ITT: We Make Kotaku-Tier Headlines

Symbolic Phallic Oppression in Gaming Part 1: Swords

How Male Characters in Video Games Help Promote Sexism

Why the Death Stranding E3 trailer is a blatant symbol of the patriarchy

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If anyone cares about the bullshit entry I made, here it is:

We noticed a shocking similarity that the main character from Despicable me, Gru, and video game director Hideki Kamiya are very alike, they are, almost the exact same person, we asked ourselves "Why does Hideki Kamiya look so much like Gru?" the answer, may surprise you.
You see, not only are both of them visually similar, baldness and all, but their plans may be just as Despicable as well. We've seen how sexist and disgustingly oversexualized Bayonetta tends to make women look, and how evil Gru can be, this made us think, what would a disgusting perverted director and an evil genius BOTH want? Then, eureka! They would both want a similar thing; to take over, the moon.
Bear with me on this, as it's a doozy, but a moon, would obviously represent the female breast. As someone like me, with a gender studies degree would uncover, they want power over females, It shows with his sexist representation of women, and constant imagery of the unreal standards on image, especially, breasts, Kamiya, disturbingly fascinated, much like Gru, a lust to dominate the moon! Each moon, representing a different breast, this is further proven with the left eye and right eye of the world, in Bayonetta. What other eyes would the world have, we only have MOONS!
We aren't the only ones, either, — illustrator Andrew Dobson tried to imagine what schemes they would plan if feminine sexuality didn't take place, the results, zero. Let us delve deeper….
The song "Fly me to the moon" obviously and grotesquely describes the ecstasy of male orgasm, this is my explanation;
Let me play among the 'stars' (Star, Starfish, the female 'anus')
Let me see what 'spring' is like on
Jupiter and Mars (Take off your clothes, give me an 'erection' and let me see your exaggerated body image)
In other words, hold my hand (Force me down)
In other words, baby, kiss me. (Begin to rape me)

So, there you have it folks, this is nothing but another horrible hidden message about the patriarchy at work, I haven't even begun to compare the 'Minions' with the employees at Platinum Games & the three little girls he's clearly raping, but I'll have to save that for another time.
~ Patricia Hernandez, over and out.

How Tohru Adachi is the personification of everything wrong with gamer culture
-By a faggot
Filed to: Vidyagaemz

What the fuck is gru?

It's Time For Hideo Kojima To Quit, And Here's Why

10 things you need to learn before playing flight simX

10 Reasons why Gamer Gate is Worse Than ISIS

GTA6 Needs A Pacifist Mode And Here's Why

Things I Learned About My Gender Identity Playing Fallout 4, And Why You Should Preorder The TES Card Game

Top 6 Reasons To End Your Misserable Existance. Also E3 Drama

It's really easy, you just have to write clickbait in Jayden Smith Twitter speak

Well, yeah. It's been for years.

Men Shouldn't Be Allowed to Livestream; Here's Why.

Minecraft Needs to Tone Its Gameplay Elements Back to Help Younger Generations Ease Themselves Into Smarter Games Like Bioshock: Infinite

Reasons You Should Destroy Your Old Consoles

Worst Game In All History

Most Racist Livestreamer In Twitch Is Facing Child Rape Allegations

Hulk Hogan Sexually Violenting Free Journalism

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Original vs. Reboots - Why it's the obsolete versions' titles that should be changed.

REASON NUMBER 1: Games of old are bigoted
REASON NUMBER 2: Games of old just aren't smart
REASON NUMBER 3: Games of old focused on gameplay

7 Unbelievable Tricks for Getting Cancer to Click on Your Articles

A Dozen Ways Our Double Standards Are No Big Deal

A Judge Ruled We Need to Take Down Hulk Hogan's Sex Tape. Here's Why We Won't

right, that last one actually exists

How Getting Raped by a Muslim Man Introduced me to America's Islamophobia Problem

My Desk Lamp Kind Of Almost Looks Like GLaDOS If You Turn It Upside-Down And Squint

Top 10 My Little Pony-Themed Re-Imaginings Of Classic Anime

How Wii Sports Made Me Hate My Father And Take Up Weed

I'm Gay, And Video Game Enemies Need To Recognize That

5 REASONS TODD HOWARD IS A MARKETING AND GAMING GENIUS

If you guys need some inspiration.

wait

5 Jewish People Who Are Making Gaming Better.

WHY IS THAT HAND CASUALLY
ORGANIZING THOSE BIRDS?

