ITT Anons Are Nice To OP And Help Him Fill Out The Resume Template He's Been Staring At For 3 hours

It's worth a shot, I guess. Anyways here's what you're working with:
I mean, what am I even suppose to put on a resume? It'd just be one big, red flag.
Please help me, Holla Forums. I'm a such a massive, hopeless faggot. I don't even know where to start.

templates.office.com/en-us/Simple-resume-TM00002110

There's no help for you. You either have a resume or you don't, and you said yourself that you don't have anything to put on there.

I'm older than you and I haven't worked for three years. I thank God I get neetbux to get by because my resume has a large gaping hole in my employment history. When you've been out of work for so long, it gets to a point where no one will hire you, no matter how well you interview.

Your best option is to do some volunteer work so you can put SOMETHING on there. I did that and I think it helped me get my last job. Alternatively, you are still young so you might consider joining Americorps or the military.

only hope is to say you're a negro.
affirmative action means they have to hire you.

Make up some shit about how your mother was really sick and you had to take care of her but now you're looking for a job to get out on your own. Don't mention any ugly employment history. Acknowledge the "strangeness" of this but mention how much you are eager to become a participating member of society.

I forge shit alot for side-cash, so post what you wrote before you submit so we can edit the NEETness. I can't imagine the cognitive autism pulsing through your mind after such a long NEET binge.

At this point even if you fill it as best as possible you are still only getting a minimum wage job… :(
Do you have a skill? Is there somenthing, anything that you do that is above average?

Without a degree, recommendation or experience it's pointless to hope for anything but service industry. Maybe save up some and then get a cert at a community college while doing an apprenticeship or community service in your field.

Tell them you were in prison for a hate crime. That'll make the missing years look less suspicious.

Please answer this OP.
Also have a bump with an image that will possibly cause enough replies to keep this on the first page for a while.

Forgot to mention, I managed to acquire a credit card in those three short months of employment, bought a load of stuff I couldn't afford. Made minimum, late payments with the odd jobs I worked. Long story short; shit accumulated, and where I thought I only owed maybe $300 – I actually owed $1,200, and the vultures are giving me three automated phone calls a day now. Wew.

Plan B.

I'm gonna' say I've been working for my Dad for the past two years, which is about 20% true, need to fill that gap somehow. For references, I'm just gonna' name random people I know, and pray no one ever actually calls them. I won't make any mention of my last job for obvious reasons. If it ever comes up (small town), I'll say I had to leave due to mental health issues, which isn't too far from the truth. What about education, though? Do they actually verify such things? It's a red flag, otherwise.

All I'm looking for, tbh.
Nothing marketable.

Same boat?

suck dick on craigslist

Do you want your debt taken care of once and for all? Call 702-000-0000 and ask for Jimmy. No need to thank me.

Join the military and hope you develop PTSD
Become a tranny and learn webdev (The more meme languages like Rust you know, the better your chances of employment)
Become a drug dealer (You'll need decent math and social skills)
Go into witness protection with a new ID and background
Is your body worth selling? Develop a taste for geriatric dick and collect perverts social security checks.

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either get your shit through a temp agency since they hire literal fucking retards or lie gratuitously about your experience
for entry level shit they're just looking for experience.
the jobs you get are going to suck dick

No, nigger, I was 340lbs back in 2014. Now I'm 187. I've been going out on these long ass walks/runs at 2:00AM every morning and have effectively starved myself for the passed two years. I'm fairly /fit/ now, even if I do look like a flying squirrel.

What's that?

Not necessarily. The VA still fucks some people out of their benefits. I have a friend who was in Iraq and also developed a physical condition, probably from the vaccines, where he gets hives and has to stay out of the sun. They're giving him 0%, only medical.

I thought you would apply for SSD the same way you would for NEETbux.

SSDI doesn't pay much for a young person because it depends how many years you've paid SS taxes, and you're not allowed to work while on it. SSI (Supplemental Security Income) pays a flat rate, and it's something like $800, not enough to live on unless you've got another source of income.

VA compensation works on a percent rating system based on the severity and number of injuries incurred during service.

Seriously though, if you have no previous work experience, just go to a temp agency and they'll throw you into an entry level warehouse position.

I honestly didn't expect that. The first post made it sound like you had stayed inside all the time. Good for you user.

Still, the fact that you never raped moot is pretty disappointing. His boipussy is like 100x tighter than dysnomia's. Time raping moot is time well spent.

