Writing thread 5: No brakes

I like that they are color coded.

thanks, user

Is Jolie the protagonist?

Yessy

No. It isn't.
Shit like this is how it starts. The guy who started this thread was just desperate to be the OP, so he had to make a new thread ASAP.

Not really, I was hoping for more people to come and not forget the thread.

Well, considering the momentum the previous threads had, I think it's alright, especially since I saw some people having conversations in the previous thread that have yet to be finished.

To be honest these threads are seeming a little vain now. It would be different if I saw a multitude of ideas being discussed but what I mostly see talked about is the MIST guy and the Vaccum thing. It feels like there's only two people talking throughout the entire thread.

Sorry about that
~MIST guy

There's the Akane one, two drawfags, Oberland.
The good point of last thread was when people started asking questions and the guys who are making stuff were using their own experiences to answer them.

Generally, people come to these writing threads and ask for advice/critique for their works and then they leave to go work on their project(s). I'm the Akanefag and even I am restraining myself on posting since I got all the advice I needed and now I'm just dedicating more time towards writing those crucial opening chapters.

I'm looking for actual criticisms on my characters since nobody else is giving me any…
~MISTFag

Yeah, I gave as much advice as I could give to those who came asking, but I don't want to be circlejerking and shitposting about my story and clogging up the thread with nothing but my ideas over and over again, so I'll just lurk and pop in from time to time at this point, similar to the Knockouts poster.

Ok bud. Signing stuff looks really, really faggot.

Okay, sorry. Still getting use to being in a chan board

Yeah user you don't wanna become the Val of Holla Forums

Lesson one, the less attention you draw to your identity the better. Nobody likes an attention whore. Lesson 2, no reason to turn five character profiles into five different posts. Just upload a single long post.

Sorry again.

Thanks for the advice

On the other hand I try to post as much as possible because I can't really work on this but in weekends.

About that.
Part 1 and part 2 are here… read to avoid spoilers.
This is what I got on part 3 posting since I don't know when I'm not going to be able to continue until next friday, but I'll try.

Also, funny thing guys, my .trelby copy of chapter 2 got corrupted and I only have the PDF left.

...

How do I make a character present itself tridimensional and not cartoony?

I don't think you can.
Your characters always start flat looking, and from there you just develop their depth.
The advantage you have is that not much people in the public actually expect a flat character.

Have them act like actual people with a subtle, complex, history. Most of the things they do should have some sort of reason behind them and not exist for the express purpose of showing that a character is a certain way.

If you want them to look tridimensional from the start you could subject them to a relatable event and have them react realistically.

Depends, most characters start broad and are narrowed down into more nuanced individuals as the story progresses. This helps readers get to grips with your characters and start to understand them over time.

That's how I usually approach it, though doing like this user suggests

That might work too.

Man, you guys sure like to write a lot! I have a few questions, and hopefully you guys have a few answers!

How "developed" do your characters need to be for the audience to relate and sympathize with them? Is there a dropping off point for this? Does your audience need to know every single quirk or tidbit or like that your characters have, or is that more for the author's benefit? How much of your character's life do you have to share with your audience before they have a strong grasp of who they are?

Am I being too vague, or making sense?

Also, how many characters is considered "too much" before your story starts to feel cluttered or your characters don't all get the development they need? Do you guys have a golden rule for this or anything?

Like a lot of things, it depends a lot on the kind of story you're wanting to tell. It's hard to slap a blanket answer on a lot of that that you can apply to everything, but generally speaking you want your characters to feel like people in anything resembling fiction you want people to take seriously.

Rarely do people in real life just do things to do them, and rarely are they ever just one trait personalities.

You need to display enough of a character's depth over the course of the plot to keep them human, but not to the point where it drowns your story in pointless information. It's good to know why your protagonist helps people, or why he always gets so nervous around women. We don't necessarily need to know how he chews his cereal.

Not the best answer, but like I said, it depends heavily on the kind of story you're trying to tell.

Generally speaking, larger casts invite less depth and more problems. But, again, depends heavily on the kind of story you're telling and how much time you're willing to spend fleshing those characters out.

The best advice I can give you for such general questions is: it often matters more how and when you reveal something about a character, than what are you revealing. Only reveal stuff when it's relevant; this way, you will give the reader some time to assimilate it, and if you later on happen to "contradict" what was said or implied earlier, you will only get to make your characters look more tridimensional.

Any suggestions for any instrumental music for a Cyberpunk horror?

Easy?
Try to use hard metal but add or change for a techno synt.

need some names, currently design a villain for MIST.

Is the Vacuumfag here, he said a song inspired villains and I want to know which one was.

Not quite sure exactly what you want, but here's some electronic music that may fit Cyberpunk Horror, depending on your interpretation of the genre.

Pertubator - I Am the Night [album] (The first song has sampled vocals in it for the first half)
youtube.com/watch?v=-O3cZ3M4hAo

Venetian Snares - Hanjna
youtube.com/watch?v=FbJ63spk48s

Justice - Stress
youtube.com/watch?v=0qXmxVySMzw

I was thinking of something like System Shock in terms of Cyberpunk Horror

Doing some world building. This is still unfinished but if you guys give me feedback on what does and doesn't work I'll take it. I wish I could come up with a better name for the universe than just stealing a name from one aspect of it. Oh well. Anyway, for people who just want a story I have one at the bottom that is just under 3 pages long.

Anyway, things that are planned but I have yet to do
>Actually flesh out Zontra Energy. I'm dissatisfied with how vague the whole "if you are powerful enough you can use zontra energy to modify reality" description. I want to make it something more quantifiable to keep everything internally consistent moving forward. Knowing my past world building adventures I'll probably end up with a lot of math and tables. Which is fine with me because I like math and tables.

okay Holla Forums
What should I do when a character I'm planning on killing off get a large fanbase?

Not-so-spooky mode, but still somewhat dark: anything by Perturbator

Spooky mode: noise music

Not even being subtle about being spooky mode: dark noise music (vid related)

I prefer subtly but thank you.

Bring him back. That's how things worked our for Vegeta in DBZ.

Give him one hell of a death.

But the death is actually integral to the story and bring the character back from death would cheapen the moment

I plan to

Is good to remember that your main character doesn't have to be your protagonist.

Your main character is measured by how related to the plot he is.
Your protagonist by how much they affect the plot.
They're not b mutually exclusive though.
Your main character can be your protagonist.
Its harder to do and less dynamic, but done right can make a pretty impressive journey.

Try to think in real people, everyone looks kinda flat and the same when you just meet them, but as you get to know them you find motivations, patterns, goals, attitudes and such.

So I finally read it and besides being a little bit hurried in the beginning is really good.
Kinda dry but I believe is because of the format.

Got to say it gives me a feel of "Ghost in the Shell" (The first movie) or "Highlander" in the sense that is a tight, straight forward and gives a lot of room to expand, let's just hope it ends more like GitS rather than Highlander.

Ideas fag here, here's a fucking depressing story I thought up on the train ride home to see a girl who apparently didn't want to see me and my life turned into the story without me meaning for that, the meme magic was too strong and now I'm even more depressed.
In the ancient lands, there was a simple void, and a great light within this void. This void wished for intrigue, and so was born a world, just as simple as the void. There upon the world were great green hills which rolled to the sound of the wind, large Trees of great sturdiness, and the ocean, which fed these lands. Unto the land was born the great Birds, who took up their homes in the Trees and the Sky their play space. The oceans filled with more life than just the plants, bearing Fish, whose domain was theirs alone, and unto the great fields was born a single, simple as a void, pure as one could be, boy. This boy, whose light was dwarfed only by the great light, made this land his home, playing betwixt the Birds up in the Trees and the Skies above them, and below into the Seas and the ocean beneath. The great light simply observed, not known to the intrigue of this place quite yet. The simplicity alone was possibly intriguing, but he had known simplicity, he had studied the void thoughtlessly, and this seemed just as simple, although a bit more of an animated place. For years this carried on, until the boy was finally completely bored of the world. He spoke to the great light in the Sky, as simply as he could, he asked and wished for a friend.
"A friend is all, a simple boy like me; Someone to play with the Birds in the Trees and the Fish in the Seas!"
The light had thought on this for a moment, the light had no way of carrying out this request on his own, for this world was only spawned on a wish, and he had given up his void for this. The light mulled over the thought, then replied in a warm voice that brushed over the world.
"What could you give me that would be worth your friend?"
"What do I own to give?" Replied the boy.
"You own the Earth, the Birds and the Trees, the Skies and the Fish and their Seas. I could make your friend from one of these, just say the word, if you'd please."
The boy pondered this, though he was too simple to think for too long, so he simply said what he felt was right. "I'll give the Trees for my friend, I wouldn't mind not seeing the Trees every day if I had a friend to play with."
The light was silent then, and just like that, the Trees vanished, and on the hill where the boy was born, a second boy, just as bright as him, was born. The two boys were quick friends, entertaining each other in ways one alone never could, playing with the Fish and the Sea, the Earth and the Birds. After this new life had gone on for a while, the boy realized he had taken the Birds from their home, though they'd made new homes in the hills, but they weren't nearly as cozy, and they couldn't teach their young to fly quite as simply, so they couldn't experience the Skies, and neither could the boys. Puzzled by this, the boy made another request.

