Joss Whedon General

She has the body of a nine year old boy.

literal ayy lmao

thanks, feig is the faggot who directed the cisbusters, right?

it's just a stupid meme

It's literally one guy who autistically spams that bitch.

Correct. Paul Feig, who went from being part of the team behind the brilliant Freaks & Geeks to being King Cuck of Hollywood.

Both wrong.

Isn't Camren like 15? She played a young teen Catwoman on Gotham I remember and was a massive tsundere. No catsuit though.

17.

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So he blames everything on the ones who made him and wishes they'd end his life because he can't control what he's become anymore. I can see that.

topkek

Just got finished watching this piece of shit, made by Joss Whedon. Holy fuck what a trash movie. Don't know what I was expecting but it's horrible. It doesn't work as a horror or a comedy or a horror-comedy, it's not scary or funny and I wonder how it was made.

There's a cool idea in there, a government facility built to facilitate ritual sacrifice to ancient gods but they fucked it up. It would have been much better if the zombies and other monsters were actors or animatronics instead of real ass monsters, I know some will say its 'meta' so I should suspend my disbelief but it just looked like a retarded uncohesive mess on the screen.

The only enjoyable parts were the guys in the surveillance room pushing butons and cracking jokes and when the slut starts lapdancing and making out with the wolf cause she's uncontrollably horny (Whedon is a fucking pervert who loves slutty chicks, the feminist stuff is just a cover but you guys probably knew that already)

Do you even non-Euclid?

this is terrible and your rewrite is shit

Come on now, people here don't watch tv and movies. You think they'd read a book to get that?

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agreed, next time he should just say she looks like a fish. Save everyone some time.

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t. Joss Whedon

YOU MEAN, CARL THE CUCK MOUTH

Cuck whedon better not have the same fetishes as me.

What did he mean by this?

requesting the pic where he's tipping his trillby

why would you want to see that

He's so based

The movie would be tolerable if it weren't so self aware.

Whedon is unintentionally funnier irl than anything he has ever written.

This. He spills so much spaghetti, his shit will never be able to surpass him.

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My god that movie was fucking awful. I got into a fistfight with my numale brother about it, too. I said I didn't like it and explained that the characters were all one dimensional archetypes, the story was bland and predicable, the jokes fell flat, it wasn't scary, and it doesn't work as either a stand-alone film or a parody of the horror genre because of both characters making blatantly stupid choices and the fact that the film was a person who hates horror movies's wet dream because it's exactly what people who hate horror movies, but don't watch them, think horror movies are.

>>>/waifuist/

Advice from the master.

Joss Whedon knows how to completely destroy a dramatic scene.

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wow really makes you think

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He reminds me of Dobson if he became popular.

Only thing that could have made Ultron more pathetic would be Harley Quinn somehow beating up the robots with a bat.

I was just thinking the same thing, only I don't think care bear inflation man has a mind control fetish.

He likes metroid other m, which essentially has mind control.

The movie is a pretty much a statement on how much of a fucking hack Whedon is. Scream did everything this movie did, than this turd comes out 20 years later and thinks its witty for making observations about horror that were already made constantly for 20 years. This is like a movie by someone who didn't go to college but wants to pretend like he knows what deconstruction and shit is because he think it's "smart." I've never been made so mad by a movie before, and what's even worse there are idiots that uniorncially argue it's good for being Joss jizzing in your face about how meta it is during it's whole run time. It's basically a M. Night "WHAT A TWIST!" movie that gives away the twist at the beginning of its run time.

Whendons educational history is pretty strange thb. I remember him saying at one point that he was a weirdo because he was partially homeschooled but that might have been a lie for shitlib browny points.
According to the article cited by the wikipedos he went to the same school for 10 years (where his mother was a teacher) and then went to a upper-class all-male English boarding school for some reason which is probably the most alien enviroment for a Murican teenager short of going to China.
And that's where he got his ass kicked the hard for three years.

The only other person I can think of that has that is Chris Claremont.

