ITT: Post pictures of random shit and I'll describe it like it was a Soulsborne item

Do it faggots

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Now this is a shit thread.




A gun consisting of a rotating barrel and attached bayonet for melee attacks. A truly outrageous weapon, likely designed by a particularly overzealous Powder Keg. Rapidly devours Quicksilver bullets, and is terribly inaccurate besides.

The arms race between the various hunter factions sometimes spawns bizarre weapons such as these, which function much better in theory than in practice.



This outfit.

A spice popular in the age before the curse took root. Once commonplace, it is now extremely rare and valuable.

Value is by no means intrinsic, and a change of circumstances can make fortunes in unlikely places, and beggars of the richest men.

Only, you will have to find someone willing to buy this.

A tight, form-fitting brassiere. Quite alluring.

Desire to appear coquettish is not common among the undead, but perhaps there are those who can still find delight in such a garment.

If no one is looking, why not try donning it, and see what it does for your confidence?


A garishly-colored mask featuring a grimacing face and dark eyes. Of unknown origin, but possibly hailing from Zena, where such strange designs are commonplace.

Armor such as this is more useful as a tool of intimidation than of protection, but still, it is surprisingly sturdy.

A regular pistol that has been customized with a grip panel featuring a painting of a nearly-naked woman.

It is common for hunters to anthropomorphize their weapons, and the sleek components of a well-crafted gun can lure the mind toward indulgent thoughts.

Still, perhaps this is overdoing it a bit.


this lolki

A colorful stuffed horse. Might have been for children, but for the addition of a questionable hole in the rear end. As it is, this was likely once the toy of a deprived Cainhurst noble.

The unnaturally long, twisted lives of the Cainhurst vilebloods gave rise to a number of bizarre perversions, many of which would sicken normal men. But, to these creatures, such deviance was normalcy.

A sobering reminder that many of moral codes to which men adhere are by no means absolute.

You're alright, user.



do this faggot

Good shit

this post has been approved by the executioners

A lovingly-designed outfit of black silk and orange ribbon, likely once worn by a young witch. Provides good defense against magic.

Witches are known for their alluring nature, and this nature is often instilled before the onset of womanhood. Clothes such as these foreshadow the ravishing beauties that young witches will soon become.

An ordinary bag of salt. Seems useless, but can be thrown at human enemies to temporarily blind them. In addition, some creatures are inexplicably vulnerable to this substance, and will be badly harmed by it.

A true warrior knows how to make use of the tools that are available to them, and in a pinch, this salt just might do the trick.


An ingenious device made of several interlocking pieces of some unknown material. Resembles a small humanoid figure seated before a desk.

Such design far outstrips the most complex trick weapons of the workshop. Whoever created it was clearly a virtuoso.

However, oddly enough, the device itself seems completely pointless, and does nothing productive.

Here's a print to describe

Someone needs to edit these into a Dark Souls menu template.

today OP was a pretty cool guy.

Describe pyramid's head mask and sword.

Pretty good. Up for another one?

An unlikely food item consisting of a slice of bread, sausage, and some unpalatable minty paste. Quite revolting.

Perhaps this was created by a cook seized by the spirit of creativity, or a traveler who had nothing else to eat. Either way, there are times where the curse of the undead, which stifles all hunger but that for fire and souls, does not seem like a curse at all.

This is the best thread ive seen this month.




A simple peasant dish, composed of sausage, bread, and sauce made from an apothecary's leavings. Said to clean the teeth.

In the course of the hunt, the Hunters would forgo many creature comforts, but some still followed their daily routines in the oddest of ways.

A painting featuring a bizarre creature with no head or arms, and a face implanted in their chest.

Should be horrifying, but the whimsical depiction suggests that the creature was peaceful, unlike most of the demons which infest the known world.

Perhaps there is such thing as a harmless demon, or perhaps the artist was foolishly over-sympathetic.


