Defenders of the Woke pt 1

Storytime of

Champions #5

There are comics, and there are good comics. Sometimes a comic is so good, so empowering, so diverse, so on the nose with social commentary (and delivered in a wave of subtlety only Marvel can provide) you sit back and go "Woah" and "Oh!". And "Woah" and "Oh!" I did! When you read it, I bet you'll have a thought that's along the lines of "I can't believe this is actually printed in a comic book!"

For those unaware, the Champions are Marvel's new group of young heroes, led by Ms. Marvel. Although this time, instead of just punching bad guys, they're here to right social wrongs without excessive use of violence. To keep the peace without punching down! To show young people that diversity truly does win over hate! And boy, does all of that happen in this comic and refuses to stop!

Not to mention the inclusion of everyone's favorite character, Gwenpool! Get ready to not only become socially aware, but laugh out loud too!

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW SSHEEEEEEEEEET!!!!

please don't

Oh no, the local mosque is on fire! And the Sheriff doesn't want to send anyone in to help! Luckily, the Champions are here to help the underprivileged!

But it seems as though this fire isn't a single event–multiple hate crimes have been popping up ever since the election of the new Sheriff! Is there something afoot?

If your internal thought is something along of the lines of "They're actually doing this huh", I'd say "Yes, they are!"

What a fucking start.

Have we started the fire, brothers?

aka Squirrel Gurl 2.0

It appears the new Sheriff is responsible after all! The Champions are powerless to stop him–he's part of law enforcement! But maybe the all-new, all-different Champion, Gwenpool, can shake things up!

He did literally nothing wrong.

So brave!

Gwenpool tries to convince the others that perhaps the police are under control by alien forces, but Ms. Marvel knows that racism and intolerance are all too human. This speaks to the heart.

Hopefully the Champions can stop the racial hate crimes going on in that town and stump the man in charge before he deports anyone! Yes, this is a real comic!

...

The Champions enter the police building and talk with the deputy from before on how to get Studdard arrested. They have evidence, but there's no hope! Studdard's just too popular of a local Sherriff–there's no way a superhero team consisting of two Avengers can discredit him!

she's so cute though

Considering how utterly they've ruined Squirrel Girl at this point they kinda need a 2.0.

Thanks OP, I haven't vomited rcently. Needed to cleanse my stomach of the bleach I drank reading issue 5.

pls no, what appeal does she actually have? Honestly, she's another dime a dozen randumb whore for the comic gurl crowd. Don't lower yourselves.

The Champions lament their neverending failure. Ms. Marvel wishes she could preach to the masses about racism and bullying.

But wait one moment! The deputy has had enough and is about to tell the truth about Studdard's bigotry and hate! The Champions leap into action to do crowd control. That might not sound too exciting, in fact, it might sound the most boring thing to read in a comic. But things can get out of hand fast! Remember the golden rule of The Champions: Don't Punch Down!

I don't care how terrible she is, someone is trying to have fun, that's more then anything else in a Marvel book. Not that it matters because

I want to believe this is self parody, but it's Marvel and I know they're incapable of that these days. They've said they're going to tone down the politics but this is unsalvageable. The whole MU is completely beyond repair at this point. The only real option is to fire everyone who works there and to a hard reboot.

Well maybe not everyone, the janitors only come at night and probably hate the people working there more then we do because there's nothing SJWs love more then leaving a mess for someone else to clean up. Get them to write the comics, the Champions are distracted trying to find a good brand of sponge and accidentally let a building full of writers burn to death.

Man, this is such a hilarious train wreck I regret coming late to the party. Anyone got archives of the previous threads?

Didn't we already storytime this?

Yeah I think we did. I just got déjà vu because the same witty criticisms were given last time.
It's like I've been in this thread before.

Last time we had a champions thread it was about the champions saving muslim college women from the Taliban or some shit.

Nah that was several months ago. I do distinctly remembering this exact comic being storytimed here with some snark thrown in.

OP here, if that's the case then I sincerely apologize. I don't want to clog the board with unnecessary threads as much as either of you do. I browse Holla Forums pretty heavily but I didn't see this one, so I had no clue if this comic was already showcased or not. If so, then please let this thread quickly fade into oblivion.

I can't, I just, I can't.
There is too much suitable ground for critique.
Fuck it.


Outside the police station are citizens holding up both "God Hates Gays" and "Go Back Where You Came From/Deport".
Of every place they could be why is that mob outside of the police station???
Are they cheering on the police???
The protagonists all go to try and convince the combo anti-gay and anti-illegal immigration mob that the sheriff guilt is guilty of crime???
What.
Just like what even.

Its alright fam. Still funny to see you make fun of this crap. Just thought this thread looked familiar.

