Well guys I think the 5 year honeymoon is over and I hit the bottom. Not sure why I’m telling /b but I need to tell someone. Wife is prego (happy about this), but her sex drive is nothing and has been for awhile. She says it’s not the pregnancy, which I agree to a point because this was going on before. First I thought maybe she was cheating but we finally talked it out tonight. She said she feels it’s her duty to have sex with me even when she doesn’t want to because we are married. She said she’s really happy being married with me and about to start a family but sex isn’t important to her but she knows it’s something I was expecting from her when we got married. Not sure how to respond told her I’d rather have sex once a month and she be into it than have sex multiple times a week and she just be a warm body laying there. I knew sex would slow down but wtf? Any older anons out there able to advise? I really don’t know what to say or do. I’m not going to leave her or cheat but I have a pretty high sex drive. Sure I can jerk off daily but I don’t want this to be the rest of my life. Am I fucked? Is this just my married life now?
Well guys I think the 5 year honeymoon is over and I hit the bottom...
I’ll jus share some pics until someone joins
Sex with my girl dried up like 7 years ago. She got off her birth control and it totally shifter our dynamic. She’s not depressed or fucking a guy on the side (it’s possible I know but like zero evidence), she had some vague ovarian issue years ago but it’s fine now. I love her but I bang randos on the side on the reg. Gave it 3 years no sex before I picked up side pieces. I think if she caught me she wouldn’t be too mad
>>827412834I am afraid this is where it will lead to
Seducing your girl is different in year 5 than it is from year 2.What are you trying?
>>827412563Who molested her?
>>827412922That’s some of the problem, she said no matter what nice thing I do she feels like I’m just trying to get sex. She said she knows it’s a problem in her own head but it turns her off.I buy flowers, pick up around the house, give back rubs, ask about her day. We have a pretty good relationship outside the sex drive drying up
>>827413001I don’t think this is it but maybe? How would I even bring this up?
>>827412563Just find a way to rekindle her sex drive
>>827413150I know what I need to do, I’m asking how to man
>>827413023>I buy flowers, pick up around the house, give back rubs, ask about her day.Yeah, that's not seducing anymore. Think about it. She already knows (thinks) you're a good person. So why would a gesture of kindness change anything about her arousal towards you?First thing I'm curious about, how much time do you both spend apart? How often do you spend a week apart? How often do you spend a day where you're both at home but not in the same room?
>>827413191You know her better than anyone here ever willJust do things that'll get her horny.Do the chores around the house (if you don't already)Buy her gifts (flowers and shit)
>>827413359Good point. Well I’m home all day everyday now working from home other than the afternoons when I’m working outside after day job (own a farm) She works 50 hours a week but otherwise we usually will watch a show or 2 at night together. Otherwise we just kind of do our own thing and talk about our day and hang out.
>>827413457>Just do things that'll get her horny.>Do the chores around the house (if you don't already)>Buy her gifts (flowers and shit)
>>827413513Do you go out of your way to avoid jerking off when she's home and awake?
>>827413796Yah I don’t ever let her catch me jerking off. Sometimes I think she know when I do it in the shower. I know it’s a turn off for her.
>>827413023Stop trying to have sex. Do manly things like fix the house or car or landscape a d be loving and sweet but show restraint when it comes to sex, affection is good but restraint. Since you're "busy" but still loving, she will enjoy trying to get you to be more sexual and just show restraint to your impulses and her subtle advances, but dont deny her when she's clearly desiring you. Works for my girl.Tl;dr show sexual restaint but maintain affectionLike massage but no sex, just end with a hug and kissLike nice dinner but go on a walk and be affectionate and fun
>>827412563Have you considered going to couples counselling/ sex therapy? From what you’ve said she’d probably be down for it since she wants to please you. Sounds like a good thing you have going & would be a shame for the sex life to ruin it all.
>>827413796Thing is this girl use to walk in on me and reach into the shower and jerk me off. She use to be kinda slutty but innocent if that makes sense. but I think she was maybe just doing it to win me over. Not sure what to think anymore.
Take her to an OB/GYN and get her hormones tested. Go with her. Talk to the doctor with her.
>>827413872I think this is it. Kinda what I was thinking. Restraint but not saying no when she is clearly coming onto me. Thanks user
>>827413928Yah it crossed my mind but I don’t know if we are at that point yet.
