Now for real, why does Holla Forums hate Node.JS so much? Braindead community aside...

Try google.com/

No, you tell me, you fucking summer LARPer. Google ain't gonna tell me which obscure web servers have good QA, and in fact, it's probably gonna recommend me the shit mentioned in the OP.

So tell me, oh grand webserver expert, which fucking obscure technologies no one knows about have good QA?

The node ecosystem is maximum cancer. 'devs' using npm happily integrate 'libraries' consisting of 5 lines of code from someone with hour-of-code levels of experience who won't be maintaining their code and fixing security issues and they blindly pull new versions. Additionally, these packages can run code as you on your box as part of the install. I'd expect everyone doing work with node has a rootkit on their dev box by now and their sites contain PHP-levels of exploits.
(((reddit space)))
The situation is so hopeless but webdevs so retarded and determined to be fucked that Debian decided to allow including the package in stable with the caveat that even in stable there will be no security support for node as it's impossible to support. They relented and gave you the rope you're so desperately trying to hang yourself with and walked away.

Erlang/Elixir
Modern JVM languages (Kotlin, Clojure)

So can your system package manager, cargo, pip, bundler, cpan, maven, nuget, and every other package manager. literally not an argument you LARPing moron.

So many LARPers ITT comparing a runtime (node) to a packagemanager (npm and it's retarded ecosystem)

Just use FCGI and a sane language. I also discovered CGICC recently.

Nodejs is pretty marvelous ( in the literal sense).

It's JavaScript itself which sucks. No matter how good your framework, a language designed exclusively to manipulate dom elements in static xml pages is not suited for application programming. JavaScript could have been okay if it wasn't designed with the intent of letting brainless developers get something that works. See: implied semicolons, type coersion

I'm not a fan of weak typing, but it's not the reason I dislike javascript. Weak typing is a defensible high-level design choice.
The problem with javascript is that it's badly designed at a lower, more detailed level. It's full of oddities and crippled by backward compatibility because it was rushed and designed by one guy in under a week and now nothing can ever break compatibility with old code. And not only is it badly designed, it's not even designed for the kind of work node.js does.
It's not offensively bad. PHP makes me angry, node.js doesn't. But node.js is a server-side runtime bound by compatibility and standard library constraints that only really made sense on the client side, and that makes me sad.

node is better than PHP, but Lynxchan is pretty bad.

is the systemd of web protocols. Just use HTTP and proxy it through apache.