Sword only, two items in one would be awkward:

A wickedly large, bloodstained sword carved from a single, heavy sheet of metal. There is a brutal efficiency about this weapon, and to behold it is to hear the faint screams of its countless victims.

Restores HP upon each successful kill, but one begins to wonder if they are feeding themself, or the sword.


Go ahead OP, be a faggot, I dare you.

An eerie, pale mask that is made all the more disconcerting for its lack of recognizable features.

Bears an uncanny resemblance to a mask said to have been worn by a notorious sexual deviant. Donning it makes one feel unclean.

Some items will be forever stained by their history, and this otherwise plain mask is no exception.


A collection of brightly-colored, sugary sweetmeats. Such frivolities were common in the heyday of Anor Londo, when rich lords would purchase ever more sumptuous and exotic delicacies to entertain their guests.

Of little value today, as the undead do not eat, and such humans as still exist are unlikely to see the use of such unsubstantial food.

I do hope someone is screencapping this for future posting.


A woodcut of a shifty-looking man eagerly rubbing his hands together, possibly about to perpetrate some sort of deceit or crime.

Such an unflattering depiction suggests that this was once an item of propaganda, but its meaning, as well as the the supposed subject of the picture, have been lost to the sands of time.


A phallic-looking, sword-like object made of some strange material that resembles rubber from the Great Swamp. Can be used as a weapon, but is more useful in humiliating your enemies than slaying them.

Shameless, exaggerated depictions of human anatomy are commonplace among the world's more barbaric peoples, and this weapon is a particularly egregious example.

This thread is great.

You've made a believer out of me.

A corded mop once used in the maintenance of a dirt-conscious home. Can be swung like a halberd, but don't expect much.

Many human values, such as the desire for cleanliness, were eroded with the onset of the curse. To continue to take pride in the appearance of one's hearth and home shows a commendable, if misplaced, resolve.




i'll cover OP for this one

The dog. Not the log.

An enormous firearm that resembles a regular blunderbuss, but at nearly twice the scale. Appropriately enough, it requires two Quicksilver bullets to fire.

Either the designer of this weapon wanted to push the limits of human strength, or this weapon was never intended to be held by human hands. In which case, one can be grateful that the weapon's original owner is no longer around to claim it as their own.


Yaay thread

An improbable trick weapon that combines the weight of a hammer with the impact a gun. Pulling the trigger causes the weapon to surge forward, lending additional strength to regular blows.

Trick weapons such as these, which did not necessarily change shape but made ingenious use of Quicksilver bullets, are archetypal of the later years of the Hunter's Workshop. Not easy to use by any means, but devastating in the right hands.

Too bad, describing the log.

A heavy log of petrified wood. Can be swung like an incredibly stout club, if one has the strength to hoist it.

Improvised weapons are commonplace in a world where good steel is at a premium, but still, perhaps you could have chosen something with a more appropriate shape. This log is more suitable for standing on than swinging.


now do this one

A simple, short-sleeved shirt featuring a prominent message written in acid-green runes.

The meaning of the runes is unknown, though their presence, in addition to that of a strange sigil on the front, suggests that the shirt is enchanted. However, this does not appear to be the case, and the defensive benefit of the article is questionable at best.

Not everything that claims a hold a second, hidden meaning can be trusted. Sometimes the most mundane items can be disguised as something compelling.

I've got a Chihya for you to describe.

A skillfully executed painting of an empty field covered in lush, verdant grass. Such utopic scenery is practically unknown to those born under the yoke of the curse.

It's unknown why the artist chose to paint such a scene with no subject, but perhaps they simply wanted to capture the rapturous beauty of nature itself.



OP here. You've been great, anons, but it's time for bed. Perhaps we will meet again, and engage in jolly co-operation.

This was fun, I'll make another when I've got more time on my hands

Peculiar moss that sticks to your hands.

Use to camouflage yourself amongst nature.

An earthy, botanical wonder that clings to anything it touches, and is often found growing over rotted wood. Used by scouts and hunters of the savage forests, to become indistinguishable from their verdant environments.

