Champions 8-9

Brandon Lewis
Brandon Lewis

As far as I'm aware, the last time the Champions were storytimed we saw them crying over having their logo stolen by some corporation. Today I'm going to show you all the two most recent issues so you can all see the ending to that exciting story, as well as talk excitedly about how empowered the series makes you all feel.

Starting off our update, Ms Marvel seems to have called the team together to watch her flip the fuck out on an abandoned building.

Liam Bailey
Liam Bailey

What's the deal with Kid Cyclops?

Joseph Smith
Joseph Smith

Turns out she's still pissed at the Freelancers, that team of super-powered mercenaries who don't mind beating up poor people. For some reason Morales thinks they're the ones producing the Champions merchandises rather than simply being hired by the same people. Ms. Marvel meanwhile feels guilty for having lost control of the 'narrative' she never attempted to control as far as I recall.

Anyway, so now everyone hates the Champions but also is purchasing ludicrously overpriced merchandise at the same time so they can bitch about it.

Josiah Morris
Josiah Morris

Anyway, so now everyone hates the Champions but also is purchasing ludicrously overpriced merchandise at the same time so they can bitch about it.
sounds implausible, but Marvel's current marketing strategy is "publish comics everyone hates and hope people buy a lot of them" so it's consistent at least

Jordan Sullivan
Jordan Sullivan

He's the avatar of white guilt. By that I mean he's the Cyclops that came from the past with his group. He saw Rightclops and all stuff that ensued and now he feels guilty over being the same person. That's it.

Thomas Perez
Thomas Perez

Any mini-Cyclops has Viv produce a group of superhero holograms to shit on him and the rest of the Champions for not being legal experts or something? Who gives a shit.

Hulk tries to convert Viv to the Big Green Dick but she confesses to him that she isn't into boys. The jury, however is still out on girls or gender non-binary individuals. Before Ms. Marvel can get in some of that sweet robot pussy though, Vision arrives to tell her off for not calling him.

Christian Jones
Christian Jones

Robbed of his chance to get laid, Hulk goes to see the X-Man who admits that people thinking you're a corporate sell-out is only a hairs-breadth away from being a hated and feared minority and that if you are in such a situation the only thing you can do is quit superheroing all together. With everyone out of ideas and their fans burning their merchandise, is this the end of the Champions?

Of course not. It turns out all they had to do was make a youtube video saying that the merchandise is without their permission and encouraging people to throw it all away.

Colton Foster
Colton Foster

Ms Marvel confesses her love for Nova-kids shiny white space cock and the team rush down to do an impromptu Q&A session for their fans. Viv however slinks off to try to make amends with her father, who promptly grounds her.

Next issue we'll be dealing with what exactly Viv does while locked up in her room. Hint: We don't see her room all issue.

Austin Cook
Austin Cook

Issue 9 starts with some crying lady in a church leaving a note(?) which is then lifted by someone with talons.

But forget about that! Yesterday the entire Champions team, after having solved their false merchandise problem were watching TV! Yes this includes Viv, guess Vision relented pretty fast on that grounding.

Bentley Long
Bentley Long

Cyclops has old fashioned tastes and Viv has dead family members. Whatever, a day passes and Viv has taken a plane to San Diego so she can be near the plot to stalk the Freelancers. Not sure why she took a normal flight since I thought she could fly but it conveniently puts her in the right place to see some costumed youth wreck a taxi!

Meet the Red Locust! A beginner superhero who unlike most others is a girl/teenager/ethnic minority (take your pick)! I'm not actually sure but I don't recall ever hearing of any other Red Locusts so I guess I'll give Waid at least some credit for actually inventing a new superhero rather than introducing yet another younger gender/race swap of an established hero.

Anyway, Red Locust is kind of new at her job but apparently comes from a long line of Locusts and even has a speech about her heroic heritage which she has written down. Her fumbling for it however let the kid she was chasing surprise her.