"You own the Earth, the Birds, the Skies, the Fish, and Their Seas, but no longer do you own the Trees." Said the light to the boy's request for the Trees. "It is the way of this land, the power is not so simply in my hands."
"Then I'll give you the Seas! If only to see the Birds happy and the Sky once more in my reach."
The light was silent once more. Just as it had been before, the Seas washed away to nothing, and out of the Earth sprouted great Trees once more. Once more the boys played together, the boy realizing now that he had taken the Fish from their homes, though they had great adventures in the Skies. Once more the boy asked, and once more the light responded. The boy exchanged the Trees for the boy, the Seas for the Trees, the Sky for the Seas, the Fish for the Skies and the Birds for the Fish, and after all that, there was still something in his world that he felt, that he knew was simply missing.
With that, the boy became conflicted, and he made one final request to return the land to how it was so they could experience it wholly.
"You cannot trade what you have already traded. You have given me everything. I own the Skies, the Trees, the Birds, the Earth, The Fish, And the Seas. The only thing left you have is you. Would you forsake yourself for another?"
The boy was very simple still, becoming confused, and feeling the only way to give his friend this world's beauty was to give himself up.
"I'll leave this world then, I trade myself for the Birds and the happiness of my friend."
The light was silent, and though he would ponder which of the two to exchange for, he knew that he could only trade what he had, and like that the Birds were returned. The boy vanished, removed entirely. The new boy had woken up to find this out, becoming upset and conflicted just as well. The new boy didn't understand how any of this worked or why a life was exchanged for the Birds. "Great light, I don't care for these things, I don't mind the lack of anything in this world, the only thing I could wish for is my friend to be here to be just as happy with me."
The light thought, and replied concisely. "This world isn't yours, though to be fair you aren't of my design either, so I couldn't possibly know what you have to offer." The boy wondered for a moment, and then gave a simple answer.
"Great light, I can only give you myself, and I'll let you have this land all to yourself, take it all away from me, but just let my friend live once more!" The light was horrified.
The light was silent.
The void returned, with only one small, dimly shining boy in the center of it all, confused as to why he was here. He suspected that his wish for his friend's happiness and the life of the Birds was answered, and the place he was sent to was this infinite darkness. The simple boy moved through the cold world, shivering, alone, trapped in this place, moving towards nothing and moving away from nothing, never being between, though never being outside either.
The light was silent.
The light was horrified.
The light was intrigued.

This is very good to hear. Recently, I've been struggling to give my main character more of a bearing on the story, but have found him getting overshadowed by other characters.I've been worried that I'd have to focus less on him an more on them, even though I don't really want to.

So, it's nice to hear that it's fine doing things this way.

I wasn't sure if I was going to continue posting, but my picture is there in the OP. How nice :)

newest comic page!

Yeah, were do you think all those private detectives in noir mystery films come from, they're literally outsiders uncovering the plot. They're the protagonist because their investigation affects the events but the main character are the people related to the mystery.

Wow, you're fast.
That kid is dramatic, nice personality trait.

Thank you! Takes me around 3-4 days to get a page done. Not sure if that's fast or not. Because it's something I do aside from work, I tend to be a bit more careless, so quality varies depending how busy or not I am. I'm mostly trying to advance the plot without letting my crippling perfectionism get to me.

That kid is dramatic, nice personality trait.

Poor Marley has had a rough day and letting off steam to a stranger in hopes to get some sympathy…which comes hard with the friends she has.

Compared to my other characters she is one of the most verbose ones.

Glad to see these threads still receive plenty of activity from more people. Just dropping in for some advice on a new character I'm working on.

I've been reluctant on adding a black man in my story for a few reasons. There's been a rampant rise in identity politics from all sides, so it's impossible to please everyone. Not only that, but I didn't want to add a black person in for no reason like your average Marvel writer would, adding in a character who's black just because they're black. I think they should always be characters, humans first, with their race being focused on afterwards. Anyways, I wanted to make sure I knew why I was adding him, and that he made sense existing within the realm of my story.

Since my story does focus heavily on religion (with a particular lean more towards with Christianity; it's what I am familiar with the most after all), I'm writing him as a loud, overemotional, overzealous priest from those black gospel churches where black people are singing, dancing, and shouting HALLELUJAH! PRAISE THE LORD!. Video related if you want an example of what I'm saying.

Once a drug kingpin, he was known to push drugs wherever there was business, and he made plenty of enemies, but equally made mountains of cash. Known for being very charismatic in his dealings and negotiations, especially when it came to "convincing" (bribing) federal agents to look the other way on his shady business; however, when you acquire so many enemies, eventually one of them is going to want you dead. Adding towards the path of destruction he was heading down, he also became addicted to his own product, making sure he always had a personal stash of pure cocaine on-hand whenever he needed it, being hardly able to function without it.

He is killed by the men of a rival drug cartel, being sprayed with bullets and being thrown through the window of his penthouse apartment. He sees the light call to him. No one but him knows what he saw, but people say he spoke to God, the Almighty himself and was forgiven of his sins; however, it wasn't so simple. He was given a mission by God: "In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one."

Before he could ask the specifics of this mission, he was returned to the mortal world, rejuvenated with a new sense of calling; he relinquished everything from his past and used his drug money to fund a church, where he is now a pastor. But in the back of his mind, he knew there was more to his mission, taking up arms and hunting demons and heathens alike as a servant of God.

Also he has a ridiculously large afro where he hides a pair of nunchucks in.

That's thoroughly depressing. Good job.

When naming a character, is it better to give them a really short name like Bob, or is one with more syllables fine, like Legolas? I'm writing a short fantasy story, and this question has been bugging me. I want the reader to easily latch on to the character's name, but it has to be memorable too, I think.

And would it better to give the villain a longer name than the heroes, or is that not important?

Sounds kind of like Spawn, except he goes to Heaven instead of Hell. I like it.

Have you started writing him yet? If you have, has it been difficult writing him? I assume you're white, so have you come across any kind of race barrier, or do you think he comes off as too "white?" Maybe I'm just being ignorant or naive, but black and white people behave differently in certain situations, I've noticed, so this often prevents me from adding black or Asian people into my stories (I'm Colombian-American, so I think I have a good enough grasp of how white and Hispanic people behave).

Of course, if you're black yourself, I guess you probably wouldn't struggle too much writing this character.

Yeah, I don't know how to write black people either, there's only 2 black characters in my story and just starting one is already dead.
I've saw that even in the internet black culture us out of my limits of comprehension in acting and expressing.

Oh man, I wish this was true. My advice for

Just go with the fro' and make it as overtop as possible. Have fun.

Also stop watching Panty and Stockings. It's never coming back.

No matter how much I weep.

Better yet.
His afro can't fit the panel ever.
No matter how big the panel is.

Yeah, more or less, I can say Spawn definitely inspired me a bit with the character; although he does look like a regular man, just has a huge afro.

I have written down some of his backstory and some tidbits on his personality but nothing too comprehensive really.

No, I'd just say it's different for the most part. Not anything too foreign, especially since he is a parody of a lot of blaxploitation movie tropes, similar to that of Black Dynamite.

