Writing Thread 3

Posting random excerpts of anything with no context to go on isn't going to get you worthwhile critiques.

Anyway:
>why did you volunteered
>Why didn't you just locked the place up
>I'm from a colony, close to the frontier. (why is there a comma?)
>why are you capitalizing the Word after every set of …
>Don't care about him (shouldn't it be "Don't worry about him?)

Is well written.
Here too.
There's an intentional pause.
Automatic.
No, she did said "care".

Also here's the context

Always good to see more and more writing threads on Holla Forums, it's always tons of fun to participate in these.

Anyways, I've been having ideas for a story about an organization that focuses on dealing with demons and other supernatural entities. For centuries, the Catholic church has been known for casting away and banishing unholy entities whenever they appear before humanity (exorcisms, witch hunts, etc.), but what happens when demonic creatures require much more than a simple cleansing to banish? Who do you call when an unholy being becomes far too powerful for a cross to repel? The Catholic church created an organization of hunters, comprised of members handpicked by the Vatican, training in less "peaceful" methods of dealing with demons, recording their discoveries whenever a new otherworldly being emerged while still remaining faithful to the church and its teachings.

However, as the centuries went on, the church began to reject its past of actively combating with demons and continued to bury evidence of the organization and its affiliation with the church. At the same time, this organization began to explore alternatives to fighting demons that the Catholic church deemed "unorthodox". The tipping point that finally caused a complete separation between the Church from the organization was when the leader of these hunters began to contact beings from another realm. The hunters believed these beings to be the Angels written in the Bible, by the way they appeared before them in the form of beautiful, almost "heavenly" women; however, these were not any of the figures described in the Bible or any written text, but they existed since the beginning of time. More and more, the members of the organization contacted these beings which they named "Aeons", looking for answers. They received help from the Aeons, being taught in the way of Holy Ministration, advanced forms of healing, and new ways of combating demons, far more than they were ever taught by the Church.

When the Church received word of this, they officially excommunicated all of the organization's members, with its leader being actively hunted down by the Vatican's agents for treason against God. Despite the Church's attempts to remove every trace of the organization, it remained. Hidden away and kept a close secret, the organization continues the practice of fighting demons, still incorporating many techniques of the Catholic church while also using all the knowledge they are given by the Aeons.

Jump to the modern day, and members are still active in fighting demons. Any one who joins this group of hunters knows the risks they are taking, and make a life-long commitment towards the hunting of demons; each member being taught in the ways of the original hunters.

The protagonist is a half-Japanese, half-English girl named Akane Daichi. A girl who felt her life had been unfairly taken from her due to her being bedridden for most of her existence due to a mysterious illness kept her from ever being able to enjoy her life. Plagued with regret, as she passes on through the afterlife, she makes a deal with a demon, who promises her longevity and the life she was never allowed to live. What Akane doesn't know is that once she is brought back to life, she doesn't return looking like her normal self. Her skin has turned a pale-blueish color, her hair turned an unnatural shade of black, and now the demon she had made a deal with became a parasite attached to her, living within the confines of her luscious hair.

She is deemed unholy by the Church and when one day when she is visited by an Aeon, she is told that her soul will be sent to the depths of Hell if she does not serve the Aeons. Akane joins the organization of hunters, slaying demons in order to avoid being sent to Hell. With the help of a Demonogropher named Lou and the demon that's always right behind her, the three go day-to-day fighting off creatures from the Heavens and the Inferno.

How to make progress and improvement feel truly earned? How to properly depict character training and practicing their skills? Too many stories tend to just have them practice once or twice and the becoming master of said skill, or have character take forever and not improve until a crucial moment when that skill is needed to succeed.

Is training montage the only way to do it? And if so, how to adapt it for a comic.

Show characters getting the shit kicked out of them. Show characters lose. What people don't understand is that they write their characters training for a bit, maybe once or twice and then all their battles are won because of said training, but readers like to see characters struggle and they like to see characters rise up from their defeat, it feels much more fulfilling and satisfying than just seeing the protagonist win immediately after a quick training montage.

Lovecraft lite/politic/sci-fi with war is hell shades as seen by I´ll bet with a established goal.

I like it.
Especially by having more focus on characters than the plot.

It would be awesome.
Especially if you go back and forth between the different eras.
Kinda heavy on plot for just being a draft.
Also, why do they fight creature of the heavens if Heaven and Hell are clearly distinguished.

samefaf from
Well my characters are soldiers so it's implied they're constantly training.
There's a score board in the background of the training facilities and every time it appears the numbers are higher than last time.
What's your story about?

I've been thinking about this for months. Just been writing any ideas that come to me, so this is a huge culmination of my ideas organized into a few paragraphs.

Well, not to reveal too many major spoilers or anything but the protagonists do clash with heavenly beings such as the Angels and Archangels from the Bible. From the viewpoint of the angels, people like Akane - the people who would trade their soul away to a demand - are pretty much demons, and since the Catholic church no longer takes part in physical removing these demons from the world, Heaven itself is tasked with doing it.

I like it.
IMOHO is too physical and not spiritual enough but what do I know.

This is a writing thread, I am more than happy to hear your suggestions. What do you think I should add/remove? I am still in the drafting phase so I am open to editing parts of the plots and characters.

Let me know what you think.

Read a sports manga and steal every trick. I actually once thought of stating out my characters in a rpg and then using that for a guide of what they could or couldn't do, so you could try something like that (though I didn't actually end up doing it). Normal formula I know of is they train to get new tech, the new tech helps them win a few fights, but they meet a foe that can counter then, and they have to learn something new. Sometimes it's more about opening their mind to the opponent's say of doing things instead of just making them better. It probably feels more meaningful if you have constant enemies/rivals, as they can grow along with the character. As with a lot of things, it's all about balancing the escalation.

You should put seraphim and cherubim in too, since they both look cool. They'd probably just be floating around watching stuff but whatever.

I definitely will do that, user. Thanks! Although, looking at images of a Seraphim, a cluster of wings might seem a bit off, so how about a Seraphim that still incorporates the huge amount of wings by being a giant winged serpent similar to Quetzalcoatl from Aztec religion?

What kind of methods did the Aeons teach the hunters? Like what, they can teleport now or something?

Do you mean the Cherubim that's a mix of both man and beast or the Cherub which is the pudgy little flying baby?

Give an excuse as to why are angels and demons so physically fighting.
Given the context end times is quite a feasible excuse.
Or add mindscape fights.
Also, don't hold back on the demons, make them edgelords if you must I would really like a white vs black morality in this not that immature teen gray vs gray.

I also planned to add biblical kind supernatural elements in my history pretty early so people wouldn't say I jumped the shark.

So that also, make little foreshadowings to big changes to avoid "shark jump reactions".

So you're making a lite lovecraft sci-fi, with politics and war is hell and biblical undertones?
That can go wrong so fast if done badly.

The Aeons don't grant superpowers, they only teach what is within the realm of human understanding. One of their greatest gifts of knowledge to the hunters is teaching them how to forge "Machina Sanctum" (Hallowed Weapons), blessed with holy enchantment especially designed to be used against unearthly creatures.

>Implying tho we're under tones.

The real focus is the romantic relationship between Emerick and Michelle.
And eventual parenthood

Oh, did you designed that?
I also use a couple of "special swords" in mine.
though mine are more "Modern sci-fi simplistic".
That looks bretty gud for 16th century decorations.

...

Well, what I've been thinking up is that there is a civil war between the Aeons, similar to the poem "Paradise Lost". Because of this, and their tendency to appear before humans, it tends to distort the natural order of things. The Catholic church acts naive about Aeons or any of the other celestial beings from existing, but Heaven would definitely know about it so they'll send their troops to put an end to the Aeons and their servants.

Meanwhile, Hell is in a predicament because some of the Aeons that turn against the others are looking for a new place to call home, so they end up on the Devil's doorstep. Because of this, demons are leaking out from Hell, roaming the earth. All sorts of heavenly creatures are descending from Heaven in order to protect the natural order and stop whatever is causing existence to go crazy, and earth is the battleground for Aeons, angels, and demons. I suppose you could say each realm has its "jurisdictions" so the one place that is fair game for everyone is our domain.

...

No, I had a friend of mine make it since he is practicing with 3D design and modeling. He made a few more models as well.

though mine are more "Modern sci-fi simplistic".
Yeah, I can see that your sword designs follow a more "sleek" and simple design, and it definitely makes sense because of your setting. They are also unique and aren't too detailed or have too many decorations which is appreciated since people usually overdo it with too many edges and complicated designs.

Of course. I'm not going to pull some fedoralord shit like "but what if the ANGELS ARE REALLY THE BAD GUYS?!!". It's clear that demons are really the bad ones, but I do want to change things up by making it a point that both angels and demons have a purpose to serve in this, and that demons, angels, and aeons all believe their causes are right. So it isn't just a matter of "you're evil, let's fight" but more of a conflict of interests between different celestial beings.

I really like that first sword because you can take of the design and make it a sabre.
But my favorite is
I just love how the handle hugs the blade.

The different designs follow some kind of hierarchy or belong to specific characters?
Mines are just lore tools.

The Xenon one (Blue) is an alien sword that can cut pretty much anything at an atomic level.
Except energy shields that repel the blade.

The Helium one is a human reverse engineering attemp.

And this little thing is a little thruster.
They cover your body with a shit ton of these and they're connected (Wireless) to your mind.
With these you can "Fly" in space without the need of complicated, expensive ships as they push you in any direction you want to.

You need practice though, misused could break your limbs or if they're all turned on at the same time (thus being pushed from every direction) they could crush you.

curious what writing program is that or is it just MSword in a different format?

Its trelby
And yes, I also hate the icon.

Glad you like the designs, I pretty much just wrote down how I thought of them in my head and a friend of mine modeled it accordingly.

More or less, they're just examples of some of the holy weapons that the hunters are taught to create. Any hunter could use any of these swords as long as they have the necessary training.

