Kill myself?

Matthew Bailey
Matthew Bailey

This is not a troll thread.
I'm actually serious.
Not sure how to express what I'm feeling here.
Maybe this is my way of reaching out.
My life sucks.
Not because of outside forces.
But, because I'm in it.
I ruin everything I touch.
Some Background:
I was seriously bullied when I was growing up on almost a daily basis from age 7 up to 18. I'm a bit older now.
I react poorly every time I am confronted about something.
I can't stand people. Every time I open my mouth I say something to hurt someone else.
I just wish I would disappear or that I never existed.
I am ruining my relationship with my wife.
I am ruining the relationship with my children.
I don't do drugs or drink or smoke.
It's almost like I have felt this despair my entire life.
I think I have.
I remember growing up and sitting in my closet with the door closed with headphones on trying to listen to music.
I just hate it.
why can't I just disappear.
I am really sad and depressed.
It's like my life has no meaning.
what is the point of it all?
how can I disappear?
ride my motorcycle to nowhere?

Samuel Barnes
Samuel Barnes

It's like when I have something to say, nobody hears me.
It sucks walking around life and nobody hears you
being ignored all the time
like I am some idiot

Julian Wilson
Julian Wilson

So why be here instead of a therapist's office?

Tyler Wilson
Tyler Wilson

I am some idiot

Luis Ward
Luis Ward

I already go to a therapist.
yay.
maybe someone in here might listen.

Brody Morales
Brody Morales

maybe someone here feels the same or has been through this and got through it and has some experience.

Henry Perez
Henry Perez

I don't think too much of myself.
wallow in self pity
so used to it.
way of life.

Brandon Wilson
Brandon Wilson

So you have the will to live. You're looking for something or someone to relieve your pain. That's what everyone who's suicidal is looking for: pain relief.
I've also been suicidally depressed. I have an idea of how you feel. Like there is absolutely no hope, no future for you, no place for you to fit in. Just an abyss swallowing you up. But I'm not there anymore.
Consider the idea that a part of you is stuck in a child state, and until that part of you is resolved, you can't feel whole and mature. Your beating yourself up is a form of repression, and it isn't what you want. You're looking for something deeper. You want your inner child to be saved. You want to go to that small, vulnerable version of yourself that nobody came to help, wrap your arms around him and tell him that everything is okay.
You're welcome to do that.

Adam Smith
Adam Smith

nobody gets what I'm talking about
not even on here
real comforting to know I am alone

Connor Bennett
Connor Bennett

thanks.

Dylan Williams
Dylan Williams

Many, many people know what you're talking about. And, frankly, many people know much worse than what you're talking about. You are not alone at all.

Angel Nelson
Angel Nelson

I guess…

Camden Roberts
Camden Roberts

ok

Camden Garcia
Camden Garcia

There's a huge difference between not caring and not understanding. I fully understand you … I "get" you … I just don't give a shit. Murder yourself on Youtube, then I'll pay attention.

Thomas Ward
Thomas Ward

I recommend you sit down somewhere and search your mind for a few words, phrases, or sentences that resonate with you. Say them out loud. For example, I did this once and went through various words like "alone," "unloved," "failure," etc. Nothing quite stuck until I hit the word "abandoned." I cried a lot. I just cried and cried, and I felt a lot better afterward.
Let me reiterate that you have an inner child who desperately wants to be saved. The first step is to validate that child's experience. Again, your blaming yourself is a way of avoiding and repressing that, and reinforces your sadness. Your inner child needs to cry out.

Owen King
Owen King

Never will give you that satisfaction

Adrian Foster
Adrian Foster

I kind of do that when I am alone and talking to myself (because nobody wants to hear what I have to say, obviously) and sometimes I hit a word and then just break down. There is no one word specifically, it changes every time I've done that. Usually when I am feeling particularly lonely, sad, depressed, or useless.
I think that's the word.
Useless.

Ryder Miller
Ryder Miller

Is that really the word, though? You are your best friend whether you can see it now or not, and you want the best for yourself. You're not useless. You know it's deeper than that. You would love to accept yourself as useful, but you've been deeply hurt, and that has impaired your ability to do so. Uselessness is not the problem, pain is. What is the pain? It's sitting there in your body somewhere: maybe your gut, maybe your chest, maybe your throat. Give the pain a word.
Distinguish truth from self-deprecation.

