR THE LYNCH.

you probably get off to this faggot

This is why we don't post our steam profiles.
Actually, this is why we aren't fags.

Do us a favor and kill yourself right know, and thinking that people like you browse this place.

Die.

I bet this nigger goes to Holla Forums.
Do some digging boys.

That's what I was thinking.

We need /baph/ or /cow/'s help for this faggot.

...

dead boards

Holy shit, that dumb faggot is on hormones. Seems like he started taking them recently too. Hope you got lots of dispensable income, dipshit, for the dozens of plastic surgeries that'll be needed to make you look like anything other than an inbred mongoloid (and which may not succeed in doing that)

...

nekoparadisenya.tumblr.com/

...

Patreon soon?

In all seriousness, leave the poor guy alone, he's already all fucked up.

MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK
PLEASE BAN THIS FAG

Probably a case of a fetish processing so far as to wanting to BECOME the fetish

No, user. The punishment for faggotry is bullying until death.

This faggot needs chemical castration

Oh well, the people have spoken.


Already done in a way.

in b4 this is an elaborate hit job

Faggot deserves to get hit, every single one does.

I think it is too, but it's still funny and this guy probably posts on a chan anyways. He deserves the bullying.

DELETE THIS

...

geg

post it

ye nigga

Someone doesn't know how it works.

smh nigga like just walk away from yo screen, like just turn aroun tbh

wew

HAHAHAHA
YOU NIGGERFAGGOT
YOU UNLEASHED THE RAGE
YOU TURNED ON THE INTERNET HATE MACHINE
PREPARE FOR THE SHITSTORM

it could be worse you could be anthony burch or something

...

It's as bad, just in different ways.

I mean, it's hard not to if it's straight in your bio.

Fine, here. It's not as sourced as I thought it was, but 10 pages was not an exaggeration. Keep in mind, I didn't lay into the game as hard as I wanted to because I know not to bring Holla Forums tier anger to a college paper. But the stuff in here shouldn't really be anything we haven't argued about here before.
pastebin.com/KEuvDxM8

I'm going to regret this, aren't I?

It's not like she is avoiding having a real life.

LET THE MEMES BEGIN
PRAISE KEK

W E W
E
W

Dude, you're laying it on a little thick, don't you think?

At least say Hi.

NO
KEK DEMANDS A SACRIFICE

LET THE BULLYING BEGIN
should this thread be stickied?

Right on cue.

A better greeting would be trying to convince him to kill himself.

Lol reported it's stream for child porn

YES
STICKY IT RIGHT NOW

Jesus christ, no.

YOU WON'T SCAPE, TRANNY.

Explain to us why you chose the life of degenerate scums.

We are dying to know.

YES

Fuck no, that would be pathetic.

Give the rate of domestic and child abuse among lesbians, I wouldn't be surprised.

we only bully because we love you

BULLY AWAY

FUCK OFF DEGENERATE
YOU WILL BE LYNCHED

...

Holy shit a tumblrfag.

...

Are you new? Stop trying so hard, you are giving it what it wants, attention. Bully away, but sticky it and it has validation.

...

I'm not a mod.

I thought you guys wanted me to cut down on the stickying :^)

Ok?

don't sticky, this isn't even video games

don't sticky it you faggot

STICKY IT

We do.

Make a mod sticky this…
Or we could go to /opnei/ to continue the shitpost.

Don't sticky.

fuck it sticky anyway

You aren't nearly as bad as Holla Forums mods when it comes to stickies. Holy fuck there's almost always 5 stickies every time I skim it.

O hi mark

Not bideogames don't sticky

DO IT YOU FUCKING KIKE

I remember that, good times.

no sticky, but this could be entertaining. try not to bully too hard though. We have a no doxing rule. aka no personal information like addresses and shit. I personally recommend making a /cow/ thread.

THIS IS NOT VIDYA
WE SHALL CONTINUE THE OPERATION AT >>>/opnei/

Remember the deer cunt?
Me too.

What happened to >>>/cow/ ?

No.

It ain't XtReMe enough for me.

Why are you fags trying to act old

I just asked a question.
You niggerfaggot.

Maybe we'll be the subject of a kotaku article.

I mean on Holla Forums, best to keep the real bullying on /cow/ or /opnei/

you wouldn't want to upset Araki, would you?

I'm surprised they didn't do a hit piece on me yet

Fine, volunteer.

It's time to chew gum and bully, and we're all out of gum.

I'm surprised you think you're important enough for people to write about you.

I hope so, too. It would be nice to finally get some god damned recognition.

