John Walker of RPS thinks professional game reviewers don't need to be good

Can game jurnos sink any lower? I imagine a writer for Auto Magazines not having drivers license when I think of an equivalent of the Polygon chimps.

Imagine you build motorcycles for a living, then you're told this fucking idiot who can't even ride it is the guy who decides if it's good or not.

Game Jurno's need to fucking die. They have power they are mentally incapable of wielding at this point.

That balding nu-male was a laugh and a half during GG. I expect him to call for participation awards in games next.

anyone got a webm of the video he talking about?

You can always tell who drinks the koolaid when they use "quotations" over any term with even a hint of objectivity.

Lol he's jealous that another review finished a game way faster than he did?

This is the pettiest guy in the industry. What a colossal manchild.

If he got this mad over the fact that people laughed at a professional in the industry unable to kill the FIRST TRASH MOB in a game, then he needs the reality check.

Git gud culture "needs to stop?".
Says John Walker. It won't stop. And he'll never git gud. That's why his opinion doesn't pull in many hits.

No webm but here's the video someone made to laugh at the incident

that comparison is a little unfair considering it looks like polygon is using a gamepad and nvidia is using a mouse but still thats some pretty inept shootin polygon.

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youtu.be/CrdY6aChXaA

CANCER PLOX KILL ME

He's right. This is just proof of what we've all been thinking for years now - that video games need to stop testing your "gaming" skill, and start testing your emotional skill.

Of course he's saying it.
Saying the opposite would mean depraving himself of his job.
Can't let the goyim hear that you're nothing more than a fucking hack, unfit to do what you get paid for.

>"Despite everyone else saying it's fast I could only get it to 25mph"'
Ah you know it has more than one gear right? You have to move the stick in the middle to change gears if you want to go faster.
>"I hate drivers that try to tell me I'm doing it wrong just because I like to only use 1st gear!"

In any other industry this shit would be shot down in seconds but for some reason in gaming it's fine.

It's like having a blind, partially deaf man review movies for an audience of people who can see and hear just fine.

Git gud is just used as an excuse to defend shitty games.

And to top it all off it's the gays and the trannies saying it, the actual smallest minorities of the community.

yeah, it also harms "normal" people who simply like to use quotations

i have done it since i got to the internet in 2004/2005

These fuckers just ruin everything

They ruined artificial hair colored girls, they ruined indie games, and now my quotation marks

>>>/4chan/
you have to go back

What a shocker.

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Good god I just bothered to read the rest of the fucking article and

I know this guy's a fucking retard but holy shit.

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Not surprising really. The these people, standards and qualifications are inherently oppressive.

Might as well be saying that honestly.

sick burn

That's unfair to console gamers. Sure, you're a little slower and more stiff with a controller, but the guy in that video has the reaction times of a geriatric tortoise. He plays like he doesn't know the controls and has to keep looking down at the pad. It's really weird to watch.

Would you listen to a professional book reviewer who couldn't read?

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And of course underage retards will watch le Holla Forums discussing the latest kotaku baitpost causing them to link the actual article to their reddit friends, giving Phil Fish some cuck shekels from ad revenue.

Most of the loudest SJWs are straight white males though.

Such as?

I'm honestly glad he played so badly as it made things like health drops scaling with your health clear when it wouldn't have been with a competent player.

This is a dude who got butthurt that Myst makes him "feel stupid for not getting the puzzles," and praises Gone Home to the sky for spoonfeeding him everything. How he even got to where he is, I have no idea.

I dunno. I feel like I could tolerate a reviewer being bad at videogames if they still were able to review the game in an intelligent manner.
Problem is that this people are both bad at videogames and stupid.

Fucking hell. My dad without much gaming experience and who has verifiable joint condition making his fingers stiff plays console shooters better than that.

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Of course, to continue this serial escalation towards minorities, the one's financing all of this bullshit are the smallest minority of them all. Semites.

Wow gamers really are fragile. Just wait until I write my opinion piece on this for the Guardian on Sunday.

Hope you are kidding, user. They should be GREAT players.

The gameplay is a fucking shame. Is it the first time he plays a fps on console?

Stretch it to 500 words and you get the cover story.

I didn't even notice that! What a weird thing to implement. Does it happen on higher difficulties, too?

The problem, isn't so much that he's bad at videogames, but that it's his only viewpoint. It's like having DSP reviewing games. He should be able to recognize and admit that he's the one who's failing, not the game, and review it objectively. It's hard to objectively review a game, if you're poor at it and don't get to see much content, though.

well no shit, he'd be unemployed otherwise

John Walker is a giant yeasty cunt

Once a Holla Forumsirgin always a Holla Forumsirgin.
He might be a pathetic sell out, but hes still based.

I'm not surprised

It can be enjoyable to watch a complete amateur's attempts at playing a video game. That's the appeal of Gamecenter CX, and those Conan O'Brian bits. The problem comes when these people start trying to set themselves up as an authority on good game design, and tell people who actually know what they're doing that they're doing it wrong.

Plenty of people are good with a gamepad. It's never as good at KBM but even with a gamepad this polygon guy was absolutely terrible.