I am indeed white, and I don't believe I have come into any race barriers. Am I writing this character as an insult towards black religious culture? No, but I am writing him to be outlandish and over-the-top as I have noticed a lot of black preachers to be, but I poke jabs at it in a friendly and humorous way, not to demean or attack a particular way of life.

(checked)
That's definitely the plan, user. Thanks! I don't mean to make some controversial political statement or "prove a point" to people with this character, and I'm certainly not going to use him as a soapbox for social issues like racism as Marvel writers have done. I'm just making a batshit, over-the-top, loud black man.

Season 2 never. I guess it can live somewhat vicariously through my story… but I wish it did come back.

Kneesocks will always be my waifu. Always.

That would make for a very clever visual gag that could be used as a running joke. Sadly, I'm not making a comic since I can't draw for shit and I don't have the money to hire an artist so I'm just writing a book and publishing it online for free.

Sounds cool. Are the demons actually going to appear in the flesh or are they just going to appear in someone else's? Possession. I'm talking about possession

So he's like Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction?
A real bad mother trying to be good, but with all the skills and instincts of a lifetime career criminal.

Hope you're having fun writing him! Good luck!

Well, in my story, there are monsters that live peacefully within society, but those wouldn't be considered demons. But there are actual demons who come to our world not to do the typical "kill all humans, conquer the earth" stuff, but they'd rather just find pleasure, pain, or any kind of stimulation they find enjoyable that they don't have in Hell. So yeah, there are actual demons appearing in the flesh.

I could definitely see that. He would be the kind of guy to start shouting Bible verses from the top of his lungs in the middle of a brawl.

Definitely, his whole character is based on redemption and getting a second chance to change his ways. Of course, old habits die hard so sometimes he gets a little too excited and will start to use all sorts of profanities, so he will comedically fall to his knees and immediately ask for forgiveness from the lord.

Thanks, it's definitely a blast writing a ridiculous character!

Do you guys know about any .trelby android app?

I created a Sonic expy.

This guy is a young man with a mysterious past, cocky personality that is searching for powerful jewels.

He is supposed to be the ally of the main protagonist, who doesn't take him seriously (He doesn't know who Sonic is, but he does think the guy is trying to go some "asiatic cartoon" route, and mocks him for that)

… You know, typing that, I started laughing in how stupid my idea is. To be fair, he was also inspired by Guyver and really minor Dc character Outburst.

I don't know why I did that.

Sound like the "Life of Brian" for sonic.
A guy who's constantly mistaken for Sonic and ends up doing feats as good as him but with more difficulty and is never taken as seriously.

How many characters do I need to include to give you guys an idea of the world? so far I already showed you 6 of them… but not villains yet…

I don't unfortunately.

There isn't a written rule for how many characters you need to show us. I think showing us just one character can be an indicative way of explaining your world to us.

True… But I feel like showing you the characters I have planned for MIST

Heh. I suppose if people read the character, they will mock him like Sonic from One Punch Man.

I'd like to see them, user..

You will once my draw friend gets around to it…

...

Bumping because in a couple days more I'll be working on vacuum.

Life is pain

So this is vacuumfag reporting that I'll be writing as soon as Friday in the morning and already have most if not all the entirety of Vacuum thought out.

Dude you don't have to let us know every minute that you're going to write it. Just do it then report back when it's done.

I just want to keep this alive.

This board is slow. This thread won't disappear anytime soon. Trust me on that.

We aren't Holla Forums or Holla Forums, we don't post that fast. This thread isn't going to get buried. Just focus on your story and when you finished a chapter, you can share it here but you don't have to update us that you're writing it every five minutes. If you want some critique or something, that's fine, but if not just work on your project.

Thank you, user… it's wonderful

Yeah, seriously user. You can chill out. I don't want to be an asshole or anything but you're getting kind of obnoxious.

Oh no, I'm obnoxious, I said it in thread 3, to compensate you pay attention to other people ideas but since the thread has really slowed down there's not much more to give opinions about.
Besides, my autism really shows with less people.

How do you establish a strong enough motivation for your character, or one that your audience can relate to or get behind?

And does an antagonist need stronger motivation than the protagonist, or can they have similarly strong or weak motives?

Your antagonist can be fucking crazy if you want to, you don't really need a strong motivation for him, he could just be a petty asshole.

The protagonist does need a motivation to give a fuck, the simplest of all motivations is survival or turning things back to normal before the antagonist intervention.

Novel writing user here again. Considering we are on the topic of writing again, what advice can you give me on subtlety? Like I want the book to gradually build up from subtle hints on the problems my characters will have. And later on they tackle these problems.

Also another advice I'd like to have is how to properly describe scenes in past tense third narrative in a way it's more showing than telling.

Give them patterns in personality.
Examples I use.

One of my characters agrees with everything other ones say (Dependant of them) , when facing a problem alone she'll try to run away from trouble at the first chance and even reads badly.
On the plus side, when anyone is locked on a problem she helps to move on and is very emphatic.

Just think what the consequences of their backstories would cause on their personalities and create behavioral patterns.

I don't write in past tense, that's kinda against showing.
I always write stuff in the present and let the people discover its a flashback.
In I'm just showing the past of the antagonist instead of exposition.
Not only it fills my pages but allows me to cut from there to other scenes keeping all the scenes fresh.

But our mediums are different.

Also I'd like someone to draw this out for me in a story book fashion

Hope you have money and more clear panel by panel descriptions

I have money
I don't care as far as how it looks, as long as it tells the story

Oh, come on, there must be a visual style you want.

I'm a depressed piece of shit who wants to die without the courage to do it myself and no desire to interact with others for fear of being a nuisance
Do you honestly think I care how this shit looks as long as it's visually appealing

Yes?

Well, you just posted it.
So some recognition you must want.

I don't even care if someone takes my idea and runs with it, I just wanted to share this thought and gave the opportunity to someone to draw this

That's the spirit.

Hey fuck you nigger

See.
You care enough to come back with an insult.
If you were depressed it would be a flying fuck for you.
Don't say you're depressed, depression is an echo- chamber.

Does a strong villain motivation work better for a certain genre, like mystery or fantasy?

Mystery definetely needs a motivation.
You gonna need to be more specific with fantasy.

High fantasy, stuff like LOTR and Game of Thrones

Not really, high fantasy is very big on itself, strong motivations are better for more personal approaches.
If you follow Tolkien's approach you're gonna end with a shiton of backstories that really don't affect that much what's happening.

Is there a way to get find the second writing thread? There was some good info on there that I didn't take note of.

Archives are right at the top

Op

Well fuck, I didn't even notice. Thanks anons.

So as I progress with Vacuum I've also been thinking more deeply into AXOLOTL using the same musical technique.
So I want to know if there's any more songs with this style.
AXOLOTL playlist.
youtube.com/playlist?list=PLz6k-Ge_-ncdmrxCdZSenhQKajNsV-wu-

Random question, should I give my main character an inner monologue? Because I'm only writing a single page and I don't know if I can visually introduce the world and main character in just six panels.

One single page?
You must.

CHAPTER 3

chapter 1 and 2

As always criticism is appreciated.

That was pretty good, even better than the first two, probably because this had the others backing up what was happening.

For the working anons.
How advanced you are in your works?

So I have a question for anyone that's willing to lend a hand: how do you feel about characters doing activities outside of the central core of the plot? One example of what I mean is seeing two characters go on a date, even though my story isn't particularly a romance novel. Would you read that or would you say it's a waste of time?

Decently enough. I'm not doing the same thing that I used to do with my first attempts at writing which was to just start throwing my characters into the middle of the action as soon as possible. I'd say this story is more character driven so a lot of "excitement" takes a back seat to world building and character development.

(checked)
It can be used to build character and relationship, so long as it's not out of place to the main plot or even assist it (give motivation to the characters as to why they help each other out), but most of time it ends up detracting from it. You know one of the reasons why a lot of people hated The Hobbit movies; the bullshit elf romance that wasn't anywhere in the original book which served only to drag out the adaptation into a cashcow trilogy (among other things).

Also, it brings out the vicious shipping wars in a fanbase if there are multiple love interests.