Gabriel Howard
Gabriel Howard

itt: 8ch larps as an agony aunt
op needs a competent doctor, not #metoo.

William Young
William Young

it's like in my torso, neck and head….
damn. It's in my legs too
feels like a heavy weight

Thomas Lewis
Thomas Lewis

I've already made my rounds of doctors and anti-depressants
anti-depressants made me feel worse.
not sure why.
maybe I should start doing drugs again

Gabriel Harris
Gabriel Harris

Go into it. And, again, step away from the computer and close your eyes if you need to. Find the word that goes to it all.

Colton Martin
Colton Martin

like opiates
I've never taken those before.
I don't know.
wtf.

Cooper Bell
Cooper Bell

close your eyes and find the word
the word
faggot? tumblr?

Jacob Phillips
Jacob Phillips

closed my eyes
felt my body
feels like…… "Stuck"
First thought was, "stuck with this…" as in stuck with everything that I have gotten myself involved with
stuck with my shit life
stuck with never being at peace with myself
stuck with feeling like this until I die.

Jackson Perez
Jackson Perez

It worked out for me! I've never been happier here in Holla Forums. Since I don't need to go outside and stay online all day I have anime bitches up the ying yang. Plus, when someone is about to beat me in a argument I ban them to show how much power I have. People complain about power abuse all the time so I just ban them too.

Jason Brown
Jason Brown

quite funny, but fuck you. Butt fuck you.

Nicholas Long
Nicholas Long

funny

Carson Green
Carson Green

Did you feel stuck as a kid? Stuck under the grip of the bullies? Stuck in the closet trying to escape the world?

Zachary Young
Zachary Young

funny because it's trueQQ

Isaac Jackson
Isaac Jackson

totally
I would tell my parents but they wouldn't believe me
They finally believed what had happened (to some extend) but it wasn't until I was older.
like WTF mom? WTF dad?
Kids even would come to our house at night, because I lived there, and throw rocks at the house and throw eggs at the house and wait outside for me.
like, wtf?

Joshua Sullivan
Joshua Sullivan

7758847
Love your post is the same how i feel.
To OP anyone that understands you has their own issues to worry about, fuck yours.
if your kids and wife dont give a fuck about you kill yourself. not like they care…if they do then don't. It's not fair on them.

But please do stream it online if you kill yourself, I love to watch people that hate them self more then I do, Makes me feel a tiny bit better about myself.

Brayden Hall
Brayden Hall

I want to fuck his inner child.

Hunter Bennett
Hunter Bennett

filtered
fucking pedos

Asher Ortiz
Asher Ortiz

Consider this.
You're "stuck" in conflict. You want to be yourself, but you've been convinced that being yourself will bring you pain and suffering. You feel undeserving of existing. You have this inner voice telling you that everything you do is wrong, you are useless, a waste of space, etc. This voice was put there by the people who hurt you. You are bullying yourself just like others bullied you when you were younger.
I'll repeat this again: you have an inner child that really wants its voice heard. The voice you are giving attention to is the voice of the bullies. Listen to what the child is saying.

Lucas Mitchell
Lucas Mitchell

Yeah, so what do I do when I am not being heard?
What I do now is yell loud and clap my hands and shit so that others will shut up and then I keep attacking them with yelling and clapping
sounds crazy
they can't talk louder than me
and with all that loud clapping, it drives them crazy

Levi Sullivan
Levi Sullivan

Clean your room

Angel Jones
Angel Jones

Sounds like you're trying to bully them.

Zachary Perry
Zachary Perry

FYI…my solution to feeling alone is to isolate.
sounds dumb.

Angel King
Angel King

yeah, I am bullying them back because it's like I have this radar which is tuned to the bullies, puts me on high alert, and then I automatically react with anger towards them. Boom.

Jace Gonzalez
Jace Gonzalez

I go to my therapist again on Tuesday.
maybe I should print this off and show her.

