CHAMPIONS #7: Wow, shitlord. Can you not?

You know. All the time on here I see people being very negative. Always complaining about bad writing and other stuff. Lets brighten up the place with a shining example of good writing shall we?

And by good writing I mean Champions issue 7 because fuck you. If you'll remember from the last time this was storytimed, last issue instead of fighting crime the Champions played paintball. Then they got framed for tortuing homeless guys by a group of bored super-dicks.

This issue starts off on a high note with the Champions logo being put where it belongs and the Champions in a police interview room.

Also, apparently Cho isn't stressed out enough by this to Hulk out and Ms.Marvel is more interested in crying about people saying she's a shit hero on Twitter to pay attention to the cops.

The cops eventually let the team go in spite of the Visions combined efforts to destroy their alibi. Kid-clops points out the cops can't do shit about an accusation without proof but Marvel, informs him that that doesn't matter. The only real court that matters in life is millenials on social media and they're so angry at our heroes that they decided to make shitty image macros about them! Oh shit! Whatever will the Champions do?

Nova wonders who could be so evil to frame them for a crime they didn't commit and suggests doing some investigation but Cho isn't having any of that padding and just points out that it's the Freelancers because they're shitlords and obviously did it.

Vision doesn't know who these people are so the team helpfully fill in that they are a group of super-powered mercenaries who specialise in punching down. To be honest this sounds like a really shitty niche to have since I doubt many companies are willing to pay all that much for something they could just get the cops to do, but I guess in Marvel land you can get paid massive amounts of cash for poor people. Or- in this case- suicide bombing slums. If the bank owns the land, couldn't they just tell the cops to evict the people now technically squatting on it?

The old guy who apparently works for the Freelancers spends the next few pages apparently jacking off to the various members at work as the team go about their business in a really inefficient fashion.

However the Champions rush in to intervene just as Suicide Bomb Chick straps on another explosive vest. Do you think the Freelancers have a van parked around the corner full of these vests? Do you think the FBI would be interested in knowing that this team of mercs have enough gear to enact a fairly nasty terrorist attack sitting around?

Cue the Champions pounding the rest of the Freelancers down to the ground. Apparently Ms. Marvels greatest fear is people calling her a shitlord online. Which is a massive cop-out to be honest, I mean it's already happened so does that mean she's now completely without fear? Anyway, she and Cyclops force the leader of the Freelancers to give up the contract and admit to assaulting the homeless guys. Thus saving the day and ending the Freelancer threat forever! At least towards the Champions, the Freelancers are under no requirement to not take up any more contracts in future or torture any more homeless guys for shits and giggles but I guess poor people aren't as important as the Champions feelings.

However, as one last stinger it seems the boss of the Freelancers has a twist to reveal. They may have stopped the eviction (for now, I'm sure a new band of mercenaries will arrive tomorrow), but what is it that they've failed to prevent?

…It turns out that the Champions brand has now been trademarked by the company that hired the Freelancers! Oh no! What a horror! Now all that good work that the Champions did will be for nothing as rich people live in Champions brand gated communities and by overpriced Champions merchandise! Whatever will our heros do knowing that some company will be making money off of their efforts? What's to stop Ms.Marvel reading up on some copyright law and coming up with a slightly different brand that she can control who uses it? Who would want to smoke Champions brand cigarrettes? Who cares! Next issue apparently is going to be about the Champions mentor figures telling them off or something.

Why is Whor there? Why is Hercules there? Yeah he worked with Cho before and was Hulk's friend but was he really a mentor figure to Cho?

The ending is something out of an older comic. It would've worked well back in the day. Here it's just shit and isn't played up as a ridiculous joke for fun.

… To do what? Beat up homeless people? That's dumb, you're dumb.

Check your not on the other side of the law privilege.

This is California I guarantee you they're doing it illegally if they're ACTUALLY evicting people.

Why is nuMarvel so horrendous at establishing threats? These two teams have not fought before if memory serves, the Freelancers need to win here in order to establish themselves as a credible threat. Instead it's like, 5 pages of a 20 page book and they don't break a sweat.

Did anyone talk about disbanding?

… you mean the people on twitter? Seriously? I'll guarantee you lost those the day after you debuted, this is probably the first time they've talked about you since.