Huh, that's a neat gadget, and it's a nice alternative to flying than the typical jetpack in sci-fi.

thanks, can it do non-linear story? because i plan to use it for a game

Well, there's tabs so you could make several plots and arrage them in a tree diagram later

Oh yeah, I'm using space as it should be used.
Battle over Coruscant looked nice on its own sense and all but fuck that in here.
Cruisers are going side by side, diagonal, vertical, upside down, trying to ram other cruisers and as it would happen in real life, there's no reason why a cruiser wouldn't be able to move as fast as a fighter in space.

That's an interesting point you brought up. I never understood why cruisers wouldn't be ramming each other, they were mostly stationary which was a shame. Would definitely make space battles more interesting.

well that will do, i do have a concept but just to be safe what, what should i avoid to keep my story from turning into a cliche or have it become pretentious, i know adventurer time mistakes and how it became evangelion but i would like to hear others advise to avoid that.

to simplify my story a small group of friends tries to find what happen to one of their friends mother, who is a scientist working on teleportation. they reenact what were the last thing that happen to her, only to almost end up with the same fate. however finds themselves in the first sphere of heaven, only to be greeted with angels who attack them, and warn god of this omen, now they must go through all nine sphere to the empyrean, and replace god to save the world.

(checked)
Yeah, later there's a lot of space battles, specially as the date of the Princes of the Universe approaches.

Like this scene were a cruiser stabs the other from the upper side and then starts spinning wildly.

Man I can't see a way to make that simple, my advice is to go full pretentious and never look back.
Well not pretentious. Overwhelming, be flashy and big and epic and never apologize for anything.
Just make sure things make sense and it won't be pretentious.

Yeah, just from the premise alone, it's very absurd, but it could work. You can make it very flashy, very grandiose; however, just be careful on how you handle the whole "angels and god" thing. You could very easily make it into some edgy middle schooler's idea of "god is evil and a tyrant!", and not really flesh it out at all past that.
I'd need a little more info if you want me to look into it further.

i can respect big and flashy, but not pretentious we have too much of that already, my problem is more in characters, like i my story one character is a guys who just takes things for what they are, saids everything is ok when it's not and through the story he develop a god complex because he can replace god and change the world to what he see as right.

how do i do characters right without it coming off as pretentious or is their a right way to do a character arc?

Well besides my sci-fi mess up which is completed in mind draft and already on execution >>686197 >>686057

I'm thinking in something else. Shorter.
It's called AXOLOTL.
Is about a detective who must solve the case of a modern Jack the ripper.
The problem is that they're both the same person but aren't.
No is not "Dexter".
Is not psychological, neither paranormal, supernatural, alternate realities or nothing at all.
"They're both the same person but aren't" is as literal as you'll get.
But they have opposing personalities. The best way I can explain it is as an idea.
Follow me on this. Close your eyes, think of an island and picture it in your head. Then open your eyes in 10 seconds.

Was the island real? You saw it, your brain recieved the signal of its existence but was it there?
You made that island in your mind, but how that island should look comes from information outside you, that's the best way I can explain it, its very surreal.

What I do is to start writting with shit already started.
I don't know how to start stuff, so I start the plot at the middle of the story and I work from there, then everything just comes into my mind and then I just put it on its place and order.
Just follow your gut.

Bingo. Exactly. Heroes who win all the time are boring and a very quick way of showing your readers that your protag is a self-insert power fantasy.

Endearing heroes are ones who struggle and endure hardship. Sometimes they even fail. Because if you want people to connect with your characters and empathize with them, one of the best things you can do is to make them fallible. Have them make mistakes and get hurt. And then have them learn from those mistakes.

Peter Parker, Bruce Wayne, Matt Murdock, even Clark Kent, they've all had there turn at being a punching bag.

Compare them to Miles Morales, who can't seem to lose despite going up against enemies of higher skill, strength, and intelligence.

You hearing me, Bendis? No fucking way in hell is your young pet bull going to beat all of Hydra and Doctor Fucking Doom at the same time, all by himself!

pic unrelated

I did the island thing.
Can someone please explain me what the hell did just happened.

Well seraphim aren't a pile of wings, they just covered their faces and feat with wings. You might want to look up the actual depictions of them rather that pictures on Google. You could have them look like quetzals if you wanted since a: the depiction of them in the Bible was a vision and visions are typically symbolic, b: you could make your angels shapeshifter, and c: it's your own literature so you can really do whatever you want
Snakes weren't purely despised in the bible either, since Moses' staff turned into one.
Seraphim means burning ones by the way.

You realized nothing really needs to have an explanation.

About that, I think that the concept is too much for normies.
They'll look for an explanation and when they don't find any they'll be pissed.

Given that the babies are called puttos, which do you think

I'd imagine demons to care about their own pleasure above most things

Of course, it's why people love movie characters like Indiana Jones. He was a badass, but not because he took out dudes in one punch, no. It was because he got shot at, got beat up, thrown through windows, nearly gets run over plenty of times, etc. He has plenty of faults and flaws, and he has moments where he is at a disadvantage in a fight, but no matter how many times he gets the shit beaten out of him, he gets back up and I find that to be a much more enjoyable aspect of a character than just seeing him beat up a million guys in a couple of punches.

Remember that Bendis wants to get his ass pounded by Miles so it makes sense why he makes him invincible.

I will most likely be making the Seraphims as the winged serpents, especially because they have more of a threatening appearance to them, especially if they're going to be God's enforcers.

I did not know this, thanks for that extra bit of info.

Huh, I look up "cherub" and all I get are babies, but looking up "cherubim" and I get the creature that's different animals and man combined. I am reading that cherub became associated with Eros/Cupid and the image just stuck. Didn't know about that name "puttos" though, I will have to keep that in mind.

Not a lot of stories like challenging readers with surreal/metaphysical concepts, everything is spoonfed to them nowadays.

Well, bible speak.
Hell is such an horrid place that demons just want to escape from there.
People often forgets that hell was meant as a jail, not only for the souls but also for the demons.

Not to mention those who want to be always right.
I really want to make AXOLOTL.
I'll wait for "film theory" to come with a jackassed explanation of alternate realities.

I really want to make AXOLOTL but I'm in such a rush with my Sci-first plot that I don't wanna stop working on it right now.

Yes, I'd think so too. I believe demons would be hedonistic and just want to find pleasure in the moment whenever they can. It'd be very easy to go with the obvious choice of making demons extremely hostile to anyone who aren't their own, but I'm writing the populace of Hell to be a little more "civilized", as in they aren't just murdering or eating humans on sight, and they don't give a shit about the power struggle going on between Heaven, Hell, or the Aeons and would just rather have a good time on earth and enjoy it while they can.

I agree. My version of hell has a hierarchy, mimicking heaven's hierarchy. The closer you were to the Big Guy, the more privileges you enjoyed. For your average damned soul or peasant demon, Hell is just a shithole, so they'll all jump at the opportunity of enjoying earthly delights. Why would they squander the gift of satisfying their pleasure and desires by spreading chaos when they can just enjoy the ride?

I'd say work on the sci-fi first. I used to feel the same way you did, constantly jumping around from story to story whenever I got a burst of inspiration for one of them. I kept jumping around and got exhausted from it, and I hardly got anything done because I didn't dedicate more time to a single project.

Will you add Apollion?
The demon that's so batshit insane Lucifer himself has to lock up in the depths and if it wasn't because Lucifer technically still preserving the powers of an archangel he would turn the earth into a barren wasteland?

Try to simplify the plot even more.
You pretty much gave away the full first episode man if not the first 10 when you add dialog.
Not joking, I did read it all.

This is an interesting premise, seems like supernatural forces clashing is popular in this writing thread.

I do like the "reluctant hero" of a protagonist, who seems to have just been at the wrong place at he wrong time and is getting forced into a situation he probably would've never thought he'd be in.

I'm sorry to tell you, user, but the reason you can't make your character reading a book and taking notes feel interesting is watching or reading about other people reading and taking notes just isn't interesting. It's like you're in a room with someone, and you just stare at them flip through a history book. There's really no way to make that interesting. It isn't your ability to write that makes it boring, it's just that the premise itself is boring. It's like watching paint dry; even if you're the best writer in the world, there really aren't any way to make paint drying feel exciting.

I'd need to see a sample of this training montage of yours to get a feel for your writing. It depends really, what you feel is boring might be interesting to someone else. We won't know until you show us.

I could. Anything's fair game, really. I didn't mention it before but any demon/unholy being from any religion/mythology is fair game, really. So if you have any other suggestions, I'll make sure to write them down.

Hell, if Aeons exist, then who's to say other unearthly beings like Cthulhu or Dagon don't exist?

Infinite vs infinite is never a good idea, is just a mess you'll have to explain later.
Hierarchies are good ideas.

Yeah, it might not be too good to throw in every creature imaginable, it'll be a little too cluttered. So I should just stick to a hierarchy between demons and angels?

Like for example the power of the Princes of the Universe comes from death people who died peacefully.
When you die all your potential energy is released, they call it positive energy.
When a person dies with regrets and guilt he releases "Negative energy" which gets acumulated in a point in space until all the pain becomes sentient into a beast of hate that destroys everything at sight.

The positive energy release by the death of someone is not more or less powerful than the negative one released from another person but surely the number of people who die in peace is less that the ones who die with regrets and guilt.

You follow your gut.
Never make something forced or that will put you in a forced situation later on.

Thank you. I understand importance of character struggling. What I mean was: how do I make "training and learning" part not boring? All I've got so far is showing character learning in his off time and sitting with nose in the books, practicing skills, and working on artifacts part of his routine. However, it doesn't seem like enough for me. I want to show him struggle with understanding certain concepts and stuff like that.
Using clip from Rocky was just misleading.

Your idea sound pretty interesting. It also rewards readers who pay attention.
Urban Fantasy. Whole thing was originally heavily modified version of WoD's Vampire and Hunter RPGs that I used to play with my friends. I am going for the mood similar to one in Masquerade: Bloodlines game, Eyes Wide Shut, 9th Gate, Pi, and other similar stories.

