Is Thailand the world's capital of illegality?

...

Ordering a Thai hooker, is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get.

You might get a dick.

Alright, first experience with Thailand. It's been a while so I'll try to recall.

So this was the second country I've been to, first was Singapore. I was about 22, and me and my buddy were going to go out together because you can't leave the ship in a foreign country unless you go with a pal. So before they actually start letting us off the ship we have to get briefed on what not to do, and some good wholesome fun that you can do. Basically "stay away from hookers, too much booze, drugs and street vendors".

Cool, whatever. Finally they let us off the ship. And what's waiting right the fuck there on the pier? Fucking hookers selling shit. Oversized lighters, cheap trinkets, and offers of cheap pussy. Nah, we just want to get some food and some liquor in us. So we flag down a tuk-tuk after hitting an ATM (the truck thing in my last pic, used as a taxi). Well tell dude take us to a real thai restaurant. Mother fucker says okay, and starts driving out of the city. We start getting worried because we're legit in the fucking jungle now, I mean shit looked like we were going to approach the gates of Jurassic Park soon. We didn't know if this guy was taking us out to kill us and leave us for the monkeys or what. But eventually it opened up to a nice beach and a beautiful outdoor resturant. Something like pic related. When we ordered we took in our surroundings and you could actually see people off on sand bars picking food to be cooked to served. Pretty neat, I had calamari. After dinner some woman came over and washed our hands with lime.

Here's where things take a different turn, later in the night.

It looks like hookers are 70% of the thai population.

So fucking tuk-tuk driver is still there. You hire him for a flat rate for the entire day and he'll just chill by his vehicle smoking cigs and looking out over the water. Alright dude, take us to get some booze, let's go to a nice bar. In the back seat he has these laminated tour guide things that we were completely disinterested in. Shit like a monkey show, or Buddhist temples. Boring, we want booze. "You want boom boom". He let that question hang in the air and by buddy and I looked at each other silently until the driver got a smirk on his face and dropped us off in front of this very nice looking night club. We go inside, wearing just jeans and a T-Shirt, and this place IS FUCKING NICE. But there was no one in there aside from the staff. We get a table by the floor and there's some bitch singing up on stage, a just women packed behind the bar. Like thirty women, all sitting on stools behind the bar in front of the liquor display. Finally after a few drinks some guy comes out and asks us if we want a woman. When I say a few drinks, I actually mean a lot of drinks, and mind you we've been out to sea for a while. Fuck it, we each pick a girl and they take us to a room.

Now this is like those rooms you see in JAV porn. There's a shower, a tub and an inflatable mattress. I'm kinda drunk so this hooker gets me out of my clothes and showers me. Then we get into the tub and she washes my body, playing with my dick a little. Then we get on the mattress and gives me a full body massage, using her tits and pussy. This thick foamy soap was spread all over me and she pretty much just squirmed on me, sucking my cock a little and playing with my balls. Letting me play with her pussy and tits. She puts a condom on me and then starts to ride me while sucking on my nipples. After I finally bust she showers me again and leads me out into the bar area after I get dressed.

Well my buddy is no where to be found, so I order a few more drinks and his ass still is not coming out.

Oh, I forgot to say, the Tuk-Tuk is a famous scam, if you search on YouTube, you'll find a lot of videos talking about.

They drive you to some jewelry shopping area, and don't let you go away unless you buy something.

i'm sure Brasil has more traps per m^2 then Thailand.

For real. I am surprised brazil-user hasn't gotten shot since since his first post.

So man, after about a half hour I start getting worried. I was in there for a bit, and he's still not out. I have enough booze in me I get up and start wandering the rooms where they took us. It's almost like a little hotel back by the bathrooms. There's little peepholes that actually peer into the rooms so I start peeking in trying to find the one with my buddy until I'm eventually stopped by two hookers. I kind of raise Hell now, where is my friend? Eventually they take me into a room and this mother fucker is just straight up passed the fuck out naked on a mattress on his back. Oh dude, come on man, what the fuck? So I wake his dumb ass up and helped him get dressed and we leave the place, tuk tuk still outside kek.

So he's blasted, I'm blasted. We're sitting in the back of this tuk-tuk and I can't even remember where the fuck we asked him to take us. He starts getting rowdy wanting to fight and tries to jump out of the moving vehicle. I guess the driver had enough and boots us both leaving us in some weird back alley. Here we bump into two more dudes from our ship and we go into this weird pizza place owned by Australian guys. There we proceed to get even more drunk, the four us, while the cool Australian guys teach us about the finer points of Cricket. We get some seafood pizza, and eventually leave the place, and wander around these back alleys for a few minutes. Eventually the one guy we met up with saw this bamboo scaffolding leading up to what appeared to be apartment windows and decided to start trying to climb the shit like he was Jackie Chan. People pop out of their windows and were yelling at him in thai or whatever the fuck they speak and began throwing shit from their apartment down at him. He kept drunkenly going "I'm coming up" in a teasing voice. After that we left the back alleys and made our way onto a main street where this truck kept driving around. There was a guy on the back speaking through a bullhorn talking about some underground thai kickboxing match. "BEST OF THE BEST, COME SEE". On the side of this truck there were pictures of these mean looking mother fuckers, shit out of Blood Sport.

I don't live in Rio.

Old joke, m8. It's actually pronounced "poo-ket".

Alright, this big underground fighting match is supposed to take place tomorrow night. We stop and get another tuk-tuk and it takes us back to our hotel (we booked them from the ship). I talk to my girl (lol) and tell her that I had a great time and of course only tell her about the restaurant. Pass out, wake up. Immediately go out and start drinking again. We have some time to kill so we wander these outdoor markets where they sell food. It's like you would imagine in an Asian city you see in the movies, outdoor stands and various strange meats hanging, eels wriggling in plastic bins. We have a whole shit load of pocket change from breaking bills so buy all sorts of strange meat snacks on sticks and make our way to this place where the underground fight is supposed to happen.

We eventually get to the place and those posters are still there on the outside. Mean looking mother fuckers that look like they could tear you apart. We pay, go inside, grab our sets. The seats are just simple wooden benches that surround a boxing ring like a mini stadium. It's not a very big place though. A lady is walking around selling Tiger Beers and we wait for the first match.

So, they bring the first fighters out, and….they're kids. Uh…wtf? They're like eight. They get into the ring and have a little kickboxing match and it's over. Maybe that's just the junior league or something. They bring out the next fighters, and the next, and the next after that. No one older than 14. Aw wtf, this shit fucking sucks. Finally, the final match, the big one. It's like two 16 year old boys brought out to fight. Fucking rip off, I was promised underground Blood Sport shit. Or maybe I wasn't, I don't even remember lol.

That was just the first two nights. We were there for about two more nights and did various things like drink and eat. Elephants walking the streets. Every store you go into had a secret room in the back that sold pirated DVDs or knockoff watches. I do mean EVERY store. That's about it for the story of my first time to Thailand, my second time wasn't that great but still got a massage. I'll answer anyone's questions about Thailand or any other countries.

Fact about Thailand. The majority of hookers there, are underage.

wew lad

...

(not OP) but traps here are really ugly and thuggish