The stupidest tech shit you've ever heard

What is the stupidest tech-related thing you've ever heard somebody say?

I was talking to my uncle a few years back and he brought up his iMac and said something about viruses, and how he got a virus, and the conversation went something like

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youtube.com/playlist?list=PLi_KYBWS_E73gG80A5YFjf8ww5H8aJvAl
github.com/osnr/horrifying-pdf-experiments
twitter.com/NSFWRedditVideo

You already lost.

You occasionally don't have a choice when it's family or work.

Precious family photos lost forever and the entire OS fucked beyond repair. I have installed Ubuntu on their new computer and given everyone normal user privileges now so they don't fuck it up again. And in case you are wondering why he had no backup:

gay nigger sex asshole bitch

That's a slight improvement on

Why no backup?!

Well I've had


also pretty much everything on any kind of random "help" forum. It's usually a bunch of consumer tier faggots that will just tell you to go back to the manufacturer or to call customer service. Fucking unbelievably useless.

I have plenty more where that came from but I cant recall. People are mostly fucking retarded cunts when it comes to anything technical. I blame proprietary closed source systems and consumer advertising that says "if it's broke just buy a new one, we make em cheaper by the day."

Well, at least your uncle had a consistent-ish hypothesis, even if incorrect, for someone who knows nothing it's surprising. Way better than those who just throw their hands on the air and say "it won't work".

To be fair, he's an electrical engineer. He's smart, but he also tends to just make up a working hypothesis for how other things work and pretend that it's a fact instead of ever doing any research.
So he's the worst kind of bullshitter, because his stupid shit is based on intelligence but still no actual information, and is spewed with the utmost confidence.

In some cases I had to show people how to open word documents and how to press the save button.

Macfags were by far the worst offenders.

>I love Google maps user, my data plan is capped and I only have slow Internet but Google maps uses GPS to transfer all the data, maybe soon we don't need mobile Internet anymore and can use GPS

I stopped going to those random help forums years ago, they are just full of literal retards.

I've never had to deal with computer illiterate people because I don't have friends.

Programmer at my work thinks debugging is stupid, because he can just print stuff to console and that works fine.

Where do you work? Please tell me he's a new hire.

Is it legal to remove windows and install linux?

God tier taste in women fam.
The only good forums are the extremely specialized technical ones that are full of autists.
Everything else is usually filled with people who know only as much or less than you.

To ignore the obvious family and friend failings when it comes to understanding how tech works, my coworker, a 50 year old man who's been in the industry since before I was born (I'm 30) is incredibly dense on anything that requires what I call "loose understanding".

He will talk for days about the inner workings of Apache, for instance, but then a situation like this comes along:

Bell Labs. He worked here for a long time, but Brian is a professor at Princeton now.

doesn't exist, please come into the apple store and if you have apple care we'll give you a new one
[this support chat has ended]

nice one

actual retards

If all it did was corrupt the system files and/or the MBR then data like images and documents should still be intact. Or did it just obliterate the entire hard disk?

Anyway, staying on topic.

Not him, but I come from a fucking stupid family, and I've seen viruses they somehow got that just fucking randomly search and trash all audio, image, and video files they find on the hard drive, shred-style (overwriting them repeatedly with random bytes).

Ransomware can do essentially the same thing, but by encrypting and removing all the originals, frequently also shredding the original inode.

A lot of viruses are there just to do nothing more than be cunty.

I've had friends somehow manage to install fake adblocker malware.

I didn't even know those exist until then.

these people are fucking delusional

Actually, I was hired to help him out. He's a self taught programmer who build some internal tool here. Pretty impressive considering he hasn't even finished high-school, but still, his code sucks so bad it's depressing (and, of course, 0 comments or any documention). The people here (and most of all he himself) thinks he's a genius though, which makes fixing things near impossible, because he doesn't really want anything changed and throws a tantrum (seriously, it's like he's 5) when I suggest anything that goes beyond his grasp of understanding, which is damn near anything.

I've been polishing up my CV this weekend. I need the money, but I also need to protect the little sanity I still have left.

Turns out that IT personnel is a pajeet.
Nigger, desktop items tbh take up resources. having things in the desktop literally means they're "regularly opened by user". Every time you hover on desktop files and shortcuts the kernel CPU spikes and 'readies' the program that could open that file for example "a bloated picture viewer if its an image. bonus if its more than a few megapixels" or "ready this bloated CAD software if he hovers the shortcut"

You'll see the difference between a PC with 20GB desktop files and a PC with no desktop files.

You probably never heard of the virus that fucking activates the moment you hover on the infected drive's icon. It uses desktop.ini config which contains the icon and folder-class together with an exploit because windows never fucking ever fixed that file path exploit.


Nigger you just a fucking noob OR the malware is a fucking leet.

NTFS is the most recoverable file system unless you have a disk failure. LEAs can snoop on your child porn decades ago even if your HDD was wiped to zeroes a hundred times.
Next time use testdisk+linuxlive for recovery unless you encrypted the user account and had everything stored in a private "My Documents" (who the heck encrypts photos tbh).


SD SSD NAND-USBs are shit for storage tbh.
They store data in probability scheme and needs constant error correction as they're shit.
They needed to be fired up at least every month.


Admit it. you use windows.


Are you sure no one's arp-spoofing your network?


Someone in ur fam must've been looking for porn.

Sanity is overrated.

This could be true depending on what you pirate actually

I've found the start page and default search on chrome on a mac hijacked by some shitty adbased site.
The girl didn't even install anything (or at least, it's what she said)

Kinda harder for music (I once found an audio file that somehow managed to make the WMV player prompt for the installation of some shady as fuck SMS-paid audio codec) and video, but if you pirate software, that's most certainly the case.

