How do Orcs Pork?

How do Orcs Pork?

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en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tusk
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They jizz in mud holes

They are rendered by the sleepless NEETs of Sauron, deep in the basements of Mount Doom, on ancient NVIDIA tablets.

The same as the Elves Venison.

Has it ever been established in the Tolkeinverse how Orcs actually reproduce?

Send a letter to her parents and ask

did someone say pork?

it was established by tolkien that the elves; the first and most perfect of the earthly beings, whom were closest to the children of enui [sp?] married, had children, and were most separated from the lesser beings, mankind, not by massive biological differences [eg. canines vs crustaseans], but by habits, and smaller biological differences [eg. humans vs bonobos].

The orc [simply the quenya word for the common speech word 'goblin', later a hobbit loan-word] was created not by the great creator of the cosmos, enui, but by one of his sons, and thus this was a sin; for only god can create life/has the right to do so. This was a parallel to the christian myht of lucifer trying to equal addonia. The orcs were like elves, but often sallow/jaundiced, and small and misshapen. Rather than the finnish/welsh/whatever based language of the elves [quenya], which was spoken in a sing-song accent and was like music, the orc spoke in shorter, choppy sentences with a language that was based on the sounds of turkic languages. There are only a tiny few words of this language in the books… or I might be confusing it for black speech, which was an artifical language created by sauron for his new empire. It can be assumed they reproduced in the regular way of elves and mankind.

It was a third form, the product of sauron, the orc-man hybrid which was seen in the movies being birthed in a mud-sack. How the DNA was harnessed for this flawed cloning process is unknnown. It may have been danced around by the very catholic Tolkien that they were produce of rape, but I don't recall that part of the book.

I thought Morgoth lured away some elves when they first awakened and corrupted them, and centuries/millenia of isolation and magic resulted in them evolving/being turned into orcs.

And Uruk-Hai was just Saruman further meddling with orcs (with Sauron's help?) to change them.

As for reproduction I have often heard that the females are mostly in eastern Mordor where the land is fertile. Or maybe its just hard to tell them apart. Maybe they're hermaphrodites.

Also are orcs ageless like Elves? Except easier to kill (and much much more likely to die meaning they're effectively mortals like men)?

Haha benis :-DDDD

like this

That may very well be the case. It's been a while since I've read the series/silmarillion.

Tolkien was primarily a linguist, and primarily made the stories so that he could use the languages he invented, and to a lesser extent to give britain it's own national mythos, etc. He wasn't a biologist, so I just can't see him going as deep into orc reproduction as to claim hermaphrodites existed. Much of his descriptions we based on the realities of his time and life; eg. Dwarves were jews, and greedy [official catholic doctrine from his childhood]. Elves were angelic and such.

Elves aren't really ageless unless they cross over the sea and go to the island whose name I don't recall. Rather, they age very, very slowly.

Orc progress with age is never totally explained, but because they are flawed creations, I'd guess they age quicker than elves and on par with men.

Wouldn't the large fangs of these orcs, poking out even when their mouths are closed, rot quite easily?

plenty of mammals have tusks and teeth that stick out, and don't rot easily. maybe they're like elephants whose tusks are continually growing.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tusk

Orc autist here. Quoting myself:

It's not known.
But let's be honest, would you REALLY want to know?
If I had to guess I would say that they're born in eggsacks like Saruman's uruk-hai were. Quite logical if you look at the massive numbers of drones and just one queen bee(Sauron) can start producing them out of literally nothing after moving to Mordor.
And they're not "alive" in the same way as dwarfs are since they don't have the gift of illuvatar.
While dwarfs are something like a "honorary living being", orcs are basically golems made out of mud in a rough shape of an elf and given an evil soul sponsored by Morgoth. That part of a soul is sensed by Sting.
Yes, it's said that they're corrupted elves but those were all destroyed in war of the wrath.
Goblins are a case on their own. Similar to how the drakes that the nine rides are to the actual dragons.

I want an orc to pork me

moar pls

Big Black Orc?

Wot's all dis den?

what type of orc, and which film would you like to get porked?

How do Hobbits bake?