I'm not sure how to judge it, really. I mean, my plot is about a secret organization of hunters in the middle of a supernatural war with heaven, hell, and a lot of celestial beings. I'm sure from that little summary, it might seem extremely out of place for there to be a chapter about two of the characters dating but I feel like it could be a nice way to show their relationship in the midst of things.

Yeah, I think that's my goal. I'm just afraid that if I write something too "casual" it might end up like something from Hellcat where characters are talking about nothing in a cafe. Any suggestions to combat that?

So I just finished my introduction of and since everything plot related involves big changes, characters killed off, or earth shattering revelations fillers are needed to keep the public from being exhausted and getting sick of it all.

Well, what I would do is to make a lot of casual interactions between the characters involved in the romance and the rest and make the interactions between the couple stand out more, but they shouldn't be obviously romantic interactions especially not from both parts or people would ask why aren't they dating already.

I don't see an Inktober thread, guys.

Well the relationship is between my main character and her mentor. The two live together so I think it'd be safe to say that the two get most of the screen time; however, I'm not going to pull some "love at first sight" crap where you know the characters are going to get together from the minute you see them talking to each other. I'd rather it bloom naturally.

The question is, how do I go about doing that? Should I set some time for them to do some bonding activities? I'm open to any suggestions.

You don't need bonding activities, they live together.
And with "stand out" I meant to say "clearly more romantic in nature".
If I recall correctly Akane was made a monster and the hunter was sent to kill her.
You already have startup tension between the two.
One very clear and measured, so it'll be easy to calculate how to lay down this tension and increase the romance. Hunting could be your bonding activities, especially on filler prey, during these hunts they should be able to discover the personalities of one another.

At least that's what I'm doing with military missions.

That's definitely something I could write in. But do you think there could also be more "casual" activities? I mean, I'm sure even grittiest of badasses wouldn't mind having some relaxation time away from fighting, right?

Yeah.
I have the military operations as a main plot of every chapter to bring action even in the fillers but I also have sub-plots of stuff my roster of characters can do.
Michelle and Maria go as escort service… the security kind during a trip to the bank meanwhile Emerick tries to command his own squad or some shit.

By the way Akanefag, what did you thought about the last two chapters?
Waiting to read your stuff any moment.

I read your last two chapters, and I felt like they were fine. I mean, it's more in script format so it isn't very generous with details and I noticed there were quite a few spelling errors, but overall I thought it was pretty good in terms of content. I have yet to read your third chapter, but I will get on that ASAP.

Oh wow, didn't think I had people actually excited to read my stuff. That definitely adds some pressure. I'm sorry, but it might be a while since college has been a huge pain in the ass and has been taking up most of my free time.

Remember what I said, don't force yourself.
If you're pressured then don't.

Yeah, besides English not being my mother language I was so pumped I barely cared, I just was so happy to have it finished the first one I didn't pay any attention.
The second one was really exhausting, around 14 hours of cumulative work, by the time I finished I was really tired so maybe some stuff passed trough the proof reading. The bad/good news is that my .trelby file got corrupted so to write it again I'll have to check word by word from the .pdf

I believe I'm getting the hang of it by this third one, just got to practice more.

It would be a very good way to humanize a character.
Especially if you show his psychological flaws during these, subtly if possible.

Hey guys, I wanna know how to tell a friend, that his game idea's not going anywhere if he keeps talking about lore and knows squat about the gameplay and just compares it to any game you mention to him…

Tell him to either write a white paper regarding the mechanics of his game, or start writing a novel. Tell him games go nowhere without mechanics white papers (which is partially true), and that if he doesn't want to define how the game plays in paper with his own words, it will never become a game. If he insists, you can go on a lengthy rant about how art is supposed to exploit its own dimension first, then support its own original contents with other dimensions (ie. animation should first and foremost be properly animated, then you can go on a good story, or good sound effects, etc; movies should first aim for a good cinematography, then a good script [mind you, unless you want to be supremely pretentious, a good cinematography should still present a story, and here, script just refers to well written dialogues] or good music; if you want to sound pedantic, you could argue literature doesn't need a good, well told story, but a good "execution" and technique, which often means using complicated words and excessive symbols, but then you would probably be wrong and with your head way too up into your ass), which means he should first and foremost focus on thinking about his gameplay, then spice it up with a good story.

Try to convince him that there is nothing wrong with writing a book instead. If he later on decides on some clear mechanics, he could very well adapt his novel to a game, much like The Witcher games have done.

Problem is that he's dead set on "Following his Dream of Making a game" and says that it can only work as a game because he feels that no one would connect with the Main Character if they can't play as the Main Character…

I did all of that and he's acting like a lil' baby. He also demands my respect when he can't even be bothered to remember a key detail about one of my characters…

That's false. In fact, being a "characterised character" in a game often implies being treated as a third person, thus being no different than a regular story. At the risk of sounding pedantic, making the player character talk on its own can kind of break the illusion that you are indeed the main character, thus creating a ludonarrative dissonance (be sure to drop this term to make it look more important) in a RPG. Giving the player agency over what the character says lets the player truly put himself/herself into the peel of the character, but it kills any kind of predefined story you wanted to give to the main character.

That said, you can make the player truly connect to a predefined main character, if and only if you know your shit about designing gameplay mechanics. An example comes to mind, and it is MGS IV's microwave corridor button mashing scene; Snake is an old, tired dude who just wants to go home, but his friends won't let him because he has one last mission to do, despite his bad condition. At the end of the game, you are asked to mash the X button to resist the microwave torture, like in previous MGS games, but there is one subtle detail in this one. The scene is extremely long, you have to mash the button for a while, and the speed at which you mash it doesn't matter that much: you are supposed to always one-up your rate. In the end, your fingers will hurt a lot, and you will be pretty fucking frustrated at the fact that no matter how fast you go, the game will always ask you for more. And then you realize, Snake is in the same situation, since he has been asked to one up himself all this time even though he is already tired. You empathize with Snake. Another example comes to mind with Drakengard, in which the true ending transports the main characters into another world, the real world, and forces them to fight a giant abomination in modern Tokyo. The dragon is visibly confused (and the main character would probably be as well, if he could talk), but I guess the developers thought the player could take weird shit in the plot as granted, so they prepared a fourth wall surprise: the fight system does a 180º and becomes a ridiculously hard rhythm game instead of the traditional gameplay. Thus, the player becomes mindfucked, and empathizes with the protagonists despite the fact that they were probably written to be as unrelatable as possible. You could argue Cave Story does this as well in Curly's death scene, where you simply watch as your character drowns to death while you are trying to desperately look for a way out. In the last moment, Curly sacrifices herself in order to save you, and you desperately try to help her, but the moment you step out from the room, the door closes behind you. If you end up looking for solutions online, you will only feel guiltier after knowing you could have saved her. What do all of these have in common? They are based around mechanics, something his game doesn't have.

Mechanics are powerful and can connect a player to their avatar on a deeper level than knowing you have to press buttons to make stuff happen. You can connect the player to their avatar on an emotional or even physical level, thus creating a weird situation in which it's the avatar who is throwing input at the player, instead of the other way around. Using mechanics to tell a story or convey a message could as well be the symbols or metaphors of gaming, and since the medium is relatively new, not many game designers seem to be able to exploit them well, but I can tell you they are much better at expressing the feelings of a character than a thousand dialogues.

Anyway, going back to writing, your friend probably thinks writing a novel requires it to be written in third person because it's more or less the standard and accepted way to write. It's specially seen as a noob writing style in English speaking communities since I'm sorry, but I have to say it English is a really simple language with very little expressiveness and plasticity, which is a strength in pretty much every aspect except literature. In English, first person stories are plagued with "I", since it's pretty much the only way to write them, which can get really repetitive after a while. This has lead to many people thinking first person is a synonymous with being an amateur, but really, no other language has this stigma. Truth is, first person is actually ideal if you want to make the reader relate to the main character, since it more or less feels like talking to a close friend about his or her life and secrets and less like a report made by some immaterial telepath.

tl;dr your friend needs m e c h a n i c s to get the audience to truly relate to his character in key points of the story. First person is also pretty fucking good to get the audience to relate to the character.

When I asked him what are the key components to a game he says "A Good Story and Fun Gameplay"
I have very little hope in him

I told him once to download game maker or RPG maker if he really wants to make a game but mostly I see him playing Binding of Isaac or Subnautica…

ok, for how long did he had his idea, yesterday a week ago?