No idea, I just noticed that when he had ~25hp he got a +90hp drop from a single mob.

reminds me of the imageboard reviewing of EVE
epic

The sad thing is that if you carefully watch the video, it looks like he doesn't want to play.
Someone just bad will just be bad at taking aim, firing, move, exploiting mechanics etc. ,but he will NOT do any of the things I listed.
He would try to survive and get better at the game.
That polygon guy doesn' simply want to be holding that controller and shoot those demons.

By his own words hes playing on one of the higher difficulties

Maybe if you spent less time crying like a bitch and more time improving you wouldn't be told to git gud all the time.

I bet he's playing Normal.

one of the higher (than easiest) difficulties I'd wager

Maybe he's doing it on purpose? Maybe he wants everyone to agree with his opinion on the game?

Isn't easy seen as the default difficulty, nowadays? Technically he is playing on the harder difficulty.

How did polygon review Doom?

They havent

A professional gamer with a keyboard and mouse is always better than a professional gamer with a controller.

That's the only time it matters, the very act of using a controller isn't this big of a handicap where you may as well tie cinderblocks to your hands.

Probably holding out for more of that sweet Zenimax advertising budget.

FORCE HIM TO PLAY ALIEN SOLDIER
HE IS NOT ALLOWED TO STOP UNTIL HE CAN CLEAR IT WITHOUT TAKING A HIT

Probably not going to happen, they likely wasted all their money on Fallout and social media.
IGn gave it a 7.

I don't understand this. Bosses are the best part of most games. They're there to test what the player has learned thus fa- oh wait, nevermind I get it.

Locon is the best.

It's the truth. Console gamers are shit at fps.

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Silly Gomergaybers, bossfights are too gamey and japanese, both things I hate.
Uncharted, now thats a game.

Nigger stop purposely being obtuse, even for a console FPS player hes absolute trash.
Even with fucking autoaim he cant get there.

What a cunt.

I gues a sommelier doesn't need to drink alcohol?

I don't expect a game reviewer to be great with every genre but someone who reviews a FPS should be familiar with them.

Nope, I just wanted to point out that what is seen as "acceptable" is still fucking trash.

I've seen fucking everything.

Gotta fight that meritocracy!

I was gonna say, the difference between these guys and Arino is that Arino is a great guy and fun to watch doing anything.
Even when he gets mad at a game he's able to play it off in a fun manner. Despite the games he plays being legitimately unfair half the time due to the old life and continue limits with arcade design.

These guys are the guys who got participation ribbons on field day and thought they meant anything.

6/10, too confusing

As a dedicated shitlord, I'll be sure to use our motto as frequently as possible.

It is if you've literally never used a controller before
And that guy? That's the first time in his life he picked up a controller

That's half the fun of the Souls games.
I bet he hates Monster Hunter too.

Terry Prachett's Reaper Man is an unusual tale. At first glance, it may just look like it is just about a farming skeleton but really it is much more. That skeleton is, in fact, Death. The lack of black robes threw you too, right? It's fair to say most casual readers won't pick up on it at first glance, but the hints are there: a skeleton with a scythe? Surely that's no mere coincidence. And that's not where the surprises end. What Terry Pratchett managed to do was also tear down antiquated notions that death is merely the realm of masculine figures. Couple together that skeletons are not clearly gendered with the fact that the medium of books has a unique advantage in letting you hear someone speak without hearing them; you get an author really hitting hard on the issues that matter for a modern reader. Now naysayers may hand-wave this all away or use petty remarks to dilute the meaningful impact Terry Pratchett has built up — perhaps with inane comments such as 'He's wearing blue overalls you idiot!', despite the fact that just reinforces the simplistic gender notions as perpetrated by modern society — but the evidence is there.

Digging deeper into what really makes Reaper Man a book: the printing medium. The paper is strong, lightly tanned and easily turned. When a reader sits down with their slightly too hot café latte, delivered by some polite bespectacled barista, they're going to know from the very start that this is a book of quality. It was dozens of pages before I ran into a case where I accidentally turned multiple at once, rather than the intended singular page. Perhaps it was haste on my part, but I leave that up to the viewer to decide whether that is a concern or not.

What I found most touching however was the implied relationship between Death and the little girl. Clearly there is some personal bond there, clearly demonstrated by the caress of her golden locks. One could infer a great many things; from the potential adoption from a single skeleton acting as a surrogate parent, to the more adult. Regular readers will already be aware of my views on the social stigma associated with those affectionate with children and however much I do not want to politicise this review, it is very obvious that Pratchett is making a nod in support too.

Overall I rate it a 8.5 out of potential 10:
Pros:
- Cover had lots of bright colours. The contrast of blue and yellow is very striking.
- The title was small and cleverly tucked away, as to not distract from the cover.
- Pratchett really pushes the gender issues faced by skeletons today into the limelight.
Cons:
- Rather thick, could be inconvenient to carry around.
- Doesn't easily fit into an iPad bag.
- Paper can leave your fingers dry.
- Pages are densely filled with unintelligible markings, taking away from the paper's aesthetics.

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I'm trying to get a friend into GSGs with that game, as even EU4 seemed too complex to him. That's many things to criticise about Stellaris (such as the terrible state of it at launch, holy shit, Parajew, did nobody playtest that shit past early game?), but being too difficult is not one of them

Nigger, thats was never the point.
Console FPS aside from very rare exceptions are trash.

That's the asshat that doesn't like Ys because of the boss fights, right?

Golden eye 007 is the only good one I can think of.