>>827413928Actually this is bad. It feel pathetic and she isn't going to be turned on by you guys taking turns talking with some third wheel.. Take care of your own relationship
>>827414015She recently came off birth control and we had lots of sex when trying to get her prego so I could see something being out of balance there
>>827412563Most women do this. It’s because they’re useless cunts and once they have what they want (a free ride through life and a child), nothing else matters. Just start fucking girls on the side. Get hookers if you can afford it and don’t want the hassle of playing games.
>>827414137I agree, she def likes a mans man and I’m not one to go see a quack so I think she’d be concerned if I suggested going to one
>>827412563>just my married life nowpretty much
>>827414083Dude it works like crazy. Just dont ever make them feel bad for wanting you, just dont xome off always thirsty for sexKissing my wife and hugging her from behind while she cooks then going outside to work on stuff, and then coming in every so often to give her a compliment, then leave again, after a while the absence creates a lot of tension. And when you're snuggling look a lot into her eyes and and take breaks if things start to get heated, slow it down and hold ger and say "gosh you're beautiful" abd slowly pick back up the intensity. That calm and intimate and fast and passionate back and forth keeps sex enjoyable and you're in control.
>>827414137Ok man you do you, good luck & I hope things work out
>>827414229They probably wont do anything now because she's knocked up. Her hormones are a natural mess. You'll have to wait till after the kid.If the doc gives her Testosterone cream it will turn her into an animal.
>>827413872>show sexual restaint but maintain affectionNot op, but I tried thisI lied to myself for years. I kept thinking I was OK with this, but I hated it. We're getting divorced.
>>827413866There's the problem. You need to demonstrate (and actually be) a sexually independent person. Obviously she knows you masterbate, but hiding it is basically hiding your sexuality/big dick energy.
>>827414469You probably don't know how to be sexual without going straight to sex. Its a tease all the time, the more subtle the better. Don't ever deny your sexual interest in her, if that's what you did.
>>827414474Oh no I’ve told her I jerk off when she isn’t around so she knows that. She’s told me multiple times she knows I like having sex and I think that’s part of the issue. She feels she needs to keep me satisfied even when she doesn’t want it
>>827414236Does your wife not make as much as or more than you do?
>>827414474Masturbating, just the image of it, can be a turn off for some women
>>827412563Middle agedfag here. Once you're done having kids the sex drive will be gone. Be happy she even puts up with lying there once a week, because that won't last. Get used to jerk ing once a day or get a side piece. You're not dead and her hormones dying off are not your fault....your dick didn't die. This is what every single guy I know has gone through, and solved one of the two ways. BUT, be very careful of how you do option 2. A lot of side chicks want the life they think your wife has, and will narc you out or purposeful get pregnant to trap you. 2nd marriage with a side girl will be back to square 1 of your first marriage....but you'll be broker by a lot. Seen this many times. Good luck.
>>827414618I make twice what she makes
>>827414610Yea, hold off and don't masturbate, maintain affection but no sex, when she reaches her limit she'll let you know she wants you.It sounds like she works too much tbh. Women generally lose sex drive when working a lot.
>>827412563Drown her in the tub.
>>827414083>Restraint but not saying no when she is clearly coming onto me.If you ever have the chance, definitely say no once or twice. It comes back to being an independent sexual being.
>>827414681What I was thinking. But growing up my parents and friends parents had sex all the time so I kinda thought it was a possible to still keep the sex drive going. I don’t think I’d ever go with option 2. Just morally bothers me unless the wife ever said okay, but I think that might be the start of a long road to divorce.
>>827414681This is it.
>>827414811This, but say no gently like still be close and affectionate, don't make her feel like you don't want her, maybe just be like "lets do..." Some other couple activity instead.
>>827414777I’m trying to up my salary so she can be a stay at home mom. I agree she works to much but she’s a stubborn bitch about it and I’ve decided to let that fight go knowing she wants to be a stay at home mom. She’s convinced we need to make as much as we can before the kid is born. She even said she thinks maybe the stress of life could be the cause.
>>827414588>You probably don't know how to be sexual without going straight to sex.I do, but I don't prefer it. We're just not very sexually compatible, and she kept trying to make changes. I kept telling myself that it's about the game of it as much as it's about the goal, but >the more subtle the betterI'm just not into that. There's something about it that feels very gay in a French way. And that's not even getting into how she is just downright awkward when it comes to foreplay. I've had great sexual relationships before her, and ours was never that good. I tried a lot of different approaches. Some people just aren't very sexually compatible, and that's a hard thing to get past in a marriage.