Yeah, weird how jews don't treat you like an enemy but a fellow chosen. Weird.

You'd love the attention.

They probably didn't dig enough info on you, it's not like we like to plastify social medias with our private information like normalfags.

what exactly are you hiding behind that mask?

Yes, Skyrim is less complex, of course, but does that fact make the game a bit worse? Ask yourself if Morrowind would have been a better game if you could choose the underwear of the Nerevarine. Would the posibility of wearing an unlimited amount of rings make it better? In an interview, Todd Howard has expressed that he's interested in not only what to add to a game, but also what the remove to make it more fun. Why is he wrong when he deliberately remove part those kind of customization?

By the way, is BadBoy2 the username you have on gay dating sites?

Well they did one on Jim. Surprised they didn't write a hit piece saying "WE'VE CAUGHT THE RACIST BASTARD THAT RUNS LEAD GAMERGAY BOARD Holla Forums" or some shit like that


Yes, I would be smug for days.


true enough, but still. they did enough information to do one on Jim.

Yes, and yes.
But is this really the thread for that anymore?

no, it's a shitty meme I remembered from back in the day. I was just being a shitposting faggot

Want me to bully you or something? I don't play a lot of weeb games but I can call you a fag on twitter once in a while if it'd help. I'm here 4 u bb.

Wait, you aren't serious? You don't ACTUALLY think you are worth writing about?

nah, I'm good. thanks tho

Mark…

of course I'm not WORTH writing about, but neither is Brianna Wu.

When did they do that?

I know I know, it's not gonna happen. even Kektaku isn't that desperate to write about a fat sperg like me

Mark, I…
How should I break this to you? You are the board owner of Holla Forums. You do it for free. Nobody cares enough about you to write about you. I barley bother to respond to you.

Brianna Wu is a fucking train wreck. Train wrecks end up on the news all the time.

You are a styrofoam burger wrapper someone tossed out of their car. You're arguably bad but nobody is putting that on for the five o'clock news.

This is from a good time in my life.

...

This is a 'guest rant' I wrote for Lum the Mad's site back around 2001 about jumpgate.


I’m sure you’ve heard of the MMOG privateer-ish game jumpgate. It’s set for release around the end of this month I believe, so I figured I’d have a look-see for myself with the open beta since I hadn’t heard anything on LtM about if it was any good.

I found the most boring, monotonous game ever created by mankind.

The ‘Big Two’ in terms of waiting in this game are travelling and mining. You are constantly travelling as you must run computer-generated missions that basically all boil down to getting from point A to point B and sometimes doing something along the way (like press the ‘scan’ key 38+ times if it’s a scanning mission). The basics and that’s all there are) of travelling are you point your ship at the next jumpgate, throttle up, wait for 2-4 minutes, press ‘j’ when you reach it, and repeat. ‘Short’ trips are usually about 5 jumps so you’re talking a minimum of 10 minutes per trip with nothing to do but soul-search as to why you feel the need to punish yourself with
this game. Some distances are longer than others.. I cannot begin to explain the sheer pain of seeing a distance of 60,000 to the next jump and realizing that at your top speed of 254/s, you’ll have yet another 4 minutes of dead time to fill. When you eventually
arrive at your destination, you’ll pick another mission and back you’ll be, out waiting in space.

As far as mining goes, just wait until you realize that you mine units of minerals at a rate of 0.006 per second! Doing the math, that’s about 3 minutes per_single unit_ mined, during which time you the player have nothing to do but sit and wait. It’s totally
hands-off. The icing is that if you try and alt+escape to do something else while waiting the eternity it takes to fill your holds, the game conveniently decides your time away from suffering
shouldn’t count towards your mining. I laughed, then I cried.

99% of your time playing jumpgate will be spent waiting.

I asked around for how other players manage this dead time that someone mistakenly called a game and the most common responses tended to be reading a book, doing homework, or working out.. which proves that people that can stand this game are sick puppies.

Not all of the game is waiting though. There’s still that unaccounted 1% of your time you’ll actually spend at your computer and not timing snack runs to the kitchen between pressings of the ‘j’ key. During that 1% you might experience some of the game’s innovative features.. like “Disco-death”.