Seriously. And Scream was actually alright. It made observations and played on them as a horror film, and while the horror movie fan did get annoying at times, Scream still felt like a horror movie about horror movies.

This shitfest tried to be Scream but a comedy, and Joss Whedon has no fucking clue how to write humor. Everything he does is self-referential or self-deprivation, which is the least clever and least funny kind of humor, in my opinion. The characters are one-dimensional archetypes, the humor is bland and unfunny, the story is predictable, and it doesn't even bother trying deconstruction. Scream did a good job separating horror cliches and showing how they are used, even when the audience knows about them, to play on the viewer's fear to build tension. The entire fucking movie is "this is a horror cliche! Aren't I funny?!" No. You're not. You're a fucking hack Whedon. You're the single most overrated writer in the popular view today. There were good episodes of Buffy and Angel, I will admit that, but none of them were written by you, Whedon. Every episode he wrote, I could tell was a Whedon episode. The dialogue got clunky, the characters lost all unique personality they had developed in other episodes, the situations became more and more predictable and the characters had no unique reaction and it was devoid of all thematic depth and meaning. In basic terms, Buffy went from an insecure high school girl plunged into a life she neither wanted, nor understood, trying to come with the emotional hardship of keeping this grave secret from her mother while also trying to maintain momentary happiness and friendships to keep her from the constant anxiety caused by the fact that she carried the fate of the world on her shoulders and knowing full well that it was her destiny to never be truly happy and to die a young, gruesome, painful death, to mindless badass action girl spewing one-liners.

Back to Cabin in the Woods. And then there are the numale cucks who defend this schlock by saying
It is not a fucking parody! It is not a deconstruction or satire or parody or anything clever like that! It doesn't even try to be that! IT'S JUST A SHITTY FUCKING HORROR MOVIE THAT KEEPS TELLING THE AUDIENCE HOW SHITTY IT IS!

THAT IS NOT FUCKING SATIRE.

This schlock flick makes me seriously angry, and I use my aggressive feelings. It gives me focus, makes me stronger.

Firefly was good, "Objects in Space" was his signature piece. Serenity's screenplay's underrated, imo. He also basically rewrote the original scripts of Toy Story and Speed.

Joss Whedon Writing Tip #1

copy an existing anime

if only we could get him to watch logh

I feel ya, brother.

That's.. not how that works…

He looks like Louis Cuck Knight.

???

Every single time.

The facility should have been revealed halfway through the film.

Hell I would even be charitable and say a quarter (maybe). Just not the first fucking scene that opens the movie. Which is exactly what the studio said. They told Whedon to cut it and he conceded until his co-producer - I shit you not - broke down in front of him in tears begging to put it back in which prompted Whedon to call and have it reinstated.

Other fun trivia for this shit fucking film:
- The script was written in 3 fucking days, and boy does it show. Whedon and Goddard locked themselves in a hotel room and wrote it in one big splurge like the worlds shittest Audie Murphy tribute act.
- The mug/bong was real and cost $5000 to make, they spent $5000 on a fictional bong, 'experts' were also paid to show Fran Kranz how to roll joints and light up a bong.
- They didn't let Fran Kranz undress in the lake scene because he was 'too buff' and would 'ruin his character', they also made him wear baggier clothes I guess stoners can't have muscles?
- Zombies from 'Left 4 Dead' can be spotted in the cube scene, they were payed by Valve for this tie-in which was supposed to also be an expansion pack for the game, until the studio was bankrupted.
- The film was shelved which would have been great until Lionsgate decided to release the finished article.
- Hadley and Sitterson are self-inserts of Whedon and Goddard, as stated by Whedon himself.
- The terrifying creatures in the film canonically include Sexy Witches, Dismemberment Goblins, The Sugarplum Fairy, a Flying Purple People Eater, and Kevin "a sweet-looking guy who seemed like he might work at Best Buy–until he dismembers people." holds up spork

If you like this film you have objectively wrong and have bad taste, this film was the cinema equivalent of hookworm

Only Claremont's characters become stronger or tougher and he has them go through an aftermath.