More I am guessing more than a year… Problem is that he mostly thinks that helpful criticism is just people giving ideas to him

I don't think this drama belongs here.
Don't get me wrong, is hilarious in a sad way but kinda brings creativity down a little bit.

Drama comes with the "eternal general" territory.

Gotcha, Will leave him on his own pity hole

Well bitches, as always I'm out until Friday.
I'll come back with Vacuum chapter 4 next weekend
For those who haven't read it chapter 3 is here.

If anyone can help me with the music thingy for AXOLOTL it'll be highly appreciated.

Shit, here

Does a Rule 63 version of a character count as a Pastiche and is original?
I'm curious since I don't want to be labeled for Ripping off the character she's based on.

Just make it, you'll get to know your character better as you write it.
Many of my characters are based in many concepts of other characters I've seen throughout the years, but as interact with them I realize how unique they are.

Vacuum kinda reminds me of a modernized smaller scale/controlled version of Robotech (Macross).
Never saw the anime so I wouldn't be able to say nothing about it.

How many environments/worlds/dimensions do you plan for your story or just one big city of adventure?

I am making one big city that regressed a lot of its architecture towards more gothic styles with a lot of buildings having stained glass windows, spires, buttresses but still retain modern functionality like electricity, neon, etc.

As for other worlds/dimensions, there are other "planes of existence" in my story, with the location remaining in the same city, except the sky has changed significantly and the moon is extremely close to the earth, overlooking the city, looking like it's ready to collide against the city at any moment and it's a permanent night in this dimension, plus there are godlike beings wandering through the city, climbing up towers and beckoning towards the sinister moon above.

Several worlds and towns across the solar system (the whole solar system up to Oort's cloud).
Mostly relatively small floating cities above some planet's atmosphere (Is cheaper than terraforming).
The distance between these cities is so big that commerce, news and transportation remind more to 19th century sailing ships era.
You jump into hyperspace (Is not hyperspace exactly but it's too much to explain) for about 60 minutes (earth measured) and then fly for around three days before jumping again.

I'm a sucker for that kind of shit, could you elaborate.

Well, technically is not hyperspace since humanity doesn't have the technology to bend space, and just cross trough it.

Neither is teleportation cause turns out its deadly, being g desintegrated legitimately kills you.

The method lastly it's called "Light mass travel"
Where your atoms get densely compressed as much as possible and the space of vacuum between the electrons and the core becomes non existent. The resultant volume gets shot at light speed to a receiving end destination where it gets decompressed but the atoms that left are the same that arrive. Due to the lack of movement of the electrons the mass kind of "pauses".

...

I'm doing a noir narrative wrapped up in a bigger universe, so all of my narrative is condensed into a single fictional city with larger things happening in the outer world affecting it.

I tend to prefer smaller more intimate environments for my stories, with the occasional split off into somewhere new when the time is right. I feel like this can go a long way to making a place feel real and deep.

We see these parts of the outer universe as we progress or the city is big enough to keep discovering stuff.
Kinda curious about that. Like specific locations, subways, plazas, important buildings.

How do you put out a story layout ?
What is the best way to put up your ideas together ?

Back then I made it up while drawing. That way, the result was totally insane.

I've said in the past threads that I'll just write and works what feels natural for the specific character to do or say.
I just imagine a basic premise and the characters carry the premise into a plot.
For important plot points I've planned I use music.

Insane how?

How's that working for you?

Like I write what makes sense and feels natural to me. Sometimes I come up with a premise, but other times a scene comes to me, I get a "what if?" idea, I think of how I can handle character X…

Basically, whenever you think you have a seed, plant it. Build off of anything that jumps out at you, tie up any loose ends, and you'll have yourself a layout.

Well, if you let the character continue naturally from the premise how do you came up with the characters, distinctive ones that won't just follow logic and solve the issue in three minutes.

Either build the characters first, flaws and all, or build them with the story. It's actually logical for them be illogical; no one is perfect. If your characters go against logic "understandably," they will aggravate the conflict, but their actions make sense. This way, whether they grow/learn anything or not, they can fix the problem and still feel human.

In other words, let them guide the story.

You create a character the same way you meet someone new.
When you first meet someone that person may look flat or stereotypical, but as you met them you realize they have a personal reason to act as they do.

Like for example.
But isn't stubborn because she's incredibly insecure but has the hopes of becoming the person she appears to be. All this because all the examples she got as a kid where negative and this lack of positive feedback cause her to feel extremely lonely, despite everything she's very empathic and adaptive. Her motivation is that she wants to get as far away from that life.

Extremely stubborn and nearly breaks every time something doesn't fits his mindset, after some really bad events during his teens he promised not to fail ever again and stick to a way of acting to a flaw causing a lot of self loathing when something goes wrong. His motivation is to protect the people he loves.

**Mostly ignored during all her life unless it was to be given orders and then her abilities at following these orders or anything else where also ignored, she's self-depreciating and felt purpose lacking. Her motivation is the fact that ever since she's part of the story she's being appreciated and trusted.

A bit of both. Obviously I can't cover every single important location over the span of one or two stories, but I should be able to tell quite a few before the confines get too tight, especially since it's essentially two cities crammed into one.

When applying it to other fictional universes, it's wise to populate your worldspace with lots of landmarks and such.

Timelines are important for keeping your narrative consistent. Other than that, I keep a document that breaks a lot of smaller details down in sections.

Like I'll have characters, then I put down the protagonist, then details concerning him. Then the supporting cast, and so on.

Then you can simplify them into.

That's pretty nice.
Is just that when I try to write all characters kinda act like the same.
I don't really have discussions as much as a monolog

Do you end up losing any plot elements if these interactions are removed? Do they push plot forward or justify characters' later behavior? Do they flesh out characters and set up future conflicts? Does it lead anywhere?

Very good example of that that sort of scene comes to mind is from Hot Fuzz. Not only is plot being moved forward, but characters learn something about each other, we learn more about them, we have a chance to see how differently they view the world, and scene sets up a future joke and contributes to one of the the subplots (which feeds into main plot) of the movie.

Don't you just love when stuff just falls on their place?
Like when you're building a world and be it by coincidence or what not things like meaning of certain symbology just makes sense when you confirm it.
Like the meaning of the name of your characters turns out to fit their personality.

...

Couldn't you just add

Is not half as fun.

Not too good.

So something interesting happened, as I write this I realize that this is not the third chapter but the sixth.
Is not that is a shit episode, but is a shit third episode.
I didn't expected this.

yeah, it's also half as fucking retarded.
You are making it hard for everybody, including the reader.

Hey Holla Forums. How do I write good?

I need a hobby in between classes and work now that Tabletop groups in my area are shit.

Practicing.
That's the only way.
Write stuff, small tales in the front of your mindm then make them perfect.

And read a lot. Someone whose name escapes me once said that if you don't read, you lack the tools to write. Don't be Todd MacFarlane, read if you're going to write.

Found it.

“If you don't have time to read, you don't have the time (or the tools) to write. Simple as that.”
― Stephen King

Yeah but King writes books.
They're great for world building study, unless you read King ironically, but if you're going with scripts I recommend movies or Shakespeare.
They know how not to be just exposition.
But if you're going with books I recommend.
And if you can read Spanish preferably anything by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, specially "Chronic of a foretold death"

Sorry for not delivering Vacuum this weekend, is not that I didn't do nothing, I actually wrote 18 pages, but as I was writing chapter 4 I realized that was some shit pacing.
I tried to find what was wrong and why did it felt so forced, when I didn't found any flaw in the episode itself I realized the whole episode was wrong, it was not episode 4 but 6.
So I took a one night rest, my music and thought a fourth episode. So I started writing this morning and made it to page 9.
So here is what I have for anyone who wants to read it.

I basically made Mob Psycho after having a dream last year. It involved a super gifted psychic guy who would deal with peoples ghosts but was emotionally detached, and a guy who helps him with his abilities but often appears sleazy even though he has other peoples best interests in mind.

Is really annoying when that happens, what you can do is continue working on it until it distinguishes itself from Mob Psycho.