I've never read Gwenpool, I havent read anything about Gwenpool, I havent even read a comic referring to Gwenpool. I am so God damn sick and tired of this character that anything she's in is automatic trash, any character being pushed this hard can go fuck themselves.

She's overly forced.

Nah man, its fun making fun of this crap plus any storytime is welcomed.

We already did this one OP, pull the cocks out of your ears and eyes.

This

you and me both brodda.

Is this still running? Who the hell is even buying this shit?

No one, most likely. It'll be one of the first to go soon enough.

How's the sales so far?

You can't trust Marvel's numbers, they're still giving out free issues.

Not really your fault, if I remember it was storytimed within another thread.


Someone obviously didn't bother to read her comic. She really is a better Squirrel Girl. Cute art, fun but not meaningless story, and the potential to be the court jester of marvel (as long as the right talents are involved).

Oh right.

I'm sick of Marvel trying to find a court jester. They're all basically Deadpool, sometimes in a more literal sense than others. You got Deadpool, I don't need Gwenpool, Slapstick, Squirrel Girl, and every other wacky randumb nonsense shit you can peddle. It's all just hollow nonsense, subversions of a genre from people who don't partake or understand it. I don't want it anymore, I don't care how cute Giruhiru draws.

HOLY SHIT

We could even make it past page fucking one before we kicked this shit up to notch eleven. My God. It's not even upsetting, it's just funny. Marvel has slid past the point of hamfisted political commentary and into genuine self parody. It used to upset me to read shit like this, but now all I can do is laugh.

I don't know what to tell you. Her first arc was a fun read, and right now the good content with her outweighs the bad. When the scale flips, then we can talk about dumping the character into comic book limbo.

I really miss Peter David.
Whenever he wrote a Very Special Issue, he was careful to show both sides of any conflict as being sincere in their beliefs, and let both sides be heard, and usually didn't wrap things up with a pat ending, but showed the real tragedy was the situation breaking down and lives being lost because people hadn't talked, or had let the situation teeter on the brink too long. And when people on either side went too far, they were still portrayed as if not exactly sympathetic, at least regretful.

Fucking shills only want to show their side of anything, so the other side are portrayed as two-dimensional cartoons, strawmen and cutouts.

Those kids don't really look happy to be saved…
In fact, it looks like our Champions have really inconvenienced them by dragging them from a burning building.

What the hell were a couple of kids doing in the mosque at night, anyway?

And I'm sure glad Cyclops was there to teach that bit of wood a fucking lesson.

But he's a SJW.
But then again they hate him because he hates gypo's

How fucking asian is the hulk
does this shit constitute racism?

What are those? Surely not gypsies, right?

More and more Deadpool clones.

Defenders of the Woke pt2

Surprise Storytime of

Champions #6


Much to my surprise, the story continues! Since this thread is still up, why not see how the fight against racial prejudice and tyranny will unfold?

In the last issue, The Champions were about to oversee a power keg of a situation, with the local sheriff, Studdard, being outed as a hate monger and a racist who wants to deport innocent colored people people of color. But will there be a riot? Will the evidence even stick? Can The Champions work together to free the community from the unyielding grip of fear?

By the way, if the previous comic's ending and my previous paragraphs somehow indicated that the story of Studdard will be seeing some sort of conclusion, I have some bad news!

But don't worry about that, because a brand new Champions story is ready to unfold! As you can see, the social outreach of the Champions is working, as the community is now coming together to build houses, clean the environment, and teach young girls self defense classes! Truly, these are the heroes of our current year!

"Hey, this comic book is the best comic book ever", you yell through your internet screens. "But if this is truly a diverse and progressive comic, wouldn't there be a large chunk of comic pages where the characters do nothing of merit in order to fill comic pages, indicating how hollow, lifeless and thoughtless this series is, prolonged by executive decisions of equally hollow and lifeless marketing directors and other suits, a symptom of the disease that modern comics have become have fun? "

In that case, I have some great news, because the Champions are going to stop doing heroics to play some paintball! Whooo!

>The Champions haven't actually done shit, apparently people all over the world needed a logo before they could do charity work.
Truly the Champions are a worthy super-team.

Oh-oh man! I hope you enjoyed that silly paintball action to lighten the mood. In a completely unrelated point, we're halfway through the story already and halfway through the 3.99 charged for this comic!

Marvel needs to end.

I know you're joking, but I'm afraid you are still required to kill yourself.

But nevermind that stuff, some new evil is afoot, financially supported by the overlooming hand of big business! Mysterious capalist entities have hired a new super team called The Freelancers to do their dirty work! This includes spraying down marginalized people who are demanding a higher wage with a fire hose! Not to mention they also burn down a tent city full of innocent homeless! Yes, you are reading a real comic! Never since the Eco-Villains have I seen the cruelty of capitalism portrayed so cleverly. Hopefully the Champions will be able to stop them and hashtag resist capitalism!

