How would I go about joining the Mexican drug cartel?

How would I go about joining the Mexican drug cartel?
I'm German and don't have anything to lose. The only internet relationship I ever had left me for someone else. It's a long story. I don't give a fuck about other women and have nothing left.
I want to an hero but why do that when I can risk it big?
So how would I do that. I have enough money for one flight over there.
Other ideas to make fast cash and sex in exchange for dangerous lifestyle?

Could I actually sell myself as a soldier or would they just laugh at me?
Surely they can use a desperate man willing to do anything?

Have jewess milkers.

are you retarded? why would the cartel want you? they have millions of poor people desperate for money to exploit for labour. why would they want some white boy with no Spanish language skils they will alwasy see as a potential narc

datamining thread do not reply

Fuck. I'm just a slab of meat with no significant skills…

Move to Mexico and start sucking cock. it doesn't really matter who, just start sucking off anything with a dick, eventually you'll be sucking on a recruiter before you know it. They love donkey shows, be open minded and creative!
Yeah, you'll fit right in. They love German men who can't even keep an internet relationship alive.
Fucking spot on, mate. Seriously water-tight logic there. Risk it all for a cocksucking adventure!
One is all you need. Maybe invest in some knee-pads.
You could suck cock in Germany but I don't think the africans would pay you much, and damn, think of the jaw pain with those big mandingo dicks!
Nobody laughs at the person sucking their cock. CLOWNS ARE OBVIOUSLY THE EXCEPTION THAT PROVES THE RULE
Fuck, can't we all? Best of luck mate!

If you want to succeed, this is what you do)

1) get a visa to mexico (or another non pozz country)
2) try to befriend other Germans during this time, my friend who did the same thing entered a nationalist group in Poland
3) after you have everything ready, borrow money from your new "friends" and loans
4) live happily forever after in a poor but uber redpilled country where people talk Spanish (Been hearing Guatemala is good to flee to after taking peoples money)

What you could do is sell your butthole to the cartels and let them pimp our your boipussi.

There's more than one. And if a cartel you approach thinks you might be working for another cartel, the only sex you're going to be getting is being on the receiving end of a dozen oozing Mexican burrito cocks before you get skinned alive and castrated.

If you want to go risk your life because your internet gf broke up with you, stay in Europe. Get a boat and some guns and go out hunting rapefugees in the Mediterranean. Every time a migrant boat sinks, the goddess Europa smiles.

This, unironically.

Realize your destiny! Awaken your inner übermench! BASED Poseidon watches over you.

Yeah OP that sounds like a great plan. I don't think it could possibly fail, they'll crown you king of Mexico in no time.

This, but charge shitskins to bring them to Europe then get them acquainted with the the ocean floor. Each of them pays quite a few k for the trip, you get that money, get to do some good, and have some fun. Then later you can tell your grandkids how you fought against the invasion as a privateer and that's how you got your bionic eye.

Got any more nudie pics of Ben Shapiro's sister, OP?

why aren't you eurocucks targeting those boats, not hard at all

great idea when you want get skinned alive and get your heart cut out of your body.

weak dubs. Also it's not actually Shapiro's sister. She just has that same gypsy blood.

It's Rachel from University of Massatwoshits. She had vids (I think) but all here original stuff is gone. This is what's left: imgur .com/a/09ies
You must not come here often.

My dubs are more stronk than your dubs, ID:776441.

The military actually aid them in their travels. That's the level of insanity that Europe is at right now.

What's wrong with joining a German crime syndicate? Also, if you go to Mexico with dreams of joining a gang, this is what they will do:-

You land in Mexico and travel to a dangerous area and sit in a bar having a nice cold beer, some friendly local 'farmers' will come in and chat to you buying you a few drinks, they will say their rich friend is coming down later. A flashy dresser with a bodyguard will come in with a couple of beautiful, stunning 16yr (ish) old girl. He will sit and drink with you, one of the girls will be flirty and giggle at all your jokes etc. They are all doing bumps of cocaine, you do a couple of bumps and the rest of the evening is a blur, you wake up in some motel room with the girl, flashy dresser and his goons. They say they need to keep up to your end of the agreement, you don't remember what you agreed too.
Another man come in with a big bag, he proceeds to take out what looks like a bullet proof vest, they make you sit still while they put it on you then sew it on so there is no way to remove it.
They then drive you to an airport where you are given a ticket and told you are flying to America where you will be met by another man who will take the drug jacket and pay you.

