Doing some job applications online because sitting at home all day makes me want to kill myself

How the fuck am I supposed to answer this?

tell us about yourself, fag.

also it's a gauge to see your intelligence. YOUR OWN WORDS.

List your accomplishments. Fake some if you don't have any. They'll never verify.

List your traits that they won't have like being on time

All I do all day is smoke and play vidya but that isn't what they want to hear on a job application.


I didn't do shit with my life. My biggest accomplishment is having 14 RWS on ESEA, The only things I can think up is working in a high pressure work environment because I was a general contractor's assistant for a few years, and that I'll always be on time because I live five minutes away from this place. Is two things good enough?

Sounds like a dumb company who got their application form from freehrdepartmentonline.com

Teamwork is about everybody knowing what each needs to and getting on with it without trying to do everything themselves. Also delivering your bit to the next guy on time and on quality. Think of (or make up) examples of when you did this.
What sets you apart is your zeal to work smarter with a bias for action, or any other meaningless buzzword bullshit in the positivity hyperbole arms race.
Don't forget to mention the three years you spent helping starving refugees in Afghanistan.

Any of the above will get you that job flipping burgers for minimum wage.

This is painfully similar to a job interview I did recently wew

story:

on 1 hand ud think they look for a loyal worker. But on the other they have such a fuckin rotation they recruit all the time. And they still expect ppl will keep up this façade…

That's what I seriously don't understand. Like, it's the same shit minimum wage an hour at every other place. Hand me that check every Friday and I'll be there when you want me to, 24/7, holidays included. Why make me play your bullshit word games when you want me as a fucking dishwasher?

exactly. How bout if u wanna keep an employee, u pay him more, than others?

You're thoughtful and thorough otherwise you wouldn't have stared at it for 10 minutes. Try imagining that everyone else applying for the job is an ADHD monkey, explain why you're more qualified without explicitly insulting the monkey.

Would you like to buy my new For Dummies guide on filling out generic job questionaires? Or how about a motivational seminar? If you're really doing badly, let me offer you my Life Coaching services.

I honestly don't understand this psych bullshit they put on minimum wage applications. Like fuck, they're applying to wash dishes, not become a heart surgeon.

Assuming you're the loner archetype like most people here:

Don't just copy/paste this into the text application because I just kinda vomited that out. Reword it to avoid awkwardness and maximize accuracy in relation to you as an individual.

this

Frankly, they could get people off the street if there was more demand for labor than people who will say "Hand me that check every Friday and I'll be there when you want me to." The thing is, people like that will be out the door the second they get offered $0.50 more an hour somewhere else. Now all the time and money spent training them will be wasted and they have to spend it again on someone new who will do the same exact thing.

That's why they want people with some level of emotional connection to the place they're working for. If someone's working as a dishwasher because they "need the job," they'll take literally any other job literally anywhere else if it pays more or is easier. They want to be convinced that you want to be working for their company in particular.If it's a dishwashing job at a restaurant, tell them it's your favorite restaurant. If It's at a homeless shelter, tell them you love the elderly.

It's all about convincing them that you're not gonna be gone within the next year.

Sorry, conflated two examples I wanted to give. Should be obvious what I meant though.

Will any employer actually believe that a person wants to be washing dishes or flipping burgers though? You can put whatever bullshit you like on the application but at the end of the day you just want any job that pays, and I have a hard time buying that the employer isn't aware of that.

They won't believe you have a passion for washing dishes or flipping burgers. They will, however, believe you actually like the company or its product. That's the important thing: that you not gonna be working for anyone else.

...

If only you just say that right in front of their face. That's exactly what you need to say.

just say you're a 10th degree black belt in tae kwon do and you can benchpress over 9000 pounds. you helped catch the hacker known as 4chan and consequences will never be the same. fukken hired

At least you are willing to work. I've never had a job, and can't honestly say I'm reliable. I'll probably end up dead once I get kicked out because I don't have what it takes to work.

>the two seniors who were supposed to be there - nowhere to be found; "sick"
Been a shut-in NEET ever since, and have information that suggests I'm on some sort of local hiring blacklist now. I don't regret a thing but, don't be like me, kids.

But everybody would with such a shit job. Why bother with the facade? Are normies really this obtuse?
Yes Sire, its my life long dream to wash dishes in some shitty chain restaurant.

See
It's not really that they want to make sure you're working at the same job, but the same place.

They don't want disgruntled workers who just trudge about their duties for the meager paycheck at the end. They don't want people who aspire to be working "anywhere but here." They don't even want people who want to be washing the dishes for the rest of their life. They want people who aspire to become the manager.

Thats nonsense though. It doesn't matter how much I like dennies as a company, if I can find a better paying job or easier one i'm going to take it and so is ever other human on this planet.

Nobody is going to be loyal when they are working minimum wage. Its just stupid and unrealistic to expect anyone to be sincere about this. They have to know your bullshitting them right? Why even bother with the bullshit then?

Here's the thing: there ARE people willing to work their way to the top of a company they like. It's a small handful of people, but it does provide a way of sifting through the hundreds of applicants that throw resumes at every minimum wage job that opens up. Of those couple hundred, they can only choose one.

If you reject every applicant who says "I need the job" as opposed to "I want the job," you know you're throwing out a bunch of low value scrap anyway. From there your pile of shit applicants was just cut in half and you know the 1 in a million who actually wants to work there is in the pile you kept if he applied at all.

Minimum wage employers are in a funny position: they have more qualified applicants than they have time to seriously sort through. This means it's in their best interest to throw a lot of applications in the trash for seemingly arbitrary reasons. If you're not the ideal worker for them, they'll throw you by the wayside in favor of someone else who is. They don't need YOU, they could use anyone.
As I mentioned, they could just drive by some panhandler and offer him the job and he'll do the work just as well as half the people applying and better than another quarter of them. They can afford to be picky because of the sheer volume of applications they receive.