HAHAHA WE TRADEMARKED YOUR SHIT!!!
… That's not how trademarking works, they were the prior user, all they have to do is file a counter claim and date it with their first use of the name, which is easily proven by twitter's hashtag date. They'll likely win. This is why even in something like the software industry where lawsuit trolls are all over, Trademark suits against prior users are not common. Trademark suits usually only come about because someone didn't do due diligence and check prior usership. The company that did this in the comic could stand to lose billions depending on what the judge values the damage done at. Especially since this is California and you have a non-corporate entity vs. a corporate entity. Then again, trademarking the name for use in the resort business is probably a passable work around, but, again, it's California.

Props to Marvel for actually knowing their new target audience

The Freelancers were introduced in the Champions tie-in to the Monsters Unleashed actually, They fared better therebut the fight got cut short by the giant Kaiju and the two groups had to team up to fight it.

You're still right about the team needing to be better set up though given that I doubt many people read that comic and it looks like the writer is trying to set them up as recurring villians with a polar opposite ideology to things than the Champions.

This is the best they can come up with?
Are they superheroes or are they copyright lawyers? This is the lamest fucking conflict. This would be like Tony Stark getting into a legal battle with a local steelmill over the rights to the name "Iron Man" or Bruce Banner picking a fight with a vegetable seller for using "The Jolly Green Giant" as their mascot.

jesus christ

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And once again, I like the Freelancers much much more than the Champions.

Perhaps it's me but guy Ferrari in the pic looks like his anatomy is all fucked up.

And the only reason they want to help the homeless guy and figure out who assaulted him… is to improve their public image and inspire "change". These are not heroes.

I'd say this is a parody, but I know with Mark Waid it isn't.

So basically, the Freelancers were not an issue at all. They were all quickly dispatched and defeated with ease.

They seemed more concerned about their reputations than the homeless people who were beaten up.

They refused help, due to pride or whatever. True Heroes.

Goddamn why is that black girl's knee so sharp

Imagine you own a company and you're trying to do your work and build something but every time you do some super powered hippies come and melt your machines, tag your corp with BLM with super vision. Not only is it a bad look, but your insurance rates rise, you have to pay workers while you replace the equipment, ect ect ect.

In a world with supers, especially social justice supers, you'd be practically desperate to hire your own supers just to do business and just to stop dumbass college students fresh out of liberal indoctrination 101 from just wrecking your shit.

that makes much more sense than anything actually presented in the comic, where this is the first time the freelancers ever fought anybody other than literal bums

I think you forget the real issue that exists about superheroes going legal; that they need to reveal their true selves and put theior families at risk to persecute a trademark lawsuit.

Except half of them already have public personas and everything can be done in their names. I guess old tropes dont work with modern heroes.

Fair point but, as you said. Vivian, Hulk and Cyclops do not have secret identities, so there goes that conflict. Only thing I can see coming out of this is Ms. Marvel having to NOT be official leader.

Only because in Marvel-Land, the biggest threats to their superheroes are other superheroes, since the vast majority of their supervillains appear to be emasculated cucks now.

It'd be nice to see a Joker-esque villain remind all these idiots why identity protection is important, preferrably through killing off all their loved ones and leaving behind messages showing which ridiculously easy Twitter profile they found their information from.

Oh it's not just you friend. Shit looks janky as hell.

I want to play a Mutants and Masterminds game with that plot.

Its sad to see this since I liked some of his work.

This was written by the same guy who wrote Kingdom Come…


Anybody here owns a gun? I need to kill myself.

This is presented as some serious situation, but the fact that the blue haired girl has to blow up a building with a bomb vest and then repeatedly run back to get another one to blow herself up with is Looney Toon territory. People buy this?

My dad lives one but I'm not sure you live near by.

Kingdom Come wasn't that good, it only had Alex Ross going for it.

I couldn't visit Holla Forums due to family matters, so I lost track after #4. Anyone got archive links of the past threads?

You just know the motherfucker who wrote this trash is some middle-aged loser who spends all damn day on Twitter and just had to stuff it in to his plot because he's obsessed with it.

Y'know, when you read something this bad, it's tempting to look back on all of Mark Waid's work and say "oh yeah, it was never that good." But the truth is, his old stuff was definitely better than this.

I don't know if he's following current trends, if his ego has hoist him, or if he just got stupider, but he used to be good, now he's shit.

Why the fuck is Marvel turning into a more sanitized version of The Boys? Seriously, someone should write a satirical comic where all the heroes are so worried about being "woke" and "sensitive" they end up fucking people over.

...

He's basically the left's version of Frank Miller, while 9/11 fucked Frank up, Waid starting chugging down the social justice kool aid on Twitter and well, he's fucking insane now.

