If Holla Forums hates this film, why do you talk about it so much?

Its inoperable. Under this conditions, the best you could manage is a 5/10.

If people hate car accidents, why do they look at them? THE GOVERNMENT IS PUTTING MICROWAVES IN YOUR CEREAL WAKE UP SHEEPLE

I havent seen the Nu-films

I saw A new hope about 4 times (bretty good :))))) ) ad ive watched about 3/4 of empire
never seen return of the jedis

saw the prequel with liam neeson in it

this is my star war knowledge

post your car porn :')

Do we? I haven't seen anyone talk about it since it screened in theaters and then a bit when the Kike Cucklasa and E:R reviews were uploaded. It only gets mentioned at times in relation to the prequels as a point of comparison or how it will fuck The Last Jew due to shit setup for a trilogy.

It's interesting because TFA was talked about almost endlessly before release since e-celebs had twisted the truth so much that people thought anything not made by Lucas would be good. There was a lot of speculation on how it would end up. With The Last Jew there's just the question of how much worse they will fuck it up. It will be interesting ro see how general audiences react to force minions and a force tree.

1) Change most of the dialogue besides the opening five minutes
2) Don't edit and direct the film like an ADHD retard
3) Actually include some alien looking worlds
4) Actually get your actors to act

...

alright, i'll bite.

so the movie starts out the same. only major difference is, finn actually shoots at the enemy, realizing that he's mostly shooting innocents defending their home and not rebel soldiers, and that leads to him to later stand down when the order to slaughter the village is given. finn busts poe out because he wants to escape, not defect to the other side. they escape and crash like in the movie, we see poe grab the jacket and start wandering, and we then cut to bb-8 meeting rey. the scavenging scene is cut out since it's fucking pointless, instead we cut straight to bb-8 being caught in the next. rey takes the droid back to her at-at home, where we see her mess with a flight simulator (this is actually canon btw, but it was relegated to the helmet in the movie) the helmet still spells out rhae in basic, hence the theory that it's not even her real name. rey goes to niima outpost (now we see the scene of her passing the star destroyer and debris), we see her clean some scrap while watching the ship fly. then she goes to unkar platt (played by simon pegged in his nu-binks debut), he wants the droid and such. cut to finn arriving at the outpost, remove the dumb humor scenes, jump to rey getting ambushed, finn dives in to help. suddenly imperials, cut out the stronk women scenes, they get to the ship and the movie continues for the most part the way it does, maybe edit out a few tie fighters or that bullshit at the end and just have her get lucky with the turn inside the star destroyer while the tie blows up. even with simulator training, you just don't pull that shit off, no amount of force sensitivity helps you that well without proper training, even anakin didn't mary sue that hard in tpm. stretch the space scenes a bit, to make it seem like they traveled a bit before magically getting caught by han and chewie.

gonna split this over a few posts to make sure i don't hit the character limit.

han and chewie show up, the rest of the scene plays out pretty much as is, only the rathtars instantly eating everyone but finn is cut down to one or two guys because plot armor and finicky bullshit. as far as any first order scenes go at this time, any mention of ren being the solo kid is cut out the vader helmet is still in so we get an idea of his perverted history lessons, and phasma is given more scenes to show her need to survive more than anything else, possibly ren kicking the shit out of her to later make her annoyed enough to actually lower the shields.

anyways, onto scene 24. the crew arrive at takodana. finn lying to rey and bb8 about the resistance is still in the movie, and it still gets revealed here, so he makes off like in the movie. most of the film plays out the same, we finally get a glimpse of starkiller base, the new republic is destroyed, only no fucking viewing it from takodana with the naked eye (see pics related), instead it gets broadcast on the holonet inside the "cantina". the billions of lives instantly wiped out suddenly rush through rey, and she trails off to downstairs, where she starts to hear and see her younger self going towards the lightsaber (btw almost the entire castle is cgi kek, pretty much the only physical elements are the exterior bits when it's destroyed and parts of the cantina). the scene still plays the same, only we also see glimpses of anakin's time using the saber and not just luke's. btw, most if not all of the dialogue is re-written to not be such dogshit.

oh, i forgot to mention, rey suddenly becoming an expert with a pistol is not in the movie, nor is her shooting stormtroopers in the movie. she still leaves the castle in rejection of the vision and such, but kylo ren just pops out of nowhere, she freaks and runs while taking potshots, and he captures her all the same.

tr8-t0r is still in the movie, the scene still goes as is. the resistance shows up to save the day, with poe being the expert pilot we're told he is. leia shows up, throws down some exposition on the first order and how she ended up doing what she's doing (again, shit they left for the books that pathetic sheeple will buy). now we shift to not yavin, where poe and finn reunite for a hot minute, and the whole death star 3.0 shit goes down, again removing the bad dialogue and forced humor.

cut to starkiller base, the interrogation scene. helmet stays on, rey doesn't overcome the mind shit and bounce it back on him, she simply clogs her memory with everything from the vision the saber gave her to avoid kylo seeing the completed map. forgot to mention, the map scene still happens and han still gives them the update on shit, only again re-written to not sound as retarded, and given proper timeline frame of reference (again, relegated to books).