Sebastian Thomas
Sebastian Thomas

Whoah hang on why is there a superhero story starting the middle of our social justice comics?

Kayden Baker
Kayden Baker

The kid tries to run however and Viv arrives and takes him down. Obviously, being young and hip Locust fangirls all over Viv and the potential for teaming up with the Champions on her first run.

With the situation now under control, Locust recites the rest of her speech and the runaway she was chasing informs her that if he isn't released then his boss will blow his leg off.

Viv and Locust trace the signal to a warehouse where some villian is using runaway children to produce… Drugs I think? Not sure, regardless, the man running the operation talks to some mysterious villian on his tablet who also mentions that other time the Champions actually fought crime without it being all about social justice, way back in issue 1!

Locust hears about the runaway kids kept captive and bursts into the warehouse only to be confronted with a gang of thugs with AKs. Not the brightest idea but then again it is her first gang bust and apparently her armour is bulletproof!

Unfortunately the villain running the operation pulls the detonator for the leg bombs from his pocket and threatens to kill/cripple all the kids unless the heroes surrender!

Angel Martin
Angel Martin

It's fucked how dark all the situations they get into are but all of them are so poorly written they become generic or just plain goofy without any self awareness.

Jaxon Flores
Jaxon Flores

Nova almost became self aware… for like, two issues before the reboot.

Aaron Rivera
Aaron Rivera

The girls call his bluff however and Mr Gloom gets socked. Some cops arrive to swoon over Viv and take the runaways into hiding and Locust finds some big suitcases of money which she hands over to the cops before dashing off.

…But what is that in her pocket? Is our brave new heroine secretly a crook? Did she just pocket a couple of hundred dollars for herself? Apparently not! She hands the money over to the taxi driver from the start of the issue and tells him it's to fix his car with any left over to be given to charity. Viv decides to forgive Locusts questionably legal but ultimately good action in exchange for her origin story.

It turns out that there used to be a Locust Brotherhood who fought injustice with their sweet insect control powers. Fernanda is a descendent of this group and inherited the family Locust armour after her Mother died in spite of the family tradition that it only be passed to first-born sons.

Elijah Allen
Elijah Allen

Anyway, apparently upon being granted permission to continue the family tradition by the rest of the Brotherhood she immediately upgraded the armour with super strength and the ability to jump ludicrously high (because apparently no-one else in her family or the Brotherhood thought to upgrade their gear beyond making it bulletproof). Anyway, given the lack of nomadic tribes in the region, the Locusts switched to simply fighting crime in general with a focus on finding runaway children. Locals are able to contact the Red Locust through notes left in a certain church, thus explaining the scene at the very start of the issue.

Anyway, Viv hints that Fernanda might be let on to the team before rushing off to see her Dad.

That's all for this mini-storytime. To be honest I rather liked the Red Locust, certainly compared to the usual Champions fare she at least tried to actually fight crime rather than cry about nonsense. Still, I'm sure if she turns up again it'll be to eat pizza and sit around complaining about things like the team normally seems to do.

Zachary Gutierrez
Zachary Gutierrez

Like the rest of the series, the next issue preview cover is about as subtle as a brick being thrown through a window with lit dynamite attached.

Christian Richardson
Christian Richardson

It sure is a pity we have this Z-lister butting in to have everybody talk about how great she is and get in the way of an otherwise salvageable Red Locust comic.

Hopefully an event starts or the comic gets cancelled and Red Locust never appears again. Even she is too good for this.

Caleb Hill
Caleb Hill

Red Locust is cute, I wish she'd replace this entire comic.

Justin Lee
Justin Lee

WOW THIS ART :^)

Landon Diaz
Landon Diaz

The Marvel capeshit movies and the generic checklist of Josh Whedon quip lines to relieve the tension means these writers do not have an ounce of talent when they can just read the comics he's written or watch Buffy or Firefly reruns to copy their lines.

