You aren't afraid of getting made fun of. You think you are, but you aren't...

Why are you shilling this video in random posts?

Boredom. Same reason I do anything

I've never been so bored in my life. Boredom is like pure torment to me, if I don't keep my mind busy it goes bad places. The problem I have is that the more I learn new things or take on new hobbies or interests, the more secluded I feel from other people.

Most normies don't really have any interests and most autists only care about vidya and other shit I'm no longer interested in. It's created this situation where I have all these things that interest me, things I like to do, and literally no one to actually share them with.

Sometimes I think I'll make some kind of connection with someone or that something I do will somehow produce an unexpected outcome but it's never true. Interactions with others is constantly tedious and predictable. It requires effort to try to blend in when I have such little interest in doing so.

This is usually my problem with other people. No matter how hard I try, they can tell I hate interacting with them. Or that I would at least rather be alone. I think the thing is that at this point I feel as though interacting with others is generally pointless and serves only the purpose of fulfilling some need for socialization.

In other words, if I have to be alone, then let me be alone. But at the same time I want something that I don't think really exists. So this is why I always have to avoid being bored.

I think apathy is the worst part of life. It's pretty depressing when you realize just how little most people ever think about you. Even when they want to fuck you, it's often just a selfish desire to fulfill some personal need for validation. I know because one of the many things I did was workout, dress better, do all those things. Now I get hit on constantly but the reality isn't really what I expected. It just feels like people want parts of you to fill holes within themselves.

Nearly everyone I've been involved with in recent years, both guys and girls, haven't cared one bit about me or my life or my interests. The most they cared about was how well I could fill their immediate need. See I think everyone can feel the void. It's there and it's growing bigger every year. Most people, of course, can't really see what it is. They just know they need something, anything really, to distract themselves from it.

It's a pretty strange feel though, knowing that you're basically a non-person. You're like a walking fuck doll and they want you or love you because you represent whatever it is that's missing in their lame life. It's fine with me, most of the time, because I'm just using them as some way to possibly feel something. Usually it just ends in disappointment with the other person too nervous or unskilled to actually do any good when I let them.

I honestly thought fucking people would make me feel something for them but it didn't. If anything, it just made me hate them more. I ran through them so fast, usually 3 or more at a time. They're all so disposable and so similar, so predictable.

They're all so needy.

lol faggot

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You and me both, user.

I think I was like most people growing up in that I had a variety of false assumptions based on movies and television. I don't mean the obvious stuff. What I mean is the structure of this media. Movies have a path for the story, things happen for a reason and the characters have an impact on their world. A traumatic event for a main character will come back later, probably as some "finding their inner strength" moment.

Real life isn't like this. There is no dramatic culmination. You may feel that self destructive urge but you're deluding yourself by thinking the reality of it is anything but sad. Take sex for example. I thought that if I could get into the right circles it would be pretty interesting. Maybe not full eyes wide shut but interesting. Well it was just sad. The people were sad. The things they did were sad. The places in which they did them were sad.

There are no lurking dangers to which you can throw yourself. Not interesting ones at least. Sure, you could get shot in the ghetto pretty easily but that isn't what we're talking about. What I'm talking about is finally giving up, finally saying fuck it and doing that thing you were afraid of, only to find that nothing happens. What you imagined didn't exist. There was nothing interesting, novel, or different. It was the same sad boring shit as everything else.

Sleep is also difficult. It's like I feel good at the end of the day because I made it through without totally losing it so I go to bed. But then I wake up and it's literally like nothing has changed. I need to start again. After a few days it really starts to get tedious. I've done everything I have to do, gone everywhere I can go. That's when it starts to get bad.

What if I am so used to being made fun of that I don't even register it anymore

is there a chance you're catholic?

Yeah well what did you expect.
People either watch movies to escape and feel like they're living with some adventure in their lives, to fit in, or because they are bored or are massive nerds.
I understand that movies set up an unrealistic expectation of reality, I see it in day to day life pandering to different communities (mostly left wing) and getting people to be / think a certain way. But why would you follow those expectations, let alone be let down by those fake realities made by Hollywood. Find out what your own inner strength is, build it up over time, and you may not ever find that story arc or the "inner purpose" like bs movie characters but you'll make something so much more important: your own identity.