Kevin Sullivan
Kevin Sullivan

cute

Michael Moore
Michael Moore

But it apparently doesn't feel satisfactory for you to act that way.

William Wilson
William Wilson

no - it really sucks
it's like I have to go crazy to get attention

Isaiah Russell
Isaiah Russell

You want to be accepted for who you are.

Christopher Scott
Christopher Scott

There he is. There he goes again
Look everyone he posted it once again! Isn't he just the funniest guy around?? Oh my god.
I can almost see your pathetic overweight frame glowing in the dark lit by your computer screen which is the only source of light in your room giggling like a little girl as you once again type your little "suicide" thread up and fill in the captcha. Or maybe you don’t even fill in the captcha, maybe you’re such a disgusting NEET that you actually paid for a Holla Forums pass so you just choose the picture. Oh we all know the picture, the uh epic guy jumping off a cliff isn’t it? I imagine you, little shit, laughing so hard as you click it that you drop your Doritos onto the floor. But its ok, your mother will clean it up in the morning. Oh that’s right, did I fail to mention? You live with your mother! You’re a fat fucking fuck up and she’s probably so sick of you already. So sick of having to do everything for you all god damn day, every day, for a grown man who spends all his time on Holla Forums posting about a dumb suicide meme. Just imagine this, she had you and then she thought you were going to be a scientist or an astronaut or something grand and then you became a NEET. A pathetic suicide fag NEET. She probably cries herself to sleep everyday thinking about how bad it is and how she wishes she could just disappear. She can’t even talk to you because all you say is "I WANT TO KILL MYSELF".
You became a parody of your own self. And that’s all you are. A sad little man laughing in the dark by himself as he prepares to indulge in the same old dance that he’s done a million times now.
And that's all you'll ever be.

Nathan Gutierrez
Nathan Gutierrez

not overweight
sunlight in room
can't eat doritos
live with wife
not laughing
other than that, your'e probably right

Jackson Hughes
Jackson Hughes

I'm here for you, faggot. Your story sounds like mine.
I though about suicide many times, but decided against it. One of the things that helped me was learning about history and how the world ended up this way.
The world is a fuckfest of sadistic violence, and being here is a privilege. Your life is short, the world is crazy, everyone dies, and nothing you do matters. If you want to ditch your wife and kids, shoot off to thailand and fuck ladyboys, you can do that. If you want to dedicate yourself to painting and illustrate detailed anthropomorphic dickwarrior battles, or tell Dianne Feinstein to go eat a shitty nigger dick at a press conference, you can do that.
At the very least, despite the downsides of modern life, you have access to more freedom, information, and wealth than 99.999% of all humans who ever lived. There is nothing wrong with killing yourself, but I'd recommend sticking around out of self interest. Have you ever taken too much MDMA and gotten your asshole sucked by a rave girl? Have you ever jumped out of an airplane with a parachute?
Life is not to fear, life is to enjoy.
Not only that, but i believe in reincarnation and karma, and i know being ungrateful to the universe will lead to reincarnation as a tape worm. Just get through it, life doesn't last that long.

Camden Gutierrez
Camden Gutierrez

tell Dianne Feinstein to go eat a shitty nigger dick at a press conference
something I would like to do
taken too much MDMA and gotten your asshole sucked by a rave girl? Have you ever jumped out of an airplane with a parachute?
no.

Chase Moore
Chase Moore

no, as in, I haven't done that.

Colton Bell
Colton Bell

(Nice double dubs)
(Nice double dubs)
(Fucking amazing quads)
You faggots need to start checking those digits.

Camden Martin
Camden Martin

There are two wolves inside you son, the one you feed grows strong and dominate stop feed the wrong wolf start feeding the light (white) side (wolf).Let your dark side go (don't respond just watch it die)
then the light will take over and you will see your true path.

Luke Howard
Luke Howard

Here's what you're going to do: Pick up a gun and go on a High Score run. No, I'm serious. Procure a firearm somehow, some ammo and start shooting in a place with confirmed presence of police, military or armed citizens (the more the merrier). Shoot anyone that tries to approach you or talk you down. Make sure to have a few confirmed kills, so that arresting you is simply not an option. Do everything in your power to make 100% sure that you'll die in the process. You're committing the ultimate act of nihilism (that is, killing yourself) already so suicide by cop is the only right answer. Go big or go home.