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fukken saved

0/10, don't expect to be hired

10/10

Fucking high quality post, and good taste in books too

Perfecf Dark and Timesplitters

He already said he don't want any woman that will want him for cash, he is fat fuck himself with no chance of getting gf otherwise.
He most likely already partied enough for his entire life.

There is not really much for him to do other than shitting on twitter.

PLAYING VIDEO GAMES IS LITERALLY THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF YOUR JOB IS IT REALLY TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR YOU TO BE GOOD AT THEM

Oh my fuck.
10/10

That people still gives that website clicks at all is unfathomable.

Game reviewers don't need to be good but this shit is ridiculous

fucking no, these shaved apes need to git gud and git gud fast

the push for equality, diversity, and hurt feelings actually took the equality and diversity out of the gaming scene. these fucks weren't there when the only credit you had when it comes to video games was how good you were.

if you UNDERSTAND video games you will be at least above average at them because you've played them enough or have enough common god damn sense to see the solutions to most problems encountered in a game, or you'll be able to explain why something is needlessly challenging or unfair

part of being GUD isn't always winning or being able to pull insane stunts in a game, but at the least UNDERSTANDING how those stunts work

games aren't that complicated. especially most of the shit these reviewers tackle

No it isn't, socialising with unbearably pretentious hipsters and getting bribed is the most important part of their job, it isn't sustainable otherwise.
I mean, imagine if they put effort in instead of clickbaiting. That's sort of thinking is unsustainable and only something a sexist would say.

I can't fucking breathe, you son of a bitch. I think I might pass out. Someone call an ambulance.

You are a cultured man user, 10/10.

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Yeah, the fact that these people are coming out the woodwork to defend that shit is just mind-boggling.

Even so, you would think that whoever was playing it would have enough coordination to press more than one button at a time.

I'm afraid I cant accept a review that falls so sort of our length standards

i had been a console pleb a large part of my life and i can still say even for controller standards tthat is 100% pathetic playing, like something you'd expect from some one who just picked up a controller for the first time ever

Fuck, counter I used said it was 500 dead on.

Terry Prachett's Reaper Man is an unusual tale. At first glance, it may just look like it is just about a farming skeleton but really it is much more. That skeleton is, in fact, Death. The lack of black robes threw you too, right? It's fair to say most casual readers won't pick up on it at first glance, but the hints are there: a skeleton with a scythe? Surely that's no mere coincidence. And that's not where the surprises end. What Terry Pratchett managed to do was also tear down antiquated notions that death is merely the realm of masculine figures. Couple together that skeletons are not clearly gendered with the fact that the medium of books has a unique advantage in letting you hear someone speak without hearing them; you get an author really hitting hard on the issues that matter for a modern reader. Now naysayers may hand-wave this all away or use petty remarks to dilute the meaningful impact Terry Pratchett has built up — perhaps with inane comments such as 'He's wearing blue overalls you idiot!', despite the fact that just reinforces the simplistic gender notions as perpetrated by modern society — but the evidence is there.

Digging deeper into what really makes Reaper Man a book: the printing medium. The paper is strong, lightly tanned and easily turned. When a reader sits down with their slightly too hot café latte, delivered by some polite bespectacled barista, they're going to know from the very start that this is a book of quality. It was dozens of pages before I ran into a case where I accidentally turned multiple at once, rather than the intended singular page. Perhaps it was haste on my part, but I leave that up to the viewer to decide whether that is a concern or not.

What I found most touching however was the implied relationship between Death and the little girl. Clearly there is some personal bond there, clearly demonstrated by the caress of her golden locks. One could infer a great many things; from the potential adoption from a single skeleton acting as a surrogate parent, to the more adult. Regular readers will already be aware of my views on the social stigma associated with those affectionate with children and however much I do not want to politicise this review, it is very obvious that Pratchett is making a nod in support too.

Overall I rate it a 8.5 out of potential 10:

Pros:

- Cover had lots of bright colours. The contrast of blue and yellow is very striking.

- The title was small and cleverly tucked away, as to not distract from the cover.

- Pratchett really pushes the gender issues faced by skeletons today into the limelight.

Cons:

- Rather thick, could be inconvenient to carry around.

- Doesn't easily fit into an iPad bag.

- Paper can leave your fingers dry.

- Pages are densely filled with unintelligible markings, taking away from the paper's aesthetics.

- Educate yourself pissbaby

Just use my suggestion for the cafe latte and change it into something a hipster would actually drink, that should add a few words.

So I've noticed that [insert complain here about X and then follow it up with the word culture] is a very widely used meme by SJWs.

Can we hijack this?

What, like start complaining about reviewer culture or games journalism culture?

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Try again

I think I'd do the same. While context buttons are now a staple in FPS games, in Doom they're new and probably would take some adjusting to.

Besides opening doors of course.

I may be part of a minority but I buy one game a month on average.

Casuals only buy 2 or 3 triple A titles every year.

shooting it first is understandable

shooting it 12 times with no results isn't

10/10

Nah, that was fair. That was the game's mistake, because a game where you can freely punch things does not need a context sensitive button for punching things. It's like having a qte for throwing a ball in an fps. It's redundant and ludicrous.

I always hated RPS for their writing style, but this takes the cake.

What the fuck, does he only have one working finger? He only ever does one thing at a time.

My five year old nephew is better at vidya then that retard.