Large metropolis, which is based on Chicago mixed with bits of Milwaukee, Green Bay, Detroit, and St. Louis. City has seen better days, economic situation is slightly worse than one in current day, everything shows hints of decay, and even average people can feel that there is something strange going on, but they can't quite put their finger on what it is.
In reality, city is an arena to a covert war between multiple supernatural factions that look to exploit humanity for their own ends. Currently whole thing is at a stalemate, and there is a facade of neutrality between the factions and being content with their slice of a pie. However, in reality they still fight using gangs, corrupt politicians, banks, media, assassinations, and occasionally small scale direct confrontations.

Main character ends up accidentally turned into a “lich,” however his transformation wasn’t complete. Group that is partially responsible for it, decides to take protagonist under their wing and eventually make him a part of the group, but protagonist is suspicious of them and doesn’t want to be used as their tool. That leads him to devise contingency plants in case that happens, plans to seize device that turned him into a “lich” and can also be used to control him, and to become more independent of the group.
Aditionally, most don’t know that main character’s transformation is incomplete, so they assume that he is stronger than he really is, which can be both good and bad. To mitigate the bad part, main character is force to study occult and seek out artifacts that can compensate for weaknesses. Here is where I face the training issue. I can’t think of any way to make protagonist reading books, take notes, eventually building his own artifacts and learning to use them properly interesting. I can’t seem to find a sweet spot between making whole thing too miniscule and overdrawn. Main difficulty comes from showing sweat and tears spilled over a book, which is much easier to show during physical training.

done

I guess I'll have to stick to just making studying and training something character does routinely. I have no idea how to put montage "studying montage" on a page. Films don't really do study montage either, aside of Legally Blonde, Billy Madison, and Back to School, and none of these have been done too well to be honest.

no their is more but i dont like to go into too much detail im a bit paranoid when it comes to telling people my ideas/concepts. but i do not plan to write god as evil more disappointed and sad. his motivation for ending the world is because he see humanity as going backwards and hedonistic, he hates that humanity is wasting it time on small problems, instead of trying to better itself and others, he gives up on humanity, that's why he tried to end to world he hate whats humanity has become, not because he is evil, and i plan to dialog that has god portrayed as just and kind. i do not want to make god evil it's just weak.

I like where you're going with this. I can incorporate that. How about, when someone dies with their minds at peace, their souls are safeguarded by the angels, practically escorted towards heaven; however, when someone dies with their minds plagued with guilt in regret, their souls aren't protected in the afterlife and it's like the soul is bait, attracting a flock of demons looking to find their way out of hell and into earth, which could explain what happens to my protagonist, Akane and why a deal contacted her in the first place.

I was thinking about referencing other major god-like creatures in passing dialogue, maybe mention a Cthulhu cult, or about a seaside village where they worship some undersea creature that's slowly turning the villagers into fish people, you know, just some dialogue to show that the world is full of all sorts of creatures wandering about and it isn't just an existence with only a few supernatural entities.

Well I guess it depends on how these creatures would fit in the situation.
I'll just post this, I know it's wikipedia but I'd say it's close enough.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_angelology

I think that might be for the best, plus it feels a little more natural that the character studies about his situation over the course of his journey rather than just cram all this new knowledge over a brief training period.

See what I mean? It isn't your writing that's the problem, it's the fact that the premise itself isn't particularly interesting.

Man, we really need ID's for threads like this.
I don't encourage namefagging but for crying out loud.
So I've been following the thread and this is the people here. I might have come up with titles to identify you in case you haven't gave them yet.

Thanks, I could definitely use some sources when studying about the hierarchical structure of Heaven, and I'll do the same for Hell too since the two seem to mirror each other a bit.

...

...

Shit, it's confusing when looking back at this thread. I know we have the whole "namefag" thing, but for the sake of this thread, I don't mind putting a name on just to reduce confusion, especially since everyone has been nothing but helpful and cooperative so far.

Well there's no angels or demons on Vacuum.

Yeah, I am getting a bit confused here now. I thought we were talking about my story. That was my mistake, I'm autistic. Yeah, your concept works for Vacuum. It's unique to say the least, especially because a lot of times, people just picture death and the soul has purely a religious thing, but I'd like to see something where the soul acts as "fuel" for a higher being like you were describing.

Yeah. OP here.
Fuck this is hard.
I must say there's quite a leaning to fantasy.

I mistook names for subject.

I wouldn't say fuel as the energy of the souls never vanishes from either side. You could say that being part of the hate beast is like hell cause it's like being in an echo-chamber of despair.

But there's a religious approach as Emerick, who I said was raised in a religious orphanage is the one who brings these themes every now and then.

...

Well, at least the fantasy being discussed in this thread isn't your average Tolkien "elves and orcs" fantasy and has some unique flavor to it.

So each soul with regret adds a little more to the echo chamber, making this hate beast just a little more angrier.

It's understandable, we try to justify what we can understand with concepts and explanations within our grasp of understanding. I have read a lot of Lovecraft's work, and I know that many of the character try to understand whatever horrors they witnessed, usually leading them to insanity.

The funny thing is that Emerick is stubborn when something doesn't fill his approach.
He learns from Michelle to be more flexible and find ways to be happy with the things happening around him without betraying his beliefs

Nonetheless if you think about it, a guilty regretful soul is by definition a sinful soul, and there's the opposite.
Quite fun, its nice when the pieces just fall in their place.

...

There are other characters if you read my first posts. But with these regret & guilt vs peace plus being set in a rather human war where pretty much anyone can die is important to flesh every character and their feelings.

There's Ramsey.
I can't avoid making him the wise Gary stu one, and there's quite a reason for that so he doesn't appear to much unless needed.

Linda
She's a nice sweet but kinda shy girl.
She's in love with Michelle

That's an almost poetic way to describe it, I like it!

Aren't we all? We all like our theories and ways of looking at things to be right, and we get pissed when we're wrong. That's human nature, after all.

Bo-os, he lost his family and home and seeks for revenge.

Arthur: a fun old man and captain who commit some war. crimes in his past, but everyone looks at him as a for this same things.

Michelle isn't, she's always changing opinions as if they are clothes.
Makes her more adaptable but sometimes she's motivation lacking and confused.
She learns to be more stubborn from Emerick.

It's good to see you have your characters thought out, but it doesn't hurt to give a little more background on them, it's a good exercise when building character depth.

The whole ending is that.
At the end they discover that actually every person has their own black & white moral and is just that looks like a gray mess if you're far enough.

(checked)
Huh, I'd definitely need to see a little more context for the ending though, it sounds like an after school special which seems a little disappointing especially since I am interested in the Lovecraft themes you mentioned.

Easy.
Arthur, Ramsey and Bo -os are spoiler filled so no.

Michelle grew up in a ghetto like scene, her mother was a drug addict that didn't even cared about her, never met her real dad and her step father used her as his sex toy until she was twelve, at least someone was paying attention to her, she was too old for him plus more spoiler bullshit.
She ran away from home into the streets for a couple years until in the paper she read she could get in the army.
Mostly because there was this trend on holographic newspaper and this was laying on the snow she never saw the education and caring ads but the military ad half that was laying in the pavement.
So she entered and reset her life.

Emerick grew in a catholic orphanage and was never adopted.
He always saw the misfortuned in the nearby church and helped taking care of them along his best friend.
Sadly his best friend became a criminal and so he did for a while but his friend was killed by this life, so now he wants to become a good role model and take care of as many people as possible.
And sees any derailment from his ideals as a sure death sentence to anyone's life.

I over simplified.

To be quite honest it may sound like that but if you saw how many problems their original ideas caused them it wouldn't be so laughable.

It really is a mix in a way Emerick can be loyal to his ideals while accepting that every person is different.

Yes.
The beast doesn't really appears until the beginning of the last third of the story when the tournament of the princes has finished.
But unlike the positive energy, is incredibly unstable so even if there's more negative energy, the other one is just more focused.and efficient so there's always quite a balance.
And no, the beast won't explode if overcharged.
It can't overcharge, just gets crazier and crazier.

Goodnight bump.
Rest that imagination.

BTW while I love the first two swords the last one is really bad for regular use.
In the first two the handle is close to the blade.
While the last one is really far.

Lift a broom by grabbing it from half the stick keeping it equidistant from the floor in all its longitude.
Now try to do the same grabbing it by the extreme of the stick.

Yeah, who's lifting that sword?

Currently doing a love triangle theme for a story, and I'm curious on what do you guys feel about ambiguous end pairings and harem endings?

Specify ambiguous.
Also, in romance harwm endings then to look like a copout.
Unless is comedy or you do one hell of a job fleshing out your characters.

Also give yourself a name because this gets messy, better if its the title/working title of your project so it won't look that pathetic.

So you fellas might remember me from the last thread.

I'm writing a fap story

I've recently come to a decision regarding my work-in-progress and how I'm going to be getting it out there. I told you guys in the last thread that I would be uploading the story onto Adultfanfiction.org and hentai-foundry.com. I'm still going to be doing that, but I've also decided to turn my story into a series of novellas that range from 3-6 chapters each. Relatively self-contained stories that are still connected through characters and perhaps a myth arc.

Obviously, from the websites I'll be posting them to, the stories will be adult in nature. But fear not, there will be equal measures of porn and plot.

I've spent the last couple days coming up with a sizable list of villains and villainesses for the Knockouts to fight, as well a decent supporting characters to round out the cast. Helpful cops, civilian love interests, sexy reporters, fellow heroes, etc.

I plan on The Knockouts series to start sort of in medias res in regards to the world of supers I've created. The Justice League/Avengers analogue is already a decades-old organization, the world has been saved countless times, grudges have long been settled and new ones have arisen. What I'm getting at is that right from the get go, Earth-Knockout is a busy place. The challenge for me is getting this across in a fluid and natural way without resorting to info dumps.

I suppose I could write faux historical texts for in-universe history books and newspapers.

Thoughts?

…Who do you think you're talking to, pal?

Go Harem or Go Home.

pics related: heroines I like

If its for the dick there's no much I can say.
It wouldn't be the weirdest thing any of the big two has done by far.

Make your world bible or as I said, just jump into the middle of the conflict and work from there.

Primarily for the dick, yes, but also to try my hand at capeshit.