If you balk or hesitate and say that for whatever reason you couldn't go through with it, don't take it too hard. It means that you still want to live and there's hope for you yet. In that case, you're free to begin taking the steps to rebuild your life, or build a new one. Don't give in to despair.

Ultimately, the choice is yours.

Joshua Harris
Joshua Harris

Hey, eat shit, faggot

Carter Perry
Carter Perry

extreme, but you do have a point.
Dear glow in the dark FBI niggers - I am not going to go on a shooting spree. I don't even own a gun. fuck me for not owning a gun in the first place.

Oliver Nelson
Oliver Nelson

fuck me for not owning a gun in the first place.
Then how do you plan to kill yourself? You would be surprised how much punishment the human body can take, and a failed attempt can cripple you, making the rest of your life an even worse hell than it already is.

Grayson Baker
Grayson Baker

Good, that means you want to live after all. Now all you gotta do is pick up the pieces and rebuild.

Nolan Rodriguez
Nolan Rodriguez

read the whole thread and not just the subject line

Nathaniel Bell
Nathaniel Bell

that means you want to live after all
did you mean, die?

Juan Taylor
Juan Taylor

wait - wut?
my eyes

Hudson Ortiz
Hudson Ortiz

i'm going crazy
I swear I saw die

Josiah Kelly
Josiah Kelly

I just read the thread and realized that you are an attention hungry faggot who should kill himself.

Dylan Williams
Dylan Williams

hungry
starved

Aiden Wood
Aiden Wood

Waaaaaah!!!!!
Pay attention to meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!
God, no wonder you were bullied.

Caleb Long
Caleb Long

bye

Christopher Hernandez
Christopher Hernandez

Can't take it, never could
Time to end it, wish you would
Friends and family, they're all gone
Life for you is just a con
Dig yourself a hole in the ground
Push up daisies six feet down
Take a dirt nap, buy the farm
Inject a bubble in your arm

Kill yourself, kill yourself
Why don't you kill yourself

Don't rely on no one else
End it all just kill yourself

Life is just a one way ticket
Everyone must go around
Here's a bucket go and kick it
Slit your wrists without a sound
When you go don't make a big deal
No dramatics, don't overplay
Cause don't you know that we'll all feel
Better once you've gone away

You're a loser, there's nothing left for you
A worthless loser, at everything you do

Oliver Martinez
Oliver Martinez

(nice)
Nice.

Joseph Diaz
Joseph Diaz

I think once you have kids, you're kind of obligated to stick around. I feel the same way you do, user, but I have little to no connections with anyone and I'm getting ready to ride the helium gas to nowheresville.

Ride it out, user, and lower your expectations. Find something to do that gives you a sense of satisfaction and achievement.

Zachary Torres
Zachary Torres

Insulin injection.

Jace Torres
Jace Torres

That way it can look like an accident and life insurance can pay out.
At least I'm good for the life insurance.

Lucas Walker
Lucas Walker

Don't do it you puss. (insert motivational speech here.P

Nolan Bennett
Nolan Bennett

having a wife you cant support
having kids you cant support
having this and then not wanting it
being this dumb to not know what you want
You are not just a mistake, you are someone who breeds other mistakes as you live life. This is why you "hurt others". Now you will make even more problems when offing yourself by throwing your shit kids and wife for the state to support or some cuck. Fuck I hate people like you.

Mason Thomas
Mason Thomas

I'm sure there is a good deal here that understand. Perhaps you should accept there isn't a solution to comfort you. Despite what you do, even finding yourself a family, nothing changes. Any changes are fleeting and temporary.

Jackson Smith
Jackson Smith

we are all so fucked up in our own way and obviously no poster is dead so sorry if we don't take your shit seriously. either amuse the chaos gods with hospital bed post like that one faggot, sharpie in pooper, or gtfo

Jordan Sullivan
Jordan Sullivan

You must run the christian board or /n/.
Those places make an extra effort to be retarded.