This resistance somehow proves me right and you're just a whiny baby who can't accept times are changing and your culture is coming to an end.

Is it even easier than Crusader Kings 2?

That's his fucking fault then if he's a game reviewer, doubly so since he undoubtedly had time to prepare.

What do you mean the skeleton doesn't fuck the girl?

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But then why is he previewing a console game in the first place? This is what doesn't make sense.
He's not the only journalist at Polygon. I seriously doubt that there is no one with console experience in their whole workforce.

11/10

Good. People say no one deserves online abuse, but games "journalists" definitely do. These people are actively causing harm to the industry, so they deserve everything that comes their way.

How do we tell bad reviewers that can't play games from bad games that are hard for poor reasons, like bugs, poor balance, etc?

Oh yeah, especially when they get all "holier than thou" about it.
>Oh, you want to get on my case for sucking at a game? Well, I'm sorry, I have a life, I like to talk about political tensions in the Philippines.
You review video games, stop pretending you're some sort of cultured elite.

have common sense and use that objective decision making that you've had to develop for the first 18 years of your life.

It's pretty obvious when a game is bugged and when it's hard. If you can't tell the difference, I think you might have brain problems. I suppose we just have to trust that reviewers can tell the difference.

I'll have to make it a habit to look up gameplay videos and such then.

Also, the faggot who played MOOM badly was Arthus Gies.

Most people are shit and need shit people to tell them what kind of shit they'd enjoy.

In this case it is entirely true that a game reviewer should be, in order to better connect with their core audience. Be as dumb as they are.

Aquí ese pendejo ya estaría muerto por escribir algo así, ¿cual es su excusa negros de mierda, les faltan bolas o que?

This is just gold.

OF FUCKING COURSE

You don't have to be a good director to grasp movies. You don't need write good to read books. But games are interactive and as such you MUST be good at them for me to take your opinion seriously. As the one comedy skit pointed out, a book will not lock itself shut until you explain the use of symbolism in the first chapter.

I would never review a game I just didn't get. Shit, one of the advantages of a place like Polygon should be that the reviewer has backup if they don't get what's going on, but holy shit we've clearly established it's the blind leading the blind over there.

What a surprise.

dis 'umie dozzent even know we'z spawn from mushrooms, dozzee?

You underestimate just how bad things have gotten, who else here wants to bet every single one of them is a mobile/iPad "gamer" and that's why they keep complaining about the oppression of mobile gamers.

Can you please sign my cover?

Its like they're saying you dont need to know how to drive a car to review cars in a fucking gearhead magazine. No wonder these sites are dying, theyre not meant for anyone, its just San Fran losers masturbating each other.

Has this been recorded anywhere ever?

Show me diagrams and documented, peer reviewed, verified texts!

Also the whole point of GCCX is to watch Arino try and try and try untill he (hopefully) succeeds. GCCX is the story of a complete noobs quest to git gud.

Conan is a little different because he's just playing it for laughs. But most of those laughs come from "i'm so bad at this what's going on?!" fish out of water stuff.

John Walker has always been a massive hack. But this is like a car reviewer saying it's ok if he doesn't have a license. Or a music reviewer being almost deaf.

It's another of those "only in video games" things that stems from having an industry infested top to bottom with hipster SJW cunts.

But Arino has been playing vidya outside the show for years, those other two don't.

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He was… But lots of people play games all the time and are shit at them.

user, shut up! You'll meme it into reality with those quints!

"IT EVEN HAS A WATERMARK"

I mean, what can you really say about this? He's defending people who are payed to give an in depth opinion of video games sucking at them…

That alone says it all.

Expecting a book reviewer being able to read is ableist.

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Ofcourse that faggot would cry about this. Isn't him and Arthur Gies in the same hipster circles? Wouldn't surprise me.

Nice quints

God, we really aren't that far off are we?

I know you joke, but the horror I feel that there are legitimately people out there with little to no skill or ability judging things and influencing the market just depresses me

They don't even review games, they just talk about their fucking day life and ideology while trying to use a virtual gun.

so close to being a 10/10 parody. 9/10 anyway

git gud or git triggered trying

That is fucking scary.

im trying to be an author myself as its my lifelong dream and jokes like this while funny are a scary look into the future, thanks to people getting into jobs of hobbies who clearly dont like what they are doing and making shit reviews there is the real possibility book reviews like that could happen.

Both of those youtubers are faggots but at least one of them is doing their job.

Oh come on

I've seen countless people, myself included, across multiple FPS games on consoles, shoot people from long ranges with stellar accuracy, never wasting more than half a clip in games like Battlefield.

Playing with a controller matters when it's being compared with a KB+M, because obviously you can be more accurate with the latter, but you CAN git gud with a controller through sheer years of playing games with it. I find myself able to switch from both and be good at them

Honestly, if you can't master both a KB+M and a controller (and different kinds of controllers at that), you fucking suck. That video of Polygon playing Doom was disgusting to watch, even with a controller in the equation

At least the Minecrap kiddies have one less bad influence.

What have you done?

I guess it was hard for Arthur Gies to play the game while John Walker was busy sucking his cock.

There's being bad at video games and then there's being the elderly who's never picked up a control in their life and cant move and aim at the same time.

But why would you want to master controllers when you have KBM?

The first one is Ben Kuchera on an official Polygon review user

For the sake of being good at shit?