That's what I was feeling, but the faux historical texts is also an attractive idea to me. Maybe sprinkle them throughout the serials to fill in some of the blanks?

Just don't overdo it, and don't overly rely on them for world building. You don't want to have 1984 situation of 15 pages of dry, encyclopedia-like text.

Don't do it like that, maybe put history books laying in some places and having revealing titles.

Do not have your protagonist reading books.
You're lacking characters here, make people interact with him as he's showing increasingly exhausted, just because he's almost lich doesn't mean he doesn't have human weaknesses.

Make people visit his notes riddled apartment.
Maybe a friend or something.

Test

this

I know you guys are coming from work by this time, appear.
Welcome newcomers.

Yeah, sorry. I passed out while looking over this thread one last time. Glad to see there was a lot of activity while I was sleeping.

Oh yeah, I really have to hand it to my friend's attention to detail, especially with the designs of the first two swords. I do like the third one, but it's definitely not that practical.

I'm not a fan of being blue-balled, really. If your story has a love triangle and has plenty of titillating moments, I would really hat for the conclusion of it all to still remain ambiguous. If you have to, throw subtlety out the window to give me a harem ending where that protagonist is getting to love everyone.

tl;dr I really want to see a good harem where the girls have to share a guy and no one questions that and everyone is happy with that arrangement.

I think we'd all like to imagine ourselves in one, pic related.

Welcome back! Glad to see you still hanging around these writing threads.

You could definitely do that, yes. It depends on how much you want to flesh out your fictional world, but it never hurts to add a little history and extra details to make the world feel a little more real .

The anons do seem different now compared to when everyone's yelling like retards in a slaughter house.

I haven't heard much from Akane.
How's the demon living with her?
I mean, I'll understand if it contains itself in order to survive from the Aeons.
But does he acts as a demon towards her?

What is God posture on the aeons?
And who's stronger, Aeons or archangels?

Happy to be here, friendo.

Now, the faux historical texts don't mean that I'm going to be devoting entire chapters to them or having a wall of text in the middle of the story. That shit breaks the pacing and in both porn and capeshit, pacing is key.

Like said, having newspaper articles and revealing titles sprinkled around is a good idea.

I focused more on detailing the setting of my world, plus I didn't want to bore you or any of the anons with autistic details about my protagonist, didn't think anyone was interested really, but if you're interested, I'll gladly share what I've written down about her.

Her life before making the deal with the demon isn't very interesting. She was the daughter of an Englishwoman and Japanese man, her mother practically nonexistent due to her traveling out of the country for extended periods of time, leaving her and her sister with their father, an overprotective and stern figure. Things start going awry when Akane becomes bedridden once she reaches her early twenties. At the same time, her sister disappears and is nowhere to be found and her mother is also abroad, sending "get well soon" cards while her father actually stays by her side until she eventually dies. Her last thoughts being about where her sister went, how little her mom cared, and how guilty she felt for dying and leaving her dad alone. As she passes on through the afterlife, she decides to make a deal with the first demon that appears before her out of desperation. She is promised longevity and extended health once she is resurrected, something she can't pass up; however, it comes at a cost as she wakes up a few years after her mom and dad died and presumably her sister, but she never finds her gravestone, plus her skin is no longer human, but rather a pale-blue color, signifying she is now a ghoulish undead. She then lives out a relatively quiet life of solitude until the main events of the story take place.

The demon name is "Gomory", a demon obsessed with beauty, vanity, and a total narcissist. In hell, she was high atop the hierarchy of the demons, reaping the luxuries of not being some average peasant in the underworld. Gomory embodies herself in Akane's hair, the one place of the body that she finds to be the most beautiful. She isn't some tumor or some physical parasite leeching off Akane's body, but rather she lives through her hair, with Akane's hair being able to unnaturally move at times and sway mysteriously without gusts of wind pushing it; however, the most "physical" part of Gomory on Akane's body is that her left arm has now been replaced with a demonic gauntlet-like arm that can change forms at will which Akane uses as a way to absorb blood in order to feed the demon accompanying her, pic related. Gomory also commanded a small legion of underclass demons in hell, and they followed her all the way to earth, but rather than being the terrifying horde of monstrous servants that they were in hell, they been reduced to shriveled up husks that can fit in your hand. They are Gomory's eternal servants, but must also serve Akane now as well.

Gomory is using the ongoing conflict between the Aeons as a way to skirt from trouble, but has no issue exposing herself, she loves the attention, whether or not it's negative or positive.

Gomory is very, very controlling. Since she doesn't have her physical form, she makes sure Akane is always looking pristine and absolutely stunning, nagging her on what to wear and how to style her pitch-black hair. The two clash constantly, but Akane doesn't mind, especially because she begins to see Gomory more and more as a mother figure, something she never had before and Gomory begins to care for Akane more like a daughter, always by her side.

God is neutral. He provides insight, but never actively participates in the conflict. Whatever happens, he remains neutral and it's all apart of a larger "destiny" for existence.

I think it'd be a constant draw. But have these otherworldly abilities, plus it's not like either could "die", they'd just get sent back to their domain and come charging back into the fight. Think of it as respawning in a videogame.

Yes, as iconic and great as Orwell's 1984 was, there were moments in the story where he dropped everything in order to tell us about something within the story that sidetracked everything for a while, with paragraph after paragraph of description that really killed the pacing for me.

Yes, that works, especially since newspapers have always been used to detail a lot of relevant and interesting pieces of information in classic superhero fashion.

I could see the headlines now…

I'll recommend you reading the bible, especially Ecclesiastes and the four apostles.
It really is the brain and spine of the Christianity and the posture of this on everything more than anything else.
Fixes a lot of what uneducated "atheist" consider contradictions and flaws.
Believe me.

Lets not turn this into Christian v Atheist: Dawn of Autism

No, I'm not kidding, is really important considering that he wants to keep demons and angels in character.
And Ecclesiastes was written by Solomon, who asked god for wisdom.
So the backbone to god's way of thinking is there accordingly to the context.
And it won't, this is a writing thread, all literary support is useful.

I know this was a joke but the Knockouts try to keep a clean public image. They are feminist role models after all.

Imagine the look on a high school tumblrina's face when she discovers that her womyn idols spend their down time sexual servicing the one white male on their team

Talking about bibles.
Does any of you have a world bible.
Mine's almost done, just two centuries to go.

So besides the porn. How serious does it takes itself?
I'm in shitty tablet.

Oh, yeah, overchan

Pics unrelated.
Sorry for not responding soon, and not using a name in the first place. But anyway, just like said, I mean when two characters have their fair amount of character development/struggles and relationship building for the MC, but the conclusion of who the MC picks is left unanswered.

Understood, and I agree that harem endings don't really work out unless it's a raunchy comedy story or the characters are really developed. Thanks for your input.

Nice to see you again, and good tastes on those art pics. Can't wait to see the Knockouts in action.

As long as you have fun with it, then go for it.

Will definitely keep that in mind, if I'm planning to do a lewd comedic story.

Totally agree. At first, I was thinking of leaving the pairing ambiguous, but now that I think about it, it'll be a waste of heartwarming moments/character development/relationship building for not putting a conclusion on who won the MC's heart, and I wouldn't feel right for doing that.

Would do that if it's a full-on lewd story, but the one I'm currently doing isn't (aside of fluff/fanservice tidbits/romantic building).

>Imagine the look on a high school tumblrina's face when she discovers that her womyn idols spend their down time sexual servicing the one white male on their team
That would be wonderful to see.

I will definitely take a look at it to make sure I have a solid foundation of what I'm working with, but there will be a lot of liberties taken with the interpretation of the Christianity as a whole, not in a demeaning way, just a different version of how the Angels work, their interaction with demons, etc.

You're the architect of your own story, user. Do whatever you wanna do with it. If your story has more serious tones to it, then it's only natural that you would want your audience to take its romance a little more seriously too. Maybe I am just a big softie but I can't take seeing heartbreak and relationships working out, I guess I'm just a hopeless romantic but I never get tired of a "Hollywood" ending where everything works out and the guy gets the girl (or multiple girls) in the end.

I always welcome a harem, but if you want to play it more subdued, then go for it. Also, I love the glorious Lisa Lisa pic. She makes my dick diamonds.

Understood, and thanks for reminding me of that golden rule.

Agreed.

Can't really bear with that either, especially if its a love triangle where all three characters are good in their own way, warts and all. However, I can bypass/enjoy those two concepts, if it's some sort of well written 'it was never meant to be', character dying from protecting a love one, the spark is gone, or something within those lines, and MC ain't a cuckolding bastard that juggled.

You're not the only that likes those types of romantic stories and Hollywood endings. It feels very rewarding and satisfying where everything works out, and especially if both parties win (even if the second best girl/guy didn't win, they got something in return).

Same, but the majority of the JoJo characters does that to me too, especially if it's a well drawn fan art piece like pic related.

Quite ironic because that's just Ecclesiastes.
It gives Christianity a more wide interoperation.
Examples.

And that's just King Solomon don't let me get started on Jesus.

Yeah, that's the biggest issue with a love triangle, isn't it? I mean, there'll always be one character who is left out, becoming cucked. It just makes me feel really bad for them. I'd hate to be put in their shoes.

Hell yeah, that's amazing fan art. I especially like the genderbent characters from Part 3. Gotta really catch up on my Jojo and read the manga more, heard Jesus Christ himself is in Part 6.

Huh, interesting. I wasn't aware of that, especially since one of the bigger, more well known areas of the Bible has a part that says "You shall not worship your false gods", but I guess it's never really mentioned that they couldn't worship their false gods if they aren't in the Christian faith.

Although, in my story there isn't much focus other than how God and the angels deal with demons; however, I appreciate some of the sources, especially since it's worth looking into.

Yeah, it kinda makes sense too, how many people from around the world before European civilization conquered everything would've gone to hell just for not even knowing the word of god.

So is almost done and is right, and as I said before just follow your gut.
This is actually not the first iteration of Vacuum.
The first iteration was extremely forced and you could say it was correct, I made the tropes right.
It looked like a fucking Frankenstein.

First lesson is to let yourself go, sometimes events go against logic, for this you gotta do the most important. Know your characters.