PLEASE STOP

Why X is the Dark Souls of its genre x^)

KIKEHWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELS

HERE'S WHY COURTS SHOULD STOP BEING PEDOPHOBIC ABOUT GAWKER JOKES OF SEX TAPES INVOLVING FOUR YEAR OLDS DURING DEPOSITION

HOW ZELDA BOTW OPEN WORLD GAVE ME PTSD

Uhh no they got bought by IGN

uhh, cool turbobit ads fam

No, they didn't, dumbass. Ziff Davis only expressed interest in buying them when Gawker goes up for auction, which hasn't happened yet.

Please kill yourself for trying to spread misinformation.

You're supposed to make a Kotaku headline, not a Holla Forums thread.

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What did happen to Kotaku? I heard they were going to get bought by IGN.

Worst mansplaining in tutorials

The reason why "The cake is a lie" was the better meme the Internet ever made

10 Reasons Why You Should Kill Yourself By Bill Nye

The new Ghostbustsers may not be a good Ghostbusters movie, but here's why it's still important
Challenging games are ableist and need to go
The new Resident Evil is why I still sleep with a nightlight
Here's why the new WWE game needs to remove Hulk Hogan form its roster

Not yet, but Ziff Davis seems to be the one with the most interest in buying them.

If all those inputs don't freeze their computer, I'll be shocked.

Why the hell is that nip doing that?

Is gameplay becoming too much of a hassle? Why story driven games are the future of gaming

Why the Xbox One Elite Controller is the best choice for FPS on PC.

Hulk Hogan was removed from the WWE games a while back because of Gawker.

How Quick Time Events Made Me A Smarter Gamer and 10 Ways Gameplay Is Problematic

You wish.
Yeah, IGN are soulless and shill for bad games constantly, but at least they actually talk about video games and usually don't try to push an agenda, they're just good ol' fashioned greedy.
Kotaku will probably be bought by some media company for the sole purpose of continuing their propaganda.

RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAAAAAAAAPE!!!!
T. Patricia herrrrrrrrrrrrrrnandosbox

Is it because it can fit inside the average gwarker contributers shithole?

sponsored content, pathetic sex experience blabbing, fucking lists, agenda pushing and not a single article there for the benefit of the reader.

No wonder Kotaku's in the trash, we didn't have to do much to tip them over.

Nope, Too Gross, Sorry: Senran Kagura's Top 3 Moments of Misogyny"

The Rape Scene in Resident Evil 4 Nobody Wants To Talk About

Japanese Games' Lack of Black Characters Is Just A Small Sign Of A Racism Epidemic, And Here's Why

Dude, that last one honestly sounds like it could be a real article on their site.

Ghost recon Wildlands is sick Pro Donald trump right wing propaganda
Wait this is probably gonna happen isn't it? I recall extra credit shitting on a past Ubisoft game with the Mexican cartel as the bad guys for being racist. It's cause the cartel was portrayed as violent savages.

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I'm shocked Lisa not Kotaku public shitlord number one. Yet anyways.

Best I could do. YouTube took down my gore playlist recently

Just use LiveLeak or some shit, for fucks sake.

I like these vids, just because they're clickbait doesn't mean they're not entertaining.

No, videogames are not for people who actually care about videogames

Why Jontron a Rapist

How to welcome Non-Gamers into the Gamer world

All Good Things Must Come to an End: Kotaku's Mission, Accomplished

Dear reader, it is with a heavy heart we must inform you of the fact Kotaku is ceasing its operations the end of the next month.

It's been quite a ride: we made sure to bring you the most entertaining, juicy and factual gaming news and commentary as we possibly could, even when the price to pay for ethics and truth was that our site ended up being blacklisted - more than once, we might add.

