Fuck quest

you wake up one day, dazed and confused. you have no memory of who you are or what happened to get you here. what is:
and

Karrettop
Comedy
knife,dildo,harddrive of lolis

Name: Crust
Ability: Breathe really hard through a retainer
Vocation: Professional retard
Skill: Shitposting
Item1: Rubber chicken
Item2: 1 Canadian loonie
Item3: A sword that was forged in the image of a huge horse cock

Your name is Karrettop! People call you Kar for short, though. You're excellent at comedy, and can make anybody laugh to get out of an awkward moment or a tight spot. You took classes on improv. You're familiar with cutting-edge, ironic humor, and can weaponize irony to damage opponents or infiltrate and subvert political organizations and cultures and stuff. You listen to the "Chapo Trap House" podcast. Naturally, you have in your possession a dildo, a knife for self-defense, and a hard drive of child porn.

You're currently in horrible conditions. You feel tired, and although you're beginning to remember your identity, you have no idea how you got here. You feel like, as time goes on, your memory may slowly recover. You find yourself in some kind of strange prison. You don't remember getting in trouble with the law. You can recount perfectly how you got each of your objects, though. They seem to be your three most desired possessions. What do you do?

Cut dildo into egg shape

i need to charge my tablet's battery. we'll resume in a bit.

how is this going to work? are you just going to pick a random post or what?
well anyways put your penis in that mouse hole

its normally the first post to respond, given its something that int ridiculous. i try to be open minded in not railroading & going w whatever im given so be creative

You manage to cut your dildo into something of a fucked-up egg shape. It'd be best described as a "rough, imperfect ovaloid". You still feel dazed, and have a horrible migraine. You've done nothing to fix this or investigate your surroundings. What do you do?

egg in ass, then sleep

Name: Shareef
Skill: Not liking it
Item1: Rocks
Item2: A Cadillac
Item3: The Kasbah

You lodge the egg-like object straight up your ass. You're used to getting it in the ass from the dildo, but the egg is smaller, allowing it to be pushed further. The pain in immense. Eventually, it gets lodged so far up there that you can reach it. You wonder if having an egg in your ass will come back to help or to haunt you in your future.

You attempt to go back to sleep, but the horrible headache you're experiencing, compounded with the pain from the egg now seemingly forever lodged in your asshole (unless it were to dislodge at an opportune [or inopportune] moment), makes it too hard to fall asleep. You lay there in the cold bed. What do you do?

Shit out the egg then put dick into mouse hole.

What part of that did you not understand.


Look in mouse hole

furiously masturbate to thoughts of jennette mccurdy

You attempt to shit into the strange opening in the wall of the jail cell. Nothing budges, though. It seems the dildo-egg has created a blockage, preventing any shit from getting out. You hope this won't kill you or lead to any medical complications. What do you do?

Look in the hole.

You look into the hole. You believe you can make out some kind of strange, unmoving figure in the darkness. You hear no sound. What do you do?

Screech autisticly at the figure, if it doesn't move, reach for it and pull that fucker out.

You screech at the top of your lungs into the hole. You hear a gasp, some shuffling about, and walking- a strange, elf-like creature emerges, waddling out, and stares at you expectantly.

I call him a nigger and spit at him

i must charge my tablet again
note that at any time i reserve the right to intermittently or for the rest of the night stop posting. if i do, it's most likely to try to pick up the thread again (given it doesn't expire) tomorrow when there's more traffic. i have a whole thing planned out that hopefully lasts a while.

Bye FugTheLug. We still want you to be BO. At least, I think somebody around here still does.

You call him a nigger, straight to his face. He doesn't seem to know the meaning of this word. What do you do?

okay i ought to go for now bye. see u tomorrow

Ask the tiny green man for his sage wisdom, and explain "nigger" is an honorific used among giants such as yourself.

You attempt to explain that "nigger" is, to you giant people, an honorific used for respect. He doesn't seem that interested- he wants to know why you woke him up. You tell him that you are seeking out his sage wisdom, and that if he has any advice or help he can offer you, you'd like for him to give it to you right away. He explains that he is ROTHNAR, COLLECTOR OF THINGS, and that the mouse hole is one of many concession points for his business along what he refers to as "Spire A". He makes his usual offer: you give him one valuable item, and he'll give you an equally valuable item back. What do you do?

side note: as the board gets more traffic i may shift into a dubs-decides model, with trips overruling dubs etc. as the board gets slower again during the afternoon i'll go back to being responsive to the first reply.

Put the little guy into trouser pockets.

Excellent thread. Top quality content!