Characters are the key. They're the ones who should carry the plot with their (sometimes wrong) choices once they get in it.

The story is going to straddle the line between fun and serious. Think of the Timm Justice League cartoons as a reference.

The capeshit is going to be played fairly straight, but every once in a while there'll be some "leaning on the fourth wall" to keep things light.

You anons won't have to wait long. I'm drafting the first short story right now. It's an origin story for Eclipse and the eventual formation of the Knockouts team as I described it in the last thread. Don't expect Neurossa to show up just yet.

Never in my life did I expect a level-headed discussion of religion on a chan board. This stuff usually devolves into "christfags lol" and "le brave fedora".

...

But being a writing board you gotta get sources. Is as far as these things are being considered here.

Hey, every writer usually goes through several rewrites and drafts before coming up with a version they enjoy the most. I do recall Ian Fleming, the creator of the James Bond novels wrote his first story in less than a month, but then spent a year rewriting and editing things he didn't like.

Godspeed, user. I've been looking forward to your story since you posted about it in the previous writing thread. I'm sure I am not the only one excited about it.

It's probably just because we started these discussions with a sense of respect towards the material from the very beginning, asking questions not as a way to irk others but rather with genuine curiosity. I'm definitely writing from a viewpoint of someone who wouldn't like to preach with a holier-than-thou attitude and wouldn't want to be take down to like an idiot either.

Besides, I feel there aren't many stories that use figures from religion in a fun way. I don't mean it in mocking, idiotic way for cheap satire, but there are plenty of genuinely interesting concepts that are never explored or touched upon or incorporated in some unique, modern way.

Sadly true, but in some cases some of those characters win as in found love again/became better people/remain good chums with the MC and their lover. Which is something that I hope I can do well with this story.

Same. Especially if the writer is overly relentless to that one character for no good reason and makes them the butt monkey.

You're in for a real treat user, it truly is a bizarre adventure. Jesus Christ is a key figure in Part 7

Definitely saving those tips onto a notepad, and I'm very thankful for your input, user.

It's definitely rare to see that. The recent thing I've seen that plays around with figures from religion is Jojo and vid related (the manga is really a good read too).

Yeah, I made some changes between Vacuum first time and now.
So I made them volunteers for recruitment so now they needed a reason to be there and I made one based in how I'd imagined they acted like, like backtracking on their lives.

But I already had one with Ramsey, so I turned Bo-os into a jaded jerk. Like Michelle not pretending to be childish and then backtracked into a massive spoiler.

But I just felt he should be a father figure for Michelle because she needed one, then I came up why would he become that, and backtracked into other spoiler.

Now knowing their characters I know they're an official couple pretty early, get married before the princes tournament and spoilers after it.

I was afraid of badly written characters so I didn't added them.
But the scenes were very short and with so little interaction almost all character development was exposition, kinda like Steven Universe, so now feels like KND.

Don't be afraid, try if it works.

The plot just aligned itself once the characters were fixed.
Hope it helps.

Sometimes a writer just injects a lot of their likes in certain characters and dislikes in others. A common mistake a lot of hobbyist writers do is they just make a character represent all the things they don't like and then make that character the butt of every joke or make them suffer every cruel thing under the sun.

Oh, I got the two parts confused. I forgot that Part 6 is the one where everyone dies

Holy shit, that's actually really hilarious. I do enjoy the idea of religious figures interacting with the modern world, especially with the portrayal of Jesus being this kind, innocent, and naive guy.

My story does coincidentally also play around with different figures in religion. Like God the Father being this absolutely neutral figure in the war between heaven and hell who just spectates, while the Angels and all the other denizens of Heaven are ready to go to war for what they feel is protecting the sanctity of their domain.

How was that poor kid from D&D called + wheeler.

How was that poor kid from D &D called + wheeler.

...

Yeah, Wheeler from captain planet.The kid who was always wrong even when he was right.
You get pretty early that whoever wrote Captain Planet wasn't a cool kid in highschool.

Oh, I wasn't sure who you were referring to by the way you worded that phrase. But yes, something similar to that, especially when you know that the writer did that just to air out their own dirty laundry on a particular character. Always drives me up the wall.

Now the last part that's missing is the epilogue arc, placed around 11 years after the princes tournament arc.
And that's almost finished too.
In actual writing I'm starting what I trustfully believe is the final draft.

I like how Soon I will be invincible. handled it. Maybe it time for my favorite knockout fag to start reading.

Holla Forums doesn't support MOBI files this is BULLSHIT

Sounds good, good luck with your writing, and you should definitely share it once you're ready to do so, user.

So how long are you planning to continue your plot?

Not really heavy spoilers but spoilers non the least.

Part I
>The bounty on the captain. (7 chapters)
>Falling from governmental support and fight against the bounty hunters and rebellion. (3 chapters)

Part II

PART III
>Introduction to the beast, souls and Sarah-I's arc. (10 chapters)

I haven't mapped out how long each part of the plot will take. I guess I'm still painting with wide brushstrokes at the moment and haven't gotten into the very precise details of my story yet. I suppose you could say it's definitely slow paced, so the beginning will take a decent amount of time to really set things up, while I know that a lot of the book will be dedicated to the adventures between the protagonists and explaining the ongoing conflict between unearthly beings.

For me, it's a little different. I end up imagining some very specific scenes in my head, down to the little details, then they end up sticking with me until I can't help but write about them, expand on them. I basically build my story around cool moments and try to make it all make sense.

For example, that's how The Knockouts started. I was kinda miffed at the Big Two (Marvel especially) for essentially replacing my favorite heroes with women and minorities and calling me racist for being rightfully annoyed. So, I ended up thinking about a scene where an all-female, all-diverse superhero team sleeps with a fucking white male Superman/Captain America expy. And that idea stuck with me until I started making up backstories for all of the characters.

And now I have The Knockouts in the works.

Funny thing.

pic unrelated

I used music.
I heard trough songs I liked to see in key parts of vacuum.
Like Iron Maiden (due to militaristic themes), War pigs, immigrant song, Hallelujah, Cat's in the cradle, season of the witch, Ballroom Blitz, princes of the universe, Barracuda, Animal (by Julee Cruise), Balance slays the demon, number of the beast, Space Oddity, Carry on wayward son, Word up, We're stars, Werewolves of London, and adding i'm trying to approach into more modern stuff, but the more modern stuff in like it's more AXOLOTL, so I'm not gonna force it.

I do lack some catchy techno/electronic/house beats in that mood.

Yes, I could definitely see how in your case it makes a lot of sense that you built your story around that particular scenario of having women of different ethnic backgrounds all craving white cock; I think we're all very frustrated with the big two and they way they've handled their stories and characters. Now that I'm writing my own story, it's very hard not to inject parts of yourself, your desires, and what you enjoy into your own creation.

You're not alone, there are plenty of stories that were born because the writer wanted to get a specific idea across, Animal Farm being one that comes to mind.

I use a lot of bands and songs in my story, but I incorporate them when naming characters. I'm a sucker for subtle references.

Kind of like me.

Instead I just wanted a mentor student relationship Where neither dies but holy shit do I cut it close for them, Hell I want them to grow into respecting one another and balance them out with the rest of the insane universe.

Eric
Fun fact: the network made them include him since they were short of a complainer is always wrong character and the writers hated his guts. I wonder how well it'd work if you tried to make a scapegoat character with the expectation that people are going to think they're the best girl.

I think he should read song of Solomon.
"I was a wall, and my breasts were like towers;"
Song of Solomon 8:10

Yeah, Vacuum is a more "in the now" type, despite all the lore and world, decidedly its proper pacing is to jump for days or even weeks between chapters, especially since it has an ending.

Yours definitely looks for going for years if you want to.
But I must tell you, your past seems more interesting than your present.
Not because its bad, but because the lore of the hunters and the current plot with Akane seems kinda unrelated if it wasn't for the Aeons.

So there's a lot of potential content to relate them little by little and see how much the times have changed.

On the other hand AXOLOTL doesn't have a lore besides the three main characters backstories, is extremely short, and in fact, I'll like that the faces of every character besides the main weren't even shown, always obscured, out of focus and/or seen by their backs.

I think that could last forever, especially if your villains are sex related too. But decidedly negative.

Another thing to consider would be including short and relevant snippets from in-universe books, newspapers, interviews, etc. at the beginning of each chapter. That's what Witcher books did with folk songs, historical chronicles, poems, and prophecies.

There will obviously be other characters. One of them would be main character's roommate, who would be an opposite to the protagonist in some ways. I will also include family members, and protecting them from trouble they might get into, would be one of main character's ongoing concerns. Religious order would be the ones that keep them safe, and it is another reason that keeps protagonist associated with them.

As to the apartment itself, main character's bedroom would slowly become more and more overcrowded with books and notes as story goes on, to the point where he is running into storage and logistic issues. There will also be some people attempting to buy, burrow, or steal some tomes from his collection, which would then lead to finding a safe place to keep the stuff at.

Well, that sounds like a very interesting concept and something that would take helluva work and creativity to pull off well.

Is a cliche I really love.
Watching characters sharing characteristics or mirroring them.
And interacting trough these.
Like in Gravity Falls or Naruto.

You're right, I feel like just the history of this group of hunters could be its own story, but I am conflicted since I feel like I always want to tell the story about Akane and how she is apart of the same group of hunters that has been kept secret for centuries and how they operate in the modern world.

One of them would be main character's roommate, who would be an opposite to the protagonist in some ways.
That's an interesting dynamic you're doing. My story does something a bit similar since my protagonist is roommates with another member of the hunters, it's cramped and the two do bicker a lot, but there's got to be a way to pay the bills. Also, it's heavily implied that the two have the hots for each other, but when you're living together in a cramped apartment, I am sure that's only natural.

You know, I haven't seen that one very often. It's a very interesting and subtle change in character development to see characters mimic each other's actions slightly over time.

