Probably sentimental BS

I was born on the 03.17.1997
My father died on the 02.21.2007, which means that i knew my father for 3629days.
Mathematically speaking it would mean that with tomorrow i lived longer out of his influence and care, than in it.
I dont really know what to make out of this day.
If he could see me now, would he be proud, mad,etc. at the way I lived to this point?
What adice would he gave me?
I will probably never know.
My memories of that time are fading more and more with the Years.

What I want to say with this is: spend time with your family and make something out of it to remember.

Well, it could have been worse. he could be a vegetable

...

mine died when i was 3.5 yo
i win

Your heart is free, user. Take what he taught you, improve yourself and have a kid or two of your own. Don't let his genetic destiny end with you.

...

2007 was ten years ago.

if only. then there'd still be time to warn everybody about Trump

spurdo sparde and gondola were the best memes to ever come out, ever.

they're good, but not quite on the level of the oat brothers

Or get those e-mails before she deleted them.

americans need to go extinct

Thanks for the kind words user.
I always looked up to him in my childhood. He tried to make most of the things on our farm himself when his wisdom allowed him to. He always said that hes going to teach me everything when im older, so i just watched when he was working, or building on something or whatever. Unfortunatly his depression took over before he had the opportunity.

In his last letter he said that we should give up the farm and moe into the city but my mom and I made the decision to try it anyway. His dearest friends helped us were they could and theached me pretty much how to do everything.
Were now doing pretty ok in comparison to the past, wish he could see the farm now.


know what you mean.
Im european but thought that nobody would get the date right/ understand me

quite

Mine died when I wasn't even born yet.
The thing is, I do not even know what am I missing.

r u black

Im sorry to hear that user
Was anyone looking out for you?
A uncle or someone other?

No. White European actually.

Well my mother worked from morning to evening all week, so I've spent most of my childhood with my grandparents.

Im very sorry to here that (more or less the same thing in the first 2 years)
How are you doing now?
Hows your mother?

Thank you for that.
As I said, when you live your whole life without a father, you don't even realise what is there to miss. I have already dealt with the fact that I have no father figure, however, it really sucks to think about how your life would turn out if you had a normal family. It has been 18 years, so my mother has managed to move on, but it is still something you can never recover from. She didn't even date anyone else since that. Also we do not even talk about the death in my family and I do not have a close relationship with my mother, therefore we have never talked about how we feel about this situation .I just always wonder, what would my father think about me, if he was here.

do you have anyone in your family you could talk about your father?
I often ask his closer friends for advice and what my father would think of certain situations.
I sometimes ask them about old times too because Im forgetting certain details very often.

Dont get me wrong user, I really dont mean this in ill intent, but the part of not talking about it kind of gets me worried for you.

I get very uneasy when it comes to talking about it. It would be best to talk about this with my grandparents, but I do not want to put them into the situation of remembering the past. They would get too emotional and I do not want to see them cry.

Pathetic

user i know i will sound like the greatest asshole on planet earth in the next few sentences.

I would advice you to talk with youre grandparents regardless. You dont know how long you would have the chance to get these informations. And you said yourself that it had been 18 years, i think they must have thought about the possibilties of your questions at some point in time.

I know that what you are saying is right and something that I actually should do, nevertheless I do not think I can't get over myself.
Our family is a bit weird. There are topics we just never talk about so eventually we build that uneasiness in case someone mentionts something related to those topics. And I just wish to stay in my comfort zone.

Im sorry to hear that and I understand to an certain extent (most of the story of my relatives on fathers side i know off my mother)
If you dont wish to/can speak to your family about it. Are there any known friends of your father? Or his workplace etc. you could begin with?

Sadly I have no information about that. About his friends, workplace and etc. Besides talking with my family there is nowhere to go. But I enjoy looking at the old picutres, it is really weird seeing a completely different picture of my family, my mother having someone close to her and seeming happy.

I wish i could help you, really but other than township records or something im out.