You think fuck this, and you decide that the 1st chance you get you will do a runner and buy a knife to cut the suit off. They know you are thinking this. They say they have video footage of you raping a 14yr old girl so don't do anything stupid. You are now never left alone for even a minute. There is always 2 large tough guys with guns with you.

The guys give nods to certain security guards at the airport who must be in it, you go through the security with no problems and you are now sitting on the plane. You think you can use the toilet and maybe get out of the suit, as you get up, the man sitting next to you smiles and says, you don't go anywhere and winks.

You are now in an American airport and they say you must use 'nothing to declare line D' with the fat mexican guard with a beard, you get to the lines, but D is closed, no security guard there. A big security guard with a submachine gun says go to line B. They say open your suitcase, and ask questions as to why you stayed so little time in Mexico and why are you coming to America. You are sweating, hungover, confused and stutter and stumble over your words, your head is spinning and you mumble something about Disneyland, the guard looks confused and asks you to put your hands on the table for a pat down. You panic and say you don;t want to be searched, they say tough shit.

cont…


They immediately find the body harness, you are handcuffed and taken to a room, they cut the vest off of you and weigh the cocaine, a big haul. They then interview you and take you to a holding cell. You now have nothing but the prison clothes they gave you. They say you are to be held until a judge speaks to you, you have a trial date 3 months from then. You can't afford a lawyer so you get a piece of shit, bone idle idiot who bought their qualifications online. He convinces you that because of the evidence that you should plead guilty. You do and they fine you $1mill and jail you for 15yrs instead of 20 due to it being your 1st offence.

You get taken to a federal jail and are put in a small reeking cell with 5 other men. The food is the worst you have ever had, the showers are short, cold and dangerous, there is regular violence and the overhanging threat of violence is constant.

One day you and only 3 of the men are in the cell together, one of them is putting a blanket up over the bars, they say you and good looking, and throw you a razor, they tell you to shave off all your body hair or they will smash all of your teeth out. You think, no, no this can't be happening, you think you can fight them off, you are wrong. They give you a beating and you think your jaw is broken, you can't see out of one eye and you swallowed 2 teeth. They say start shaving, you slowly take your clothes off and get water from the dirty sink, there is soap, you use soap to shave, they make moans of approval when you bend over to shave your ankles. They come over and start caressing your ass and gripping your balls and penis. They have their pants down and have hard cocks pulsing with pleasure. You barely finish shaving and they spin you round, one of them drops to his knees and hungerally starts sucking your cock, against your will, and because it is so long since you were able to masturbate you start getting hard in his mouth. He grunts in pleasure as he begins to gag on your growing cock. One of the other men with black teeth start kissing you, you try to pull back, but he just grips your head and forces is stinking tongue in your mouth. The other guy has spayed your ass cheeks and is licking, sucking and fingering your anus. He forces 2 fingers in and it hurts, his nails are too long, you clench your ass and move away, this only foces your cock further down the others throat, so you pull out a bit and the ass licker starts licking and fingering again. They take you over to the bottom bunk and tell you to get on your knees and point your booty at them, they use soap and spit as lube and one by one, without condoms they fuck your tight little hole until they pump their seed into. At first the pain is excruciating, gut as you relax the pain lessens somewhat, you look back and dripping from your balls is a mixture of spit, cum, shit and blood. You realise you will probably now have AIDS. But hey, at least you lost your virginity so high five for that bro!

You don't. And you shouldn't want to, what did you watch Breaking Bad and completely miss the message that such a thing is not a glamorous or happy lifestyle or something? One shouldn't aspire to become a fucking criminal, and one should not aspire to STAY a criminal.

You sling a few bags of dope, and think "man, what a rush, and look at all the money I made" but should realize "the more I do this, the higher the risk of me getting caught." Which is absolutely true, you exponentially increase your risk of becoming a convict every time you repeat your crimes. You can even compound the risk with other crimes, or multiple offences of the same crime.

Do you know why the Mexican cartel exists? Because the guy at the top has the money to make sure that no one talks, and that he continues to get more money. He has plenty of foot soldiers who are willing to lie, cheat, murder and steal for the sake of what they see as a family. And him? He sees them as what they are: disposable muscle.

So I get violated, raped and pozzed?
What's the downside?

Just remember, OP, if you end up joining a cartel and are caught by a rivalry, you could end up being skinned alive, beheaded, eaten by cannibals, honestly, the list goes on. Pssh, if the cartel that you join ends up losing their of you being a valuable asset, they might as well torture you for fun.