Describe my son, OP.

Retarded like his father

Beautiful albino black child. Congrats on your wife's son.


That doesn't sound anything like a Souls item description. You suck at this.

Post nudes.

Head carved of archtrees by Gough in his imprisonment. Gough imparts an emotion to each and every completed carving, which helps him achieve personal enlightenment. When a head is disturbed, it speaks, reflecting the emotion conferred to it.

This head says, "I'm retarded." Have another look. Does it not appear quite dim-witted?


An undergarment of foreign make. Clearly intended for women.

The undead have little conception of beauty, as hollowing sheds away their pleasing form to reveal truer nature. Still, a gentle remainder of a time long past.

A strange doll in strange dress, dyed to match. Spun of cheap wool.

A faded and plain thing, likely of great significance to some child long dead. Time, however, has rendered it meaningless.

holy fucking shit

You did good, OP




A lovingly crafted blunderbuss. Can fire from both barrels.

The hunters once did their deed in the shadows. Yet, as Yharnam fell further to the plague of beasts, so did their weapons change to match greater foes.


Very amusing OP. Reading soulsgame descriptions always makes me feel warm and calm and the thread did just that.

A strange white square, with no purpose whatsoever.

relevant to thread


An ancient instrument, likely owned by a famous bard. it is worn and battered now.

Once, this complex implement likely accompanied the greatest epics of the age. Sadly, knowledge has faded over time, and today none remember how to work it.

Oh God I luf memes!

A disturbing image of wasted and vile flesh.



One of the three masks of the Pinwheel,
the necromancer who stole the power of the
Gravelord, and reigns over the Catacombs.

This mask once belonged to the valiant father, but has been desecrated by the plebian to the point of mockery.

They did discontinue it.


A torn scrap from the center of a canvas.

What appears to be part of a landscape from an ancient painting, rent into an unrecognizable design. Perhaps one could discern its true image by locating the other scraps, if they still remain.

I was talking about Tony "The Jew" Banks
Also pic related :^)

An odd blunderbuss. Incapable of firing, and thus only suitable as an ornament.

One of the many trick weapons of the Workshop, used to fight beasts in the nights of Yharnam. Sadly, this particular blunderbuss never saw the light of day.


A carving of a frog, quite heavy in the palm. Appears to serve no particular purpose.

While this bronze statue has become green with great age, it remains quite distinctive owing to the runes carved on its plinth. But even the greatest of sages cannot read them now.

An odd object, made of some strange material that resembles rubber from the Great Swamp.

Remnant of some lost age, its purpose has yet to be divined. Its distinct hue has faded with time, giving it a woebegone appearance.

impressive and creative, op, gave me many a chuckle



A cup composed of some strange material, smooth to the touch. Keeps fluids warm.

Commonplace in another time, today this is a luxury that provides comfort in the coldest of nights. The etchings on the cup have long since faded, and one can only guess at what they were.

A goblet with a wooden plinth, seemingly made of gold. However, scratching the surface reveals only mundane iron.

A deceptive object, likely to draw great favor amongst those who do not care to comprehend the true value of things. Today, it is near worthless.


An assortment of drinking implements. They are worn with age, though surprisingly still intact.

These could once be found in every corner of the world, but are of little value to the Undead, who seek only the precious Estus Flasks.


An ancient drum from a forgotten age. Likely a musical implement.

Drums such as these are usually greatly valued by the bards of this age, but this is an odd exception. It can emit only a single beat, harsh and unpleasant to the ear.

user, if you do the big guy for me I swear to god I will be forever in your debt.


That's CIA, not the big guy. But, sure, I can do his mask.
A fearsome mask, crafted of rare geisteel and bound with black leather. It was once partially fused with the flesh of a face.
This distinctive mask, used by a nameless knight, inspired terror in lesser men. No one cared who he was before he wore this mask, but many surely did after.


Fuck, I deleted it cause I fucked up spoilers. Sorry, user.