Posted in another thread that I needed a plot idea for a new webcomic after I abandoned my first one nearly half a decade back. I've got an idea now and I need thoughts.

Honestly didn't take very long to come up with, but I'm wondering what people think of this first before I think further in-depth on it.

yeah, I probably will. It has a few differences, but at the moment they are not enough to keep the comparison from being obvious.

Seemed pretty boring until you mentioned the main character.
That was pretty funny, I think it could work as a very good workcom, I can see how humorous can be, although I can't see how could it be light-hearted though.
Probably because "getting into the cyberspace" sounds so much like suicide.

Light-hearted might not be the right words for it, but I don't want it to be explicitly or too implicitly dark either.

Hey guys, I'm trying to help out a friend and he's trying to make an RPG… and one of the characters is a Cleric but is also an Alchemist for some reason…

What's wrong with a cleric knowing about alchemy? Many very religious men have also been science men, it's not that rare.

After nearly two months without writing anything, I went back at doing my spy story. Progress has been slow: it's still a manuscript and I barely write a page, but i've been doing this everyday. I notice I have some problems with fight scenes and the dialogues, ironically, the scenes that matter the most. if anyone has some tips on how to make those, I would like them very much.

Interestingly enough, world building has been quite easy, maybe because I just treat it as oversized descriptions. It's also have a lot of fun doing that since I describe things on the main character's perspective, which gives lots of hints of his general personality.

So guys I have a problem, I have a character that doesn't quite fit in my plot, see.

But I kinda grew on her, she definitely adds variety to the cast that while having their clear differences they are very similar in other cases which otherwise transforms dialogues into monologues, she has her sympathetic moments and a backstory that fits her and her personality pretty well, I don't want to kill her early because it just doesn't feel right, makes the work look way more edgy and serious than it actually is, especially considering that her dead is particularly dark already and I surely don't want to kill an underdeveloped character.

The issue is that Clerics are Faith Healers…
Basically why would a man of "YOU ARE HEALED" faith be dicking around with Science… Also he's an Undead for some reason…

Anyone here have any idea what do you need in a story bible?

anyone has any advise on how to do character arc and/or devolve a character?

You start by writing notes about possible ideas you want to add, of course you erase the ones you actually write, pay attention especially to the problems you got in your journey.

You think in your character and how does he/she behaves, from then you walk backwards "Why does behave like that?" Then you make a backstory and from there everything should go smooth, you can keep the backstory for yourself if you want is just a tool to have a checkpoint regarding your character behavior.

Then you just add the conclusions you made and why. Then you just organize it in between characters, worked/lore, props/locations and such.

Shit, last line is for
Fucking tablet

I am on the same boat. I had an idea for a story about a goblin assassin, but then Styx: Master of Shadows came out.

Well, it can be easily explained. Cleric can see human life and body as god's finest work and consider it worthy of preserving at all costs. Or he just sees life as something precious, and wants to help as many to make most of it, as possible. Either way, these ideals can push cleric to mitigate his weaknesses in healing field, and since undead can function for a long time, it is not unreasonable for your buddy's cleric to be both master healer and alchemist.

I do get your argument about redundancy. Especially if it is a videogame, cleric basically turns into THE HEALER, that you always put in the party, because he is obviously the best choice.This makes game boring and narrows down possible strategies.

Maybe he is trying to work the "undead that misses proper life" angle. Or maybe undead who hates what he has become and wants to prevent that from happening to others. It is an unorthodox choice, but might be interesting.

no he's not actually… he's just making the healer an undead pacifist and doesn't go into why he's a healer.

I don't know what to feel right now.

Also for characters, are mary sue litmus tests really necessary to use?

I have a Mary Sue character, but he's kind of the mentor who has already failed in everything the actual main characters are fucking it up and has learned from it. So what I do is to develop his character in past tense by flashback chapters.

Yes.

Chapter 1 and 2
Chapter 3

God dammit.

Taking the test right now with my characters.
Green good, red bad.
As far as I understand it…
The more points the most MS.
Retarded tablet.

...

katfeete.net/writing/sue.php

Actual spoiler if you're reading Vacuum.
She dies

OK, almost finished, post yours guys.
(So I don't look like a douchebag.)

Vacuum Spoiler.
He also fucking dies

...

Last one.
Again sorry for the tablet retardation.

Shit, shit shit

Any advice on how to write horror, Holla Forums?
like what do avoid doing… I'm hoping to write a Silent Hill tribute story.

How do I make magic being preformed by a computer a character wears (Megami Tensei style) instead of them directly actually meaningful?

Hello co/, with the talk of Mary Sues, I'm trying to avoid them completely by writing about a character with good intentions but usually ends up with horrible results. With this comes a problem, how do I make a person who is bad at what they do and still be a character people will want to read and empathize with. If he just fucks up every stituation every time, then eventually he would be considered a villain and not the hero. It might work as a comedy, but what if I want to throw him a bone and let him be the hero he isn't? Should I play it completely straight and let the catastrophes be the source of comic relief?

Use a spell checker.

XD

With that premise, obvious options are comedy, depressing drama about futility of everything, or mix of the two. Remember to consider why the character fails, why he keeps doing what he does, and how does he and supporting cast deal with failure and its consequences.

As far as victory goes, it will be more rewarding to see character who loses often win for once, especially if they put in honest effort. Making loses (and victories) predictable or too frequent will bore the audience.

It really depends on what kind of story you are making. Personally, I wouldn't rely on failure exclusively to generate comedy. Even extremely simple stories like Tom and Jerry relied on more than that.
However, if you think you can make it work, then go for it. Many of the great stories break convention and their creators did things that most wouldn't.

Okay I need help with a character's outfit, she's a snarky vampire who works as a freelance vigilante/assassin out of boredom.

She has light blur skin, pointy ears, black eyes and short black spiky anime style hair.

She has slim yet muscular build. So I want her to be sexy but not too over the top sexy.

Tank top and jeans, both somewhat tight and form fitting.

I don't want her to look like Marceline.

Human beings empathize with other human beings; the best solution is always absolutely to make sure your character is "someone". Do not abuse clichés and do not make things sound forced or fake. This has to be a man we'd think exists right now and we're just given a camera that follows him around.
In short, for every single thing that happens to him, make him react in ways that make sense according to him. Cohesion and continuity is what makes someone true; you can't have someone prone to anger all of a sudden go all melty and soapy… except if it itself even makes sense (it's a cute girl, which means he's shy in front of pretty women; it's a very tough guy, and he's kind of a coward; it's an old person and he respects the elders a lot…). What this requires is to simply give us someone we trust, then we'll keep on trusting that character when something we're not used to from him happens.
It's not too hard if you yourself trust your own character. As usual, write a fuckton of backstory, even just in your head, for your character. Will feed it to make sure you're always making him grow from the same soil.

Take this with a massive grain of fucking salt because I don't write much horror and I don't plan to.

Don't let up on the suspense. Alot of horror stories rely more on it than the scare factor itself. You can do this by showing and telling just enough for the reader to know the basics of what's going on, and giving few if any hints on what's going to happen. Since you're making a Silent Hill tribute, take a page from its book and use as much symbolism as you can. This will both get the reader to understand the characters better, and confuse him about what's going on. Remember how Eddie's Otherworld looked like a meat locker?

Unless the computer magic gives a character basic shit like lights, I don't think you can use it without it being truly meaningful.

Does it come off as strange as I intended for an intelligent but distant character to view heaven and hell (regardless of a religion's variant) sound like horrible fates to them?

Hell for the obvious reasons. Heaven because no scarcity=no value for anything=everything has no point=the novelty of unlimited resources very quickly disappears, like fighting random encounters to hit the level cap when you have exhausted all other content.

chameleon vampire is a breddy neat idea

it's pretty strange how this supposedly intelligent character could come up with such a stupid idea

Do what's good for your story.

To sacrifice your artistic integrity just to please a fanbase is to give your work cancer. Only do what the fanbase wants if it would actually make your story better. Fuck pandering.

...

Yesterday I had an idea that I'm now working on. Basically, it's a revenge story taking place in a fictionalized version of Medieval Scandinavia.