I don't know about others, but I just like being proficient with as much shit as possible.

Reposting from GG thread:

Be Meme the change you want to see.

I've never watched video of D44m before and holy shit it looks awful. This is not Doom.
It's like a shitty doom themed mod thrown over halo by someone who really liked the scenery in Dead Space 2 and Portal.

Is this the rage movie buffs feel watching capeshit earn money?

Don't lie like that, nigga.

I got started on consoles before I ascended to the glorious PC master race to play buggy, outdated ports of the same shitty games I played on consoles. That's why I'm more comfortable with a controller even though I know it's factually worse.

You know? They really are the problem here. If you wanted to review novels, you'd probably want to have an English major. If you wanted to review films, you better have some film related degree and understand cinematography.

In video games literally the most common reason a wide variety of opinions are valid is because everyone can normally assume your at least competent or good at a game. Literally your only requirement to review nuDoom is a 70 dollar purchase of the game and atleast being able to complete the game without looking like your tried to record footage after just waking up from a coma. And this footage is literally perfect evidence to say they fail a requirement we all practically met when we realized that we could do "x" really well in "x" favorite game in our childhood. These are grown people who expect us to even consider them a reliable source of opinions when this is actually what they deem as competent.

Bigger question though, who at Kotaku even thought this was good footage? Who seriously looked at this and was like "yeah we can show this off." Honestly I think the video is bait, much like the last video they did about the one wimpy guy talking about how scary realistic depictions of guns are. There is no way they weren't expecting this response from people.

I'm not even angry at them anymore. I'm just confused. How does anyone at that company still think they have a valid opinion in the games industry? Is kotaku actually people or just an inhuman being comprised of hair dye and glasses of a particularly recognizable style? Honestly if that was true it'd make sense looking at the game play, least that would make it look impressive by some standards.

WEW : LADS

We're talking about Polygon here, unless they actually showed worse gameplay. I mean I wouldn't doubt it but still.

John Walker is a cretin and the sooner the DWP cuts off his Jobseekers Allowance (how else does he fund RPS? It sure as hell can't be through ad revenue) the better.

W-we're just a blog goyim. W-we don't have to live up to anyone's standards, we're just a b-blog. :^)

I wouldn't put them much higher than Gawker, in all honesty. Have you seen who they associate with?

You mean like Bioshock Infinite had?

Polygon, kotaku, its all the same for me at this point. They both are bad places to go for these opinions and only should be laughed at for their vague attempts for relevance.

I have. Its funny

You found my super subtle joke. Well done.
And for the record, I don't care what parallel universe constants and variables bullshit excuse fans have, having a qte for throwing something in an fps is stupid.

Remember that these websites also periodically assign a reviewer to play a genre that he absolutely loathes. This guarantees a scathing review of the game, which brings in a lot of page hits.

isn't that better than just leaving a shitty review?

I'm just here to check those digits

It's still weird opinion for a games enthusiast to have. It's a game convention that a lot of people enjoy and when you're reviewing something for those people, shouldn't your review take into account the general likes/dislikes of those people? It really narrows what games you can fairly review.

Could you imagine if the judges on cooking shoes instantly failed someone because they had mushrooms in their dish, and they don't like mushrooms?

As a reviewer you're supposed to put your tastes aside. You're paid to do this shit, whether or not you like it isn't the issue here.

Oh, you mean the piece of shit who wrote this garbage? Surprise surprise. For those who don't know, the game is open-world and he was actually too stupid to realize he didn't even have to fight the easy boss he was stuck in.
archive.is/ed4sM

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I don't know what's more pathetic: the fact he writes like a 16-year-old girl, or the fact he constantly has trouble with boss fights in games that even getting stuck in the first boss fight isn't surprising to him.

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How these "people" own property and pay taxes is beyond me.

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I personally found Myst boring, but at least it's actually a game.

Well, obviously.
They wouldn't be bad if they weren't stupid.

Also, gotta love the strawmanning in the comment section.

You know what ds and rps have in common?
Both are shit!

Polygon's failure and Walker's coverup are just more evidence these articles are correct.

gatheryourparty.com/2014/07/16/tripping-on-air-why-game-journalists-cant-describe-games/

critpoints.wordpress.com/2016/02/29/game-critics-are-not-authorities/

Also funny that Walker says, "Despite taking a couple more hours than someone more skilled, that person can still have an expert opinion on the game. Because the notion that they’d need to be top of the high score table before writing anything is… it’s really fucking stupid!" considering the guy who wrote the above articles also literally did that once: gatheryourparty.com/2014/02/28/thief-review/

As an aside, this actually does happen on Chopped. One of the judges doesn't like onion and he actively judges against competitors who use onion in their dish.

Being the top of the score board is what makes an expert opinion "expert".

It looks like he's playing with a controller
with only one hand

You based son of a bitch.

AYYYYYYY

never stopped Muslims.

10/10

Let not forget about that assisted aiming. Cue the webm.

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Here's some OC and an exploitable for you faggots

Not really. Vidya isn't food. So it's a terrible example.
Here's a few very unique genres that not everyone can dig, thus not just anyone can review.
I for one think flight sim players are faggots for wanting realism. So i can't enjoy a flight sim like the next guy.

The problem is, they think they're qualified to be critics in a medium they have a shallow understanding of.