I fucking lost it. Beautiful.

A second post came through, and I screencapped just in case.


Do it, OP.

Branch of a young white birch received from a giant, apparently as a token of friendship.

This is an item of finest quality, with purpose as varied as a mind can construe. Unfortunately, it has been perverted to serve as an implement of depraved mentalities.

"Good friend, no hit."


Armor of a long-forgotten knight. It hearknes from the age of gods, and is imbued with the strength of lightning.

The Dragoon were a order of heroic dragonslayers, who dedicated themselves to the art of the spear. Their exploits made them renowned across the lands, and tales of their victories spread far and wide.



Amazing. It should be a crime to be this based.
Thanks, OP.

OP fucked off a long time ago. I'm just carrying on the tradition In true Souls fashion.

So you chose to link the Fire, but how long can you delay the Age of Dark?


A ponderous tome, written in an ancient tongue. Bring to an sage to decipher the contents.

Written by a man whose ideals led him to his death, it serves as a telling remainder to those who would let their hearts lead their minds.

Odd cloth garb worn by spooks from an
Eastern land. Designed so as not to hinder
their unique form of martial arts.

This armor once belonged to a man broken by what duty demanded of him. White it sacrifices defense for the sake of greater mobility, it does offer resistance to bleeding and poison among other things, perhaps due to the nature of espionage.

Last one, I'm out.




This one is pretty good.

You are a hero OP, I'll be capping everything in this thread tomorrow. Fine work, 3/3




what the fuck

You notice the chocolate gets shorter.

**In reality, you're taking a 'block' off in width, making the whole bar shorter

Hold the fuck up, is this what jap smartphones look like? I fucking want one.



An arcane confectionary devised by the School of Mensis, white as clear moonlight. Separated into small bricks.

While certainly palatable, it may only be eaten at right angles, and to do otherwise is to invite the very wrath of the cosmos.

The sympathy and mercy of the Great Ones are great, yet some sins cannot be so easily forgiven.

Can somebody describe this death trap?


It's a fucking chink chair, made out of shit materials and the "pump" what contain pressed air tend to explode launching piece of metal right up your ass hole.

A chair with a simple but highly tensioned pressure-activated stake in the seat. Intended to kill unattentive man-beasts.

An unsavory device designed by the small Præsepe Workshop, distributed amongst Yharnam's characteristic urban clutter.

Those in the advanced stages of the Scourge are relentless prowlers, but even they need rest. All the better to gut them when they seek it.

Describe her clothes.

you are cracking me up

Awesome, now describe this man's boss soul.

Someone should really shop these as actual menu descriptions and items.

he fell for the MUH MAGIC meme

magic is shit

all i have to do to kill a magicuck is dodge his stupid shit spells a couple of times and then they're absolutely defenseless because they have no weapons and no armor to defend themselves with

Describe these digits.

No seriously, do it

Thread of the Year

Garb of a woman-hunter of the Præsepe Workshop and its namesake. A heathen outlander bearing a Caryll rune birthmark, she was snatched at an early age by the Healing Church, and raised amongst the Pthumerian remnants of the Mensis School as an artificer.

Being only a dress and tool harness, it is entirely too light for Yharnam's clime, let alone combat. Nonetheless, it is fitting workwear for the Præsepe eccentric, who has devised many implements of death for the inner chambers of the Church.

Soul of the dubious Marionette Maker, shyster of the unvirtuous and foolish.

Use to acquire many souls, or take a seat to extract its true strength.

The Marionette Maker ensnared countless men with his sacrificial puppets, inflaming their sins to feed his own malice. Each pitiable marionette suffered immeasurably alongside those they unwittingly damned, but with no will of their own, why were they given feeling?

A strange round medallion depicting a circle within a pyramid within a square. The surface material is gold, yet the engravings reveal that the core is only dull lead.

'Squaring the circle' is a longstanding alchemical mystery, and the key to both material transposition and spiritual immortality. This trinket brings one no closer to the answer, but perhaps someone of expertise might be able to make use of it.