Newfags don't know about time and logical bombs. "Respectable" cracking groups may put malware into their cracks that only activates long after you have enjoyed their product, or only in a few select computers. Just because you just installed Photoshop today and it didn't give you any virii doesn't mean that could be the case within six months

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Why does no one make funny/prank viruses? It doesn't even need to be anything incredibly complex. Change every system font to wingdings, plant a screamer that will activate randomly with long intervals between "attacks" or disable the mouse pointer, icons and status bar and replace the background with a dumb "U HAV BEEN HAXXED :-DDD" image. Watching people panicing over simple shit like this would be far more amusing than just destroying everything like a nigger with a sledgehammer.

check out "wirus watykańczyk" that fills your desktop with pope pictures, opens cd drive and asks to feed him cake

Yes, perfect.

no

I just find it funny that people pay for anti virus and they consider it like a sort of bonus on top of a warranty. Even when I was a windows fag I never considered paying for software that probably wasn't going to help me if I really needed it anyways. I had a friend that would brag about how much money she (her parents) spent on their computer and all the software they paid for was a fucking cringe list of shit you could easily replace with foss or even just freeware.

My own family is still like this despite my insisting they don't need it. I always offer to set them up for like 15$ with everything they need and they always end up spending like 300$ on bloat-ware that some guy sells to them. It would almost be sad if it wasn't for their willful ignorance.

My new benchmark for virus-infested machines: if it is to the point of literal vacuum porn on the desktop, reinstall Windows.

R8 my desktop guys.

Post ghost, the red squid in the bottom right and the head pat up-right diagonally from it please.

Here is a cute ghost for you.

...

Ayy

Thank you.

Because nobody here knows how to actually program.

C'mon guys...

PGP is the approved encryption standard at my company. GPG is not approved software, unless it comes with the operating system. We don't have an ELA with Symantec for their shit solution.

So if you're stuck working on a Windows application (and that's never your choice), may god have mercy on your soul if you need to decrypt anything (and you will).

It's this way because this company refuses to use software that doesn't have an enterprise licensing support contract with some soulless software company. It's miserable. Everything is from Microsoft/Oracle/HP/IBM.

"GNU/Linux is a inferior software to Windows."
I'm not kidding, some faggot really said that unironically.

Ewww, Win7. Update to Win10, M8.

Security got better and if you are able to break it somehow then you can get a lot of money by selling your hack. If you make prank virus then you will get 0$.

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I've lost a ton of data(read: >500gbs) because running btrfs with opensuse is fucking terrible.

>Friend of mine asks me to help her with a sports team website
>Apparently, it's from another guy who happens to be the absent maintainer, and her asked my friend to update the website for him
Ended up sending an angry mail to the hoster. You can't do that. It is even possible the dumb fuckers didn't even hash passwords before sending them to the server and just stored them in plain text, or even saved logs of these chats so passwords would be stored in there.

youtube.com/playlist?list=PLi_KYBWS_E73gG80A5YFjf8ww5H8aJvAl


Is that you, badmin?

In the end I just capped and copy pasted the image into a .jpg .

Honestly WTF, why is there so much shit in a fucking pdf ?
github.com/osnr/horrifying-pdf-experiments

Uriel was right

PDFs prevent retard tampering, plus you can ship that shit anywhere without having to worry about the next guy fucking up the formatting.

Uriel realized he was harmful and deprecated himself.

Holy shit

...

... uriel? the Archangel right?

kind of

... there's a joke i didn't get and i feel bad.

I'm the only one who isn't a macfag at work which is great because I don't have to do any tech support shit for these illiterate faggots since "I don't use macs"

He was a gigantic Rob Pike fanboy without any kind of reasoning.

meme bump

Is the nigger in your image for real?
Wat. Replace guns with HTTP in this .webm

You're so new it hurts.

Explain it to me then. I'll wait.

Here comes the plane faggot, open wide:
He gave you tons of alternatives and also said don't use HTTP where it's not needed. It's not like you are forced to use HTTP for everything, like most shitty services do nowadays.
One modern example directly trying to replace HTTP would be IPFS, but it can also be something not accessible through the browser today, like email, IRC, Git, or even Torrent depending of what you want to do. (For example, you don't need to make a forum when you can make an email list or some IRC channel, you don't need to upload your shit in HTTP when you can just setup a Git server or a Torrent).

Don't even joke about this.

There's nothing wrong in an application that is a web interface to Internet services. It's not wrong to have a web interface to email, irc, git or anything. It's no different to writing your own "native application" which accesses these Internet services.

If HTTP disappeared from the face of the earth without a trace tomorrow, the internet would be a much, much better place.

why

Only person that should be still breathing

NSA and friends would have too much data to store and decrypt.

Http is a encrypted protocol, if someone sniff your packets they will know to what website you have connected to and what content you are looking.

If you use https we still know where you are going but we don't know what you are looking at (until it's decrypted)

Decryption demands storage and a certain amount of time.

But their is still the metadata that is a problem.
A solution to that is gnunet or tor.

typo

Http is not a encrypted protocol

more bullshit than stupidity but it happened recently
turns out the problem was she factory reset the router for whatever reason. for added bonus;

typo

Http is not an encrypted protocol

Cloudfare

This.

Sales people trying to scam tech retarded family members are fucking annoying, had to threaten to shoot up their office to get them to refund my grandparents for selling overpriced mongoloid tier gear.

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