My rich dad just died My gf of 6 years has finally reared her ugly head and showed her true form Fact is, girls lie to us. They don't just lie about not running into their high school sweetheart and getting rimmed in their hotel rooms They lie about who they are to make you think they're who you want to be with. The fact is tho, when you expend your usefulness as a lover, they only stick around if they're tied to you.Mine can't leave me because I own her house and car, and I'm about to have even more money than I ever imagined thanks to my dear father. Yours can't leave you because you're the father of her unborn child Just kill her after the pregnancy and move on. Then you can live and love again without your ex sullying your name to your children behind your back their entire life.
>>827414693That explains your perspective. Stop slumming it, and get a woman with comparable status. What you're doing now is pathetically predatory.
She needs BBC,whiteboi
>>827414610>Oh no I’ve told her I jerk off when she isn’t around so she knows that.You're still waiting til she's asleep or out of the house though, right? Ask yourself why? It's not cause you're trying to keep it a secret. It's not cause it's something you need to protect her from. You're embarrassed by it. Wife is the one person you shouldn't be embarrassed by it. Not saying you need to jerk off in the living room, or that masterbation is some magic key, it's just a side effect. You've got a mindset where she's more like a friend (who you would for instance hide your masterbation from) rather than a lover (openly sexual with each other and not trying to separate that part of their lives from them)I just know it helped me when I started masterbating while she was awake, and being honest about my thoughts and fantasies and being my sexual self. Being more of a sexual person in the house she has access to, rather than a beggar.Anyways, the bigger thing is probably the birth control/pregnancy/depression hormones. Makes sure she gets exercise and good diet and you'll probably be good.
>>827415155She’s out of my league look wise. All the pictures I’ve posted are kinda what she looks like. So while I make more she’s def hotter than I am. We met in college and got married after we both graduated.
>>827414873People just get lazy and their priorities get all messed up with age. Ppl stop putting energy day to day to keep genuine intimacy. Watching a show together is generally not intimate. If you're not looking into each other's eyes and holding hands for long periods of time, then its not intimate. If you're not dancing or looking out for new ways to show you're thinking of her, its not intimate.Good women want to be the prize of a GOOD man, they want to be seen as desirable by a man with priorities beyond sex, they want intimacy and sex is a vy product of genuine intimacy.So stop having sex, OP, unless she is excited as well, set a high standard for sex which will lead you to show restraint when she is not feeling it.
>>827414855Hey man no judgment, just telling you what I've seen in my friend/age group. I used to have moral hangups about it too, but life is too short to basically cut off a huge chunk of what being a man is. When she goes frigid at 35 or 40 you've got 30 fuckin years of your if left, that's a brutal amount of time to go without. And bear in mind she has gotten everything that fulfills her in nature. Kids. Financial security. A home. A breadwinner. What do you get that fulfills your nature? A miserable boring job you hate, all your friends gone, 30 years of no pussy before you die? There's a reason midlife crisis guys kill themselves or buy vettes and other expensive hobbies....or start banging a side piece. Just be very careful with what side piece you get. Sorry for blog post, lol
>>827412834Jesus this is my future.My fiance and I have been together for 9 years now...NO sex for 2 years. Time really does fly after a while and suddenly you realize how fucking long its been. No chance for cheating on her part, but i'm seriously considering going to town on one of the girls from work just to get it out of my system.I love her to death and shes one of the only people I like being around. She'd either be crushed if I was caught, or she'd be pissed yet "get it". Either way its a fucked up sitch. I hate it. I'm smothered by women at work and its a living hell in my pants.
>>827415074I get that. Some people just aren't sexually compatible. Usually they wabt different things from sex.However, OP, is probably compatible.
>>827415264I think this along with the user talking about being more subtle is the approach I’m going to try. I really didn’t expect much here but I just want to thank you all for your insight and help
>>827414681>You're not dead and her hormones dying offYou can find a dozen peer reviewed studies that say women (on average) get hornier as they get older and peak in their 30s/40s.
>>827414855Different generations. Women then considered sex a marriage duty so the husband wouldn't stray. Now sex when she's not in the mood is considered rape. Blame feminism and "you go girl" bullshit.
>>827415155Who cares if he makes more or all.
>>827414926Ah yeah, don't be dramatic like it's a movie. Give her a legitimate no when you are actually slightly less into it than normal
>>827414979>I’m trying to up my salary so she can be a stay at home momThis is what kills sex lives.
>>827412563Op married an asexual girl, its g8 just make an arrange to have sex with outher people and have a happy marriage.
>>827415459My wife is old school and def considers it her duty, but I want her to want it
>>827414979>stay at home mom Hahah don't fuckin do this. It will be 1000x worse. She will pack on pounds and then use the "I just don't feel sexy" excuse.