Describe this!

Nicely done.


Experimental Powder Keg repeating pistol with a novel spring-feeding design.Garishly lacquered, the 'Bell'- so called for the clamor of its cycling mechanisms- does little damage on individual shots, but is quite quick on the draw.

A rare example of a trick firearm, feathering the trigger in quick succession will ignite the entire magazine of quicksilver bullets after a time delay in a blast that rivals cannon fire. Unfortunately, the weapon is broken in the process.

A curious weapon, crafted to resemble a child's plaything, and yet possessing of the same destructive power as the object it purports to mimic.

Such trickery will not fool a wary opponent more than once, but perhaps once is all you need.


Great job, OP!

Now, describe her, in detail please!



Did someone archive this?
OP is a fucking genius

how about this disgusting shit

Soul of the Iron Tusk of Carthus.

High Lord Wolnir conquered many lands, with many arms of his legions often being purloined from the vanquished. The well-learned land of Friken, resigned to their fate, chose to pledge vassalage rather than face conquest, and knowing his personal affinity for the implements of war, sent this steel-spitting fighting engine as a gift.

Though the Archduke of Friken was nonetheless burnt alive, and by his own creation no less, Wolnir was pleased by the gesture, sparing Friken from full occupation for their submission. So long as they continued to devise such murderous works, of course.

A trite painting by an Irithyllian eccentric. Depicts a fighting woman in gauche dress, or undress as it were.

Though courtly love is amongst the knightly virtues, this is a rather unwholesome interpretation to say the least.

An unsettling arcane surgical tool of the Choir consisting of a huge quicksilver needlepoint and a large hollow core. Used for directly implanting eyes on the brain.

Rather than making an incision, the church doctors instead use the liquid metal proboscis to melt through the skull. Those who survive the process inevitably become Kin, their heads bloated with mucous-like serum and eyes on the inside. Such is the cost of evolution without courage.

I did

i'll archive it again later


breddy gud


God, OP is really on FIRE!

One more OP, describe this horrific(yet awesome) scene!


Thanks famerino

Not OP, he's still gone, but sure.

Collapsing trap walkway of the Præsepe workshop. Consists of dull blades spaced far apart, held between rigid iron girding. Used in Church research halls as a containment measure, the locking mechanisms are disengaged by sudden, violent pressure on the stiff lever bars.

Woe to the lowly wretches who might find themselves against a hammer wielding inner Church guardsman, for they are all too likely to be cleaved in twain and cast to the abyss by these tremendous blood-rusted jaws.

You're very talented, user.

You pile of shit you



A halter made of leather dyed black. A favourite amongst the slavers of High Lord Wolnir.

The High Lord conquered as he saw fit, killed those who would not kneel, and enslaved many who would. This collar serves as reminder of their wretched state.


OP here. Went to bed, woke up, saw that the thread had 188 replies. Good fucking work user, it does my soul good to see this.

I'm out today, but hopefully the thread can survive a while longer.

Thank you kind sir

An oddly formed sickle blade. Seemingly more ceremonial than practical.

Each kingdom, in its time, derived arms and armor of unique ken and used them to establish dominion over its subjects and its enemies. Alas, all their effort was in vain, for ruin awaits them all.


oh boy

A bitter drink. Temporary boost to stamina recovery speed, at the cost of health.

This unpalatable brew was reviled in its heyday by living and Undead alike. Yet even the most bitterest of concoctions can be a boon to the thirsty.


*the bitterest

A delectable sweet drink, stored in glass bottles and favoured by the royalty and commoners of Astora alike. Comes in lots of six.

Although the taste may sooth your withered spirits, do not overindulge. With food, as with life, too much of a good thing can cause more ills than it cures.

do both of these

A paper roll of odd make, soft and brittle to the touch. Has no discernable use.