That was a passion shared with our parent site and company, Gawker, when it was hit with a crippling blow from celebrities long past their prime, and executives with little to no - okay, absolute none - morals but with an excessive amount of money.

However, even that wasn't enough to silence us.

Kotaku's ceasing operations not because of any financial issues, but because our site's goal has been accomplished. All of us here still love videogames, and will continue to write about that passion of yours with a drive that does said passion justice, but we are going to move on to bigger and better things.

When we set out to cover the gaming world through a very irreverent, contemporary lens, we made sure to give you, readers, the latest scoops, as well reported and researched as possible, as well as raise awareness of the inherent problems that the gaming community carries with itself - like any community does; self-awareness is something that no one can have enough of, as well as self-criticism.

And this is why we see our goal has been met: you, our readers, are already engaged to the issues we sought to raise, and how you routinely share Kotaku's passion for videogames with a critical eye on its problems daily on social media, whether Facebook, Twitter, or tumblr, couldn't make us any prouder on what we managed to accomplish through all these years.

And it was all thanks to you.

So, take heart, everyone: Kotaku lives on, because you cared enough to realize there is more to our culture than meets the eye. Your tireless contributions in all manners of communication in this brave new world Internet presented us with assures us that Kotaku has already done its share - small a share it may be - towards making gaming better. And we couldn't have done that if you didn't welcome us in your hearts and browsers, and valued high quality journalism with no strings attached above everything else.

Our staff will write their own personal farewells in the days to come, while we still provide you with the best gaming coverage an Internet website can offer. You will be able to follow your favorite writers as they move on to new, exciting challenges in the world of gaming.

But as it is, it is with a smile in our faces, even if with a heavy heart, that we can proudly proclaim that thanks to our loyal audience, Kotaku has done what it had set out to do. And like so, it is time for all of us to usher in a new age of goals and aims to fulfill.

Thank you, dear readers. Thanks to you, we can proudly proclaim, from the bottom of our hearts:

Kotaku's mission has been accomplished.

Why sending problematic people to concentration camps is not like nazism

Racist Mods in Video Games: Deus Ex (Malkavian Mod)

Top 5 Ways That Fallout 4 Is A Better RPG Than The Originals

You are such a cocktease, you probably just cut paste and tweaked some pasta, but it gave me the yugest blueballs.

Are games becoming too reliant on fun? How unfun games are mixing up the industry

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==WHY A VILLAIN KILLING A PERSON THEN INSULTING THE HERO TRIGGERED MY VIETNAM FLASHBACK

Comparing bioshock: infinite and god hand, and why bioshock is supirior in every way.

Oh lordy

It's actually 100% fresh user, but if it reads like it's real then I've done my job

Slap a group pic of some nu males, grrlas trans- whatever the fuck is currently in this week-kin, some fishmouths, at the bottom of the farewell letter article, and it could pass. You fucking cocktease

What's the likelihood of Davis actually buying? Are Kotaku liable for any lawsuits that Gawker Media as a whole is facing? If Davis buys, what's the likelihood that massive, large scale purge will immediately follow?

Bane posting: The new way chans are trying to terrorize the world

Was Hitler a Nazi and How Anita Sarkeesian Made Me Realize I Liked Pegging

Do you use shoop to make the images like op, if so what ver. I'm a lvl 26 apprentice and want to test my magiks

Playing vs watching videogames: does playing videogames turn you into a misogynist

I would fucking explode.

For the headlines you can just save any page on Kotaku and edit the text

To replace the picture you can just use MSPaint itself

OC coming through.

Nice one.

How VR gaming puts girl gamers at risk

Misogynists? In 2016? It's more likely than you'd think.

Sheeeit, thought that was real for a second

Thank you for the porn to look up later.

Nigger, that has already been done. Be more creative.

Out of business

sauce please

Have you ever held a bird? At that size, I doubt they're heavy enough to depress the keys.

Indeed, if you look closely you can see that the keys do not move.

I thought he was removed because of his racist comments that were recorded?

Wait, was Gawker the leaker of his recorded racism?

Reminder for everyone, that this one is actually real.

Yes.

Here is why the new Doom™/Quake™ is the world's fastest shooter.