If you enjoy taking a shit, then you would enjoy the physical sensation of having a dick...

I am the one pushing the turd out vs a phallic object being pushed in. They are 2 very different feelings.
no homo

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If u seriously can't afford water based lube. Use mayonnaise or vinegar oil at least that doesn't have chemicals in them that can cause adverse reactions.

Honestly, i think your a degenerate who gets off on the whole tingly burning ass.