What do you call a gay man on roller blades?
Rolaids.
What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
Pizza doesn't scream when you put it into the oven.
How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Trick question, they just beat the room for being black.
More important things are going on right now
What if synchronicity isn't rare, but rather so all pervading, so commonplace that we don't even notice it?
Heil'd
How many Democrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to assure the public that everything possible is being done, while the other screws it into a water faucet.
A doctor, a priest, a boy scout and Obama are in a plane that's about to crash, but there's only three parachutes. The doctor grabs one and says "I save lives for a living, I deserve to live" before jumping out. Obama says "I'm the president and the smartest man in the world, so I deserve to live", and he jumps out as well. Now only the boy scout and the priest remain, so the priest says "I've lived a long life, and you still have plenty of time ahead of you. You take the parachute", to which the boy scout replies "No need, father. The smartest man in the world just took off with my backpack".
Here's a good one, >reddit spacing
I gotta get outta here before the cancer infects me.
How else do you format a joke? 4chin may may arrows?
A nigger hard at work.
...
Howdy! Fellow, old fag, I too love forced memes, and have disdain for plebs xDDD
That's not Holla Forums humor, that's liberal humor. Please go back to whatever normalfag website you came from.
Hey, I've got a joke for you guys
OP is straight.
What do you call a negro on a bicycle?
Thief.
What's the difference between a bowling ball and a black woman's pussy?
if you really had to, you could eat a bowling ball
Newfag. Spacing like that has been around since the original migration from SA, a decade before Reddit existed.
Time to open up 'jokes.txt' in my Holla Forums folder.
Q. how long does it take a black women to take a shit?
A. nine months
Q. what's worse than the holocaust?
A. 6 million jews
Q, what do you call a white guy surrounded by niggers?
A. a prison guard
Q. how do you know you've been robbed by a chink?
A. he's still trying to back up out of your driveway
Q. how do you get a nigger out of a tree?
A. cut the rope
jerry_seinfeld.jpg
We are going to kill 6 gorillion jews and a clown.
Mein Fuhrer! But why a clown?
See? Nobody cares about jews
What do you do if you see a wounded black man begging you for help?
What do black men do after sex?
Yo momma has so little class, she could be a Marxist utopia.
Your mom is like Marx's thoughts on socio-economics: every worker gets a share.
Why do jews play football?
Why are there no jews on Jupiter?
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest
What's the difference between a pizza and a black guy?
What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew?
What's the difference between black Jews and white Jews?
What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?
Which hotel has the most stars?
How does a black woman fight crime?
Did you hear the joke about the baby with aids?
A girl asks her friend about how her date went: "Oh I ended up having sex…"
"What was it like?"
"A bit like the Olympics 100m final."
"What, finished in under ten seconds?"
"No, ten black guys and a gun."
Why don't black people go on cruises?
What do American children get for Christmas?
A black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender, surprised, asks "where'd you get that from?"
The parrot says "Africa"
How does a nigger know she's pregnant?
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
What is the national dish of North Korea?
How many Jews can you fit in a Volkswagen Beetle?
What does the Jewish pedophile say to the little kids?
What's the difference between Santa and a jew?
Santa goes DOWN the chimney.
What has eight legs and makes women scream?
I called a rape advice line earlier today.
Unfortunately it's only for victims.
Whats Black on top and White on the bottom?
This next one's a laugh riot.
—————————-
Jewish people are mostly upstanding moral people and have contributed much to the benefit of society.
There is no global Jewish conspiracy. There is no global conspiracy of any kind. Governments govern countries, working alongside businesses. Nobody has full control.
The media is great to entertain and inform the masses, and is owned by many different individuals and companies. No one group controls the media.
News agencies are for the most part reliable, honest, and accurate in what they broadcast and publish. Movies, shows, and music are good entertainment. There is no secret nefarious agenda behind them.
Universities provide a solid upper level education, broaden the mind, and ready young people to enter the workforce. Curriculum is not controlled by any one ideology. Professors and faculty have personal opinions and views, but generally there isn't any bias in what they teach.
No one group has control of the finance world. Various indviduals, bank, and companies run it. Financial institutions can be trusted to house your money. Money can trusted as currency. Investment banks and most of Wall Street provide a valuable service to the public, helping many people. There are only a few bad apples.
Government is not controlled by any one group. Politicians, while sometimes motivated by greed, generally care and work towards the best interests of the public. The president is the leader of the free world. Nobody is pulling his strings, he is not a puppet. He is an indivual who was elected to power by voters. Voting is an important civil duty. Though political parties use tricks to get votes, elections are not rigged.
