I'm so lonely, Holla Forums

I'm so lonely, Holla Forums

I feel so isolated lately. Or maybe that's just my mind telling myself that. Every day I feel like I'm losing my grip on the relationships I once held, and with the ones I lost went a small piece of me that I can't get back. I have friends outside of the internet, but I can't go to any of them with any of my feels. I think I'd be a burden, I saw people in high school become so needy because of their mental health problems that everyone just evacuated. It was a self destructing tendency, and things only got worse for those people. They became emotionally manipulative, and tried using their abusive constructs to carry them and their problems. I never want to be that way, I never open up to anybody because I don't want to push anybody away with my thoughts.

I find it difficult to talk to people, especially face to face. I also find it difficult to express the way I feel because it's not something I'm used to doing. Funny thing is, though, a lot of the time I just don't feel anything. Like someone hit the off button somewhere in my head, and I'm stumbling around in the dark trying to find it to turn it back on. It's rare that any positive feelings go through my head. It's perpetual hopelessness, rage, and disappointment when I'm not numb to the rest of the world.

I'm afraid to meet new people. Part of it is some social anxiety, but I can fake it long enough to get in. I hate making new friends because I know every face I see will be staring back at nothing but a mask. I don't want to take that mask off and overwhelm them, or make them not want to be around me anymore. I'm not gonna play the "Nobody understands the pain I feel" line because I know that it's just not true. I'm certain there are millions who can empathize with me. Only thing is, I can't empathize back. I don't seem to have the capability to understand a situation from somebody else's perspective. I'm not some self proclaimed sociopath, I'm not an edgy pre-teen. What I tell you is genuine. I know I'm not a sociopath because I know the difference between right and wrong.

I feel in need for companionship. I don't even care if it's romantic or not, just someone that I know I can rely on. That's not what I'm here for, I'm only here because I wanted someone, anyone, to hear my thoughts. I had a girlfriend, key word "had". She left me, but I'm glad she did because even though I expressed these conflicts to her she would never ask how I was doing. She didn't care, but I guess I deserve a taste of my own medicine, because like I said earlier, I find it hard to empathize with problems of other people. I tried getting back into the dating game. Went on several first dates, not a single second date. I didn't act like some mopey asshole on any of them, I tried to be as outgoing and happy as I possibly could. I guess it doesn't matter, none of them were really compatible anyway. Few of them had any sort of drive for what they wanted to do with their future, a couple druggies, maybe 1 who actually had a plan. I'm getting sidetracked

I want to die. I want to die every morning when I wake up and every night when I fall asleep. Then, in those 3-4 hours that my insomniac brain will allow me to sleep for, I dream about death. I won't kill myself, though, I'm too weak and spineless to actually go through with it. Or does that make me strong? Either way, I couldn't do it. I just want to… dissipate. Disappear. Fade away quietly, painlessly. I fantasize about it sometimes. Maybe I should get a therapist. Maybe I should put my big boy pants on and just make new friends. I don't know, but I know that typing it all out helps at least a little bit. I also know that no matter how many of you respond telling me to kill myself or calling me stupid names, that's just one more person who cared enough to respond to my bullshit. So, for anyone who made it this far, thank you for reading.

Just move on, its not as if someone was trying to fuck with you.

sage

You can have my cat. She pukes a lot but she's a cat.

Not sure what you mean. If I could just move past these feelings I would.


Maybe a pet isn't a bad idea

Do you really think anyone here gives a fuck?

Well if you responded, then you do, at least to some degree. Even the harshest of love is still love, thanks user

I want to die, not because I am failed normie that thinks having friends is good, but because I can't fuck cartoons

I can't give you any advice, actually.
Every day will be pain
and every night will be just as brutal
but we're here for you, user.
We will always be here for you.

Thank you for that, makes me feel more like a person again.

No problem, mate.
We all have to have some path to greatness.

I would have directed you to the bomb-ass baww thread we had a few hours ago, but it died.

Can you tell us a story about your emotional experiences?

If you need companionship and are atleast a wee bit gay hit up /cuteboys/ and see if there is anyone in the area

She have a channel in jewtube, did you know the url?

Trannies won't fill this void. That's a sad truth.
No matter how many guys you bang, you'll never bang your way to emotional satisfaction.

Yeah, sure. Were you on a few nights ago and happen to come across a story about a 17 year old volunteer firefighter who got PTSD from a housefire gone bad? That was me as well. It's been prune but I can shorten it down for you.

Basically shit hit the fan and I rushed in to pull the residents out. The mother and father were both killed by the initial explosion and I saw both of their burnt bodies. The kid survived because he was far enough away from the blast radius. He was like 8, I picked him up but the house started coming down on me. Roof beam fell down on me. Broke my face, gave me a concussion, and destroyed my respirator so I couldn't breathe. Me, the kid, and my buddy all made it out okay but I've never been the same since


Eh, I'm not gonna say no without trying it first

Can I get a link to that? I remember something like that, yeah

I looked through the catalog, it got pruned and the story was never pre-typed. Sorry friend

I double checked and it seems as though I skimmed over it. here it is

You're THAT Guy?
Holy Shit! My mates and I have been talking about you for days!
You're a fucking hero!

Yeah, that was me. I never knew people would be telling my story all these years later, I assumed I'd get the whole "fake and gay" response and that'd be it. Thank you for the praise, it seriously means a lot

Any questions you wanna ask while I'm here?

