Millenary questions

Ok Holla Forums I want answers to two millenary questions:

1. how do you cleanse your butthole after taking a shit? Two squares of TP or three? wipe it upwards or backwards? Fold the TP and reuse it for another wipe or discard it immediately? how many times do you wipe? throw used TP where? down the drains or on a waste baskets?

2. How do you brush your teeth? Put toothpaste on brush… wet it or use it dry? for how long do you brush? in what order and manner? Spit out paste… Rinse mouth with water or leave stuff in there? Rinse brush or leave it there like that?

Please, answer me. Please.

If you need to know how to wipe your ass and brush your teeth, ask your mom, not us.

Those are 12 questions.

I know how to wipe my ass and brush my teeth. But I want to know how many different ways are there. There has to be different styles. Tell you haven't thought about it, smartass.

Then answer one, motherfucker.

Use toilet paper until no more shit shows up on it. Baby wipes are amazing for this as well. For brushing, rub brush around your teeth, behind, and brush the gums gently. Also make sure to clean your tongue with it. Amount of tooth past doesn't need to cover all the bristles but its not a problem if it does.

Thanks. That's the general gist of it. But I want details, please.

Speaking of toilet paper, have you done the toilet roll test? Can you fit your dick through it? Are there different sizes?
I can't fit my dick through it but I still think I'm a dicklet. Forget length for a minute.

As much as it takes, you disgusting asshole
always away from your groin
the fucking toilet, where else?
Really, you should be wiping with wet wipes after you use normal toilet paper, because shit can stick to you like some kind of adhesive material. Don't be disgusting, especially if you're a faggot or a bitch who likes anal and you expect some dude to work your asshole with his dick.

As for toothpaste, dear fucking god, you idiot, you apply like a dollop to your toothbrush and you move it around in your mouth. You move in any motion you like - horizontally, vertically, or in small circular motions, whatever - and clean you fucking teeth. God damn, you're retarded. Yes, you spit that shit out and into the drain. Don't fucking forget to clean up any residue you may have left behind.

You want me to explain how to tie your shoes, too, or do you have that under control?

I can't fit my dick through it because I have too much girth.