Intelligence agencies work within the law to secure the nation and its interests. Our foreign policies are for the betterment of our nation and of other nations. The wars we are fighting are justified and necessary.
—————————-
It's the mace.
A rabbi is driving to the synagogue and a vicar is driving to church. They have a car accident, and their cars are wrecked completely, but they both crawl out of their cars unharmed. They shake each other's hands. The vicar says "look at that, our cars are completely wrecked but we're still alive, it must be God's work." The rabbi agrees. He then says: "and look, this bottle of wine from Israel is still intact! Let's drink to what has happened here today." The vicar agrees and drinks a fair bit of wine. Eventually, he turns to the rabbi and asks, "why aren't you having any?"
The rabbi puts on a dirty smile and says, "I'd rather wait for the police to arrive first."
Have you ever had Ethiopian food? No?
It's ok, they haven't either.
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia?
Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling
How do you get 100 Ethiopians into a phone box?
Throw a can of beans in
How do you get them out?
Run past with a can opener
A priest, a rabbi and a monk walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, "What is this, a joke?"
Two niggers are walking down the street when they see a sign. 99 cents and we'll turn you into a white man. The first nigger says, "Shit! I only gots 98 cents!" The second nigger goes, "I gots a dollar! I'll go in first then I'll give you a penny."
So he goes in and comes out a white man. The nigger asks him, " Hey man, you got a penny for me?" The white man says, "Get a job you fucking nigger."
—————————-
As a man of Jewish descent, I don't like jokes about us Jews.
I think they often cement prejudices and misinterpretations of the Jewish people and culture.
But, every now and then, even I enjoy a good laugh and feel that I shouldn't be so serious about everything.
So I have a very good joke about the holocaust here, if anyone wants to buy it.
—————————-
Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, but Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast.
An Israeli tank is chasing a Muslim.
Suddenly the Arab stops, finding himself at a dead end, and starts blasting at the tank with his AK.
He fires and fires with all his heart as the tank is getting nearer and nearer, and then, one moment the Muslim suddenly stops shooting.
The tank also stops and the Jew pops his head out.
"Why did you stop shooting?"
"I ran out of bullets," answered the Muslim.
"I can sell you some."
A Jew, a black, and a Muslim are on a frozen lake, not talking to each other, so I thought I would go over there and break the ice.
How was copper wire invented?
Someone threw a penny between two Jews.
What's the difference between between karate and judo?
Karate is a form of self-defense, and judo is what bagels are made of.
The top SS officers in Auschwitz are bored one day and decide to hold a competition.
One grabs a Jew and asks, "You, how high can you jump?"
The Jew replies, "I don't know, about half a meter?"
"Okay," says the officer, "here is half a loaf of bread."
The other Jews in the area hear this and get closer to the guards.
"You how high can you jump?"
"One meter."
"Wow! Here is one loaf of bread."
"You how high can you jump?"
"Two meters."
"Amazing! You can have two loaves of bread."
"You how high can you jump?"
"FIVE METERS!"
At this point, the SS officer yells, "QUICK! SHOOT HIM BEFORE HE JUMPS OVER THE FENCE!"
I can't believe the judge said I was a particularly ruthless kidnapper and a disgrace to the Jewish community.
All because I added shipping and handling charges to the ransom note.
What do you do with a Jew with ADHD?
Put him in a concentration camp.
Why do more niggers get run over in the winter?
They're easier to see.
What's the difference between a naked white woman and a naked black woman?
One's on the cover of Playboy and the other's on the cover of National Geographic
Why are niggers always buried 12 feet deep?
Deep down they're good people.
a priest and a rabbi walk past a playground.
"want to screw these kids?" asks the priest
the rabbi replies "out of what?"
Did you hear about the Jewish ATM?
When you take out some money, it says to you, what did you do with the last $50 I gave you?
Two Jewish businessmen were discussing insurance. The first one said, "You need fire insurance, burglary insurance, and flood insurance."
"The fire and theft and burglary I can understand," said the other, "but the flood insurance? How do you start a flood?"
Why can't spics be firefighters?
They can't tell Jose from hose B.
What runs along walls and kills jews?