Well I found some little inconsistences on your later specifications.
1- The church condemns Akane while playing naive.
While this could've been done in secret I think is better if the Vatican knows jackshit about her.
2 - An Aeon condemns her but they're far away of the moral picture.
I think it would be better if an angel condemns her and she asks an Aeon for help to keep Gomory.
3 - As I said to the guy from semi-lich and learned myself from my first draw you need more characters.
What if a hunter comes to kill Gomory!Akane but since Gomory is contained and Akane still has quite a free will, he decides to better keep her on constant check because personal morals.
And there you have your connection between Akane and the hunters with their past included.

I didn't wrote that last part

Fuck me today.

Thanks for spotting the inconsistencies that I have couldn't notice myself. Again, I'm not really done with the drafting process so I am sure there are plenty of weird plot holes and errors I have yet to spot.

Looking back at it, I think so too. It seems very contradictory if the Vatican wants to distance itself from its past of hunting and persecuting demons so openly, but then also makes a big effort to actively condemn a single person who associates with a demon.

Yeah, that's a much better idea. I was trying to think a way to explain why Akane works for the hunters, and that'd be a good one. She could be condemned by one of the more battle-hungry angels who indiscriminately condemn any unholy creatures and people associated with them. She is worried with the threat of being sent to Hell, so she turns to one of the Aeons for help. In return for their protection, the Aeon tells Akane that she has to serve in their name by joining the hunters.

Well, the organization runs deep. There are quite a lot of hunters I hadn't spoken about.

Coincidentally, that's pretty much how Akane and her roommate become friends in the first place and becomes Akane's rude awakening towards the existence of the hunters in the first place. Basically, this guy is tasked with studying Akane and Gomory and record all his findings, eventually after months of watching, he's tasked with killing Akane but finds it hard to do so, eventually explaining himself and inviting her to come join.

Also, I really appreciate that you'd take the time to comb through my writing for plot inconsistencies. I'm still an amateur, hobbyist writer so I still have a lot to learn.

If you have any more suggestions about what I should add into the story or maybe edit something, I would be really interested in hearing what you have to say.

Well, as you've seen I like to talk a lot about my stuff, so the best I can do is to hear the stuff from other people, that way I'm not a douchebag and I don't force myself.
Beside practice, I used to write a lot of reviews, very detailed ones (I like to give every detail their own value) but I grew tired of how exhausted I was and never had the desire to come back to it as for now. I like to write stuff now, and really hooked on these two projects.

Also, you want the hunter and Akane to be friends, take mind that they're going to have a lot of time together, you can stand only so much sincere bickering.
Gomory shouldn't be present to much either, although her sin isn't that monstrous or intolerable so maybe its not that bad.
So yeah, have a good balance between positive and negative interactions, specially if this is going to last long.

Also, write like if it where 25 (or maybe 40) minutes TV episodes, is like a template to keep what's important and to not break ambience and pacing,

What's a Token Character?
I once was told by an SJW that the fact that one of the of the characters in a project I'm working is a Token Character simply because she's the only main character who happens to be Greek-Filipino in Salem…

It's a character who is only there because they are minority among homogeneous cast, and likely they are the only non-white (in case of western media) character. Their main purpose in the story is to provide diversity. Token from South Park is a parody of that.

The character art from Mist is only loking better and better.

Well, I remember she threw a fit saying my characters were a sea a white… it's like you have to be either brown or black to be considered a Minority… Japanese folk don't count because white skin…

And that's why SJW's comics are shit. they don't follow their gut.
I have a lesbian and two black pesons, one of them female, in my cast.
And I didn't add them to fit, tumblr's agenda, and I don't follow Holla Forums's agenda either.
I just added them like that because I felt they had to be added like that.

Fuck, I have mostly Lesbian/Bisexual women as my cast of characters… I think Heather "Pokemon Trainer-Chan" Clarke's the only straight character…

I used to make comics in Pixton.com around 2013
But I realized I was way past the quality of the average comic, even with the limited tools of the software I payed more attention to detail and facial expresions, placement of props and perspective than most of the other users.

I realized a little after in the chat that most users were literally 12yo and those who werent were fucking autistic.
So I left.
I decided to come back bu realized that many of the tools I used had become premium so no.

SJW seems to be a 'fan' of Trixie…
For these reasons

Irony is that Trixie's the most girly of the bunch and only keeps the tomboy look because of the fact that she wants respect.

Trixie a cute.

Looks like someone is a fan of Ghost Rider and/or Fantomah.

She came from the weird Idea I had when watching Madoka…
Magical Girl Ghost Riders…
also she's a Demigod… her mother's the Goddess of Vengeance so yeah..

Don't expect to find sense in people who fell they should/shouldn't like stuff instead of just enjoying it and viceversa.

I usually hate and call out namefaggotry but in this thread it seems necessary because it's a writing thread and it would be a clusterfuck if I didn't know who is who.

Hell, she hated Aya for being a Kitsune and saying it's over saturated… even tho her experiences with them came from Weebs from Role Plays

I just imagined a blazing skeleton girl in a fuku spinning around, holding two fingers sideways and yelling that she will punish me in the name of Hell!

Wait, aren't you that guy whom artist is a SJW and made that thread that survived the purged?

I like how your designs manage to be not too plain, but not too complex, despite such simple color palettes. It's the kind of stuff I'd want to go for someday.

I'm working on a webcomic myself.

Working on a webcomic about a post-apocalyptic ice age future Earth, but the catastrophe itself being left ambiguous and having characteristics of many religious apocalyptic scenearios, with Fimbulwinter from Ragnarok being one or Wormwood the falling star from the apocalypse. Whether the calamity was a nuclear human oopsie, an alien invasion, or some metaphysical cosmic thing is ambiguous. idk kind of how people speculate what brought down ancient civilizations but no one really knows 100%

The world is kind of a setting like that of Samurai Jack where all kind of things can happen, like fantasy elements, aliens, pirates, Mad Max warlords, industrialized nations, kingdoms, lovecraftian cults etc. Just me doing whatever I want in way

A viscious world, but it´s more subtle and the POV is often kids from different backgrounds living in somewhat civilized winter society day by day. Wake up, go to school, hang with your buddies, be nice to your parents, hail the overlord with ambiguous morality, avoid being lured the sacrificial cults, steer clear of the forest monsters, stay in doors when the pirates come for slave raiding, hope feudal lord senpai notices me etc etc

I just got started with 6 pages so far, but it'm having fun with it so I guess that's what counts

looks really nice user.

The she starts befriends civilized kids who introduce her to society; Marley a street girl who is quite cynical about the world and tries to twist the rules for her own advantage, Aster, the son of the ruling overlord who is very idealistic, prideful, and enforcer of law; and Tybalt, another mutant child who rejects civilized society and praises anarchy. So it´s these characters playing one another and trying influence this little girl with their views of the civilized world and if it's any better or worse than the wilderness whe only knows. They are many other kinds of characters she meets, but it's these three she deals with the most.

So some the topics I explore are civilization, savagery, man vs it's own cruelty, and man vs the cruelty of nature.

no tumblr sojus bs, a darwinistic setting like this hardly allows it

Pic1: Vany, Tybalt, Aster, Marley

Pic2: most of the kid cast I've come up with so far

thank you very much, user

I have the first chapter.
I'm gonna storytime it, public test I guess.

...

...

...

...

Can someone teach me how to write a story bible?

Inconsistencies checking and constructive criticism is welcomed.

I just write what I feel fine writing about.

I love those designs. Reminds me of samurai Jack.

how should I structure it?

Not the same guy, but I usually write mine like this:

This varies sometimes; for example, it's a good idea to elaborate on the world and lore after the synopsis, but before the characters. You can also explain the concepts for characters after each one, have themes at the end so that it all ties together, etc.

Thank you for the advice, user… I hope I can write up a significant amount of information to start a MIST thread in the future and that my friend can redraw these Holla Forums waifus

Take in mind that while it can be used so people can have a better understanding of your work is mostly used when for whatever reason someone else has to work in your world.
Or you want to keep ideas for spin offs.

First and most importantly is the lore and world.
Important events that led you to have the world you have, also under which rules does your world works, especially in magic and SciFi.

Then the characters, they would normally be the most important but since you're representing them in your work it could get redundant.
Only if your work passes trough a lot of hands then your characters should be first.
Which are their moral limits, their ideologies and how does these make sense and tie t their backstories.

Then the ideas that led you to the world you have now, your original drafts, what changd and why.

Thank you so much for the info an help on how I should lay down the rules of Magic and Scifi in MIST

It starts weird until page 12, then is pure gold. You have something here user.
Plus, I was going to say that the ending unrelates to the beginning but then I read "part 1".
Uff

I'm not sure if MIST an animation or a web comic… and if an animation, 2D or 3D?

what's Namefagging? I'm new to chan boards so I'm not aware.

I would normally call you a faggot, tell you to lurk.
But since unlike the 98% of the users of this god forsaken site you actually have a talent.

People don't use names on this site, those who do are faggots, we agreed to use it cause it was very confusing to have people popping up with ideas constantly.

On execution be realist,

You wouldn't want to do flash animation with those designs and backgrounds.
This is more close to Gravity Falls detailed potatoes and hand drawing.

How did you end up here.
Im a believer that people are where they belong.
Tumblr users to tumblr, reddit users to reddit, and well, us.
Many of us here come from the exodus from 4chan.
I'm a first Exodus (October 2014) user myself, so how did you end up here.

Isn't the Grinning Potatoes thing a bad thing?

Word of mouth, and the artist is a Holla Forums lurker.

here's the other two of the four main characters of MIST.
Just so that you guys know…

Not really, people are just sick of it and the fact that many decide to use this as oppose to look original.
But Gravity Falls did it pretty well, because every character had a lot of detail, like how the clothing looked from every angle and the fact that it was hand drawn it managed to have depth and perspective.

10/10 taste in women my friend.

which of them are you referring two? or are you complimenting Aya's and Trixie's taste in women respectively?
Trixie's with Jolie
while Aya's with Gale

Gale.
Holy shit Gale.

Gale

...

Gale's 5'0" and desperately trying to convince people that she's the sexiest girl in Salem if not the World…

Well, she's being very succesful at it.
"Dress like you want to be" I guess.

