STORY THREAD

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You motherfucker, oh wait, that's lie.

You fucked up wincest you dumb nigger, how the fuck are you gonna get laid otherwise now.

I didn't know it was possible to feel second hand regret. God damn it, user.

no it's true.

1) I lost my virginity to my sister (24) when I was 13
2) I fucked my Spanish teacher in my junior year of high school
3) I never lost in a competitive game

1) dysnomia is a faggot
2) dysnomia is a cuck

Only 2 of the stories are real.
Choose wisely.

Word on the street is that Toy-R-Us is getting more NES and Hatchlings. I figure I could always use the extra cash. I get there around 4pm and there is already a small line, mostly older men. It is not hard to figure out that they are scalpers like me. I'm fifth. I don't feel like interacting with anybody, so get in my sleeping bag, zip it all the way, and play on my vita.

10 pm is when he arrives.

He walks up with a giant smile, pulling a giant cooler full of beer, he greets every single person in line. His warmth is contagious. I couldn't help but smile back. It is hard to guess his age. I think he was younger than he looked. He gives a beer to everyone in line, charming the desperate parents and scalpers alike.

For ten hours, this remarkable man, entertained the entire line. I don't remember all the stories and jokes but these two left me in a fit of laughter.
"Women should stay in the kitchen and make sandwiches!" he says.
Crowd breaks out into outcries of sexism.
He ignores it. "I know how to get a women smile and make me a sandwich."
"How?" I ask.
"Go to Publix."
Everyone breaks out into a roar of laughter. Then he engages the crowd with crazy stories of his life. He got piss drunk and ended up hitting a light post. The city actually sued him for the damages.
Anyway, he was naked when he wrecked his car. The cops had to wrestled his naked self to the ground, and one of them tried to tase him. He screams," If you tase me, I'll piss on you, and you'll get shocked too!"
Everybody is laughing. This is why it was hard for me to guess his age. I think he was young, but his alcoholism and probably his drug abuse made him look much, much older. Around 5AM most people are sleeping, but he's still awake entraining the sleepless. I even turned my sleeping bag towards him, so I could hear his stories better.
"Sweetpea you want a drink?"
"Nah, I don't drink alcohol."
" Shame it warm you right up. I got other drinks too. You want a pepsi or something?"
He offers me a can. "Hey if I am getting annoying just tell me." Everyone reassures him he is fine. Tells him that he is making time go by fast. He tells us of his little girls. How he doesn't get to see them often. His wife does everything in her power to keep him away.
"I am piece of shit." he says. "I done a lot of wrong, but this is my chance to do something right. I'd do anything to make my girls happy. I wait here for days if I had to."
I don't know what to say, so I say nothing, neither does anyone else.
When the sun finally rises, the store manager greets us with donuts and coffee. He does a head count, and starts handing out tickets, to the lucky firsts. He gives a balloons to the last person to get the hatchling/NES. There was only a few of each.
He didn't get either. "No. God no!" he cries. He starts crying. He's not the only one upset. Dozens of parents are screaming and cussing.

This isn't right. I don't feel right. I give him my hatchling. I'm not the only one moved by his tears.The other scalpers give up their hatchlings too, to him and other parents. It was probably one of the most generous and moving moments in my entire life. He gives me giant hug. He smells awful, but I don't really mind.

oh God. I liked dis if i creid every once

One of these three are false. Guess which:

hot female classmate asks me for computer help

>windows is fucked over by a virus, fake programs and toolbars everywhere

hospital ass story

the first one is false?

Incorrect.
Further reading: vibrating ilium syndrome

faggot

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everyone nice lives extremely far away

so move there

they really are busy, not trying to get rid of me or anything, their lives are all just that complicated

being one such busy person, I can tell you it's probably because you're unpleasant to be with

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I'm actually a cool person, they really are that busy, I mean like everyone who I realize is good enough for me, they are all tied up, no matter what. I'm not trying to fool myself or anything, one thing I'm not is stupid.

get*

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It's called cuckoldry.

Third one.

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