Gas pipes
A chinaman and a jew are drinking at a bar when the jew gets nasty. "You motherfuckers ought to be ashamed of yourselves for Pearl Harbor. Sneaky little shits, bombing all of those innocent sailors, fuck you." The chink replied, "Hey! Wait a minute, that wasn't us! I'm Chinese. Pearl Harbor was done by Japanese." The jew said, "Ahh, Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?" So the chink says, "Well, what about your people? Sinking the Titanic and killing all those helpless women and children, I should fuck you up right here." The kike exclaimed, "What the hell are you yapping about? Jews didn't sink the Titanic, it hit an iceberg, you jackass!" The chink said, "Ahh, iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"
how do you know you have a jew for a neighbor
they have wet toilet paper on the clothesline
whats black and white and rolls down a hill?
an abbo and a seagull fighting over a cigarette butt
How do you get an abbo pregnant?
Cum in her shoe and let the flies do the rest.
How many potatoes does it take to kill an irishman?
Zero
You guys are always saying Jew this, Jew that. The Jews are behind everything, the Jews are bad.. and now you're just up and making cruel jokes now, it's always about how the Jews are stingy; that's nothing but an anti-Semitic canard perpetuated by mindless parroting bigots, I'm not buying any of this crap.
What's the difference between a train full of jews and a train full of sand?
You cant unload sand with a pitchfork
Whats the difference between a Jew and a trampoline?
You dont jump on a trampoline in military boots
What's the difference between a nigger and a snow tire?
A snow tire doesn't sing when you put chains on it.
What would you do if you had enough money to send half the niggers back to Africa?
Send all of them back - half way.
What did the Alabama sheriff call the nigger who had been shot 15 times?
The worst case of suicide he had ever seen.
Why don't you hit a nigger on a bike?
It's probably your bike.
What's the difference between the Holy Grail and a black father?
You might find the Grail.
What's faster than a nigger running with your TV?
His brother with the DVD player.
Do you remember the nigger family on The Jetsons? No?
The future looks pretty good!
Why don't niggers celebrate Thanksgiving?
KFC isn't open on holidays.
What do you call a white man surrounded by 100 niggers?
Warden
What's the difference between a pothole and a nigger?
You'd swerve to avoid a pothole, wouldn't you?
How do you hide food stamps from a nigger?
Put them under his work boots.
A pastor gets up on Sunday morning. Beautiful day, so he decides to call in sick from church and go golfing. God and the angels see this and the angels take umbrage that a man of God would skip church for golf. God says, "You're right, I need to deal with this."
Next shot the pastor makes goes ricocheting off several trees, rebounds off the clubhouse and goes slamming into the cup for a hole-in-one. Angels go, "Boss, I thought you were going to punish the guy." God responds, "I did. Who can he tell about this?"
A man gets pulled over for speeding. The sheriff ambles up, asks for license and registration. "I'm afraid I don't have it," the man replies sheepishly. "Why not?" asks the cop. "I, uh, think I left it at the bar. I get forgetful after a couple of drinks." "Sir, I'm going to need you to step out of the car." "No can do, sir. I stand up and the .45's gonna fall right outta my waistband." The cop is almost livid by now. "Son, what is wrong with you? What are you carrying around a loaded gun for?" "Well, the hooker's not gonna force herself into the trunk now, will she?" By now the sheriff is on the horn for backup, and half the city has arrived, complete with swat team and the Chief. As they've finished tearing his car apart - by the way, no dead hooker, he passed breathalyzer test, and his license was in the glove compartment - the guy is face down in the road in handcuffs, he turns to the Chief and says "Lemme guess. He probably told you I was speeding, too?"
A Jewish man with an erection walks into a pole, what does he say?
"Ouch! My nose"
How is a tumbleweed like Matthew Shepard?
"They both keep blowing and blowing and end up stuck to a fence post in Laramie, Wyoming"
"What's your name?", asked the teacher.
"Mohammad," he replied.
"You're in Ireland now," replied the teacher, "So from now on you will be known as Mike.
" Mohammad returned home after school.
"How was your day, Mohammad?", his mother asked.
"My name is not Mohammad. I'm in Ireland and now my name is Mike.
"Are you ashamed of your name? Are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!"
And his mother beat the shit out of him. Then she called his father, who beat the shit out of him again.
The next day Mohammad returned to school. The teacher saw all of his fresh bruises.
"What happened to you, Mike?", she asked.
"Well shortly after becoming an Irishman, I was attacked by two fucking Arabs."
SLIDE THREAD
How do you get a techno party started in Somalia?
You tape some food up in the ceiling
good thread