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How much Chopped have you watched user?

you're pretty good, user

You're amazing. Good job.

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Anita might get a 300 RT post once a month, but that's it.

If you're not good at games, then how are you supposed to properly review a game who's mechanics you're not taking advantage of, who's engine you're not trying to break, and who's difficult modes cannot be tested for balance?

It's like a reviewer/writer for Road and Track and not having a license, or knowing how to operate a manual transmission, or can't tell the difference between 4WD, RWD, and AWD. And then calling gearheads toxic and they need to go away to make more room for women and VW Bugs/Priuses/and station wagons.

d48eb2's is an unusual review. At first glance, it may just look like it is just a book review, but really it is much more. That review, in fact, commentary. The lack of memes and buzzwords threw you too, right? It's fair to say most casual readers won't pick up on it at first glance, but the hints are there: a reply on Holla Forums? Surely that's no mere coincidence. And that's not where the surprises end. What d48eb2 managed to do was also tear down antiquated notions that Holla Forums is merely the realm of autistic figures. Couple together that this post clearly doesn't have a smug anime girl with the fact that the image boards has a unique advantage in letting you hear someone speak without hearing them; you get an poster really hitting hard on the issues that matter for a modern channer. Now naysayers may hand-wave this all away or use petty remarks to dilute the meaningful impact d48eb2 has built up — perhaps with inane comments such as 'He's baiting, you idiot!', despite the fact that just reinforces the simplistic autistic notions as perpetrated by modern society — but the evidence is there.

Digging deeper into what really makes a review: the post medium. The image board is strong, lightly blued and easily navigated. When a reader sits down with their slightly too cold water, delivered by their mother, they're going to know from the very start that this is a post of quality. It was dozens of words before I ran into a case where I accidentally read the same line, rather than the intended next line. Perhaps it was haste on my part, but I leave that up to anonymous to decide whether that is a concern or not.

What I found most touching however was the implied relationship between reviewers and video games. Clearly there is some personal trama there, clearly demonstrated by the use of memes and the ptsd associated. One could infer a great many things; from the potential transition from a single skeleton acting as a woman, to a person of color. Regular posters will already be aware of my views on the jewish agenda associated with those affectionate with children and however much I do not want to politicise this review, it is very obvious that d48eb2 is making a nod in support too.

Overall I rate it a 8.5 out of potential 10:

Pros:

- Cover had lots of words. The use of punctuations were quite striking!

- The image was small and cleverly tucked away, as to not distract from the review.

- d48eb2 really pushes the gender issues faced by skeletons today into the limelight.

Cons:

- Rather misogynist. Too many microaggressions.

- Not enough memes. May be difficult to finish for some.

- Reading can give you eye strain.

As a reviewer, you're supposed to establish your tastes and you're supposed to not review anything you don't like simply because they aren't your thing.

Just checking those repeating digits.

Do you mean Jalopnik?
I dont have a webm

4 u

Kill them with death. Lick them with fire.

...

...

a copypasta is being created right before our very eyes

Faggot needs to use his fat dosh to get a personal trainer, follow a training scheme religiously, and get >>>/fit/.

Ya done went and done it.

If someone is reviewing a product for an audience, you'd think they should be able to use the product
People who are worse at vidya than fucking DSP have no business being near a video game in a professional position

It's like those infomercials where people try to operate a bowl yet catastrophically nuke their entire city.

To be fair, if I had to work at Polygon, I'd probably be CONSTANTLY drunk or high as well, but that is in no way professional behavior from "professional" game reviewers, who can't even be bothered to be competent at their profession.

More Jalopnik cancer.
Oh and so you dont have to watch the video, its a beta cuck car "journalist" being afraid of a fucking track day.

No, it's a good example. Maybe an even better one would be a restaurant reviewer; imagine owning one and getting 1 star on a review because the reviewer doesn't like chocolate, and you had that in one of your dishes he ordered.
You get paid to review things, whether or not you enjoy them. It isn't about preference. You're a bad reviewer if you can't tell if something is good or bad. That's just how it is. Reviewers aren't supposed to happy playing the games, they're just doing a fucking job.

Hi everyone. Anthony Fantano here. Internet's busiest music nerd. And today I'm gonna review , the latest Holla Forums shitpost by ID: d41494.

This guy is a notorious shitposter from , you might know him from his previous work, most notably the insanely popular meme "Is this the birth of an epic new meme?" and the recent sleeper hit "a copypasta is being created right before our very eyes".
He's been around the block a few times, picked up a couple tricks from other shitposts, and now he's back and with a vengeance, full of fresh new ideas.
I must say i really liked the phrasing he picked for this specific shitpost and the overall composition and pacing of the shitpost is extremely well put together.
As i was looking the shitpost over and over i couldn't help but be mesmerized by some of the wording choices used here, he really did his research on this one.
Overall i'm feeling a strong 7 to a light 8 on this thing.

Tran
sition

If you've given this blog a read, what did you think of it?
Did you love it?
Hate it?
Why?
And…what should I review next?
Cool?
Cool.
Anthony Fantano.
ID: d41494.

Forever.

wheew

Get the fuck out and stay out.

Oh and speaking of not knowing how to drive a fucking car as an auto "journalist".
archive.is/sRWk2

checked

I fall asleep watching TV and Food Network is usually pedantic enough to put me right out, but occasionally I get restless and I catch some of the bullshit of Chopped.