Its a good thing you have these pictures. But do yourself a favor and make a copy/backup of them (scanning, etc.).
I think there are a few pictures of my father existing somewhere out there but my grandma has them and it was always strange beween my grandma and the rest of the family (i say it outright she tried to play me out against my mother snce i was 5 and was a bitch in general)

lol shut up feeler

Thanks for the support, user.
Yes, that is a good advice. In a case like this, having pictures is absolutely necessary.
Do you have any idea why your grandmother is acting this way?

well its complicated so i must give you the long version:

it began with my grandpa who was in love with a woman in the neighborhood and well the 2nd world war happend and he was stationed in france. After this whole mess went down, the chick in the neighborhood was already married. My grandpa was a hunter and my grandma was the daughter of a huntsman of the next local community up in the hills. I dont know how the marriage went down (ive seen the photos i really hope smiling wasnt a thing back then). The next thing i know is the birth of my father and that my grandpa died when father was 17. He pretty much had to take it over whole because my grandma sucessfully nagged everyone away who wanted to help him after a year. And instead off investing in the farm she thought make-up and jewelry would be the better deal for her. Then my mother got to know my father at a local dancing fastival and grandma wasnt really fond of my mother.
My mother once told me of an situation were the depression of my father was peaking and he threatend to kill himself infront of grandma and she just shouted after him that he hasnt the guts for it to go through.

so tl;dr probably narcissism with arranged mariage.

I havent contacted her in 5 years (she tried to contact me but only me and not my brother probably because i came after my father in apperance)

*take the whole farm over

Sorry to hear that, it really must suck. Proves that you really need to be cautious before deciding whom you want to consider your lifetime partner. You know I think that having problems with family, not having close relationships, losing contact and this shit in general are one of the worst things that could happen to an individual. I was always jealous of others who seemed to have perfect families where everyone was able to treat each other as closest friends.

user let me tell you that these perfect families have A atleast 2-3 generations of non-stop backstabbing behind them or B put up a pretty good facade.

As to losing contact, i was (made) well aware who is putting a mask on in the family circle or else not koscher. (2 thirds of related people. no joke)

so the most of the family problems werent really surprising in the long run.

You are probably right. I guess it is easy to presume that other families do not face problems just from several observations.
But anyways, it's good if despite those few you still have people you can rely on in your family + relatives.

yes youre right. I have 2 branches (a grand cousin on fathers side and a cousin on mothers side) who i can trust without hesitation. There are a few of fathers friends who i count to them too.
Its always really merry when they visit us drink beer and escape the nagging of their wives. (I am pretty much in a round ervery weekend with men who are atleast 25 years older than me)

That is nice. Something to be definitely happy about.
I wish I had a bigger family, though. l have just one cousin, and she is too young to discuss anything signicifant anyways.

user a bigger family is not always good (I mean I just gave an example)

But if i may give something with you then, that relatives and family are in most cases two different and unrelated things.
There are people that you meet midst in your live and you connect well, and then when shit hits the fan you know that you have no friend but a brother in them.
keep searching.

you must have liked you father

git gud

yeah I really did.

I dont know your story but if you came into the crossfire of the divorce you have my condolence.

Yes, when you think about it.
But the whole "keep searching" statement stopped doing the trick. It doens't motivate me to hope to find someone to share a strong bond. I do not have high hopes for anything anymore.

at afterthought i could have let it away, youre probably right.
In most cases hope didnt let or stop things from happening anyway. waiting and acting in the right moment is also an important skill to have

Absolutely. You can't really acieve anything just by wishing for it.
But that is why I try to have love expectations for everything.

Perhaps my englsih isnt that good how i thought it was but i think a programm corrected "low" to "love" (please correct me if im wrong)

on low expectations: well you could try to cut the "target" created by high expectations into steps. This way you have an overview over acoplishments made up until a point and can stop without saying "i havent made it to this and that"
It works for me and helps with motivation

why the fuck did I even type it like that. Thanks for correcting. I am just really tired.
I guess it depends on the "target". I feel like not everything can be cut like that. However, seeing yourself progress is necessary, and the progress is usually gradual, I don't think you can achieve something significant instantly.But I have low expectations for most of the situations I encounter and not for my goals.

in that case your right.
In encountering situations low expectations are good to not completly demolish motivations. But it is important that after a while to asses if you could expect something higher out of these situation, otherwise you cant put in the ressources and in other words miss an opportunity.

Indeed. It is important to evaluate your potentiality. The reason why I like having low expectations, is that you end up still being happier with the outcome of the situation even thought it wasn't that great.