Wow, I was hoping to make her more cute than drop dead sexy…
I guess she's a grinning potato you would like to see some lewds of, I guess…

Not really.
She's really good at that balance of obviously sexy but leaving thing to the imagination.

How's your Experience with 8/co/ so far ?

Thank you, Gale does dress to impress…

Apart from being called out for being a Namefag, really good… It rekindled the fire in me to continue with MIST.

Namefagging is not really looked upon because is like being an attention whore in an anonymous site.
But you're leaving legitimate productive stuff so you're worth calling for attention.

Well, at post 300 we hit bump limit so then I'm gonna prepare the fourth thread.
In the OP I'll include content of the people that well actually posted content to call for attention of more people..

Thank you so very much for this…

I hope to work with you in the future, man.

Are you kidding me, this is literally the first Writting thread in Holla Forums where people actually start working on stuff rather than just leaving the concept.

I kinda like your (literally) edgy drawing style for something like AXOLOTL.

Uh, That's my lurkerfag friend who drew them… this is my art style

also, is there a way for me to contact you?

That's thicker so it may work even better.

Well, I'm gonna start with the second script.
The first is for anyone to read up there in the thread.

My youtube channel.
Not because of any particular reason, I just've learned by being three years in this pit of human derailment that I don't wanna post my email here.

Just leave a comment in any video.
youtube.com/channel/UCuoCYpzvIdpYLpWcxcNHtbQ

will do, man.

I haven't heard much of the plot.
What's about?

MIST? It's an Occult Detective series set in Salem, MA. It revolves around the Mythic Institute of the Strange and Terrifying (MIST)
The first major arc revolves around the Salem Underground an organized crime syndicate composed of Mystics and Mythical Beings.
Don't want to give too much away, y'know?

These are the final stats of the script, compare to OP.

Whew, glad to see this thread is still alive and kicking for the most part. How is everyone doing in terms of progress, how are your projects going so far?

(checked)
Your description really does intrigue me, and hey, like I've mentioned before a lot of people on this thread have similar ideas for their stories since most of this stories discussed in this thread have revolved around the supernatural and occult. I love your character designs as well, it's not usual you see drawn work in a writing thread so that is always refreshing.

Here
Finished the first script I'm 5 pages into the second.
and I have documents from all content contributors prepared for next thread

Have you made any progress or to much IRL bullshit?

Glad to see you are working on your story, hope everything is going well on your end. Any new updates on your story? Any juicy specifics?

Sadly, nothing yet. I am waiting for the weekend to start writing my first chapter. I'll share a link with you once it's up.

There are no changes, I'm following the plan but following you gut is underestimated I'm just going with the flow and is going smooth as you won't believe, I'm gonna "public test" all the introduction.

There's part one already in this thread entirely.
I'm gonna publish it again in the next thread along with part 2 since being realist we're close to 300 bumps.

mega.nz/#!mBdCTYCQ
Here's the link if you wanna keep it.

!7Leykf0t5N81s5zyFoJw3iO7WF1FP5BO34blWk9-uoc

It's an interesting setting with interesting characters who I want to learn more about.

The script feels a little fast-paced but that may just be because your writing is snappy and to-the-point. You're not writing a novel and you don't dwell on pointless bullshit. I like that.

The dialogue is a bit rough, but whatever. This is an early draft, right? These things get cleaned up all the time.

One question, though: Why is Emerick so pissed that Jonathan died? From the pages you've given they've known each other for less than a day. Unless, of course, they have a history…

Emerick is pissed because he just saw a guy killing his own brother, consider than Emerick was never adopted, not to mention that as I said in his character insight up in the thread he lost someone he considered a brother.
Threating a concept so valuable to him in such a disposable way really made him lost it.

Using Occam's Razor is an incredible against bullshit tool for writing in general

Ah. Got it. It's like when homeless people get pissed whenever restaurants throw away leftover food. Except this time it's with family and death.

Also a good way to avoid overly-complicated plans and backstories.

Yep, you got it.
I was afraid I wouldn't be able to create distinguished characters and then keeping them in character but as you write them and keep writing them it gets easier.

These characters seem simple but also does the real people when you don't know them, you get to know them later.

>Michelle is contantly reactive, supportive of Emerick (Or supported by)

>Linda is shy and wants to content Michelle. And was forcibly drafted there.

I'm progressing with the rest of the cast.

Again, thank you for the compliments, man.

MIST also has scifi elements in it, basically anything paranormal.

Thanks, I will make sure to read it ASAP.

That's great to hear, I'd love to learn more about it and the characters. From what you've shown in the thread, you paid a lot of attention to design and detail with your characters, but I'd love to hear more about what their personalities and backstories are like.

sure, do you have another method of contacting you?

Well, I don't know how far you'd like to go to contact me a little more personally, but if want a place where there is a good messaging system AND you can also share your story, there's a writing website called Wattpad that's great for that sort of thing.

I'll send you a link to my account where you can message (after you make your own account, it's free).

wattpad.com/user/TiramisuDeluxe

cool, granted… I'm not too fond of the content on Wattpad but…

Yeah, the front page is a shitshow and a lot of it is retarded garbage with no effort put into it, but that's the downside of any website that allows ANYONE to publish anything they want. Besides, it's a good way to communicate with writers who are actually decent.

Agreed, Wattpad's just as bad as Fanfiction.net…

I agree, but there are small pockets of decent writers there, as there are in every writing website.

I messaged you btw

I just came with the perfect way to show passage of time
at least until the princes tournament.
Since is expected for something bad to happen in every chapter, I just need to put a board in the hangar of the entrance that says "X days without deaths" everytime it appears on scene.
The hangar is the entrance of the ship so it will be shown a shitload of times.

Also, note to myself.

Pretty much this, and like said, there are a few gems in every site. Then again, unlike Archive and Wattpad, fanfiction.net doesn't really give you much freedom on going full lewd, and the rating system is a bit vague.

I know it's not really the best option but I do think Wattpad is one of the best things we have at the moment. The UI is simple and sleek, it's a good way to message anyone and have their profile with all their works right there, with the only real downside being the community of users, but you could look past it.

That was pretty good. Like said, it was interesting, but the dialogue is pretty rough. I've also spotted some typos and missing words, but that's probably because it's a first draft.

Quick question, what's up with volunteers and why are they considered poster children that are safer, and more privileged, than those that were drafted?

I just posted this in another thread, but it's a basic premise for a joke comic that lets me take the piss out of current events. I wanna know if this sounds like it could work as a sketch comic for fun and practice.

>they fail miserably because they're all incompetent SJW handwaves who are too busy being

Same guy, is it because they're kept away from the fight and just filmed, or is that just a rumor?

Sadly is mostly true, but most ships have pushiver, uninvolved captains, this one doesn't.

The dialog is not really rough.
I'm not really good at smoothing the delivery, and still inexperienced at building atmosphere.
With good atmosphere a rough delivery can be better.
Although now that I think about it, softer dialogue in deliberate characters would add more variety to it all.

Not going to deny that.

How bad is the community there? Is it as abysmal as SU and LoK's community?

LoK?

Do any of you guys believe that having Korra as a movie only for the first season and that's it would've been perfect?

Can't say… I haven't seen it

Legend of Korra. Vid related.

If it just ended at season 1 and never continued from there, then yes, I would be fine with it because that would mean Airbender's lore and the Gaang would've have been spared from being sullied.

Ok I guess
Fanfiction.net
Terrorist hunt… Is this still Avatar?
Premature ejaculation.

Pretty much this. Though I do feel like that there's a small number of fanfic writers that can write a better LoK season and handle the lore/established characters with care than Bryke.

Korra is still a cunt, and they really messed up Toph's character.

Save face by pulling a 'she's a lesbian, and was always in love with Asami, who she cucked in Season 1.'

Well, in two commutative hours of work I managed 6 pages, but I had to do a lot of shit today.
Tomorrow is more free so it'll be easier and maybe I can make 10 or so since what I'm gonna write is so clear right now.

Sorry been up to my tits in other works that's kept me from indulging in my inner NEET.

Anyways, the community isn't that cancerous. It's just that, if you couldn't already tell by the stories on the front page, most of the people browsing the site are teenage girls who write the most cringe-worthy romance fan-fic stories ever. Other than that, it's really tolerable and you'll never really run into any Tumblr-tier faggotry on the site.

If you're thinking of making an account, it's free and it offers a lot of personalization for your profile. When you make an account, post a link to it here and I'll follow you immediately.

Hey, that's not bad at all. It beats my progress of only getting in a couple of paragraphs in the past two days. Feels shitty knowing I could really be dedicating more time to writing if it weren't for the rest of the outside world constantly keeping me busy.

Hey, I got a question…
How do I say clear from Tumblr Faggotry when the cast of MIST is an all-female cast with 3 of them being Lesbians and one of them being Bisexual?

Just have them actually do shit instead of sitting around. You're going to get tumblr faggotry anyway. Just don't take any advice from them and you're fine as rain.

Also, keep the red noses away, pretty please? I seen people art degrade after posting on tumblr for extended amount of time.

Thank god my friend doesn't post his art on Tumblr…

Well, the issue with "Tumblr Faggotry" which is the case for the writers at Marvel and DC for example, is the fact that they will add lesbians, bisexuals, blacks, hispanics, etc. for no reason other than because it's "progressive" and they want to prove to their cliques just how much social justice koolaid they can drink. They aren't making characters, they're just filling the diversity quotas in their heads. They think about gender and race first, and the actual personality and depth as an afterthought.

The same issue happens with the actual plots surrounding these stories. I'm not sure if you've been keeping up with the other threads going on around Holla Forums but for example, Civil War II has been one big circlejerk about the writer(s) thoughts on racial profiling. It's a brief example, but the point I am trying to get across is that you can easily tell when a writer's political leanings show up in a story, and most of the times, they aren't subtle about it. Avoid preaching to your audience, avoid chastising your audience, and avoid making strawmen arguments for different political groups you don't agree with. It makes you look petty and it ruins how people look at your story.

Does anyone really want to read a story where the characters are just the author's personal mouthpieces where they talk about how "ugh, white people are just like, the worst, man." I certainly don't. No one does. That's why Marvel is doing so awful nowadays.

well from what I've told you about MIST over on skype do you think I'm on the right path?