Overall: 2/10 didn't rape moot

sucks to be you

A company that sends you to do the shittiest jobs in the world and then takes part of your paycheck from you for the privilege.

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don't shit on temp jobs, you ignorant nigger. 98% of finding a cush job is networking. i run my own business thanks to working my ass off at bullshit temp jobs.
OP you seem smart enough and have gotten off your ass. If you don't mind doing random as hell things with shit hours for low wages for a bit, you'll meet some fucking crazy people. One will eventually lead to goodness if you aren't a faggot. inb4 some delusional commie

WHAT THE FUCK THAT'S MY SISTER!!

shut up

and you'll get to fuck this guy's sister. temp jobs have their place

I went to a temp agency and they didn't get me work. Filled out like a 20-page application/survey, got interviewed by 2 people, and it was a big waste of time because I'm a White male and all the jobs go to spics, niggers, and women.

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

you either listed your desired fields wrong, or live in a truly fucked place. go for office type work (probability of qt's: high)

DERP!

Probably the latter because I put my availability and preferences down to be very flexible, and I'm good at the surveys. Unemployment is high around here.

Do any of you faggots have, like, some generic, entry-level, pleb-tier resumes kicking around 'that I could just copy and modify? I'm gonna' be bullshitting as I go anyways, if I want to entertain even the most remote possibility of ever getting hired.

Only went out in the dead of night. It's pretty neat, actually. No cars, no people - like I have the entire town to myself and do can whatever I please.

I'll look into it. Thanks, anons. It's not like I have many options left, anyhow.
Everything that I've illuminated about myself, thus far, should leave you with the impression of someone who exists in an abject state of absolute retardation and immaturity. Dunno' how you arrived at that conclusion, tbh.

I was home-schooled, I never had to deal with bullies. Except for my dealings with you filthy animals, that is.

The factory my dad runs uses temp agencies for entry-level positions. The real reason is that if it's a temp agency then the factory doesn't need any reason for firing you, they just call the agency and tell them to tell you to stop coming in, so that way they don't have to jump through as many HR hoops if someone just started working and sucks, they don't need to document how you fucked up or anything. Doesn't necessarily mean that it's not a good job or that the place isn't looking for someone permanent eventually. Then after a few months the employer "buys" the employee from the temp agency for a couple grand and pays them directly.
But they hire people at around 1.5x min wage but within a few years people that can handle showing up on time and basic algebra get like $30/hour, english not required.

But even if you were to get your first gig at a warehouse or something that sucks, if they give a good rec to your temp agency then you can still get something better.

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Chances of getting even a modified personal resume on here are slim. Check some samples on the tubes. Regardless, you're going in with fluff, so the actual interviewing skills are what you should focus on imo.
Because you don't understand what people look for due to your inexperience in life. I've interviewed/trained a shit load of people in a niche, hard-as-fuck, field. You've expressed qualities that would make you go above a lot of other faggots we wasted time with.
Not blowing smoke up your ass, but I'm not looking to suck your dick. Head down, chin up faggot. Own your measly plot properly and confidently and it'll bloom so hard your dick will melt as long you don't get caught up in normalfag expectations.

Like ditching in the middle of a work night and never coming back, for example.

we've already established you can't see it. life isn't tv, user

I'll employ you! How does $18/hr, 35 hours/week sound to you? All you have to do is use your tongue as my toilet paper. How does that sound to you, OP?

Lie through your teeth. You could either make up some bullshit jobs and hope they don't check, or make up some story about how you've been helping take care of a sick family member for the last x years.

If your family/friends are willing to help, you could put them down as references (with fake names, obviously).

Call them and record it on vocaroo

Nigger, just tell what will happen, m'kay?

I don't have enough balls

I can't call the number because it's American (at least not without getting a visit from the burger police asking about my "connections" to America), but judging by what people on spam complaint sites say, nothing happens if you call, nobody will even answer. So it's probably not that creepy. That said, the shit sounds creepy about when they call you, like knowing all your family's names, etc. Could be just a regular spam company or something, we don't have those where I live but I hear they're a big business model in Freedom Land.

Bump for a nice burger to call that number

Leaf here. I called, it just rang four times before cutting off and going silent, no beeping or anything. Is somebody gonna' show up to my place with a shotgun now, or something?

Enjoy getting shitcanned, leaf. I hope you like 20 gauge to the face.

So long as it ain't fuckin' birdshot, I guess. Seriously though, don't you spook 'poor little old OP like that.

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Well that's disappointing