Many things that come out of the eastern lands are incomprehensible in both craft and purpose. This bears odd etchings that hint at a depraved mind.


the portrait of this woman, o great Appraiser

A sword with a segmented blade.When swung its segments separate and strike in a flurry of slashes.

The knights of the Sanctum City favoured the most eclectic of weapons, which they employed with reckless abandon. Despite its appearance, this sword is formadible in the right hands.

*formidable damn it, I keep fucking up.




A curious bow forged of unfamiliar materials. It is said that the maker did not intend for it to be held by human hands.

Seemingly too elaborate to be practical in combat, but it must surely have a use, because for what other purpose could it have been made?


Portrait of a flame-haired woman. The artist evidently took great liberty with her appearance.

Ariamis was a talented artisan, and his work blossomed under the patronage of the Great Lord Gwyn. This is but one of his prolific works.


One of the trick weapons of the workshop, commonly used by hunters on their duties.

This lute was crafted lovingly of some eldritch ore that retained sound far better than common wood. It is a musician's instrument, yet its sound is anathema to the beasts that roam the streets of Yharnam.

A curious contraption that has no discernable use. Made of many interconnecting parts.

The Choir crafted many heresies in their quest for ascendancy. Doubtless, this thing must have been assigned some grand purpose, but now it stands silent as the grave.



A cake bearing a grave image. Restores a large amount of HP.

In Drangleic, the toppling of the Great Towers is celebrated with an annual feast, of which this cake is a remnant.

Food is of no great comfort to the undead, but there is something nostalgic about this one

Know it's been done, but couldn't resist:

One of the trick weapons of the Minstrel's Workshop. An obtuse stone mace that conceals a delicate lute within.

The Minstrels were a small group of hunters who found their origins in the Healing Church. They perceived a power in the arias sung by the Choir, and sought to shape their sound into a weapon that could wound the beasts of Yharnam.

The Minstrels are now long gone, and weapons such as these are valuable treasures.





Crafted at the Lindelt Monastery to replicate an ancient, sacred sword. Characterized by its deadly blade.

Monastic orders preferred strange weapons that suited their disposition. This sword, though nearly weightless, is a hazard in the hands of the uninitiated.

What can you tell me about this mysterious sword?

FUCK damn mobile posting, let's try that again

A hollow torus made of rare geisteel. Has no discernable purpose.

Geisteel ore is extremely hard to come by, thus Vendrick reserved these weapons for only the cream of his court. The art of its use, however, has been lost to time.


Here's a link to the image, since it won't fucking post pictures

how very mysterious

(34) damn OP was not a faggot at all today sound the alarm

An oddly shaped sword that seems unusable on first sight. But grasp the hilt, and you will feel the great power within.

Many things once widely known have been lost in the passage of time, not the least of which is the forging of this powerful weapon. But one has to ask, is this feeling but a delusion of the mind?

Yeah, yeah, I'm bored.

that gun doesn't have a rotating barrel if you see the sheet you could figure out that shot 3 bullets at the same time

The golden armor of the Ordinators, an ancient order of military knights.Wearing this outfit was said to be the sacred right of a select bloodline, though in truth it can be donned by anyone.

The Ordinators watched the streets with a keen eye, and exacted swift punishment on any they deemed scum.


Lets go with another bb fanweapon

An odd staff, made off interlinking pieces of metal. It is warm to the touch.

Magic is a product of the soul, and a staff is but a catalyst. But look into the bloodred gem that crowns this ancient stave, and wonder, are you deluding yourself?

An odd weapon, pioneered by the Workshop. Scales with Arcane.

This flail is topped by a sturdy lantern containing a most unusual flame. Its light is a balm to the hunter, and the bane of the beast, who is scorched by its very presence.



Hopefully this picture doesn't malfunction on me since it is blank below the Select/drop/paste files here box.

A number of belts strung together in a perculiar way.

Just as the material it is made of, the purpose of this item has flaked away with time.


Their swords.

last archive. I have to go, someone please take over after this.



I have condensed these two posts into one image for posterity

Include the OP, so you can tell what the topic is

nice touch


How about it?