You can't, even when there's no tumblr faggotry they'll find it, and when its full of it they'll find the white cis male to complaint about.
Kinda like Holla Forumsif you think about it.
Just do your thing.

I can feel you actually put effort into your characters, like you actually took the time to think about how their relationship dynamics work. Hell, you didn't mention lesbians when we talked on Skype, and if you did, you didn't make it the main trait of your characters.

The issue with Tumblr shit is that those fags don't see a character, they don't see a person, they only see a skin color, they only see a minority. You ever try to describe these new diversity replacements that are consuming all the old heroes in Marvel comics?

They're lifeless and bland, and they only act to serve as mouthpieces for whatever political issue the author wants to address. And it's obvious that they only exist to be the black replacement of an established character. Why black? Because it's progressive! Yay, 20+ Diversity Points!

I usually just say "Jolie's in a Relationship with Trixie" or "Gale has a huge crush on Aya"
I don't just go with "THEY'RE LESBIANS! YAY!"

No worries, user.

If you're thinking of making an account, it's free and it offers a lot of personalization for your profile. When you make an account, post a link to it here and I'll follow you immediately.
Already made an account a while ago, but never fully used it until now.

wattpad.com/user/bergamoutorange

Make your content on what you feel is best for the story line and the characters, and don't appease to the crowd that only like the surface of the series. Might be best to keep the user ask off (you can also turn it on from time to time, but most of the time keep it off.), and have a dummy email account that you'll barely answer to.

That's the way to do it. Don't make a big deal out of it, don't write it like you're trying to prove to the world that you're oh-so tolerant of gays like it's a revolutionary idea. Just write them like normal people and you'll be A-okay.

If you want to have lesbians and bisexuals, then go for it. You are the architect of YOUR story, but don't make a big deal about it and focus on your story and what makes your characters interesting rather than devoting all your time towards showing off how progressives gays are, you feel me?

Reminds me of the time an SJW said that Aya would turn away a potential viewer over the fact that the series has a Kitsune character…
Told her I don't care about those opinions then she says but I should since I'm making a series…

But would it not be more progressive to write a gay character as a normal person? I don't get why that SJW told me that they should experience oppression…

I know that feeling. I made an account, I've publish the cover of my story, and haven't touched my account until now. It's practically like a wasteland when you try to have a decent conversation with someone and they're absolute normalfags on every possible level.

I also have a lesbian.
One chapter and a half in and I haven't even mentioned it.
Is just not important at the moment.

Thread ready when were close enough.

I also made an account in Tumblr for a raid.
I still can't understand the design.
Is like the rapechild between Facebook and Blogger.

Don't do that, user. Never ask an SJW for advice. No matter how friendly they appear, they will always try to change your story in a way that they agree with. She is trying to trick you into listening to her by saying "Aya would turn away a potential viewer for being a Kitsune", when in reality, it's because that thought of Aya being a Kitsune goes against the way she thinks, and for SJWs, anything that goes against their beliefs should not exist in the first place.

Good, this is how you deal with SJWs. They don't listen to logic, they don't listen to reason. Just tell them to fuck off. If you EVER give an SJW an inch, they will demand a mile from you.

I posted this in my old thread…
Diversity in body types…
Notice the common trend…

Most of them are fatties?

I hate the design of Tumblr. It's such an eyesore and a pain in the ass to navigate with all the different blogs having that "look at me, I'm a special snowflake" design to them that make me almost vomit at the thought of them.

Most of them are ham planets?

I actually spent some time on that site but ultimately quite because it's so user-unfriendly.

Who designed that shit? Certainly not people who like smooth and easy site navigation.

She explained that the issue with Aya as a kitsune is this…
after I said that Aya's not a stereotypical Kitsune…

Bingo
This is her counter to me saying she has an issue with fit people
Below is one example of what I mean by having different, realistic shapes. These can be exaggerated as necessary to bring more depth/visual interest to a character.
She then talked about Full Metal Alchemist…

I know that feel. I barely got anything done over the past month because life keeps getting in the way.

Are there any decent alternatives? Maybe keeping stories on Docs or Dropbox before making your own site? I think that the stuff I'd post would rub someone the wrong way and get deleted.

not diverse enough/10

Also, good work on prepping for the next thread, user. I'm glad these threads are actually active with people contributing to them. It feels so much more productive than the average Holla Forums thread where we just bitch and moan about how shitty comics are nowadays.

I don't know. It's so horrible and clunky to navigate, only real turboautists would use it. And what do you know, Tumblr's population is mostly comprised of creatures with the mental capacity of a vegetable in a wheelchair.

I don't know how it can relate to MIST…

user, I gotta tell you. This SJW that offers this """"""advice"""""" is trying to sink you to her level of creative bankruptcy. You really should just tell her that if she doesn't want to read a story because there are pretty girls in them, then she could go read about fat, hairy dykes drinking each other's piss on Tumblr.

The only people who have an issue with fit people are fat asses who are envious that their bodies aren't fit. SJWs always project their insecurities on things they don't she like. Again, I can only recommend that you tell her to go eat shit since nothing she says is worth a damn.

I keep writing down all the ideas I get in my head, but then I never act on it, so they're just gathering dust. Feelsbadman.jpg

Not any at the moment, friend. But listen, at a superficial glance, Wattpad might look bad, but it's a great networking tool alongside a great writing tool. You can store all your drafts on the site (privately, might I add), you can message other writers, and follow them so you can be notified when they update their story, etc. It's a great tool to connect with other anons (at least ones from this thread) and maintain permanent communication. I mean, eventually this thread will reach the bump limit and we'll have to start all over, so Wattpad is a good way to keep in touch with each other. We need more based Wattpad users tbh. I feel like I've been a lone, wandering nomad on that site ever since I made account.

Back to the re-education camps so you can be taught tolerance training again. :^)

I hope you broke off contact with this she-devil. It's obvious she wants you to tell the story she wants, with the characters the way she wants to see them. It's clear she isn't offering constructive criticism, but rather trying to suck away the life from your story and trying to mold the story so they can fit with her politics.

That's pretty lame and manipulative of what that person said to you.

Glad that you declined their opinion, and stuck with your guns.

Sounds like the other parts of fanfiction.net
Following you as well.

Granted, tumblr does have a few decent tutorials/refblogs (if you did through and follow decent people), but most of the time you find the shitty ones like the one you found.

Some refs I saved:
imgur.com/a/N1mMq
imgur.com/a/dXYxD

Same. Even if you use the site for the sole purpose of reblogging stupid things, use add-ons to block out the crap, and search for inspi art/references, Tumblr is just a clusterfuck for everyone.

Don't worry, I did

Probably because of how hard is to navigate people prefer to stay in their echo-chambers.
Just saying, species adapt to their environment.

Isn't that what you've already done? For example, Aya and Trixie both have round faces and "curvy" body types, but because Trixie has a rounder face and a flatter chest, she looks less mature than Aya.

Good, man. Those poisonous relationships can only put strain to the body and soul.

Of course, why would they want to be challenged with different opinions and new thoughts when everyone can just act as Yes-men with each other and chase off anyone who disagrees with them?

Thanks for the follow, lad.

Also don't worry, I'm only reposting old shit, I think she ran off because she cried over me not giving in to her politics…

BTW She said that Aya was Cringe worthy I didn't understand it so I asked her to explain

Logically, I go… How is Aya in a Harem?

I am forever grateful that she seemed to have ran away…

How did she not burst into flames after saying that? SJWs would never admit they're wrong or change their minds about their viewpoints about anything.

Wasn't she bitching before about "stereotypes"? Did she not realize she's making the stereotype that people "like Aya" are in harems? Maybe she could see the irony in that if she didn't have her head up her own ass.

I didn't even know this wildebeest and I'm glad she ran away in tears.

She even told me that I could make the most racist and most sexiest story imaginable but she won't stop me… I felt se was trying to guilt me into agreeing to her ideals…

I've been working on a single idea over the past year or so. While I've refined some things and elaborated on others, I usually work on the real thing for a week before stopping for a month. It feels like the same thing as not acting on anything, and it really sucks to be honest family member.

Gotcha. I'll see if I can get my act together and post an acc next thread.

We're nearing the bump limit… can we move our convo to skype?

It's how they operate. They know that if they try to force you into agreeing with them, you'll only fight back more so they play the "I'm the victim, pity me" card and try to make you agree with them out of guilt. Don't fall for it.

Like I said before, I think you're doing fine with how you're handling the lesbian relationships in MIST, I don't think you even mentioned it to me before. It's good to not make it a big deal and treat like a normal thing, not some groundbreaking, revolutionary idea.

What's wrong with that? It's fiction and fantasy. Also, it's pretty flattering if someone finds your characters attractive for both design and personality wise.

That's some mental gymnastics right there. Good thing you dodged that bullet, and possibly made her cry.

Sure, if you'd like. We're going to reach 300 soon anyways, so we could also continue going in the next thread that OP has ready for everyone to jump into but if you want to talk on Skype too, that's fine. But I would recommend continued participation in these threads as well. It'd be a shame to see them die due to inactivity.

Jesus, we burn through these writefag threads fast.

I'm not even mad. It's actually impressive considering Holla Forums's low site traffic.

Yeah ni
I was making the fourth thread but is acting like a little bitch.
Holy fuck you stupid overchan.
Can someone just copy this

...

Oh, yeah you can upload that.
Stupid cunt

Even now, Hotwheels continues to fuck us.

Especially considering that Holla Forums isn't exactly the quickest or most populated board, it's nice to see some actual activity and contribution in a thread with actual progress being made.

ONE LAST REPLY BEFORE BUMP LIMIT WHO WILL SAVE US?

I… I can't, just copy
Remember to archive.

Finally
8ch.net/co/res/688957.html

OUR HERO

...

I'm so fucking proud of you faggots.

Thanks, user. Feels good to be doing something for once other than the typical bitching.
GET IN THAT NEXT THREAD WITH US FAGGOT

WITNESSED

GLORIOUS