So I've pretty much lived in utter seclusion for the past two years since my last relationship ended. One of my mom's friends who runs the local Republican party asked me if I'd come work the polls. It's 140 bucks for a day's of basically saying "Take this form" and I could use the extra cash, so I said sure.
So I go sign up and realize my ID is expired, and I don't have my social security card. So I go to the social security department "You can't get an SSI card without a valid ID" so I go to the DMV "Your ID has been expired for more than two years (by five months exactly, had I gone five months ago this wouldn't be an issue) therefor your card is invalid and you have to go through the process as if you never had one."
So I need my ID to get a social security card, and my social security card to get my ID.
I inform the girl at the counter about this catch 22, and she says the only loophole is if I bring two doctor's notes and speak to a supervisor.
So I head over to my mom's, we go through some old records she has on me, I contact three doctors I've been to and get my records, and I go to a different DMV office.
"No no no, this isn't good enough." the girl tells me. See, here's where shit gets really murky.
I'm poor as fuck, the apartment I'm living at now officially does not exist. There is no mail delivered here. When I order a pizza I have to tell them to turn into the street and stop. It's a series of apartments built in front of a junkyard and behind a glass repair shop. I have no address. The girl I was with at the time found the place off of Craigslist. The people running it are really nice, I like going for walks through the junkyard, and my rent is 495 including all utilities and free internet, and they'll let me make any alterations to the interior I like.
So, I get my mail delivered to my mom's place, she technically lists me as living with her so she can file me as a dependent. The girl at the counter is now refusing ANYTHING medical. "But the last girl said…" "NO. Nothing medical. We don't take medical." "But I was told…" "NO MEDICAL. We now need your expired ID, your social security card, your birth certificate, and two proofs of residence." I go get the proofs of residence, but now the girl is saying they're not recent enough or invalid for other reasons, and demanding the birth certificate.
They give me a form to apply for my birth certificate, but it says right on it a valid ID will be required.
So I tell my mom I need to go back through the records and see if she has my birth certificate. I'm feeling humiliated because I'm having to go around claiming I still live with my mother. When I explain the circumstances she flies into a rage. She gets her records, her birth certificate and my father's and drags me back to the same office and has a huge argument with the supervisor there which is so loud the entire office is hearing it and she's dropping all sorts of completely irrelevant information that in all likelyhood is only making things worse. "I'm his mother, all my up to date records don't mean shit?" "You can see his face right on the fucking card!" "Illegals can come into this country and get whatever they want, and my son who's fourth generation American can't?" "My father was mayor of this town in the 1980's! He built this building!" "He's reclusive and disabled!"
The guy isn't budging. I go back to my mother's place and dig through box after box and find my birth certificate, and four more recent mail as proof of residence.
In one hour I'm going back to try for the fourth time to get proof I exist. I fucking hate bureaucracy.