A Glove said to belong to Captain Dorn, this glove inflicts pain upon the wearer.

Although unknown as to why one would wear this glove, it was the particular stylings of a "Fists" Legion


A confusing mask of ancient materials, its function is unknown as it inhibits eyesight.

Perhaps the garment of choice for a monk, or one who would spend hours in solitary meditations.

So the boom hammer


I hope you mean that as in the actual pictured sword and not the type of weapon.

He could have just called it what it is, a god damn piece of trash.


Paired Curved Swords said to be held by the Laughing Duo, two notorious warriors from the East.

Said to act both as one in the battlefield, the Duo defeated many foes on the battlefield, and made sure to always do it with a pompuos smile on their faces, thus the name.

A peculiar weapon, has a blade as if it was a sword and, at the same time, ranged power not unlike a blunderbuss.

Jack of all trades, master of none.This weapon underperformed in both ranged and melee fights, and was phased out for more reliable equipment.

Wooden stacks meant to be worn under one's fingernails.

The purpose of such thing is unknown, it seems more fit to be a torture device than armor.

While wearing those, bleed build-up will be inflicted upon yourself when fist weapons are used.

Long Katana of the East.

One of the many failures to improve upon the design of the Washing Pole, this weapon breaks extremely easy, and lacks the power of a regular katana.

Bonus damage against females.

Cloth garments that offer little protection.
The inscribings upon it have been long lost to time, one can only see the word "EAT APE", the meaning of such expression has been lost, if it ever existed at all.


Good job.

An old, giant black longsword, said to be taller than the man who welded it.

Incredibly enough, its owner was strong enough to use it properly with just one hand, while wearing restrictive clothing nonethless.




Said to once be a painting of some kind of belt, floating in a beautiful landscape.

But it appears that now it's just little more than a sludged mess, probably the result of a bad attempt to copy it, or maybe even water damage.


Soul of Madness,
one of the twisted souls, seeped in strenght.

Use it to acquire visions of madness, or transpose it to control the anger within.

Few would dare to confront a mad man, a person that goes through any lengths to get what he wants, let this be a lesson for all, that this is what happens to those who never get what they desire so much.


You guys are actually pretty good at this.
I guess you can figure out the general format by reading the descriptions of every item you get.

Describe this










Archaeon The Everchosen please go

just the stick

Bumping a good thread.


Before the discovery of iron smelting, metals such as the ones used in this weapon were only found in stones that descended from heaven, believed to be gifts from ancient gods.

This particular design evolved from the battle axes of an even older time, into a more practical killing tool. The curved tip of the sword could serve as a hook, as well as a bludgeon.


That's a shinai, sonny.

Alright lets see what I have.
Have fun.

Soul serving as the core of the Butter Golem, guardian of Ryibelet Castle, and slayer of countless heroes seeking Praven.

Originally the heart of a treacherous Sarleon Lord.

Use to acquire a huge amount of souls, or to create a unique weapon.

God damn it.

I was in the middle of writing one for that image, too.

Post it anyway

I deleted it halfway through.

the shotgun amusingly dismembers as if it fires axes.

describe the following:

You're good.

You know what you're doing.


Who in their right mind would bother carrying this around? Perhaps you need help.


What does the Appraiser have to say on the infamous pizza cutter sword?

It looks like shit.

Here's some archives. I tried to grab a screenshot but doing so crashed firefox.


Jester's clothing originating from the Age of Fire. The garment imitates the look of a confectionery popular in such days, and was the unique clothing of a servant of the Lords.

It is said that the servant fled Lordran after being accused of innumerable vile crimes. The tale of his flight while still draped in this unconventional cloth has since become an enduring nursery rhyme.

A handgun made in a time before the workshop, and thus, ineffective.

This handgun was once the answer to an old question of firing more than one bullet at a time. Fortunately, there were better weapons that held a better answer later on.

Due to it's age, the mechanism it uses to fire will occasionally fail.