Anyway, back on topic:
Trade the hard-drive full of cp for whatever useful item he might give you in exchange. Plus, ask politely and with the utmost consideration that he use his tiny hands (with gloves if needed be) to remove the purple egg from your butthole.

You put ROTHNAR into your pocket. What do you do?

Trade the hard-drive full of cp for whatever useful item he might give you in exchange. Plus, ask politely and with the utmost consideration that he use his tiny hands (with gloves if needed be) to remove the purple egg from your butthole.

actually, he might need to go spelunking

If it involves putting the little nigger in your ass ill give that a fat +1. Be sure to clench your asshole so he cant climb out until you need him.

Yeah, you would need to since his arms are so tiny

Shank him with the knife and steal all the items he has.

takin a break to charge my tablet tbh

ROTHNAR says he can't parse very much metaphysical value from the "miscellaneous thunder stick" you offered him. He says he'll be generous and trade a LESSER DARK MATTER DICE in return. You ask him to enter your asshole and remove the purple egg from your butt: he looks at you like you're insane, and says that all favors he accepts must be reconciled with tasks of equal value. He says he'll get the egg from your ass if you can save his gf ROTHNARIA from the Spire Staircase. What do you do?

Nod my head, pick him up in my hand then grip him tightly. I tear both his arms off with my other hand slowly before putting him in my mouth. I let him struggle for a minute before slowly chewing him. Then swallowing.

Ask about how one would escape from this cell to do so.

No please not this

i'm going on dubs now

Keep hard drive, ask how to get out. Keep egg in ass for later, just in case.

reroll

no rerolls

Put the mysterious dice in my ass and agree to his offer.

Good movie OP.

:^)>>7629842

I masturbate furiously, then offer my cum to trade for another one item.
Call him a normallnigger and tell that you will save his gf.

Ask him what those dm dice can do, and say you will save his gf but that he at least needs to tell you how to escape the cell

...

Destroy all life.

Roll those/that dice

ask him what he would trade for a bj

NO WAY ANYONE WILL GET DUBS WELL ENOUGH FOR THIS FORMERLY GREAT THREAD TO CONTINUE

no rerolls allowed btw, so fuck me

finally?

Combine dark matter dice and knife in order to construct a powerful weapon. Trade this for his shirt and hat so you can now play finger puppets with yourself to pass the time.

You accept his challenge to save his sister, but insist on how you first must escape this prison in order to do so.

You suck your own dick while you think on what to do next

Just roll the dark matter dice

Whoa, I didn't know she could spell.

google FYAD
look into weird twitter
search "what is irony"

So, it was all a 24/hr op, with the objective of making us all believe you were actually retarded?

no

...

[pprrort

Now I guess you need to draw this

bump

I decide to do a barrel rool and hit my head really hard. Then I agree.

Wow shit, one digit away from dubs
Just my luck m8s

OP has abandoned us

Fuck the rest of your post OP, I just wanted to say that you can not even know how hard I have prayed for this first part to happen to me. If it did, it would be better than Christmas morning as a 5 year old with a new puppy.

Just take a lot of drugs

I do. And I drink.
It helps blur the memories, but they never go away.

cant believe op was unable to continue this thread cuz she got fucking killed

bepis

Golden Bill
Eagle eyes
Lee-Enfield, 20 rounds of .308, some weed

you can't know
since if they go away… xD

...

bump

...

No fuckin' idea because I'm dazed and confused.

Stop putting that man in danger

DATA FUCKING MINING FUCKING THREAD
DATA FUCKING MINING FUCKING THREAD====DATA FUCKING MINING FUCKING THREAD====DATA FUCKING MINING FUCKING THREAD====DATA FUCKING MINING FUCKING THREAD====DATA FUCKING MINING FUCKING THREAD====DATA FUCKING MINING FUCKING THREAD

Someone gets it.

bump

My bowels quiver with excitement, knowing this is a true data mining thread.

ur being ironic but since ur a human being let's talk, ive always wanted to do a long quest that spans a long period of time and gets complex (in the tradition of andrew "i hung out with unfunny fyadtwitter lefty goons too much and got irony-poisoned" hussie and 4 "more self admitted redditors than any other board statistically" /tg/, u can get where im going w/ this- no one of good cool character has done it before) but where can i do that? not here, clearly, but i need a receptive audience & ill get drowned out among the others on 4/qst/. where can i set up a long cool complex quest, a blog template site or social media or something?

Can you just pick the best answer and continue the quest. if you don't I will and there will be no guarantee that my drawfag skills will be at all on par

WAS GETTING A GOOD CHUCKLE OUT OF THIS THREAD! OP FLAKED OUT! I WOULD BE VERY APPRECIATIVE IF YOU PICK UP WHERE HE LEFT OFF!