1. How are you not drowning in a constant sea of pussy?

I don't wear a T-shirt that says "I saved a kid from a burning building when I was 17"

I did get the hero's reward from some fine ass honey later in the school year since the entire town knew about the incident, but it was tough to think about anything other than what happened for the first few weeks

Maybe you should get it tatted on your forehead.
You won't get a job, but you'll get laid constantly.

What made you want to be a firefighter?

Same reason that I joined the Army, service. I believed that I was given an opportunity to take advantage of privileges that were only given to those who lived in a free, advanced democracy. I felt compelled to give back.

Ever read a book where a character had a 'calling' to do something? Same concept

Same reason I'm going to be a pilot for the Marines.

What do you do in the Army now?
Where are you stationed?
What's your rank, if you don't mind my asking?

Just stop caring, its easy.

Infantry
I'm out of the service now, I served my time. 16 years was enough for me. Went to Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria (briefly), Korea, Japan, Germany, you fuckin name it. If the US is there, I was there
Sergeant First Class (ret.)

I've got stories if you want

You will outgrow "muh feelz".
Trust me.

I also recommend Schopenhauer.
He helped me a lot during that time.

Hell yea! War stories are the best!

What are the aliens planning?

So i used to be a drill sergeant when I was at the rank of staff sergeant. Privates are fucking stupid, but so was I when I went through.

In the CTA (company training area), there are 3 levels. 1st level is open to the outdoors where our lounge is and the laundry room is. 2nd and 3rd levels are where the privates sleep.

One night, while I was watching over them, a kid comes down to do his laundry. He does ALL his laundry. He tries to run back upstairs buck-ass naked with a laundry bag tied to his waist hoping he didn't see me.

I saw him.

I called his drill sergeant in and brought every other person down at like 10:30 for some night-time PT. "Naked Bob" was standing in the middle, bag over his dick and hand on his ass crack, crying like a bitch. Funniest fucking thing.

Another kid tried to sneak food into the barracks, which is illegal, by hiding a peanut butter packet in his asshole. He was kicked out of the Army.

I once made some nerdy looking 18 year old who thought he was a hardcore motherfucker pee himself on day 0. All I did was run up to him and scream like Sergeant Hartman in Full Metal Jacket did for his war face.

I'll tell some actual war stories in another post real quick

LOL wut?
Why risk so much for so little?

Full scale invasion, user. Arm yourself.


When I was a young specialist I was patrolling the streets in Iraq with my M249 (pic related) when a bunch of insurgents popped around a corner and opened fire. My squad and I neutralized them quickly with no friendly casualties.

Later that night we had some drinks and I didn't clean my SAW. What's the point, I thought. No biggie. Went back out the next day on patrol, similar events occured.

BANG BANG *click

Gun jams, clear the jam

BANG BANG BANG *click

Jams again, clear it again

This happens a few times while I'm in the middle of an alleyway with no cover. If the stupid turbanhead had done more than just spray and pray his AK I would've died in a different kind of firefight

Meh, where I live we can't buy weapons because the government say so, and they get mad every time we ask why.

Its funny, the aliens are wasting too much time.

Food was valuable for trainees.

I remember one time I got pissed off at them doing something stupid so I went up to the barracks to make them do some PT, when I walked in they were all working out on their own, so I just walked into my office and took a nap

Alright you guys, this is OP, I gotta go to bed now. Got shit to do tomorrow, cleaning the engines (I'm still a firefighter). I'll check back in on this post tomorrow afternoon/evening, so I can promise answers to any other questions then if you guys want.

Peace out, thanks for talking to me, anons

Even if you are the best at something, there's a chance a bus will end you and people who aren't as talented will take your place. It's just the nature of existence– try and squeeze as much fun as possible while you can. I haven't been outside in 5 days, but I've been keeping busy and enjoying the insignificant life I have, while I have it. Just be glad your not Anthony Burch or Jake Rapp and let that be the light that creeps into your consciousness.

Theirs only one solution to that, be an hero.

Have fun.

all of us go through it. i've been told to socialize more, try going to any social activities with total strangers so i could probably meet new people.

i have two groups of friends at uni, my colleagues and my actual friends, that i met because they were my roommates last year. i made the mistake of trading a room on the ground floor with some dudes who were very chill and mostly gone for a room on the 3rd floor, with one of my colleagues, a retard who was at some sort of catholic school before and some dude who moved in this week. i have been regretting this ever since the 1st week there ended.

my biggest issue is that, there's a girl within my friend group that i like a lot, but i'm pretty sure she thinks we're just friends. i thought i'd man up and tell her how i feel but i got scared and never went through with it,

i'm probably going to go to see a psychologist soon, you should try to do the same thing OP, you probably can do it easier than i can, i have to wait for my scholarship, if i even get one.

Pray to God.

OP here, I'm back if anybody has any questions about my days as an infantryman or a firefighter

ARE YOU JUST GOING TO KEEP RUNNING AWAY!?

Congratulations, OP. When the last piece of "you" has disappeared, you can become your authentic self.

There's no cure for this kind of thing except to become an artist. You are in love with the ideal, not the real.

"The artist is the only one who knows that the world is a subjective creation, that there is a choice to be made, a selection of elements. It is a materialization, an incarnation of his inner world. Then he hopes to attract others into it.
He hopes to impose his particular vision and share it with others. And when the second stage is not reached, the brave artist continues nevertheless. The few moments of communion with the world are worth the pain, for it is a world for others, an inheritance for others, a gift to others, in the end. When you make a world tolerable for yourself, you make a world tolerable for others." - Anais Nin

piss off normie