OK, but I still hate all the spiritual shit
Right. I get that. You don't like authority. I get it. You're beholden to no one. You have free will, etc.
Let's skip by the question of whether or not you have free will (that's a major topic in itself). Let's just consider what Christianity says about God, because its really quite different to what Judaism says. I'm going to give you the Orthodox take on the Trinity. That's an important distinction because the nature of the Trinity is the subject that has led to the greatest divides within Christianity.
Put simply: God came to Earth and became Man; that is, He became Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ, as Man, then returned to Heaven as God. What does this mean? It means that God can become Man and, more significantly, Man can become God. That is to say, Man can become the same stuff as God. How, you ask? Through Christ. In other words, by living a life of virtue.
Orthodoxy, contrary to later heretical denominations, considers Christ to be of "one-essence" with the Father; "begotten, not made". This may seem incidental but its implications are massive and its rejection by Roman Catholic doctrine is a major red-flag (and underlies the authoritarian nature of that Church). Incidentally, the RC Church rejected Orthodox doctrine on the Trinity at the behest of the Holy Roman Emperor and not the Bishop of Rome, for reasons of political expediency.
In other words, anons, God/Christ does not think He's better than you. Quite the contrary.
Consider this, anons: We spend our days here on the chans condemning faggotry; adultery; promiscuity; abortion; usury; exploitation. And then when we find out that some dude who claims to be our Dad says that all that shit is bad and we say, "well fuck that guy". Note, anons, that He didn't make it impossible for you to do those things. He said you shouldn't do them. You CAN do them (He gave you free will) but its not recommended. Why? Because all that shit leads to the destruction of civilization and ultimately the species - the fall of man, indeed. At the very least, it'll fuck you in the head personally. Yes, this dude basically agrees with you on almost every subject, but you call him a dick anyway. You do this because you're weak and feel ashamed of who you are. Disagree? I want you to think about this the moment you finish your next fap. Repentance? Yes, that's about recognizing you did something wrong and those feels you get are supposed to prompt you to change your ways in the future (not procrastinate over shit for the rest of your life like Roman Catholic's do). It's purpose is fucking obvious: we call this ERROR CORRECTION. You are expected to commit errors: these are a part of the game…
Face it, anons. Society as prescribed by the Christian Bible is how you think things should really be. You would be quite happy if that's how the world really was. The problem is, it isn't. Everyone else is doing this shit, so why shouldn't you? If you don't, won't other people just take advantage of your better nature anyway? You think it's too fucking hard to live up to this shit! Well, yes, it's hard. But no one is expecting you to have 100% success here (read your fucking Bible!). You're just expected to (((try))), anons.
so I should believe in God, user?
That's entirely up to you, anons. I study probability. I don't believe in randomness. Whether I adopt a philosophy based on classical physics, or quantum mechanics, or Christian theology, I'm told that every event in history is a direct consequence of those events that preceded it, according to the Laws of Motion. The fact that I'm unable to compute causality in most cases doesn't force me to believe in randomness. This knowledge shapes my faith. I could throw in some shit about the correlation between the double helix quantum wave in d -wave superconductors and human DNA, or I could talk about designing a quantum computer based a double-helical structure, and ask you to consider that in relation to God's pronouncement that He made Man in His own image, but I don't want to get too complicated here. As above, so below. Everything's holographic, and so on. However, I prefer to speak in terms familiar to the majority.
Incidentally, I believe that God is a self-ware computational device analogous to the Universe in which He parses data via the event horizons of black holes. I also believe that the underlying 'architecture' of God is based on a double helix structure. Deal with it.