The question always arises in MMOG development, what do you do if the player loses connection or crashes? Players hate getting disconnected at innoportune moments and winding up killed by a stray leet or a jwilson, but if you protect them while disconnected they might abuse that to their advantage. Jumpgate’s solution? KILL THEM ALL. That’s right, if you disconnect or crash.. you _DIE_, regardless of if there was something around capable of killing you, hence the name “Disco-death”. I find it a bit hard to understand why a few seconds of lost connectivity with nothing around me for lightyears warrant me exploding, especially considering I wouldn’t have spent those
seconds doing anything other than floating towards a jumpgate while eating pizza in the living room, waiting for the time to next press the ‘j’ key. I checked their credits carefully to see if I could find Jeff Friedman as a contributing designer, but this disco-death thing seems to be original stupidity.

Of course, no review would be complete without mentioning their case-sensitive profanity filter. Genius.

So what did I learn from my jumpgate experience? I learned that people complaining about mining being boring in Ultima Online don’t even have a clue what boring means. I learned that SwEarInG In MiXeD CapS AppArEntLy IsN’T SwEaRiNg. I also learned that there are people out there demented enough to be able to derive excitement from watching a counter go from 60,000 to 0 over the course of 4 minutes, pressing ‘j’, and repeating a few thousand times.

As far as the genre, I’m rather disturbed by the trend in MMOGs towards single-player style gaming. Anarchy Online’s and moreso Jumpgate’s mission generators seem like a way of sidestepping the supposed player interaction one would find in an online game and
instead bringing single player games into an online chatroom with bragging rights. Maybe we are witness to the birth of a new catagory of game? ‘MSOG’ – massively single-player online game.

archive.is/tkD9k

r-rude. but seriously you're probably right. This is just me daydreaming


SHIT

well I'll be out then. see you guys later

what did "it" mean by this?

I still want to kill this faggot

Ok, but I wish you would explain it so well as you did for the art and soundtrack in the Aesthetics section.
I guess you're right.

A brother or sister did it for the lulz

I mean fuck, dude. I'm not being a cunt I'm just laying it down. You can either be seen as a useless cunt in society or do something that makes people genuinely hate you. You can't skirt the line of being 'okay' and have people write about you. Go picket funerals of dead gentiles or flip a bitch in a butcher's shop over pork or something if you want notoriety. You CAN be hated if you want, or you can be LOVED if you want, but either way staying in the middle and being 'alright' is a surefire way to never be noticed.

If you want fame go shit in a non-kosher deli, you'll get on the news that way.

"I did it for attention, and someone found my IP address or otherwise figured out that it was posted from where I am, so I'll just blame a family member."

...

He pissed off family enough to want them to make people shit on him. In reality, he was the one who posted it and realized how much of a faggot he was too late.

Mark you mean about as much as the individual shitters in the gamergate threads, which is literally nothing.

I know, I know. like I said. I'm just a daydreaming faggot.

Didn't you say you were leaving, attention whore?

Leave Mark alone, we have trannies to bully.

Should have come out and said you lead the board behind the start of it when it was actually relevant.

Not counting blogs where I used to rant endlessly about games I've never played and the occasional rant video on YouTube, the first game review I chose to publish was for a Newgrounds flash game called Outpost:Haven. I made a very deliberate decision to be as critical and informative as I possibly could, a stark contrast to my YouTube days, and I was very pleased with the response, so I kept going. I also did some reviews for Atari 2600 games on a forum which hosted ROMs and ROM hacks, but I fell out of the forum after a while due to politics.

A few of these reviews still stick out in my mind, including a review for a game called Palatable Pie Cooking which I reviewed in one sentence, but the one that stands out the most to me is my review for 3D Metro Simulator 77, pictured, which I'm pretty sure was the catalyst for the developer pulling the game from the Internet and never coming back. I still feel a little bit bad, but that's what happens.

probably, but I'm not THAT much of an attention whore. either way like said. I gotta go.

you dont understand how bad "its" twitter is holy fucking its a sinking hole of sadness

Stop derailing the thread and start talking about that tranny faggot who lurks here

If you DO shit in a deli I want to know when to watch the news so tell us when you do it.

Do you exclusively review shit games?

Of course, it's a tranny. It turns out that pumping your body full of foreign hormone and hanging on social medias 24/7 is bad for your mental health and lead to suicide.

Who would have thought?

Don't get me wrong, I'd love to talk about it, but things seem to have… derailed.

I review games that I find interesting. Whatever has a new idea or is a game I never thought I would like. It turns out there are some pretty good ideas going around in the world of flash games if you take the time to look for them. Unfortunately now that I'm older and I'm not in college anymore it's harder to find the time.

He says as the guy posts three reviews that are above 4 stars.

but "its" on twitter every fucking day posting every hour of nothing but civ 5, yaoi ,weird fetishes and hentai and it sucks at civ too

So yes then.

