SUPER-SUNDAY

Let's read some of the adventures of our eternal pal, Jimmy Olsen.

Superman is an everyman. Just like everyone else, he forgets to the check the batteries in his appliances, which gets him in aggravating situations.

Except in the case of Superman, that appliance is a shrink ray, and the aggravating situation is leaving Jimmy stuck as an extremely tiny human being for the rest of his life.

Lucy Lane is an enormous bitch. Jimmy choosing to forget her is the best idea he ever had.

Of course, he reverses his position because he's a dope.

SUPERMAN IS INVITING US TO THE CIRCUS! THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE EMMETT KELLY! IN PERSON! LET'S GO Holla Forums!

At last it's time for the classic THE GIANT TURTLE MAN.

We open with Jimmy just finding a growth ray on the beach and using it to destroy the local ecosystem by making everything gigantic. One of the creatures Jimmy makes big is a snail, who becomes so distraught over it's giant size that it oozes it's way into the ocean to kill itself.

Jimmy gets the ray back on the boat and accidentally summons Superman from deep space. Jimmy, Superman was doing serious shit out there. Anyway, Superman tells Jimmy not to fuck around with that growth ray.

Superman's warnings, however, are no match for the force of nature that is Jimmy Olsen.

With his new found TURTLE POWER, Jimmy starts throwing everything and the kitchen sink into a volcano. Bridges, submarines, United States battleships. All that shit's going in there.

Superman arrives just in time to call Jimmy an idiot and knock his ass out. He's just about to haul Jimmy off to die in space when a signal from Atlantis informs him of the truth.

It was all a plot to steal pirate treasure. COMICS!

...

Jimmy Olsen is sent to the past and gets into a fight with Merlin the Magician. These are real things that happen to Jimmy Olsen. That is the reality of Jimmy Olsen's life.

Merlin was also apparently the ancestor of Mr. Mxyzptlk.

GET TOUGH, Holla Forums

That was a lucky fucking guess.
He should be glad his head isn't on a pike right now.

Ebin.

Is that the brave and the bold? Holy shit, the madmen.

MORE JIMMY!

Superman commits a Super-Blunder and accidentally turns Jimmy invisible.

That's the danger of having Superman as your best friend. He gets you awesome gifts, but those awesome gifts might backfire incredibly.

Man, Superman really likes to come up with super convoluted plans. Maybe that's just how Superman sees the world. Everything he does has to be super because all he knows is super things. He loves his friends and his family, but he could never really relate to them because of his superiority.

For example, Superman thinks nothing of turning his best friend invisible to find a store of radium. To a normal man, that would be outrageous, but to Superman, it's the most logical thing in the world. His reference level is far beyond that of normal men.

Jimmy Olsen goes blind and inadvertently goes on a date with Supergirl, even though Jimmy completely refuses to believe Supergirl exists.

Supergirl's exasperation at Jimmy's stubbornness is adorable.

Ever lose a girl because you couldn't believe she existed? Such is the life of Jimmy Olsen.

This story was written by Otto Binder, creator of not only Supergirl, but co-creator of Mary Marvel from Captain Marvel. Binder is, in my opinion, the greatest cape writer in the history of the genre.

JIMMY OLSEN, JUVENILE DELINQUENT! A REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE! HE AIN'T TAKING THE WORD OF SUPERMAN NO MORE! HE'S A CUB REPORTER AGAINST THE WORLD!

Oh boy.

Why isn't this a canon thing?

Like imagine Tony Hawk pounding in a nail by a doing sick trick with his skateboard. We might think it would be easier to use a hammer to pound in that nail, but not Tony because knows things about skateboard physics we aren't aware of.

This should be Superman all the time.

My OTP

Perry's kid's idea of showing that he's a good reporter is not only infiltrating a gang of hoodlums, but becoming their boss. When does the line between reporter and active member blur? When does a reporter know that he's no longer reporting the news, but becoming it?

GET /fit/ Holla Forums!

Wait, so superman is struggling to get Kandor to it's original size and then Jimmy find an enlargement ray and the fucker just forgets about Kandor? It's not even that, he mentions it. What the fuck, Superman?

It's right there in the story, man.

Goxo's enlarging ray was evil. It didn't just make things huge, but it also made it's subjects telepathic slaves. Superman isn't going to use that bad science to restore Kandor.

Gotta have more Jimmy.

Jimmy Olsen tries to be a trend-setter. However, the universe has other plans.

Only in Metropolis does flipping a coin get you confused with a hood.

Jimmy becomes a big pimpin' pick-pocket.

I like to think Superman forms entire gangs purely for the thrill of busting off his disguise and taking all of them to jail.

To be honest, if I were Superman, I'd use any excuse to awesomely reveal myself by flexing all of my muscles to tear off all my clothes.

Jimmy Olsen's signal watch breaks, causing it to open a space-time rift which allows an ugly, clingy monster to come to our planet and assume the friendship of Jimmy.

These are things that happen to Jimmy Olsen, routinely.

Turns out our alien friend was only friends with Jimmy as a money making opportunity on his home planet. Jimmy and other humans are so revoltingly disgusting and hideous to them that he realize he could make some serious bank making a horror picture with Jimmy in it. The alien endured the loathsome prescience of Jimmy long enough to get him back to his home-world so he could get his monstrous face on camera.

I fucking love it. The fact that this story was written by Jerry Siegel makes it even better.

WIN Holla Forums!

...

Superman has plenty of dangerous shit in the Fortress of Solitude and hes already captured Goxo.

Would have made far more sense to have it wrecked in the fight or have Goxo blow it up.

Actually, I think he was just the boss's right-hand man. The real boss of the gang was one of the two blonde guys.

Does anyone have the stories where Clark and Jimmy went to Kandor and became Nightwing and Flamebird?

Jimmy Olsen: Putting the "little" in Poor Little White Guy.