Pizza doesn't scream when you put it into the oven.
How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Trick question, they just beat the room for being black.
Nathaniel Powell
More important things are going on right now
Ayden Hughes
What if synchronicity isn't rare, but rather so all pervading, so commonplace that we don't even notice it?
Adam Campbell
Heil'd
Justin Edwards
How many Democrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to assure the public that everything possible is being done, while the other screws it into a water faucet.
A doctor, a priest, a boy scout and Obama are in a plane that's about to crash, but there's only three parachutes. The doctor grabs one and says "I save lives for a living, I deserve to live" before jumping out. Obama says "I'm the president and the smartest man in the world, so I deserve to live", and he jumps out as well. Now only the boy scout and the priest remain, so the priest says "I've lived a long life, and you still have plenty of time ahead of you. You take the parachute", to which the boy scout replies "No need, father. The smartest man in the world just took off with my backpack".
Adrian Jenkins
Here's a good one, >reddit spacing
Luis Turner
I gotta get outta here before the cancer infects me.
Chase Richardson
How else do you format a joke? 4chin may may arrows?