I thought Trump's victory would cure my depression forever but the elation only lasted about 3 days at most and even during that time the reality concerning my life situation was constantly trying to drag me down.
Now weeks later I'm back to just browsing imageboards while awake and being too tired and sad to even get up and make food or drink water. A couple days I didn't even bother to get up, but just stared at the back of my eyelids or at the ceiling for several hours, wishing I could still be asleep and dreaming instead of living my life I have no interest in living.
I was hoping that I'd get to go RWDS with Hillary winning but now I have no purpose for my life at all. Some of you will say go get a therapist, see the shrinks, work out, etc. but let me state it right now that I am very strong and lean and have been lifting heavy weights for about a decade and I do martial arts too. I've also continuously tinkered with my diet and have what should be an ideal diet but it doesn't help. I am very alone and can't talk normal or function at all in society, have only had temporary work and not a real job for decades, and despite laying around so much and wishing I was asleep I only sleep like 3 hours maybe and it's easy for me to wake up and not be able to get back to sleep after having spent like 6 hours trying to fall asleep, my nervous system is just fucked.
I want to commit suicide because I'll never be normal and have a family. I can't drive and have shitty eyesight and shaky hands so there's no way I'm going to go assassinate George Soros or anything like that. I don't know what to do, I've talked many times over the years with anons, and have a shitload of self-help knowledge which is all useless. I don't know if I'm genetically crippled or spiritually crippled but no amount of willpower does me any good. I have done everything and can give ANYONE here more suggestions on how to improve their lives because I have researched this stuff so long desperate for an answer to my own problems.
I can't help myself, the useless fucking shrinks and doctors refuse to even talk to me about what's wrong with me (they don't say I'm ok or that there is an issue, they simply don't say anything about the tests they do on me and hold back on whatever is wrong), I can't work for more than a few weeks at a time and most of the time on any job I am barely able to think because of mental fog and I'm severely depressed and I can't simulate emotions at all.
I feel more useless than ever. I'm not a good soldier or assassin, I can't start a family, I am too stupid to help out in those stickies, and I feel irrelevant and replaced. I feel there is no point in me existing. If I die tomorrow, all that will change is, Holla Forums with a few hundred less shitposts that I make every day and an immense amount of redpill knowledge that I can't use and that I am unable to spread to people in person (since nobody will take me seriously since I'm so damaged) will be buried with me. Probably nobody even reads my links and although anons have screencapped lots of my posts over the years this board in itself has become isolationist and there's no newfags to redpill. Imageboards are all I have left, they are what fills the void in-between periods of restless sleep, and that's it. I feel shit and depressed every day of my life and can't enjoy anything and people are frustrated and tired with me and just don't understand what's going on inside of me. I want to think up of a clever way to suicide that can maybe help out the white race somehow, as I am no longer needed alive, and most movements would never want to associate with me because I have such a damaged cringey looking body and voice.
What should depressed and dysfunctional and self-hating Holla Forums anons do?