The story is about a village being burned to the ground by a Christian missionary and his henchmen. The sole survivor, who is saved by an old, one-eyed man, vows revenge and pursues the missionary across Sweden and Norway while being followed by two ravens.

I'm not gonna claim any historical accuracy, but still I'd like to have some sort of verisimilitude. Are there any easily accessable sources about how people lived back there in that part of the world, and how christianization wend down in detail?

So that was Vacuum's public test.
What do you guys think about it?
Besides grammar (which I believe gets better by chapter 3) which is bound to improve. What did you thought about the content?
Which thinks did you liked and which would you change?
Remember that was a public test, I'm asking for feedback

How about a messy suit with dress shoes?

Help me out, anons.

I'm writing a fantasy short story about a guy who goes to investigate a cop who goes to inspect a local wizard's castle after some neighbors complain about a bunch of noise.

The cop and a few squad mates make it inside but they get split up, and the main cop guy ends up encountering zombies the wizard had been working on (part of his plan to take over the city). The cop narrowly escapes, and finally meets the wizard, and the share an uneasy dinner.

I want the wizard to have an over the top personality, very jovial and doesn't take the cop's threats seriously until he presses the wizard's buttons. However, I feel like this dinner scene coming immediately after the cop's escape might be too much of a whiplash for the reader to handle.

Does it sound alright to you guys, or should one of the scenes be tweaked/removed? I'm really against removing the dinner scene, since it's supposed to humanize the wizard and make him sympathetic/relatable while also keeping him scary, but I'll get rid of it if I have to.

Excuse me. It's about a cop who goes to investigate a local wizard's castle after some neighbors complain about a bunch of noise.

I'd replace the zombies with something less generic, and you can build up to the dinner by having him walk through a spoopy silent hallway or something, to serve as a bridge between the action setpiece before the dialogue heavy scene. Build up some suspense to toy with the reader or something.

That's just my two cents.

I'd have the mood whiplash reflected in the cop's character's facial expressions, body language. IS THE WINE POISONED? IS THE FOOD PEOPLE? IS THAT A FINGER IN MY POCKET?

Having the wizard playing good host right after fighting for your life against the living dead would be a good way of showing the wizard is a little unhinged, faux affable-evil.
Wizards are often pretty charismatic, a lot of them are cult leaders, and great party organisers. Aleister Crowley and Anton LaVey had lots of friends, and threw great parties.

A long table can be cut up into a lot of panels, for a monologue/camera pan kind of shot.

And zombies are fine as long as you find a way to make them fresh. You know, have them either completely rancid, like Russ Nicholson zombies, or just dead-faced retarded people, or digging up out of the ground covered in mud, or crawling over each other Day Z style, or being caught with them in a narrow space, or underwater, or on a high roof. Maybe have them kill not by cannibalism but suffocation, like the floating corpses from One Dark Night.
What I'd do is have the wizard actually know their names from when they were living, and fussing over them, filling up bullet holes, fixing their hair and clothes and makeup and stitching arms back on like an undertaker, lol. I always loved that Dan O'Bannon film, Dead And Buried.

Thanks for the advice.

I like that idea about the hallway, but how could I make it spooky? I'm starting to think taking a more suspenseful route with the horror and building more tension might get better results than just throwing some random jump scares at the reader.

webtoons.com/en/fantasy/sword-interval/list?title_no=486

This comic is doing a pretty good job of keeping it spoopy. Study the way it builds unease, then goes for the OH SHIT.

Haven't heard of this. Is it any good? It sounds like it might be fun.

found this short story I wrote for my high school Latin class stowed away on an old hard drive.
thoughts?

So far it looks good. It's by the guy who did Derelict, and of all the webcomic artists, I think he's got the touch for the eyeball kick second only to Romantically Apocalyptic.
The villains are all unique and memorable and the heroine is undeniably badass, but obviously has no idea what she's doing, which adds to the jeopardy.

This guy here
I think after more rigorous planning I think I've concluded what this should be and how I should go about it.

As for how I'm going to release it, I decided on something that'd help with making sure I don't end up any mid-chapter cliffhangers or loose ends before some sort of hiatus. I'd do the drawing and writing like as if I were actually making 20 page issues of comics and when each "issue" is ready, each page is released once every two days, which means there's about 40 days to finish the next issue and if I don't finish the next issue in time, then only there's a hiatus. It would also give time to see what the initial interest is like.

I don't know of anything else I'd want to do with the story, but opinions on the release plan would be appreciated.

Still this user

I'm thinking about starting another fantasy story separate from this one. Don't know what the whole plot'll be yet, but it will involve aliens and liches.

Before I start it, what do you guys think I should do to make the alien not look generic? I want it to have a mostly humanoid shape, and talk like a person, but everything else I haven't decided. Maybe it could have some magical powers too or something?

Speaking of magic, the Lich is supposed to look creepy in his true form. He's not a human, and I don't plan on making him the alien. I'm thinking I want him to be an Goblin of Kobold or something short. I want to show that him becoming a Lich has mutated his body to horrifying levels, but I'm having trouble deciding on how to make him look physically different from the alien.

I was thinking the alien could have 10 arms (that it retracts into its body), 2 fingers on each arm, and maybe 10 small eyes that can move all over its body. I also thought about making it float and absorb stuff (like the Blob), but I feel like those might sound more like powers for the Lich.

Do you guys have any ideas?

Also, those multiple body parts the alien has are just random ideas I came up with a few nights ago, so they're not part of it's final design yet.

Also, I want the alien to be the protagonist, so it has to be relatable to the reader. So giving it a mind like Azathoth or Cthulhu is out of the question, for now.

I'm thinking the story could have kind of a "technology vs magic" theme to it, which is why I chose an alien in the first place. It sounds generic, I'm sure, but maybe something can good can come out of it.

I like how the police have more ties to the cyberworld. It makes them feel more like a part of it and that there's risk involved. Do enough negative signals give cops hurt them somehow, like brain/mind damage?

A page every two days sounds a little ambitious, especially if you're doing this by yourself. You should write the scripts or even sketch a few weeks in advance before release. That should give you a little more time to work and check out the amount of interest, like you said.

Those sound more like a Lich to me. His body should show signs of decay/wear from the mutilation (worn-away gums, shriveled nose, etc).

In contrast, I think the alien should have a smooth, lithe, translucent body with very light colors, like a jellyfish. Since you want it to be the protagonist, I wouldn't go crazy with powers. You know how humans have alot of stamina and heal much faster than most species? Using jellyfish as a base, I'd make it really flexible and durable against blunt force. I don't know what environment the alien came from, so if I'm off just give it abilities that'd help it there.

It doesn't sound generic at all. There're many ways you can use the two species to symbolically compare magic and technology. I say go for it.

The brain runs a person's body and controls pretty much all of your functions unconsciously, and thus do things that shouldn't be happening; a false pregnancy is one of the more notable examples, or phantom pain for a minor one.
It'd quite possible that injuries in the cyber world, if coming from a powerful enough virus, could lead to more drastic effects to both the brain itself and even the body as the brain attempts to correct something that isn't wrong or if it's tricked into believing something.

Well, that IS what I'm doing, drawing/writing 20 pages at a time before trickling them out while I prep the next 20. If pages 21-40 aren't done after page 20 comes out, I won't release any until they're done, then work on 41-60.

Thanks for the input, user.

Anyone else have any ideas?

Any of you guys doing NaNoWriMo this year?

What are the basics of world building ?
I've been struggling with fleshing out the environment and biome of the comic I'm trying to write alongside a long time friend of mine: the story takes this place in this city of the future, which we call "Strontium City" due to not having a better name right now, once a city of progress that has currently fallen on stagnancy, decadence and chaos due to the interference of various forces trying to hold control over it
I describe this place as "technologically advanced" but really fucking backwards, as the 5 districts that compose the city work on different infrastructures from one another, for example there's the market-oriented district; it runs on the various stores and outlets located in there and it can described as one giant flea market, with a giant variety of products and services being sold there, it's also the focus center of illegal dealings, extortion and such
Then there's the bay district, more oriented to fishery and exportation, lots of docs where the ships come and go, and great emphasis on fishermen culture, here is where the reception of a load of mafia-related dealings and reunions take place, as many of the cargos brought by the ships are part of the dealings and trades that take part in the previous district come from here
The third one is the "rich-people" share of the city, where most of the wealthy reside and it has a spaniard colonial-esque architecture, and it's well know to have a lot of abandoned houses in its older sectors
On top of this, or rather below it, it's the city's underground, kilometres and kilometres of steel labyrinths, wastes and trash, inhabited by outlaws, gang-members and a rising tide of mutants, I think of it as "if Mordor was a Space Hulk"

My main problems are
1) Names
2)Flesh them out more, as my descriptions of them are quite limited so far

What's the fifth district?