Explain.

The Freelancers have invited two homeless men to their large home after burning down their tent as an act of repentance! Perhaps they are not so mean afterall?

I stand corrected! The evil rich kids are using their powers as a force of…of evil in order to torment the innocent homeless! With tears in his eyes, the innocent homeless man asks why do people with power pick on the innocent and marginalized so much? The Freelancers declare that punching down is what they do! I am not paraphrasing, that's what happens. You are free to check.

Uh oh! Using her powers of manipulation, I Forget Her Name has duped the innocent homeless into believing that the culprits are none other than Marvel's premiere young hero team, The Champions! I wonder how this will play out, and more importantly, if it will play out at all!

I imagine the language of Hell is rife with SJW terminology. I can't imagine Heaven being filled with such shit.

Holy shit, the Freelancers are a billion times more interesting than the fucking Champions! Why isn't the comic about them!?

Isn't Ramos that faggot artist that won't go to Red States because he is still salty about the election?

I think so

Thanks OP

Is this vid the true metamorphosis of madness?

Jesus Christ I thought it was bad that these sour-faced freaks never smiled but now I take it all back don't smile ever again Champions.

...

there's something ridiculous when you have the hulk pointing a big green finger at someone and accusing them of being a twitter troll.

Here we have corporate america hiring supers to deal with a world full of superpowered hippies, protesters and vandals. This is the most shadowrun shit ever.

This is actually a good idea and in the hands of any other writer or team I'd be really interested to read it. This, however, is just going to be a strawman and a waste of something of a good idea.

Gonna steal this for a campaign.

Why wrong with his face?

I'm not even angry. I'm just tired.

Its Ramos' art. Like

What I think they're doing is that they're setting up for a conflict in Issue 7, including the racist policemen, the freelancers and the champions.

or at least I think I do. I didn't' get the impression from the ending

...

Get used to it. They'll keep pushing her and that means having multiple people work on her.

She's so incredibly bad when Hastings isn't writing her. With Hastings she's passable, in this she's fucking unbearable.

It's almost entirely due to Marvel writers being soulless drones but this is bad even for them.

Also what you do in this situation is go to the SBI and file a formal complaint alleging criminal misconduct. This is not difficult and SBI officers are always chomping at the bit to investigate sheriffs even when the misconduct is relatively benign. This case would be like the last piece of candy in a fat guy convention for the SBI agents.

The other officer making this a public fiasco actually makes it harder for the SBI to get involved because then whatever friends the sheriff has in the state capital have an actual (and a good) excuse to block the investigation.

But knowing ANY of this would require either understanding the law or having lived outside the city.

Genuinely curious: is this pro Muslim propaganda ? Do these people know anything about Islam ? Was this written by an ignorant liberal or an islamophile/actual Muslim?
I don't know if kids read comics anymore, but I hope they read something better than this.

do you really have to ask? Yes, Ms Muslim in all appearances is just a quirky tumblr brown person who bears no resemblance in behavior to actual muslims.

Is that a female vision?

I don't read capes

That's the Vision's daughter, from the now ended Vision comic that happened recently. This happened to be one of the very few comics that could be considered good in Marvel's recent history. But I believe the ending was either changed or cut short due to some executive higher up decision.

Fuck me.

How do they KEEP making sympathetic antagonists and expecting the reader to sympathize with the preachy assholes? Furthermore, I would like to clearly state I have no idea what the fuck is going on with these pages. The action varies wildly from panel to panel, and there are so many characters I can barely keep track of them all. Even for a #5 issue of a comic series, this seems poor.

(checked)
The social justice crowd at my local game store consistently buy food from other stores and refuse to clean up after themselves. I had that down pat when I was in fourth grade.

It was written by a woman who converted to Islam after visiting Egypt. I forget her name.

I know it sounds minor but that shit bugs me to no end when people don't clean up after themselves.

bump

->>800273
I don't actually hate this paintball thing. This is actually the most consistent tone and genuine fun I've seen from Marvel in a long time. Not that it's actually good, but this is still a step up from most shit.

For what reason, at least post an image.

You messed up the formatting

I agree with you, user. Deadpool in himself is obnoxious in large amounts, so genderswap clone isn't something I like either, despite her different origin. Falling for her is the same thing as falling for any other genderswap legacy that has happened in recent times: They're all shit without exception.

Has Deadpool actually met Gwenpool yet?

yes.

Ok that was actually really funny

It's air blowing out the nose worthy but funny is a bit too far to go.

no it wasnt

at all

Giruhiru has that nice mix of Japanese and Western style.

You know this would have a lot more weight to it if they had finished the previous story arc. Ya know, about he racist sheriff and all that. I fairly certain that was important.