Grayson Richardson
Grayson Richardson

the champions have unathorized merchandise being sold and shota Cyclops deals with it by going on youtube to tell the world he is not Ian Brandon Something
this is modern comics

Thomas Cook
Thomas Cook

Nova

Henry Turner
Henry Turner

Look they're both white boys with a red/black/yellow/blue color scheme who are so poorly drawn they make me sick to look at. Same difference.

Mason Ward
Mason Ward

Nova's Mexican

Easton Barnes
Easton Barnes

You know what a "#woke" story about teen super heroes fighting oppression should be all about? BRANDING! That's right! The central pillar of this story is a copyright dispute over a logo that couldn't technically be copyrighted in the first place, but who cares about that! What the kids really want to see is superheroes dealing with capitalism and marketing!… Incidentally, the Champions somehow marketed themselves so damned well and blew up overnight into a massive fandom with diehard fans who are outraged that the Champions would sellout and put their logo on everything!… Not pictured in these panels and following issues is how exactly this group of half a dozen retarded teenagers managed to build a worldwide marketable identity and get their logo on shirts and banners and associated with self-defense courses even though the only thing they have tangibly accomplished was sitting in the woods, going paintballing, and getting humiliated by some supergoons.

But you know what would really take this story to the next level? Chink Hulk getting pissy and possessive over the emotionless robot girl and thinking that everyone is trying to steal her from him! Man! This sitcom-tier writing was just the inventive "punching up" the Champions needed to distinguish themselves as one of the shittiest, most banal comics around!

Easton Miller
Easton Miller

Red Locust
Man, that's funny. Finally someone made an homage to Chapulín Colorado, character from the great Roberto Gómez Bolaños, and it's another SJW tier character.
The Monkey Paw is strong indeed.

David Scott
David Scott

I lost control of the narrative.

SJWs finally becoming self aware?

Matthew Moore
Matthew Moore

That was the first thing I thought of when I saw Red Locust.

Joshua Thomas
Joshua Thomas

Diversity Bug just so happens to be the first girl Locust, and she's the first to think to turn the traditional armor into power armor, and she's smart enough to turn ancient Aztec armor into sci-fi power armor all by herself because she read a few textbooks
Is she just Mexican Riri Williams?

Angel Miller
Angel Miller

Nova is a spic
Lmao, that explains a lot actually. Fucking (((Bendis)))

Jeremiah Bell
Jeremiah Bell

sampling of sexual and gender identities to determine my own
AAAAAHHHHHHH!
I just want qt brown or clang heroines doing cute stuff and saving the world!

Jaxson Roberts
Jaxson Roberts

I see you are a man of culture, user
and it's another SJW tier character.
She doesnt look so bad…
only the first born males can use the armor
mom died and only give birth to a girl
everyone was not ok with giving me the armor because no balls
I made a lot of upgrades to the armor becasue im smart
Fug
second pic
she took some of the money
Well, I guess she is not working for free
gives it to the indian
Never mind
goes back in the days before this area was claimed by the burgers
Da fuck? It would be better to say "back in the day before spanish conquest" or prehispanic mexico
fermando in honor of the king spain
not using an aztec/mayan/olmeca name
not using a mexican president name
I guess a spaniard wrote this.

Joshua Young
Joshua Young

I thought the same thing and I wanted to fucking piss on their faces for ruining my childhood in a way I didn't anticipate.

Jose Howard
Jose Howard

Now I want Italian Spider-Man.

Adrian Robinson
Adrian Robinson

I guess a spaniard wrote this.
I thought the spaniards didn't care about Mexico?

Hudson Allen
Hudson Allen

Vision's faggoty kid is a faggot
Cho is a complete cuck

I really should've known better than to expect anything else. It is CURRENT YEAR+2, after all.

Brody Walker
Brody Walker

Yes, but the spics living in burgerland dont want any bad publicity.

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