I tried to post this on /polblog/ but it was to long and there existed only 3 active users, I understand that Holla Forums does not encourage personal blogging but this problem I’ve had has been really hard for me and I just need to vent it, even if your comments are just ‘stop being a pussy’ or ‘stop blogging’ etc.
So here's the context of my problem; its a very common story I'm sure you've heard of:
I come from a liberal family but I was more naturally conservative and I slowly went from trying to remove myself from the parasitic multicultural 'gibs me dat' society by first trying to be 'Libertarian' and only supporting myself and family as a way to try and justify the whole "I'm against welfare but it's not because I'm racist" thing. Later on I became more right wing and learned about white nationalism and national socialism and it made more sense to me. I of course prefer the company of other white people and would prefer to live in a homogenous white national socialist nation state. Though I am very right wing and essentially a crypto white nationalist; I cannot bring myself to tell this to my parents, particularly my Mother. You see, I among other WN's support Donald Trump and view him as step forward to the enforcement of white solidarity for the white working class and as a symbol of the underlying white identity that still remains in America.
Because of my subtle but not overtly far right views I've expressed my mother views me with a sort of caution and occasionally will accuse me of racism. The last thing my Mother wants to find out is that her son is a 'neonazi' and an evil racist. Because of my support of Donald Trump these tensions between me and my Mother have escalated and it's almost reaching the breaking point of where I can't hide from who I am anymore.
I've had to hide my nationalist kinship based identity behind 'micro' identities such as my Utah Mormon Pioneer ancestry (which is white). So instead of me giving off the impression that I care about the White American Folk I instead care about the Mormon (White) Folk.
Today I had lunch with my Mother and we got to the topic of my support of Donald Trump and I said to her:
"My support of Donald Trump stems from only wanting the best for me and my people"
My mother responded with
"What do you mean '==your==' people"
I said
"I guess the native Mormon people of Utah"
My mother tried to insert words into my mouth by saying
"So… like white people?"
I responded nonchalantly
"yeah I mean I guess I would be looking at white people as the people I only want the best for…"
As I was saying that my Mother immediately began to shake her head; giving off this face that could only be described as thinking: "OH GOD PLEASE NO!"
A face that could only be paralleled with a conservative christian parent finding out that their son is gay
Because of my Mother's reaction from statement I retracted what I said and made it appear as if I really just care about my 'mormon pioneer' identity and not my more legitimate white identity.
The horror I saw in my Mother's face from my statement hurts me more so than it does for me to just keep my views 'hush hush'. I don't want to live a lie and keep my views a secret until they day she dies but I also don't want to break my Mother's heart.
What should I do? is there anything I can do?