So basically, he hopped on a new fad (Twitter is all about fads, and people who live vicariously on it know this) thinking it would be bigger than it turned out to be, then doubled down on it?

That's fucking sad. I was going to order the Kingdom Come Anniversary Hardcover, but I'll be fucked if I want to put any money in this dick's pockets.

Speaking of which, The Boys always struck me more as "Pedowood, except superheroes" or something along that line, plus a critique of corporate kikery, the superhero genre and the comic industry as a whole. With 17-foot tapeworms, anal gerbils and all the other usual Ennis trademarks.

I would have liked The Boys more if it wasn't so… y'know, Ennis-y. A little less "god is dead and superheroes are garbage" and "my cock is giant and I'm sticking it in a giant pile of turds."

But I did appreciate the satirical nature, the shots at pedowood and the military industrial complex and the critique of corporate culture warping and mutating something that was supposed to be a force for pure good, and I liked how a lot of the character weren't one-dimensional and had motivations, even at their worst.

But still, Ennis is a cunt, and he'll remind you he's a cunt every seven pages of one of his books.

He probably saw a one-time fee for writing the thing and occasionally royalty fees off certain merchandise deals, but he ain't seeing a penny out of the trade paperbacks.

I want to impregnate ms. Marvel, take responsability and turn her into a happy catholic housewife

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What ami looking at, in the pic?

HA! Jokes on you, user, Im a taco

Leia holding some giant gun. From what i remember of the Princess Leia comic there was a story after ROTJ where she has to go save Naboo with some other girls because after Palpatine died he set up some trap to destroy Naboo through a weather device so if he dies Naboo goes down with him.

Well, still, you wouldn't want to dilute the purity of your Ameridian-Al-Andalusian-European ancestry, right?

It's like it' not even the same person

Self-righteousness is a hell of a drug.

It's bound to happen when you're an old neckbeard who doesn't know jack shit outside of superhero lore.

I reckon this is his midlife crisis and his attempts to stay relevant in the comic world as well as the actual one.

He used to be good but he was never really great.

As others said, Kingdom Come was mostly Ross.

Waid was a solid writer but I can't think of any 5-star material he's written. He's reliable as a company man writer, but his best is nowhere near the best of Miller, Moore, Gaiman, Ennis, or even Busiek (who is his counterpart imo, and Marvels > KC).

Waid just went crazy and stupid over the years due to too much exposure to nonsense news media. Case closed.

Sounds like he experienced the same sort of shit the ruined so many comedians. He got married, had kids, became middle aged, and lost any and all talent he had because literally all he does when he's not working is worry about his kids and argue with his wife

You have to go back Carlos.

I want to see the wallpaper in question

Yeah, Kingdom Come is mostly remembered for the premise and the artwork. I still like it though, and I hate that I do because Waid is such a cunt.

bump

Me too.

That leotard looks hot.

Danvers' old costumes suits her very well. She'd make a very comfy fucktoy.

Canonically I believe she actually was gifted the original Ms. Marvel costume, (not that one, the bare midriff and scarf one), by Carol Danvers, but Norman Osborn confiscated it because he had acquired the rights to the Ms. Marvel identity and wanted to make his own.

Pig shit + goose shit still equals shit my friend.

Isn't that true. Right now it looks like Bill Burr is close to turning into shit. Only comedians that weren't fucked up by Marriage are probably Bob Kelly and Rich Vos.

New generation of Marvel Horoes in general is extremely lousy at doing their jobs and they tend to face non-threats. Miles and Kamala never have their backs against the wall, and solve all their problems with venom stings and elastic punches instead of their wits and conviction.

Yet again showing that modern comic writers don't know how to write compelling characters. I mean, I get you gotta write what you love, but I don't think they have any genuine love of comics.

Fuck me, that's evil.

That sounds like absolute bullshit. Especially because Norma Osborn is still a criminal in hiding and hasn't had control like that in years.

Thank user

Actually, Carol gave the red and blue tights to another Kree superheroine named Ultragirl after she graduated from the Initiative, and Norman took it back during Dark Reign. Kamala Khan wasn't even an idea until 2013.

You know what? You're right. Please ignore, I suck cocks.

…Fucking Ultragirl… Carol probably just wanted to get rid of the embarrassing thing.

Knew it. I'm glad you owned up to your mistake at least.

Why? Who gives a fuck about Naboo?

If she wore the first outfit I would be buying the fuck out of these comics.