A applaud you sir.

EVERY TIME

...

I would rage but I feel pity toward the uncultured swine.

Catherine is my waifu

...

That's a keeper.

None of you like video games.

What, do YOU like video games?

Nice dubs, faggot.

Au contraire, bitch ass nigger: I like videogames so when some dumb fuck is being retarded about them I come here to laugh at him

we love to laugh at idiots, it is what we do. This doesn't mean we doesn't contribute in other actual videogames theads. Complaining however, doesn't help anybody.

FTFY.

Don't make me send you to the grammar ovens.

(checked)
I'm just here for the schadenfreude.

Who the fuck cares?
This is just more of that same bullshit that started around the same time as GG.

Remember when the outcry was "Gamers are dead" and "Gamers don't have to be your audience."?
This is what they were talking about. Anybody who is still giving that faggot clicks and views and donations and whatever the fuck else just obviously doesn't play video games. The game "reviews" are so saturated in their political/social "commentary" that its clear that the game is just an excuse, a springboard.

This recent "rant" just solidifies it.

I don't know how many times we have to keep going through this though. When will all of you fucking realize that these people are not game journalists. They don't even identify themselves as such until it becomes time for them to justify their paychecks because in reality they're too shitty and childish to really be allowed on any other news source or opinion column.

The realm of "video games" 'just has such low fucking standards that they let these people in and fester about.

You're a little mixed up there, m8.

What the shit son?

...

nvm

HEEEEEYYYYY EVERYBODY Anonymous here and we are going to read by f09f07. Now this is a -like with some elements and some shit posting elements. You can read it at 8ch.net/v/.

Now this post was made a couple hours ago, so it is fairly new. So lets just jump right in, shall we? Now the first you might notice the the image. Being a post on an imagine bored I mean image board. Haha stupid me. Being that this is an image board, you are able to post an image to accompany your text or you could just post an image by itself if you want, I don't know. I think you could post more than one image, let me check real quick.

It's time
TO GET MAD

archive.is/3XQMj

amazing

What in the fucking fuck am I reading

Video games were better when nobody talked to each other.

Ok I'm back now. You can, in fact, post multiple images. I believe five is the max.

The first image I posted was donald trump pointing upwards with a sort of "check my doubles" gesture with doubles referring to post number if it ended in repeating digits. The second one is "Based Tyrone". No, he's not really laughing for 20 aeons. I'm not even sure if the earth existed for that long.

Anywho, has an image of a guy with headphones on. I think he might be a radio dj. He seems to be criticizing d41494. I say this because he calls him a "shitposter". I'm not sure what that memes, but I think it's an insult. Wait a minute, he calls his ideas "fresh" and he said his post was "well put together", so maybe it's not an insult. He gives the post a 7 or 8…which is ok if it's out of 10, but I don't know because he doesn't really say.

Well that's all the time we have for today. If you like this post and would like to see more, make sure you hit that like button and subscribe. Comment in the section below. Thank you everybody. This has been another lets read with your boy Anonymous.

This thread is legendary
I rate it 25cm

Nah, ya'll niggas full on retarded if you get mad. This is pure, unapologetic clickbait.

i'm preeeeeeeeeetty sure this is a joke

This is a parody site or something, isn't it?

it's impossible to tell

Then how do we know if it's the game that sucks or just the reviewer? jfc

Imagine, being so shit at life that being told to put effort into improving your capabilities and knowledge for a specific game/in general lights your anus up worse than Ghost Pepper Day at a Mexican restaurant. There's a special kind of sad failure that's required in life, in order to take the most basic cajoling in response to easily-fixable inadequacy as a waging of war that must be fought tooth-and-nail, rather than just fucking getting good at whatever you're awful at.

Behold the modern progressive fool, in all his weakness and ignorance, and laugh at him and the absurdity of existence, while weeping for the following generations who will either be forced to contend with such foolishness or be indoctrinated into it without knowing.

y-you do realize this is a joke right?

Reminder that From actually sent out EASIER review copies to western journos and reviewers.

how horrifying

...

It was actually patched out for online purposes later. They're all running on the same patch now, however the fact that they NEEDED easier review copies where bosses had less health and did less damage was incredibly hilarious.

Wait, wait, wait, documented proof?

They're just marketing to their audience. Not that hard to understand.

Google it, it was the patch before the western release. I learned about it from watching This is how you DON'T play DaS3. DSP completely failed at it as usual but the person who uploaded it had a short disclaimer that the game was actually easier on this early version for reviewers.

Seriously, is there a worse gaming news site than Polygon? I want to know.

Silly user, bosses are too video gamey.

meme souls

haha, git gud fag

...

They're already outed themselves as casuals, but now they're going all out, huh?
Gonna do another round of "Gamers are dead" except this time something more like "Gaming should have no skill requirement because I'm shit at games" ?

Reminder: Progressives/Feminists/SJWs are why Mirror's Edge 2 was made easier & probably contributed to it's "story focus" with bad writing as well.

We already know these idiots are casuals who hate gaming, gamers & just want games to be a vehicle for propaganda.

Webm related

"Don't talk to me or my wife's son ever again."

lol cucked

more related

...

Christ.