>>827415509Yah she told me she thought maybe she was asexual but I don’t get how that can be when we fucked like rabbits for 8 years together. Honestly don’t think she even knows what is going on
>>827415395As their beauty diminishes they will cling hard to you, if you genuinely give affection, since they'll be getting not much elsewhere as they used to. And that's a lot more than just intercourse.
>>827415575Think a part time job as some coffee bitch or something would combat this?
>>827415386Good luck
>>827415633Asexual stuff is just modern psychological warfare. Sex was real and good for a long time, just gotta adapt to new needs.
>>827414403Gay
>>827415395I can find the 100 midle aged married men who can tell you their wives were all fucking like rabbits before marriage and turned frosty as hell in their late 30s after kids. Hell, I bet 95% of married older men would report that. You think the stereotypes and constant jokes about that situation are just made up?
>>827415686No, she needs to feel independent enough so that she could live without you, and doesn't have a parasite mentality. Also why the fuck wouldn't you want an extra $25K ($50k if she's not an idiot) in the household from a productive wife? So she'll do chores? Tell her you'll hire a maid.
>>827415686Wwll my girl spends all day cooking, cleaning, and working in the garden and I don't work a ton, so we are around each other more doing projects and stuff. A stay at home wife with a tv and a bunch of modern appliances is bad. We own no washing machine or tv or microwave. My wife doesn't consume modern garbage to rot her intuitions. So thats my solution to stay at home wives.
>>827415633That's her way of telling you she's either fucking someone else already or has seriously considered it and plans to do it soon enough.Cut and run dude. Do dad stuff for the kiddo but find a different woman to park your dick inside.
>>82741468142 here, wife 39, couple kids she's always been hornier than me, I'm a shit lay but have gotten good with the vibrator
>>827415904No, I think>their wives are horny but the husbands are slobs>many were fucking behind their back>men fucking their wives don't blab about it the way men with no sex bitch about the lack of it
>>827415833If it works it works. Women are different and sex is much more enjoyable when she is excited and trying to tease me to chase her, even though she knows i will, but I'm not.
>>827415928I don’t like the idea of some babysitter or daycare raising my kids. She has said she’d like to go back to work after the kids get into school but I see no reason to have her stay home and raise them the first 4-5 years of their life. Less likely to end up with shit kids. God knows they need to turn out more like her than me. After all I am on /b
>>827415949I like this idea.
>>827415928A independent wife should not be the goal. Embrace traditional roles. It feels right.
>>827412563/zkBW3r
>>827415686Yes. Avoid couch ass. It will never stop and progressively gets worse. Even if you have a newborn urge her to get the fuck back to work as soon as leave is over. I know a shit load of guys who let the wife be a stay at home mom "until the kids get old enough for school" and without fail none of them go back to work when the kids do go back to school. Unless you count MLM fake jobs or selling candles to other housewives on fb. So what do these stay at home moms do all day when their kids are in school? You guessed it....sit on the couch and pack on weight.
>>827415956She just decided to have his kid lol, now she's bailing
>>827412563Sounds like she married you for stability/resources etc. Instead of because gigachad thundercock.
>>827416054Once the kids are done the hormones switch. You have theories in your head but you'll see.
>>827416156Fuck that, I'm not gonna turn down $25K a year for "traditional roles".
>>827416112Yea, have her raise your kids and cherish them. But you gotta get rid of the modern Garbage. Read Industrial society and its future.
>>827413023She's just not into you anymore.She got commitment and a kid on the way. She'd be fucking like teenagers with someone she's attracted to.
>>827416353Knew it going in, just didn’t think the sex would crash on me
>>827416388People gotta choose their priorities. Money can only help me so far before it starts taking from me.Time is the real measurable resource.
>>827416054>husbands off getting side chicks 15 years younger but he must be a slob because his old ass wife won't put out Logical
>>827416423 I don’t think this is it.
>>827416473Don't give up. Be a man and lead your marriage out of the rut. Have standards. Stay clean and take care of yourself. Be disciplined.
>>827415313Imagine larping this hard.
I mean... how much fatter have you gotten? Are you as attractive as you used to be?
>>827415313Have you... talked to her like a human being about it?
>>827416747This lol
>>827416937Nah I’m 6’ 185lbs with wide shoulders We are both in good shape. Yah I could get rid of 10-15 lbs and get back to my weight when we first met but I’m not fat by any means.
>>827417222Well done user
>>827416156Lol my wife makes twice as much as me, and god does it feel good.