I wrote an actual review (not any gay number scale bullshit, but an actual objective breakdown and assessment) of Brawl when it came out. It was an assignment for a journalism class and it ended up in the school newspaper. It wasn't one of those faggot we'll publish anything to make people feel good papers, it won national awards and shit.

Man who knew trannies couldn't learn how to screenshot.

I wrote(and got paid for) a big-ass guide for Tomba 2, probably the most in-depth guide on the internet.

To be fair I reviewed a lot of really crappy or half-finished games as well, but those reviews were significantly less interesting to read. Like I said, I reviewed one game in one sentence, and while it was very funny to see people mark that review as "helpful" it felt like a waste of my time.

Whenever I got a game that I felt was particularly bad on a fundamental level, just trashy casual shit, I used to joke that it "probably would have sold well on the iPhone market," but I put a stop to that after a developer indicated he was seriously considering making a port and I realized that I was making the world of mobile gaming even shittier by even putting the idea into developers' heads.

Well you did it goys.

and yet nothing will change

HON HON BAGUETTE

Fucking frog.

We only wanted to help.

Erry time.

He probably looks like as much of a ghoul as BriWu.

I want trannies to leave. /cuteboys/ are way better anyway.

faggot should kill himself

THIS FUCKWIT SPECIALIZES IN MENTAL HEALTH!?
GOD HELP US ALL

It's mostly a Jewish field anyway, so it's not like anything of value is lost.

Good, you almost made me sad. v_~

That probably makes him aware that he's very likely to kill himself one way or another. Or get murdered.

Why would you post this?

I'm a tranny and I'm pumping my body full of hormones but I don't post on social medial at all. I'm quite happy and have no plans to ever kill myself. Stay mad faggot

I don't use Steam socially though.

Lel, you might as well buy a rope now faggot, you are going to need it in a few weeks, tops.

Why not. It's related to the part about him getting murdered or killing himself. And you know you wanted it

I will tear your ass apart.
Then you will die of internal bleeding.

Can I add you on Steam. :^)

there no point in trying to be something your not you have to be yourself that just life

Maybe she just wants to be a qt grill and suck cocks. Did you ever think of that?

...

...

...

Who wouldn't want to suck cocks?

Then you fulfill only 1 of the 2 conditions mentioned. You're still a fucking degenerate but at least you know you are.

...

Seriously though, add me on Steam.

Holy shit, it isn't going to suck you dick, so just stop.

Don't feed me that "pretending to be retarded" line.

A la cuisine.

You shoulkld spoiler that, we know Mark "attention whore" Goldberg is in the thread. Faggot.

In my experience, most people studying psychology are screwed up mentally as well. From the ten or so psychology students I know only one seems sane, and I'm not 100% sure on that

then just be a faggot

Mine was kinda similar, without the genderqueer and pansexual shit. Bad memories.

I hope you are joking.

I did some write ups on Payday 2 on this site around Crimefest 2015.

Not my best work, had a lot of typos, but now I'm using a text-to-voice app to help me catch more of them.

My life in general is a joke.

I believe you.

I got lazy and didn't screencap anything after that, and then thread died. Think I've got most of the old ones though.

Tits or GTFO

ufffff~

too think i was going to post my current profile, to show the contrast from then til now
guess i gotzz ta hide all that now 【•】_【•】

geez, u guys literally made me have a panic attack

i really wish Holla Forums would leave us alone (︶︹︺)

Post it.

That shit was a false flag wasn't it

There is a point where the bait must stop.

It's not even funny anymore

Repent

...

...

...

take comfort in the fact that this will all blow over by tomorrow.

I've been living like this the last few years. A few weeks won't matter

Why not be nice instead and fuck me daily? :)

I don't use steam

...

Keep saying that. Tik tok, there goes the tranny suicide clock

...

Nei. Slutt. SLUTT MED EN GANG!

I wrote some shit about how much Doom 3 sucks, but then I realized fuck writing. Waste of time and I'm not going to waste my life writing about pointless horseshit just in the hopes that maybe someone would give me a chance when I'm already old and have a job doing something else that doesn't involve my useless degree. Especially considering these people don't want you unless you're already in their fucking clique. It's not just gaymen journalism that's full of this cliquey bullshit, it's also regular journalism.

Journalism was a mistake and now I'm going back to become a mechanical engineer.

I make videos about vidya if that counts and it requires me to write a script beforehand.

...

We wouldn't bully you if you were a fag more like Billy Herrington.
Also what does Holla Forums have to do with this you niggerfaggot.

bump for lels

We reached the bump limit faggot.