That's something you need to come up o your own. Since "rich people" district has Spaniard architecture, perhaps a Spaniard name would fit it well. Other than that, you either come up with names that sound good or ones that fit the places based on their history.

Maybe it's autistic, but I have entire timelines of the places used in my story. Just try to answer questions who founded that place, when, why is the city/district where it is, why would people bother living there, how could it grow or shrink, where does people's food come from, where do people work and live, who holds power in the city (also how and why they do) etc.

The underground is more of a "special stage" since it's below all 5 districts
4 and 5th districts are something I'm still deciding on,
4th should be the average one, mostly made of apartments, big company skyscrapers, middle/working class neighborhoods, etc.
5th one I'm thinking it's either the super-industrial complex one, or the densely populated one, or both

Keep in mind I'm working on a futuristic Mega-City 1 type of city and not a Gotham one

So I had some problems writing the fifth episode of Vacuum.
And after three weeks of un-productivity I decided to not force myself and instead write something I can write, so without episode 5, 6 or 7 here it is.
Vacuum episode 8.

I'm changing from trelby to final draft (crack).
Seems like a nice change.

Why's that?

The only things trelby does better is smaller and slower growing file sizes and the act break line option, besides that final draft has better spelling correction and automatic detection, alternative lines, synonym dictionary that gives more personality to every character, and if it wasn't a pirated version, teamwork.

How do you write a villain gaining a deity's powers well, without being cliche or generic?

Also, is there a way to keep the suspense high after they obtain that power, or does the tension dissolve away immediately?

Does it depend on how powerful the person becomes, like if they start making planets out of thin air for example?

I recommend you to do that near the end of the plot.

That's what I was thinking too.

How much buildup would something like that need though?

I loved drawing this character!

If you need help from a guest artist or even if you wanna hire one.
I'm your guy!

Vacuumfag here.
I'm doing something similar, the first 10 scripts are just to show the personalities of the characters with some build up of real serious war stuff ahead with squad/fireteam sized missions and just some little titbits od the "Princes of the Universe".
Next 5 are the build-up to the arrival to the warzone and backstories that will be relevant with more titbits about the Princes.
Next 5 are entirely devoted to the war zone when the characters arrive to a city sized battle that has been going on for months.
Next 10 are the consequences from the battle, in the characters and the world and huge build up for the Princes.
Next 10 is devoted to the princes (Divine power stuff).
Next 20 is the "Epilogue arc".

Kinda worried though, despite that the characters progress correctly. The first 20 episodes are a war opera with happy go lucky beginnings and the next 20 are nearly shonen, and the last 20 are kind of a combo.
How big would backslah be from change to change.

I'm this user

I've been thinking about some designs for the alien character, but the head is stumping me.
Does anyone have any ideas for a good design?

also if you want my honest opinion from your description of the alien it would be a great design to make it a sort of insect like, it doesn't necessarily need a head but if you want inspiration for interesting looking heads or bodies go look up some deep sea life ones that live of heat and feeling around for there food.

A deep sea theme, huh? Yeah, that could work.

Another one just to show off the variety

That's fucking awesome work drawfag.

How can I alternate between my villain being scary and over-the-top without causing mood whiplash in the reader, or breaking tension/immersion?

My villain has a grandiose personality, kind of like a JJBA or DBZ villain, but he's also supposed to be deranged and has moments where he utterly terrifies those around him. I envision these moments happening back to back, so that's where the issue lies.

I thought about giving him split personality disorder, bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia. Would any of them work? He seems fine and in control at one point, then the next he's completely lost it, y'know?

Read up a bit or watch some documentaries on Caligula. He pretty much fits your description to a T.

tl;dr make him do evil and cruel shit on a regular basis, then have his followers stand his eccentricities if only because they know they could get killed if they dare speaking against it.

Believed to be fake by many psychologists. There are more fantastical (or sci-fi) explanations about why could someone really suffer from this, but I am unsure about what kind of story are you trying to write.
Bipolarity doesn't really work the way you think. Chances are your villain would switch between (in his case, homicidal) maniac and utterly depressed fuck every few months or so.
I guess it could work, but probably not exactly the way you describe. Chances are nobody could really understand why he keeps rambling about the same nonsensical stuff over and over.

I appreciate the info, user.

What element is most important in deciding how popular a work becomes?

Good protagonist(s), good villain(s), good plot/story. DEEPEST LORE, writing stye (prose, point-of-view, etc), good word of mouth, good editor/publisher, medium, or something else?

I know each of these come together to make a theoretically perfect work, but does any one factor have more sway to it than the others?

Pumping your ass out and getting executive cock in it while you suck fandom cunt.

Any other thoughts?

There is no one deciding element that guarantees "popularity" . You can cross everything on your list, and still not make the grade because of variables out of your control. Think of the masterpieces that evade notice, or the trash that people fawn over in spite of their quality. Trying to manipulate the odds isn't constructive, in my opinion.

Appeal.

Appeal is why some books get movies made for them despite being total crap. Maybe the book caters to a secretly common fetish, maybe the book is like the myths from long ago, maybe the book just had that much thought and care put into it. There is no one way to get it; your best bet is to write what appeals to you.

It's random, mostly, there are markets you can target that can reward you with some guaranteed recognition but for the most part massive success is a total fucking fluke.

If you write trashy romance you might make a profit, but nobody knows if they're going to be the next JK Rowling. The young adult market seems to just choose a certain genre and theme for a generation and latch onto it for dear life every five or so years, so long as it has the right ingredients to be made into an easily digestible two hour summer blockbuster.

I'm writing a fantasy story that features anthropomorphic animal people So I already know my potential fanbase is going to be arguably the most autistic and unbearable group of people on the planet. I wouldn't concern yourself too much with potential success, just focus on putting together something you can personally be proud of first.

While it mostly comes down to a mixture of luck, marketing and non-mutually-exclusive pandering (not letting demographics outside your pander target be intimidated by your pandering; Ankama got it right with Dofus and Wakfu, since there are thousands of fetishes subtly crammed into their media, like brown skin or feet, but it's barely in your face. A counterexample would be Mockingbird for obvious reasons), but I gotta say DEEPEST LORE/symbolism/leaving stuff open to interpretation help the word of mouth.

DEEPEST LORE guarantees a solid fanbase that will probably end up reading everything you shit out in order to fill the gaps in their mental lore collection. Symbolism will either pander pretentious professional critics on an almost sexual level, or lots of discussion from the demographic pandered to by leaving stuff open to interpretation, aka theory crafters, which reinforce your fanbase and sometimes even expand it.

It's a balancing act aside of luck and connections. Anons are right on the money, especially , but there is one more thing to consider - originality. If you focus on popularity too much, your work usually become more and more bland and you will take more and more risks. Give audience something they can't find anywhere else and make your work stand out. You don't need to reinvent the wheel, but just make sure that you stand out enough.

Also remember to not be a slave to your audience and critics, but don't be deaf to feedback either.

When do you cross the Not spoonfeeding/Leaving things to interpretation line.
Or there isn't a line for that, or the lore or symbolism and there will always be autists who feel pandered?
As I progress with my story I keep finding that stuff just fits right into the LORE and symbolism without forcing it.

How do you write good prose?

Practice. Among the best advice I ever received is after you write a section of text read it back to yourself aloud. If it flows well and is easy to recite then it is generally easy to read, and you're probably not purple. Likewise, if your goal is rapid fire raconteur, then the sentences should sound abrupt and to the point when you speak them.

Would it be better to vary the sentence length or not?

Practice
Then salking

That is a very complicated question. My beloved smother - I mean mother - always asserted sentences should be no longer than ten words. However, I have found that flowing prose can be longer without being flabby or verbose. I would say use best judgement?