God I love the art, but I absolutely loath the story and characters. Life hurt sometimes mang.

...

How disappointing

is that a term for being cuck-pilled?

Gwenpoole only works in her own comics and when she has one specific artist and writer. She looks terrible when someone else draws her and she's pozzed to shit by Marvel's usual writers. She'd be better off in her own universe

user is there something wrong with your eyes

I don't see how its so bad?

bullshit
is this 1995?
breaking their own lore and we're not even 10 issues in
oh fuck this is going to be bad of THIS many levels, huh?

Also, I'm a bit lost, is this the first time we see Gwenpool with nuAvengers? I remember reading about their gay camping trip for 2 issues, an incredibly hamfisted middle-east issue and a dispute with atlantians. I haven't been to these threads in so long I feel like I've missed out on an issue.

The worst part about this is the delusion that people actually like the Champions in the first place, and that they'd buy Champions merchandise (WHY DO THEY HAVE MERCHANDISE?!) and wear it while doing various acts of community service.. This is especially weird because if you actually go and read these books, they don't fucking do anything. The only bit of super-heroing they've done has involved saving a few people and getting blown up and captured, repeatedly.

I think I'm onto something here, just hear me out:
So get this, the opposing team is made up of a man-woman, a body positive half negress, a young Guy Fieri, a negress who's stylist just threw a lawnmower at her head and she barely dodged it, and a danger hair trigger grill.
Their financiers are all turbo hipsters, the nu-age businessmenpersons that tend to ruin current businesses with their agenda pushing faggotry.

And not a normal white man in sight anymore.

They're pushing us out, we're "not their audience anymore". It's happened with Los Amerika, GG and it's happening here now.

...

Colored me surprised.

They are stupid kids, so it's okay. Cyclops should probably be the junior operator who knows the correct terminology, though.


The touching conclusion to Gwenpoole is that she realizes she doesn't really belong, and returns home. Once there, she realizes that a whole universe of people are in the hands of corporate entities who don't care about them. She becomes a much loved comic author who always respects the characters she works with and makes sure 90% of her output is fun, uplifting stories.

And she always tries to go for a happy ending?

I never thought of it like that.

They could've been hired as body guards for mob bosses, political assassins, or stole advanced weaponry from shield. But bum rolling seemed like the best use of super humans.
And bullies don't think of it as "punching down" they just pick targets because they can get away with mistreating, and usually that's someone lower on the totem poll.

Yeah, the story for the issue does start to go to shit after that point. The only other part of it I found entertaining was these five pages, which I think are the only part of the issue that's actually drawn by Gurihiru. Everything else is by somebody named Alti Firmansyah.

I get the feeling that whatever issue is leading to this weird constant artist rotation is also having a negative impact on the writing, which is why it always winds up being completely terrible when Gurihiru isn't doing the art.

Those 5 images are nice. It was actually fun to see them interact and Arcade is drawn much better here compared to Hellcat where they turned him into some bishounen fag.

Because they are not user, they are exactly what you would expect if people really had supper powers in our world. They would be huge fucking dicks that would kill and destroy for people with money and power.
Why would you want more of our reality into comics?
People are always talking about the fact that comics need more fun silly stuff, and those bunch of assholes are the exactly opposite of that in every single way.

Just want to remind people Marvel said this would be their flagship book.

that was enormously satisfying
too bad the rest is apparently shit

flagshit more like.

You know how comic books tend to get really cringe-worthy when they try to go 'This fight is happening just like in a video game! Look at all the references!'? The fight with Deadpool in this issue is like that, except with D&D instead of vidya.

Meanwhile, the stuff that happens after Arcade gets kicked in the face isn't too bad, but it's a bit awkward and just doesn't flow as well as those five pages by Gurihiru. Pics related.

Well that was nice. Did they say if the witch is a skrull or not? Its mostly those lines on her chin that bug me a bit.

...

Wait. She isn't some kind of zombie Gwen Stacy?

he he he.

She is a fictional character who came from our universe to the Marvel universe.

It takes way more than a simple rifle to bring down BIG BLACK

that's spider-gwen, right?
fuck if i know why there are so many chicks wearin pink named Gwen running around in spandex
well, outside of a crossfit, anway

No, they haven't. And I can't un-see those lines as chin–beard.

Honestly, it feels like the sudden artist change is intentional. Maybe swap out FROM Gurihiru, not into, was the plan.

Eh, I'm happy enough that Alti is at least trying to stick to Gurihiru's ref models, even if they dont do the detailed moé stuff as well as them.

One, this is clearly them in their free time.

Two, for every superhero group there must be a counter/nemesis/villain group. Newtown's laws or something. So, if the Champions are doing activist bullshit, the antichampions must counter their efforts.