He's a piece of shit for marrying someone and then not calling her kid, "my son". I don't know how old the kid is but if he's still in adolescence that actually means a lot to a child with a step parent that treats them as their own.

holy shit. when i read that i figured it had to be photoshop but then i read the name of the author and now it almost feels kind of plausible… when did the world go so wrong it actually became hard to differentiate bait from reality

i was just cooling down on the whole mattress girl design bullshit but then i see this garbage.
are you fucking kidding me? that's what the whole game was about. you're supposed to outrun stuff. you're supposed to go fast.

how are you gonna fix that then? people are too incompetent to press a button so they keep falling. what are you gonna do? teleport people to the other side?

thanks for this user. that changed my mind on buying the game from leaning to not buying to definitely not buying.

maybe he has cuck denial despite everything

someone let burch know he's got competition

we did actually find someone more cucked then burch.

...

What kind of cuckery is this?

Dayum shame

I think no one will top Jake Rapp as the cuck supreme.
Jake Rapp was getting pegged, his wife's a prostitute who goes out to fuck strangers for money, he was reading feminist literature trying to overcome his natural instincts to stop being a cuck, he was so cucked his wife had him selling his ass to strange men, she had him dressing effeminately to clean her house & make her food, she even had him put a bolt through his dick. Jake Rapp blew Burch out of the fucking water when it comes to being cucked.

I don't know how you could possibly top that, but this crowd never ceases to hit new lows so it could happen.

It's not? I never checked it. It looked believable.

twitter.com/BenKuchera/status/732730465363349509

The enduring aspect of Anthony Burch is that he isn't just a cuck when it comes to his wife, he's equally as cucked in every other aspect of his pitiful existence. His Wii U, his writing, his own game, his personal life, his professional career. He is the ur-wastrel, doomed to failure in every inch of his being. Therefor, even if there are people that prep more bulls than him, Anthony Burch paradoxically remains the top cuck, because he's so cucked he doesn't even get the title of top cuck.

Anyone have sauce on the song for this?

he posts like a teenage girl

enjoy hitting your head against the wall, since it's pretty much the equivalent of playing the game :^)

This is one of the most hilarious things I've ever seen. This is so ridiculous I'm having trouble believing this is real.

He edited it to remove the wife part.

Why is everything a fucking culture?

because nothing can be an isolated incident (except arab attacks) everything has to be some kind of widespread epidemic that they demand everyone get up in arms about

Holy shit I'm more qualified then that faggot. I get that maybe not every enthusiast has done a track day but they MUST have done some exuberant driving on the road. I don't even know how he's qalified to drive.

guaranteed the kid's father is paying child support

Bait aside, if I wanted to test my emotional skill, I'd go visit my bitch mother.

Absolutely roasted

I always wanted some Sock Em Boppers when I was a kid…

it is the same. don't you remember the email leaks? they share notes and co-op tag team stories to drive them up google ratings.

Color it brown and it's a regular sheboon

These journo hacks don't even need to git gud. They just need to be adequately competent at the game to have a valid review

Blue in Green by Miles Davis

thanks

Is there a doom 4 crack out yet?

it has denuvo which would mean it would take 2 or more weeks to crack even if like half the crackers didn't randomly quit doing it recently

I laughed until I cried watching this shit, until I realized it was meant to be a serious double-digit-IQ-friendly explanation of why niggers can't ever win anything (except not really, because blowing decades doing jack-shit after things get equalized "tortoise and the hare" style will lose a race just as hard as a thousand imagined hurdles), at which point I managed to find unknown energy deep within me and laugh even harder.

yeah, because he already fell for that once.

it's a joke. but the real Joke is John Walker.
it's a distance-me-from-them joke, and it falls completely fucking flat because the delivery is as pompous as he is.
and he's still quaking like a duck.

I still don't understand how people end up going north instead of south. I know they can see the Vegas strip in the distance, but you have to fucking understand that you're not going to reach the centerpiece of the entire game on lvl 2!
The game itself leads you southwards to do a loopty loop (or a U-turn) and experience a lot of the mojave desert like that. I got to the mine only after getting my sniper skills and weapons beefed up, I'm not dumb enough to rush a deathclaw with a 10mm pistol!

check your spelling

It's isn't like you aren't warned about the deathclaws. I suspect part of the problem in many games telling the player everything they do is super hard so when a game warns then that an area is actually hard they ignore it then botch that it is actually hard.

...

For the sake of letting you confirm that it's real, I found it and archived it.

archive.is/fORjn

I only did this because some faggots on here like to make their own ammo when there's perfectly good bullshit just waiting out there to be used.

I was just playing some Quak 1 quit wordsplaining shitlord!

You got a louder chuckle out of me than I'd care to admit.

...

Imagine if a professional car reviewer didn't know how to drive stick, change their own oil, fix a flat, or what "RPMs" were. Then imagine they proudly boasted about that.

Would you trust them to recommend a good vehicle to you?

Shit I should have read the thread, someone already kind of made the same analogy

Also I'm genuinely curious - have they all stopped using "problematic" now?

I liked it when they did, I knew what articles not to take seriously. Now I have to go back to actually reading through a sentence or two. Sometimes.

...

kek

Can they die yet? It would be a mercy instead of fading into obscurity.

need to stop throwing their buzzwords back at them, they're adapting!

Screencapped for glory.

He's that nervous on a track? I'm that nervous when I'm learning to drive, on a road with stupid drivers. I would be way less nervous then this guy on a track.